COCLEDEMOY

Hang toastes, you are and Ass, much a your worships brain lies in your Calves, bred a God boy, I was at supper last night with a new weande bulchin, bred a God drunk, hor ribly drunk, horribly drunk, there was a wench one Frank Frailty, a punk, and honest polecat, of a clean In step, found leg, smooth thigh, and the nimble Devil in her buttock, all fiest a grace, when saw you Tysefew, or M. Caque ure, that prat ling gallant of a good draught common customs, fortunate, impudence and found fare. Qùanquam to Marce fi my fine boy, does your wor ship want a Barb Surgeon. Let the Malligrubs beware the knave, what a Bar bar Surgeon my delicate boy? Rainscure? good M. Holifernes I desire your further acquaintance, nay pray ye be covered my fine boy, kill thy itch and heal thy skabes, is thy Master rotten? And laid in his graven, alas what comfort shall Peggy then have. Your head will take cold. I will put on your good worships nightcap, whilst I shave you, so, much: hang toastes: faugh: viah: sparrows must peck and Cocledemoy munch. Come catafuge From hall, who who he, Excellent, Would, heers a plmp r mp wench, with a breast Softer then a Courtiers tongue, Ladies gums, Or and old men mentula, my fine gue. Hadamoy key dost thou frown medianthou teukey Nay look her: Numeron key Silver blithe for cany Os cany goblet: Ʋ S key ne moi bl gef y pox On you Gosling. Humpum, plumpum squat, I am gone. Ex. Cocle. within Uva, would, h , Ex. A Wolf, a wolf, a wolf, Exit. Cocledemoy Bred a God Constable, you are a Watch for the devil. Honest men are robbed under your nose, the a false knave in the habit of a Vintner, set upon me, he would have had my purse, But I took me to my heals: yet he God my Cloak, a plain stuff cloak poor, yet 'twill serve to hang him? 'Tis my lose, poor man that I am. The night grows old, And many a cockould is now Wha, would, would, ho, Maids on their backs, Dream of sweet smacks, and warm: Woe, ho, ho, ho, I must go comfort my venerable Mullegrub, I must Fiddle him till he fist: fough: Maids in your Night-railes, Look well to your light Keep close your locks, and down your smocks, Keep a broad eye And a close thigh, excellent, excellent, whose there? Now Lord, Lord, (master Mullegrub) deliver us: what does your Worship in the stocks? I pray come ou Sir. 'Tis more then I deserve sir: Let me alone for your Delivery. Maids in your: Master Constable, whose that ith'stoks? Know him: Oh master Constant. what good service have you done. Know him? He's a strong thief, his house has been suspected for a bawdy Tavern a great while: and a receipt for Cutpurses, 'tis most certain: He has been long in the black book, and is he taken now? Why but; wha would would, excellent, excellent, would my fine Cocledemoy, my Vintner fists, I'll make him fart crackers be before I would done with him; to morrow is the day of Judgement. Afore the Lord God my knavery grows vnperegall, 'Tis time to take a nap, until half and hour hence: God give your Worship Music, content, and rest. I Sir, and it shall please you the poor has your purse a . Oh sir, have a good stomach and maws, you shall have a joyful supper. I will look to your with es payment I warrant you. But brother's, brother's, you must think of your sins and iniquities, you have been a broacher of profane vessels, you have made us drink of the juice of the whore of Babylon, for whereas good ale, Perrys, Bragets, Syders, and metheglins, was the true aunti ent British and Trojan drinks, you would brought in Popish wines, Spam nish wines, French wines, tam marti quam mercurio, both muscadi and malmsey, to the subversion, staggering, and sometime over throw of many a good Christian: You would been a great Jumbler, Oh remember the sins of your nights, for your night works would been un savoury in the taste of your Customers. Oh very well: know him? and honest man he is and a come lie, and upright dealer with his neighbours, and their wives speak good things of him. You do from your hearts, and midrifs, and entrails forgive him then you will not let him rot in rusty Irons, procure him to be hanged in lousy linen without a song, and after he is dead piss on his graven. Why then my worsh. good friends I bid my self most har tily welcome to your merry nuptials, and