CARELESS

Near tell me on't, a Gentleman must show himself to be a Gentleman. Come you are and importunate Ass, a dull heavy fell low, and I must bear with you must I? by this light I will not live out of the blaze of my Fortune's, though it last but a minute, to linger out a tedious siege of adversities. Land? there was my unhappiness to have any, I was born to none, 'twas merely thrust upon me, and now I can not be quiet for it; 'tis Like a wife that brings a thousand im pediments, I must take and order, I can not walk the streets in peace, your Magnifico stops his great horse to salute me, and other treats of marriage, and offers me his daughter, your Advocate racks me with impertinences, and to free my land from encumbrances troubles me ten times worse, what with friends and Counsellors, fellows that seem to me of and oh there species I could resign my interest. I'll fell all, it a sin to keep it. When didst thou know and elder brother disinherited, and the land conti nue with the issue? now for me to live thriftily upon it, were no otherwise then to mock fate and contemn providence. What should I dote upon casualties, trust Scriveners with my money, fellows that will break, and all the wit in Town can't solder them up again? I tell thee, I'll keep no Land, not no houses, candle rends that are subject to fire and ruin, I can't sleep for fear of them; theres no danger in coin, 'twill make a man re spected, drink, and be drunk, wear good clothes, and live as free as a Parthian. Where is't? why in my blood still, we'll both run one course never out of the vain I warrant thee. Prithee good honest, old patched piece of experi ence, go home and wear thy self out in contemplation, and do not vex me with problems, they can do no more good upon me, then a young pitiful Lover upon a Mistress, that has the sullens. No no, you shall not needs my homo frugi, go about your business, and though men of my quality, do seldom partly with any thing, for good uses, for Gamesters and Cour tiers have but little charity, yet for this once, I will trespass against custom, and here's something to put you into a for tune, I could wish it more, but you know how my man has u said me, and my occasions. Adieu, and commend me to my Uncle, tell the Me chanicks without, that I vouchsafe them admittance. I will not spend all in whoring and sack. I will have some clothes of value, though they be but to pawn in a vacation, for this purpose I have sent this morning to consult with the authen tiall judgements, of my Taylor, Sempster and Haberdasher; and now am I studying with what state I shall use them. Come in fellows, I sent for you together, because you should receive your instructions: I am to make me a suit, and I would have you determine, about the form and the accou trements, for the fitting of the points and the garters, and the roses, and the colours of them. Nature is much beholding to you, though there be a difference in the accidents, yet you can reconcile them, & make them suit handsomely together. I am a Gentleman, and would not be disgraced for my irregularity. I thought fit to take your advice, & you are beholding to me, you are the only men in the world that can rule me. I am informed of your qualities, I hear you are men of intelligence, by this light I wonder the state is not afraid of you. What with two wallets behind me, to put up faults and abuses, or else I'll cashier my men, and they shall serve me for attendants, hangers on, would? No by this air, I am too good a gentleman to have my arms tricked up with such gewgaws. Master Spruse? prithee bid him come up. Well, ther's a Gentleman, of all I know, can justly claim admiration, for his compliment, his discourse, his habit, his acquaintance, and then for proffering of courtesies, & never doing any; I may give away all I have, before I shall arrive at the grace of it. Who Captain Whibble; Mass now think on't thou shalt go seek him out, and entreat him to meet me at the Horseshoe Tavern at dinner, I love that house for the signs sake, it's the very print of the shoe that Pegasus wore, when he broke up Helicon with his hoof, and now in relation of that, your Poets and Players, still haunt about the brinks of it. Sirrah tell him withal, that Master Lackewit the Citizens son will be there, and other good company, and we will have music and wenches, go thy ways, and you Master Snip, meet me about three a clock to take up these commodi ties, so now I have done with you. Admirable good, put them up again. You have a very complete suit on too me thinks. And whither now do your employments direct you? I am not so conformable as I could wish, or else I would attend you. I took up a new man, for pities sake, some three days since, to wait upon me, which foolish sin I will abandon while I live for it. He ran away with two hundred pounds, the remnant of a mortgage, and since that I was put to a new perplexity to supply me. Why what a rare way is here now, to engage a man for nothing? I must study it. Very well sure, for sometime he has nothing else to digest; and he has enough of that too: it sticks in his sto macke worse then a Surfeit. Alas we landed men are but fools to him, it makes him sober, and wise, very temperate. Has she received any of your Letters? 