AUTOLYCUS

What should I do? I have no thriving way to lie and flatter, Nor have I such dexterity of wit As you have (blessed be heaven) to convert Black into white. Nor can I promise The death of any by the Stars, I have No rich men funeral to folemnize, That left a gilded ring for my Legacy, And his old Velvet jerkin to survive him. I have no secret boils within my breast. For which I am feared, no S it in Law to follow, No accusation against a great man, No house to let to farm, oh tender wife To prostitute, or skill to corrupt others, And sleep amid their wanton Dialogues. Would you have me Act the plagiary, and seek preferment, To be the drunken ba worser of some black stews? And think my destin e well satisfied, When my shame feeds me, and at length expect A Legacy, bequeathed me from some Bawd, In lieu of my old service, or according To the proportion of my Hernia. How shall that be done? For that I'll make no scruple. What's he? Is he not the Son To the rich Usurer, that died so lately? When shall I see him? What shall I turn a Roarer? I take, S guiour Trimalchio. I do not use to fell my liberty, But that I see your face promise true bounty. I were not fit else, to be stiled traveller. Yes, very lately. Holland's beleaguered. And will hold out as long as Buss or B lloign. They have their Mote and Drawbridge, I have given them Beside, a draft of a fortification, Will hold them play this twelvemonth, for they keep Their passage open, and want no supplies, For whosoever comes, they pay them soundly: The French have made many onflats upon them, And still been foiled. Crossing the Line's a Both to it, I had Like Been scorched to death with the intemperature Of the Climate, it's the only Zona torrida, In the whole microcosm of man or woman, If you shall once come near the height of it, It'll melt you Like Lightning. If you please. A woman. But for the pattern of true modesty, It's seldom known, riches and virtue meet In such a mixture. It's good counsel. Farewell Sir. What is she? Hang me, so well, I think you may go on, In a right line, she is worthy of a better. Few of your modern faces are so good. Thou hast a noble wit, and spirit, wench, That never was ordained for any skinkard Engender with, or mechanic Citizen, Unless it were to Cuckold him, thou shalt Be stilli'th front of any fashion, And have thy several Gowns and Tires, take place, It is thy own, from all the City wires, And Summer birds in Town, that once a year Come up to moulter, and then go down to'ch Country To jeer their neighbours, as they have been sera'd You shall have trophies, wenches, Set up for you, in honour of your wits, More then Herculean pillars, to advance Your Fame to a non ultra, that who ever Shall read your history, may not attempt To go beyond it. Faith you needs not doubt them, To manage the business. Sir, for the Gentlewoman that is with her, Not so much in the nature of a servant, As her Companion; for it's the fashion Amongst your great ones, to have those wait on them As good as themselves: she is the sole daughter To a great Knight, and has and ample dowry. Apply your self to her, though it be nothing Else but to practice Courtship, and to keep you From sleep and idleness. You shall not do Amiss then: what? you may get her good will: And then object it to your friends; you can Advance your self without their counsel. What to a woman? 'twere a solecism In nature, for you know Cupid's a boy, And would you Tyre him Like a Senator, And put a declamation in his mouth? It a mere madness in you: here they come; See what a Majesty she bears, go meet her. You see your friend there, M r Trimalchio Is Like to speed, and fairly on his way To much happiness. I would not willingly That any should miscarry in a plot That I have a hand in: you must be sudden I told you, it you mean to be a favourite To fortune, and your Mistress, and be bold. I then the ye were broke; now she makes towards you, 'Tis the best time, let no occasion slip, A man Of means, sweet Lady, that I can assure you. You are welcome by this means, do you mark that? Be not Capricious. What will you say, if I show you a way To get a general credit? I can, and will; I'll have you out of hand, The master of a good horse, and a good dog, And be known by them. Will it? Why when you once have matched your horse, or dog. The adverse party being a man of note, It'll raise and inquisition after you. Whose is the horse, says one, M r , Capritioes. What he, says another? a Noble Gentleman. It'll draw the eyes of a whole Shire upon you, Beside the Citizens that go down to bet. And then it'll furnish you With fitting discourse for any men table. A horse and a dog, no better a subject To exercise your tongue in, many Ladies Talk in that dialogue; beside, there being A kind of near relation in the nature Of you and those beasts. the good qualities That are in them, may be thought to be yours. Then let the Lady dispose of her self. I have my Q. Sir. I have mine. Friend, or foe, come before the Constable, You shall be carried to the Jail then Yes, sir. As fearful as and Ass in a Lyons skin, sir. At your elbow, sir. Very well, sir. Nay more, we inquired at the Play-houses. We gave you lost. I; do, what is't? Thither we came to meet you, And you were gone. Your body is the centre, very good. Well sir. Where did you learn this? At the leager? Not fight at all? To prove your axiom false, see where he comes Draw sir. I see, this cannot be ended without blood. How you afraid? do not say so for shame. Fie that you shall say so. Why, do you think that witches have such power? 'Tis strange! This is miraculous. What did she then? Lady, it seems, that these two Gentlemen Do stand in competition for your love. Then let me make a motion. Will they both stand to it? Look you sir, here they come. Sir you have wone me to pour out my thoughts, And tell your plain, they are too lose, Too scattered, to pretend such and acumen, Too much displayed, and smooth, you must have quirks, And strange Meanders in your face to express A State subtility, I'll make it plain. Hereafter by demonstration in the Optics. You may do so. Come nearer. Then your whole body? Very strange: You are a scholar. What say you sir? Do you think, That he has had recourse to any such? Her desires go with yours. Observe but what a wife sh'is Like to prove, That is no more imperious being a Mistress. And you are happy, That can e wise by other men's examples.