wanton Iigga-ioggies And now my very fine Heliconian Gallants, and you my Worsh. friends in the middle Region: If with content our hurtless mirth hath been, Let your pleased minds as our much care hath been: For he shall find that slights such trivial wit, 'Tis easier to reprove then better it: We scorn to fear, and yet we fear to swell, We do not hope 'tis best: 'tis all, Exe If with content our hurtless mirth hath been, Let your pleased minds as our much care hath been: For he shall find that slights such trivial wit, 'Tis easier to reprove then better it: We scorn to fear, and yet we fear to swell, We do not hope 'tis best: 'tis all, Exe The more fool he, I can lie for my self, worshipful friend, hang toastes, I vannish. Would my fine boy thou art a schol ler, and hast read Tully's Offices, my fine knave, hang toastes. I will draw the Vintner to the stoop, and when he runs low tilt him, he my fine knave, art going to thy recreation. Thou wilt look Like a fool then by and by. Why according to the old saying, A beggar when he is lowsing of himself looks Like a Philosopher, a hard bound Philosopher, when he is on the stool, looks Like a tyrant, and a when he is in his be y , looks Like a fool, God gi e your worship good rest, grace and mercy keep your Syring straight, and your Lotium vnspile. Ago tibi gratias, my worshipful friend, how does your friend? Mother's son, a good witty boy, would live to read and Homily well, and to whom are you going now? Do you know M. Mulligrub? Good boy hold up thy chops, I pray thee do one thing for me, my name is Gudgeon. Lend me thy basin, razor, and Apron. Well spoke ̄ , good english, but whats thy furniture worth? Well spoken, a boy of a good wit, hold this pawn, where dost dwell. Nothing faith but a jest boy, drink that, I'll recoil pre sently. As I am and honest man, the 3. razers? Good, and if I shave not M. Mulligrub, my wit has no edge, and I may go cack in my pewter, let me see, a Barbar, my scurule tongue will discover me, must dissemble, must disguise, for my beard, my false hair, for my tongue Spanish Dutch, or Welsh, no, a Northern Barbar, very good, widow Raine-s ures man well, newly entertainde, right, to, hang tostes, a cards have white backs, and all knaves would seem to have white breaster, so proceed, now worshipful Cocledemoy. Mounsier, please you to buy a fine delicate b ll, sweet ball; a Camphyer ball. Fair hour to you Mistress. He sent me by the same token, that he was dry shaved this morning. Shall be most sincerely welcome, worshipful Coclede moi, lurk close, hang toasts, be not ashamed of thy quality, eve rye men turd smells well in's own nose, vanish Foist. Exit. I must have the Sammon to worship, Cocledemoy, now for the Master piece, God bless thy neck piece, and Fowtra. Fair Mistress my Master. And desired me, to desire you to send the loose of Same mon before, and your self to come after to them, my Mistress would be right glad to see you. So now Figo worshipful Mall ough, and I will monch Cheaters & Bawds go together Like washing & wringing. Exit. Goody fist, flump pum, a my fine Wagtail, Thou art as false as prostituted and adulcerate as some translated manuscript Buss sayre whore, buss. Hedemoy key, get you gone Punk rampant, key common vp-taile. Ah my fine punks, good night, Frank, frailty, frail a Fraile-Hall? onus noches my ubiquitari. Nay, and it be but such a trifle, Lord I could weep, to see your good Worship in this taking: your Worship has been a good friend to me, and though you have forgotten me, yet I knew your wife before she was married, and since I have found your Worsh. door open and I have knocked, and God knows what I have saved: and do I live to see your Worship stocked? So, I would lost my Sergeant in and ecliptic missed, drunk, horrible drunk, he is fine: so now will I fit my self, I hope this habit will do me no harm, I am and honest man already: fit, fit, fit as a punks tail, that serves every body: By this time my Vintner thinks of nothing but hell and sulphur, he farts fire and brimstone already, hang tostes, the execution approaches. Good woman hold your peace, your prittles & your prat tles your bibbles and your babbles, for I pray you hear me in private, I am a widower, and you are almost a widow, shall I be