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Full speech
Never entreat me, never beseech me, to have pity for sooth on your Master, M. Herod : Let him never be so daring lie ambitious, as to hope withal his vows and protestations to gain my affectio ̄ , gods my discretio ̄ ? has my my sutlery, tapstry, laundry, made me be taken vpp at the Court, preferde me to a husband, and have I adaunc't my husband with the labour of mine own body, from the black Guard, to be one of the Dukes dru ̄ mers, to make him one of the court forkers? shall I that purefy many Lords & some Ladies Can ̄ tell who wears perfumes who plasters, and for why, know whose a gallant, of a chased shirt and who not; shall I become, or dares your master think I will become, or if I would become, presumest your Master to hope I would become one of his common feminines? no let M. Herod brag of his brother's wife, I scorn his letters, and her leavings at my heel, i'faith and so tell him. I must confess he says she is a spiny, green creature, of and unwholesome barren blood and cold embrace, a bony thing of most unequal hyppes, uneven eyes, ill ranked teeth, and in deed one, but that she hires him, he endures not, yet, for all this does he hope to dishonest me: I am for his betters, I would he should well know it, for more by many then my husband, know I am a woman of a known, found and upright carriage and so he shall find if he deal with me, and so tell him I pray you, what does he hope to make me one of his gills, his pu ̄ cks, pole cats, flirrs and feminines?
Plot summary
Plot — Parasitaster, or The Fawn
After failing to persuade his son Tiberio to marry, Hercules, the widowed Duke of Ferrara, plans to marry Princess Dulcimel of Urbino, and sends Tiberio to negotiate the treaty. Hercules goes to Urbino himself, assumes the alias Faunus, meets Nymphadoro and Herod, and hears some unflattering remarks about himself in his other persona, Hercules. He gets them to introduce him at court, and becomes a favourite with the Duke of Urbino. Dulcimel would rather marry Tiberio than Hercules, and contrives to woo him using her father, Duke Gonzago, as an intermediary. She brings him a scarf which she has embroidered with a message, and tells him that it was sent by Tiberio; the outraged Gonzago gives it to the young man, thinking he is returning an unwanted would-be lover's gift. She then reports to ===== PAGE 176 ===== Gonzago that Tiberio intends to climb up the tree by her bedroom window and surreptitiously marry her. Gonzago repeats the plan back to Tiberio, revokes his diplomatic status, and orders him to leave Urbino. Instead, Tiberio. puts the plan into effect and marries Dulcimel in her bedroom. Faunus: observes the foolish behaviour of the courtiers at Urbino. Herod cuckolds his brother, the impotent Sir Amoroso, and gets his sister-in-law with child — in effect, dispossessing himself of the estate by producing an heir apparent. Donna Zoya, who bas not slept with her husband Zuccone for four years, feigns pregnancy, and the gossip spreads rapidly through the court, each person telling the next on condition that they keep it strictly to themselves. Zuccone repudiates her, then regrets it on learning she is not really an adulteress, but she will only take him back on new terms which give her the upper hand in the marriage. Faunus lays on a court entertainment: a parliament of Cupid to consider the many grievances lovers have sent to heaven. Cupid’s statutes are read, and several of the foolish courtiers are tried. Nymphadoro is convicted as a multiple philanderer and sent to the ship of fools, Herod for falsely boasting of love, and Granuffo for affecting silence to seem wiser than he is. Sir Amoroso (charged with wooing on false pretences) and Zuccone are spared. The last fool to be exposed is Gonzago, for procuring the seduction of his own daughter. Resuming his own identity, Hercules thanks Gonzago for securing Tiberio’s marriage.