ARDELIO

Jeffry come hither. Jeffry, you know that I have ever been Indulgent to your knaveries. Winked at your faults. And the reason is. Because I still am welcome to thy wife. Honest Jeffry, thou shalt loose nothing by it. You know my authority in the house: my Lord Puts all the care into my hands, has left me The managing of his estate, because I know the way to humour him. And none of them have any place or being, Without my sufferance. Therefore I expect the reverence is endue unto my place. Well, for thy honest care, I mean to substitute thee under me In all inferior matters, for I mean To take my ease, and pamper up my Genius, As well as he, only for entertainments, Or any thing belongs unto the Kitchen; Let me alone, I'll take the air in his Coach, eat of the best, And for my private drinking, I will have My choice of Wines, filled out of vessels, whose age Has worn their Countries name out, and their own, Like some unthankful Hospital, or College, That has forgotten their Founder. By the way, I will acquaint thee with a secret Jeffry. I do love a pretty Wench well. I will not leave my recreation that way For a whole Empire, it's my summum bonum, My sole felicity, tickles my conceit, But not a word. And for this cause, I mean apply my self Wholly to my Venery. I feel this heat Renews my blood, and makes me younger for it. And thou shalt keep one for me at thy house. I, there, a heavy burden Of fleshly desires, daily grows upon me; And ease works on my nature, once a week, When I am ballasted with wine, and lust, I'll sail to my Canaries. Wilt keep her form, & let none come near her. I'll procure thee the Lease of thy house free, And when I have done, I'll see it shan't stand empty: Hast thou any good rooms for Stowage there? Because I will convey away some Household stuff. That's not amiss. 'Tis quite against my nature to see any vacuum. Beside, it's not and age to be honest in. I mean to make the benefit of my place therefore. And when I have done, I'de feign see all your Artists, Your Politicians with their Instruments And Plummets of wit, found the depth of me. Were I set in a place of Justice now, They would admire me, how I should become it; Cough on the Bench of State, fit in my nightcap, Stroke out and Apophthegm out of my beard, Frame a grave City face, jeer at offenders, Cry out upon the vices of the times, Oh Tempores, Oh morums. This getting of money is a mystery, Is to be learned before a men Alphabet, No matter how, 'tis supposed, he that has it Is wise and virtuous, though he be obscure, A fugitive, and perjured, any thing, He, and his cause, shall neither want for friends. He is the chick of the white Hen, old Fortune: What ere he treads upon, shall be a Rose. He shall be invited to his Capon, and Custard, Ride to the Sheriffs a feasting on his Foot cloth, Possess the highest room, have the first carving, With please you eat of this, or that, my Noble, My Right Worshipful brother? your rich men Shall strive to put their sons to be his Pages, And their wives to be his Concubines. No more, be gone, I hear my Lord a coming, I'll send thee my Wench, mark me, keep her close: It's well said. I, over the water, 'twas well thought upon. I think, and she were trimmed up, she would serve At last for such a voyage well enough. What wilt thou say, when I have done with her, If I do make thee Master of my bottom? What ere the Key be, still the door's kept fast. Faith all this day I have been so employed With setting things in order, and provisions, I can compare my pains to nothing less, Then a Lord Generals. Things must be ordered, and there's nothing Done, unless I oversee it; my industry Must marshal the Dishes, put the Stools in rank, See the Wood set upon the carriages, Sharpen the Knives; all these witness mycare The very shining of the Candlesticks Acknowledge my directions. Why Sir, did you never Hear how Apelles pictured Homer spewing, And all the Poets gaping to receive it? In the same manner do I, Upon the Hushers, the Clark's, and the Butlers, The Cooks, and other Officers, amongst whom I find to be a drought of understanding, Shower down the dregs of my counsel. Here comes my Lord, make room for my Lords grace. God save your honour, may your flourishing youth Enjoy and everlasting spring of beauty, And know no Autumn. Exactly well, Sir without controversy, And you wear it as neatly. I'th presence, I, and love w re in the presence, You'd thrust Ganymede out of his office. And make all jades of