welcome to your houses, to your tables, and your other things. No knave worsh. friend, no knave, for observe honest C cledemoy restores whatsoever he has God, to make you know, that whatsoever he has done, has been only Euphoniae gratiam, for Wits sake: I acquit this Vintner as he has acquitted me, all has been done for Emphises of wit my fine boy, my worshipful friends. I am so, 'tis a good thriving trade, it coms forward better then the 7. liberal Sciences, or the nine cardinal virtues, which may well appear in this, you shall never have flattering knave turn courtier: and yet I have read of many Courtiers that have turned flattering knaves. Come any worshipful any blue toothed Patroness of wickedness, give me the goblets. No by the Lord A , Catholi e and knowest we love. Oracles are seized: Tempu pr to , dost hear my orshipfull glisterpipe, thou ungodly fire that burned Diana , dost hear Ba worser, Hang toastes, I rail at thee my worshipful organ bel lowes that fills the pipes, my fine rattling fleamy cough a the lun ges and cold with a Po , I rail at thee what my right precious pandres supportres of Barbar Surgeons and inhauntres of lati and diet drink: I rail at thee necessary damnation, I'll make and oration, I, in praise of thy most courtly in fashion, and most plea sureable function. I. List then, a Band, first for he profession or you can I is most worshipful of all the 12. Companies, for as that trade it most honourable that sells the best common ̄ dityes, as the Draper is more worshipful then the poyntmaker, the silkeman more wor shipfull then the Draper, and the Goldsmith more honourable then both, Little Marry so, that hon all, her sho has the best were, for where these ell but sattens, and sells divine virtues as virginity, modesty and such rare I mmes, and those not Like a petty chapman, by retail, but Like a great merchant high whole ale, , would, ho, and who are her customers, not base corn cutters, or sowgelders, but most ra e wealthy Knights, and most are her customers profit, but by the lose and displeasure of another, as the Merchant thrives non but by the licentiousness of giddy, and unsettled youth: the Law year, but by (the vexation of his client, the Physician, but by the maladies of his patient, only my smooth gumbde Bawd hues by others pleasure, and only grows rich by other rising. Oh merciful gain, Oh righteous income. So much for her voca on, trade and life, as for their death, how can it be their wickedness is always before their eyes, and a death's head most commonly on their middle finger. To conclude, ti's most certain they must needs both live well, and worser e well, since commonly they live in Clearken-well, and die in Dixi Marry. Widow Rain soures man, and shall please your good worship, my nam'es Andrew Shark. Very well, he's gone to trim M. Quicquid our Parson, hold up your head. Not long Sir, this two year. Oh fear not, we would polde better men then you, we learn the trade very quickly, will your good worship be shave not I was a Pedlar in Germany, but my countrymen thrive better by this trade. Sometime pole a Page or so sir. What and arrogant knave's this, I'll acquaintance ye ('tis cash,) say ye sir. he spieth the bag Marry sir you know the Conduit at Greenwich, and the vnder-holes that spowtes up water. Thus Sir, out of those little holes in the amid of the night crawlde out 24. huge horrible, monstrous, fearful de uouring. Serpents, which no sooner were beheld, but they turned to massives which howlde, those mastiffs instantly turned to Cocks which crowed, those cocks in a moment were change to Bears which roared, which Bears are at this hour to be yet scene in Paris Garden, living upon nothing but toasted cheese and green onions. Yes worshipful Fiest, thou'st feel what portends by and by. They say Sir that 25, couple of Spanish Iennetes are to be seen hand in hand dance the old measures, whilst fix goodly Flanders Mares play to them on a noise of flutes. Shut your eyes close, wink sure sir, this bal will make you smart. One a ball to skower, a scouring ball, a ball to be shaved The Fox grows fat when he is cursed, isle shave you smo there yet, turd on a tile stone, my lips have a kind of hew e at this bole, isle hau't, isle gargalize my throat with this