ABIGAIL

Well wench, we have cross fates: our Husbands such inveterate foes, and we such entire friends, but the best is we are neighbours, and our back Arbours may afford visitation freely: prithee let us maintain our familiarity still whatsoever thy hus band do unto thee, as I am afraid he will cross it i'the neck. Well said wench, and the Pricksong we use shall be our husbands. Wilt'ou little Jew? And I to kiss thy husband Upon the least belly-ache. This will mad'em. No, my Lord, nor do we take your toy, as they say. This is a child's birth, that must not be delivered before a man, Though your Lordship might be a Midwife for your chin. Why, dost think I'll make my Husband a Cuckold? Oh here they come. Well sir, we will not stick with you. What's here? a Ship sailing nigh her haven? With good beware belike: it's well ballast. You see no likelihood of that: would it not feign be in the haven? The word, Ut tangerem Portum. Marry, for ought I know, God grant it. What's there? You grasp my hand too hard i'faith, fair sir, Holding her by the hand. Well sir, your vizor gives you colour for what you say. I marry: I Like this wooer well: Hee'll win's pleasure out o'the stones. The second change. Isabella falls in love with Rogero when the changer's speak. You dare put it into my hands. Then thus, to morrow (you'll be secret, servant.) He shall not be long out, but you shall put in, I warrant you. Have a care that you stand joust i'the neck about six a clock in the evening; my Maid shall conduct you up, to save mine honour you must come up darkling, and to avoid suspicion. But if you fail to doo't. Tie this ring fast, you may be sure to know. You'll brag of this, now you have brought me to the bay. Thais, you're and early riser. I have that to show will make your hair stand an-end. How, how, what would I say? nay, by this light, what would I not do? If ever Amazon fought better, or more at the face then I'll do, let me never be thought a new married wife. Come unmasque her: it's some admirable creature, whose beau tie you need not paint. I warrant you, it's done to your hand. It's my Husbands hand, and a Love-letter: But for the contents I find none in it. Has the lustful monster, All back and belly-steru'd me thus? What defect does he see in me? I'll be sworn wench, I am of as pliant and yielding body to him, even which way he will, he may turn me as he list himself. What? and dedicate to thee: I marry, here's a style so high, as a man cannot help a Dog over it. He was wont to write to me in the City phrase, My good Abigall : here's Astonishment of nature, vnparaleld excellency, and most unequal rarity of creation: Three such words will turn any honest woman in the world whore: for a woman is never won till she know not what to answer; and beshrew me if I understand any of these: you are the party I perceive, and here's a white sheet, that your hus band has promised me to do penance in: you must not think to dance the shaking of the sheets alone though there be not such rare phrases in't, 'tis more to the matter; a legible hand, but for the dash, or the (he) and (as): short bawdy Parenthesis as ever you saw, to the purpose: he has not left out a prick I warrant you, wherein he has promised to do me any good, but the Law's in mine own hand. To be short sweet heart, I'll be true to thee, though a liar to my Husband: I have signed your Husbands bill Like a Wood cock as he is held, persuaded him (since nought but my love can assuage his violent passion) he should enjoy, Like a private friend, the pleasures of my bed: I told him my Hus band was to go to Mawrano to day, to renew a Farm he has, and in the mean time he might be tenant at will, to use mine: this false fire has so took with him, that he's ravished afore he come. I have had stones on him all read: dost know this: I mean thus: the same occasion will serve him too, they are birds of a feather, and will fly together, I warrant thee wench, appoint him to come: say that thy Husband's gone for Mawrano, and tell me anon if thou madest not his heartblood spring, for joy, in his face. Then th'art a barren woman, and no marvel if thy Husband love thee not: the hour for both to come is six, a dark time fit for purblind lovers; and with cleanly conuayance by the niglers our maids, they shall be translated into our Bed chambers. Your Husband into mine, and mine into yours. Who, our Husbands? nay, and they come not in at the fore-doors, there will be no pleasure in't. But we two will climb over our garden-Pales, and come in that way, (the chastest that are in Venice will stray for a good turn) and thus wittily will we be bestowed, you into my house to your husband, and I into your house to my husband, and I warrant thee before a month come to and end, they'll crack louder of this nights-lodging, then the Bedsteads. Mine is a Maid I'll besworne, she has kept her secrets hitherto. Go to then: and the better to avoid suspicion, Thus we must insist, they