them. Who I? hang me should I be questioned Now for my faith, concerning Articles, Of women's chastity, I should be burned For a rank Heretic, I believe none of them. He has a strong belief. I have no such confidence, she may be Lucresse, And he' a foolish Colatine to brag of her. But most of them, in playing fast and lose, Will cheat and Orac . I have a creature Before these, ou iers their lips at her, I'll trust a want n bag a the w and. That you are most fair, A most exact, accomplished, gentile Lord, Not to be contradicted, it's a truth Above all truths, for where is any truth, That is agreed upon by all, but this? All truth, and Oracles. It's too much truth to be spoke at one time. Alas sir, My body is fat, and spongy, penetrable; And the least cold will kill me. I am not for your Trenches, and cold cramps, Their discipline will quickly bring me under: I'll stay at home, and look to your business. There's hight service within, I hear the Muskets Play from the Rampiers. I am valiant, And will venture upon the very mouths of them. Who, I grown rich? Well, I was wont to put in for a gamester. But now I am quite thrust out of all play. Come, you are good wenches. Hast thou ere a morsel, That is not tainted, or fly blown? Come, let me have her then. Ardelio, A Lords servant. Nay, who would not expect it? 'tis my haunt. I love it, as a pigeon, loves a salt-pit. We make a question, by your Worships favour, Under correction, whither that which was Done under foreign powers, in foreign Lands, Be punishable here or no. 'Tis a province by it self, a privileged place, A strong corporation, and has factions In Court and City. More need to provide somethings for my belly. I think they mean to keep me for a raze. I am fallen away quite, I was Like a hogshead. Now I amable to run thorough my hoops. Now I have God my teeth at liberty, And they ere tie me to the rack again, Let me be choked. Where are my hangings, Jeffry? I may go set up bills now for my living, Cry Vinegar up and down the streets; or fish At black Friars stairs; or fit against A wall, with a library of ballads before me. Turned a grazing, In the wide Common of the world, Jeffry. Those that I sent, The beds, and hangings. No, you may keep her still. Villain, dost thou insult on me? Well, slave, because I'll rid my hands of thee, I'll give thee a share. Nay good sir, you know, That I was lately quit before a Justice. And if I fallen in a relapse. Well then, I know the worst of it. Turned out of service the next turn will be Under the Gallows, and have a Ballad made of me, The corruption of a cashiered Servingman, Is the generation of a thief. I scare, My fate points me not out to so good fortune. My bulk will not serve me to take a purse. The best thing I am fit for, is a tap ter, Or else get a wench of mine own, and fell Bottle Ale and Tobacco, that's my refuge They termed me parasite, it's a mystery Is Like a familiar, that leaves a man When he is near his execution. I have no power to flatter my self now, I might have gone a wooing to some widow, And had his countenance, but now the tenants Look Like their Bacon, rustily, upon me. What, Geoffrey! thou art the comfort of my woes: Welcome, good Jeffry. All this is true. This is true. All this is true. A friend. An't please you Sir, I have Been waiting on my niece, home to her lodging. No, and it Like you, She lies without the camp. M r . Constable. I am undone then. There are forty old scores, I owe in Town, will follow after me. Alas, a venial sin, we use to learn it, When we come first to be pages. M. Constable. Sir, by your favour, I am not my own man. Thanks, good Jeffry. I were in a sweet case, If I had not conveyed somethings away, To maintain me hereafter. I hope you will not use me so. Well rimed Jeffry, this knave will come in time, By being often in my Company, And gleaning but the refuse of my speech, Arrive at some proportion of wit, But to avoid suspicion, be gone. Now would I see the man that should affront me. My Lord will straight be here, I'll entertain him, And talk as superciliously, and walk As stately, as the Warden of a college, Until I have made a right Pupil of him. Why Sir, the shallow currents of their brains Runs all into one stream, to make a deep, To bear the weighty burden of your fame. I chosen thee for thy knavish look. And now thou hast requited me: of all My evils, thou art the worst. Good your Worship, give us not such hard words. And all the other furniture good Jeffry. Whither?