Vintner, and when I have done with him, spit him out, I'll shark, conscie ̄ ce does not repine, were I to bite and honest gentleman a poor gro garan poet, or a penurious Parson, that had but ten pigs tails in a twelve month & for want of learning had but one good stool in a fortnight, I were dammed beyond the works of superarroga cion, but to wring the whythers of my gouty barmd spiggod igging-iumbler of elements. Mulligrub, I hold it as lawful as sheepshearing, taking eggs from hens, caudels from Asses, or buttered shrimps from horses, they make no use of them, were not provided for them. And therefore worshipful Cocledemoy, hang toasts, on, in grace and virtue to proceed, only beware be beware degrees, there be rounds in a ladder, and knots in a halter, beware carts, hang toasts, the common counsel has decreed it, I must draw a lot for the great Goblet. Exit. Locked: Oh world: Oh men: Oh time: oh night: that canst not Discern virtue, and wisdom, and one of the common Counsel: What is your Worship in for? Trouble not your sconce my Christian Brother's, but have and eye unto the main chance, I will warrant your shoulders, as for your neck Plinius secundus, or Marcus Tullius Cycero, or some body it is says, that a three foulde cord is hardly broken. Your Husband, and my Master Mr. Garnish has sent you a Jole of fresh Salmon, and they both will come to dinner to season your new cup with the best wine, which cup your hus band intreats you to send back by me, that his arms may be graved a the side, which he forgotten before it was sent. Peace good Mistress, I'll tell you all, a lest, a very mere lest, your husband only took sport to fright you, the bow S at my Master's, and there is your husband, who sent me in all hast, least you should be over frighted with his feigning, to come to dinner to him. A sign of good shaving my carastrophonicall fine boy, I have and odd jest to trim M. Mulligrub for a wager, a jest boy, a humour, I'll return thy things presently, hold. Hang toastes, my fine boy, my companion as worship full. Marry, Marry Faugh. Hang tosts my Worsh. Alas good you have would you have them get their living by the curse of man, the sweat of their brows? so they do, every man must follow his trade, and every woman her occupation: a poor decayed me chanicall men wife, her husband is laid up, may not she lawfully be laid down, when her husbands only rising, is by his wives falling? a Captains wife wants means, her Commander lies in open field abroad, may not she lie in civil arms at home. A weighting Gentlewoman that had wont to take say to her Lady, miscaries, or so: the Court misfortune throws her down, may not the City courtesy take her up: do you know no Alderman would pity such a woman's case: why is charity grown a flint or relieving the poor and impotent and offence? You will beasts take no money for their fleshly entertainment: true, be cause they are beasts, therefore beastly, only men give to lose, because they are men, therefore manly: and indeed, where should they bestow their money better? In Land, the title may be cracked: In Houses, they may be burned: In apparel, will wear: In wine, alas for pity out thr ate is but short: But em ploy your money upon women, and a thousand to not one of them will bestow that on you, which shall ti le by you as long as you hue; they are no ingrateful persons, they with give quite for quo do you protest, they' e sweat, do you they theyle fallen do you fallen, they'le rise, do you give them, the Crown, they'le give you the french; Oh justus iusta, They fell their bodies do not better persons fell their souls? nay, since all things have been should, honour, justice, aim: my, even God himself, Aye me, what base ignobleness is it the pleasure of a wanton bed. Why do men scrape, why heap to full heaps join. But for his Mistress, who would care for coin For this I hold to be denied of no man, All things are made for man, and man for woman, give In very good truthnes you are the foulest mou ed propha ne railing Brother, call a woma ̄ the most ungodly : I we all eat of the forbidden fruit, and for mine own partly though I am one of the family of love and as they say a bawd that covers the multitude of sins, yet I trust I am none of the wicked that eat fish a Fridays.