must come up darkling, recreate themselves with their delight and hour or two, and after a mil lion of kisses, or so. What not to save mine honour? he that will run through fire, as he has professed, will by the heat of his love, grope in the dark. I warrant him he shall save mine honour. Why then, you're best say nothing, and take it thus quietly when your husband comes. Bite in your neather-lip, and I warrant you, Or make as if you were whiffing Tobacco; Or puich Like me. Gods-so, I hear thy Husband. Exit. Oh partner, I am with child of laughter, and none but you can be my Midwife: was there ever such a game at Noddy? They are Like to prove men of judgement, but not for killing of him that's yet alive, and well recovered. Well, we will bring them to the Gallows, and then, Like kind virgins, beg their lives, and after live at our plea sures, and this bridle shall still rein them. He thought that the richer purchase, though with the worse conscience: but wee'll to comfort her, and then go hear our Husbands lamentations. They say mine has compiled and ungodly volume of Satires against women, and calls his book The Snarl. Make much of him, for all our wanton prize, Follow the Proverb, Merry be and wise. Exeunt. If we had not deceived them thus, we had been Trust wenches. If all true Cuckolds were of that mind, the hangman would be the richest occupation, and more wealthy widows, then there be younger brother's to marry them. By my troth, if I had been his judge, I should have hanged him for having no more wit, I speak as I think, for I would not be hanged for never a man under the heavens. So do I, yet life and pleasure are two sweet things to a woman. Tut: believe it who that list, we love a lively man I grant you: But to maintain that life, I'll never consent to die. This is a rule I still will keep in breast, Love well thy husband wench, but thy self best. I fear not to come late. Exeunt. O husband, I little thought to see you in this taking. So you may still husband. I by my faith, and so I am husband, Belike you know I am with child. Oh me unfortunate! Husband: I'll nail me to the earth, but I'll Win your pardon. My Jewels, jointure, all I have shall fly: Apparel, bedding, I'll not leave a Rug; So you may come off fairly. Yonders our flames, and from the hollow Arches, Of his quick eyes, comes commet trains of fire: Bursting Like hidden furies, from their Canes, Reads. Your's till he sleep, the sleep of all The world, Rogero. Why? marry they had come in with some City show else, Hired a few Tinsel coats at the Vizard-makers, which would ha'made them look, for all world, Like Bakers in their linen bases, and mealy vizzards, new come from bolting. I saw a show once at the Marriage of a Magnificero's daughter, presented by Time: which Time was and old bald thing; a servant, 'twas the best man; he was a Dyer, and came in likeness of the Rainbow in all manner of colours, to show his Art, but the Rainbow smelled of urine, so we were all afraid the property was changed, and looked for a shower. Then came in after him, one that (it seemed) feared no colours, a Grocer that had trimmed up himself handsomely: he was Justice, and showed reasons why. And I think this Grocer, I mean this Justice, had borrowed a weatherbeaten Balance from some Justice of a Conduit, both which Scales were replenished with the choice of his Beware, And the more liberally to show his nature, He gave every woman in the room her handful. My husband goes to Mawrano to renew the Farm he has. God defend that it should, or any that snarl in that fashion. Well Thais, Oh you're a cunning carver: we two that any time these fourteen years have called sisters, brought and bred up together: that have told one another all our wanton dreams, talked all nightlong of youngmen, and spent many and idle hour, fasted upon the stones on S. Agnes night together, practised all the petulant amorousnesses that delights young Maids, yet have you concealed not only the marriage, but the man: and well you might deceive me, for I'll be sworn you never dreamed of him, and it stands against all reason you should enjoy him you never dreamed of. You'll be constant. I am glad there's Noblemen i'the Masque With our Husbands to overrule them, They had shamed us all else. No: The Merchant Royal. I, I, some Common-counsel device. They take the woe men, and dance the first change. Now my Husband will be hawking about thee anon, And thou canst meet him closely. Then if we seek for strange flesh that have sto mackes at will, it's pardonable. But though they have made us good sport in speech, They did hinder us of good sport in Actium. Oh wench, imagination is strong in pleasure. It's twelve to one of that, how ever the rest escape, I shall fear a massacre. Faith, and it sounds well. Well Madame: you see the destiny that follows marriage, Our husbands are quiet now, and must suffer the law. Why should weak man, that is so soon satisfied, desire variety?