DOTARIO

Then he is passed hope? No means to reclaim him? I would my brother had been better advised, then to give his Land to a Prodigal. No I'll marry a wife, and get and heir of mine own, I have made a motion to Master Little good the Usurer, about one of his daughters, and we are partly agreed, I am going to ask her good will in it. Shall I speak or hold my peace? I 'tis all one to you, for any impression I shall make: would I could refrain to take notice of thee, but still nature over sways me, and affection breaks out into counsel but to no purpose. I upon a Gallows, if you hold on, that will be the end of you. That I should live to see my brother's goods so mispent, the life of his labours sucked out by such Horse leeches. Yes, Captain and Lieutenant, how a vengeance came they by these titles? fellows that have been only fleshed in the ruin of black pots, and glass windows, the very skum of all rudeness. What to do? Well I will not trouble my self any more to look after him, I'll marry, and thrust him out of all, that's the con clusion. Desinit Actus primus. Fair Mistress, I would ask you a question, if you please to answer me. I would first demand your opinion of me. Take my word for it, the Index is false printed, if you please to turn to the book, you shall find no such thing written. But love has renewed it sweet Lady, and this is anon there edition. Why sweet Lady? Stay Crochet, whither goest thou? These indignities are not to be endured, her abuses are more monstrous, then the prodigy she would make of me. Rank injuries, mock me to my teeth. I would your father herd you: he left no such thing in your Commission. How dare you do it? Well she may play with the line, I'll give her scope enough, but when I have her fast, I'll twitch her, and draw her as I list to me. Sure 'tis some fury, it cannot be a woman she is so impudent. Not dare to anger you. Sweet heart you shall have all content, I love a life these spirited wenches, that are all fire and motion, they stir a quickness in a man, in fuse and activity. And what will you do with the rest sweating? Shee'l waste all I have in a month: the expenses of and Army will not maintain her. I had rather be under twenty Executions, then the lash of their tongue. What a sanctified creature shall I enjoy? The next year if I live so long? she thinks of my death already. O me, I can endure it no longer, that word strikes cold to my heart: were I and enemy, and she had vanquished me, I would not yield to such Articles. I'll propose these conditions to her father, and see if he will allow them in all conscience to be reasonable. You know father, for I must still call you so, how you charged your daughter to use me respectively. Well, and as soon as you were gone, she had no more regard to me, then if I had been and old horse, or and old Sir vingman. Else there was some fury in her shape that did so. I am sure she shaped me out to be the ridiculousest old ass in Europe. If my words have any weight in them; she set as light by me, as by the least feather in her Fan. How no indeed; do you deny it? Oh palpable, she reckoned up a whole Catalogue of abuses, and malicious pra ctises, that she would assault me with, if I were her husband, the least of which were above all patience. That you had but herd the disgrace she put upon me, in calumniating the vigour, and ability of my person. And then terrified me, that the wind of her humour should be still against me, to cross me in every thing I desired, yet the course of my destiny should be more impetuous then before. Nay more, she said I was and old dry stump, that had not the least drop of moisture in me, yet by the virtue of her humidity, she would make my temples so supple, that they should sprout, and bud a fresh. Yes, and that all my estate should be too little, to maintain her in prodigality, and invite acquaintance. O was it so? I cry you mercy, I mistook you. Here take this Pearl for amends; I am sorry I have sinned against so sweet a simplicity. Then to avoid all cavillation hereafter, see what I have provided. I have here a Syngraphus, a writing with articles, that must be drawn between us, before there can be any copulation. Look you sir, I was in a little suspense of her beha viour, and therefore in relation of that, which I thought she objected, yet has since proved to be otherwise: notwithstan ding these rules, which may so much conduce to my happi ness, and have been so much advised upon with deliberation, I would have established. They are only some sew propositions, and excepti ons to be observed on her behalf, for the better security of my quiet, when I shall be married to her. First, that after Hymen has once joined us together, she shall admit of no man whatsoever, to entitle him with any suspicious name of friend, or servant: do you mark me. Next if any of her old acquaintance come to visit her, as Nurse's, Midwifes, and the Like, creatures of secrecy, she shall return them word, she is not within, or otherwise accommodated. I'll have it written so upon the doors. Then to avoid alloccasions of writing Epistles, she shall receive none, nor have any Paper, Pen, Ink, or Wax in her closet. She shall not have any masculine bawdy Picture hang in her Chamber, but shall take it down, and fell it away as a thing unprofitable, and and enticement of fantasy. She shall bid no man to dinner, but I will invite them, and when they are set, she shall not cast amorous glances up on them, nor drink to them, nor lick her lips at them, nor show her teeth when she laughs, nor her tongue when she sneezes. Beside, she shall not take upon her, to contrary me in any thing, nor seem more or less wise then my self. She shall send no Hierogliphics, nor meat cut in Characters, nor tread upon any men foot under the Table, nor when they are risen, give them her hand to kiss, or open her palm to have her fortune told her, nor yet show them her ring, or receive any of theirs, and read the poesies. She shall know no language but her own, nor speak any equivocating word. And for her religion, she may pray to any innocent goddess, as Diana and the graces, but if she have any thing to say to Mars, Mercury, or Apollo, she shall acquaint me with it, and I will present her devotions. Last of all, when she is ready to go to bed, she shall not put out the candle to walk up and down in her smock, and shake her body in the dark, and if she be content, I take her as my own. Why then weel proceed to the Church? Yes what you-please sweet Lady, it is granted, were it a hundred pound to buy pins and petticoats. It's done bright Hellen, I will be thy Paris, And fetch thee, though thou were't at Lacedemon, And care not a pin, for all the power of Greece. Yes, we are both agreed. Some few ceremonies, and then we have finish. Oh brother Lackwit, how came you so accoutered? or were you set here for a watchman to guard us? What do you mean brother Lackwit? I am going to marry her, my name is Dotario, and this is your sister Aemilia. But I had her consent, and her father's, my name is Dotario your neighbour, that have fed you with custard and apple-pie a hundred times. I am the same. Oh sir, 'tis I am cheated, gulled, and abused, and which is worse, by one that says he is my self too. Oh sir I am that old Gentleman, that should have mar ried your daughter, and there's and Asmodeus, a devil in my habit, that has beguiled me of her. Who is here, my Nephew Careless? nay then 'tis ten times worse then I thought of: my disgrace will be as common as Conduit water, the very Tankard-bearers will mock at me, I shall be made their laughter at Taverns, the table talk at Ordinaries. Oh sir you have proved your self to be a fine Come panion. So does mine too, and I would do any thing, if I might be freed of this ignominy, that it might not be known what a fool this love has made of me. Any thing upon these terms. And what shall my Nephew Careless do? If he will do one, I'll do the other. Why then boys be happy in your Mistress's. Let it not seem strange to you that I have felt this transformation, your form has wrought a miracle upon me, the pulchritude of your feature, that is able to extract youth out of age, and could make Aeson young again, without the help of Medea, it has put a fire into me, and I must impute it neither to Herbs, nor Philtrums, but to the influence, and power of your beauty.