'Tis well resolved, and there's her sister Aemilia. She will glance sometime affectionately upon me; were it not a mad thing, when I have sold all my Land to her father to get her into advantage? I think that will be the end of it. Well 'tis the truest spaniel that, I put a hundred jeers upon him, and yet he loves me the better, I can pawn him as familiarly as my cloak. I'll dismiss you, will you present my service to the Ladies and excuse me? I will hold you no longer from your happiness, but I shall envy the intercourse of your mirth. Is it not well resolved Captain? What shall he do then Lieutenant? But I think there be so many of them, they can hardly live one for and other. Good Captain be appeased, it is my Uncle, I can not avoid him: let me entreat your absence for a while, meet me at the Horseshoe. Troth uncle youth will have his swing. Horseleeches, do you know what you say? no, you do not apprehend the worth that dwells in these men: to see how a man may be mistaken in the distinction of virtue. O uncle, that you should thus carp at my happiness, and traduce my Camradoes, men of such spirit and valour. Have you any money about you? Bribe me to keep counsel: you are but a dead man if they know on't: you have pust out your soul in their Can lumnies. Why how now mongrel, are you barking? by this air 'tis and indignity to my discretion, that is so happy in the election of their virtues: the only prime wits in town, things come so rarely from them, a man is kept in a perpetual appetite. I would not let them stay to offend you, neither can I endure their reproach. Farewell uncle. Here is the Gulf that I wallows all my Land: And to this desperate Whirlpit am I reeling. And there's the smooth stream that must guide me to it. Were I as provident, as was Ʋ lisses, That Syren there might sing me to my ruin. Save you fair Lady. Will you hear me speak any wise sentences? I am now as discreet in my conceit, As the seven Sophyes of Greece, I am full Of Oracles, I am come from Apollo, Would he had lent me his Tripos to stand upon; For my two legs can hardly carry me. From the heaven Of my delight, where the boon Delphic God, Drinks sack, and keeps his Bacchanalia's, And has his incense, and his Altars smoking, And speaks in sparkling prophecies; thence do I come. My brains perfumed with the rich Indian vapour, And heightened with conceits: from tempting beauty's, From dainty Music and Poetic strains, From bowls of Nectar, and Ambrosiac dishes: From witty Varlets, fine Companions, And from a mighty continent of pleasure, Sails thy brave Careless. Where's your father Lady? These Ceremonies are abolished with me. I kiss none but my Punk, but in this humour, I'll kiss any body. I'll marry thee; But not a penny jointure. I would accept this invitation, But thy father is a Usurer, a Jew. And if I marry in his tribe I shall thrive, And I hate thriving. I am come to mortgage, To pawn, or fell Lady. Do I want money? let me construe this. 'Tis a good promising question, and requires A sober politic answer, yes I want money. But do you dare trust me? Then I say thy father, In getting thee has redeemed all his sin. She has confirmed my love, and I will marry her. Let me survey it well, 'tis and Amethyst. What that piece of stockfish, That has kept Lint thus long, would have young flesh now. 'Tis such a rank Goat. 'Tis well done of you, he upbraided me to That he would marry, but I'll cross his worship. Wee'll vex him ten times worse yet, I have plots Maturing in my head, shall crown thy wit, And make him desperate, that he shall die, And leave us nothing. I would not be troubled, With any of his wealth, no not so much, As to mourn for him, but I cannot stand Now to relate it. Come Aemilia. I have declared my mind, but when isle do it, I'll in, and sleep, and dream upon't, and tell thee. 'Tis well said, do the Like noble office to our friend here sweet Lieutenant. O thou treacherous villain, dost thou betray me to my self, and belie me to my face? how many quarrels have you brought me off from? I will not rail at you, but I will cudgel you, and kick you, you man of valour. Thou cowardly perfidious rascal: have I for this made thee my associate, paid for thy swaggerings, and brea king of Tapsters, and Ostlers pates, fed thee at a charge a man might have built and Hospital; drenched thee with Sack, and Tobacco, as thy face can witness? Come sir surrender your robes, that you have pollu ted with cozenage. Here Fido, take this hat and cloak: I will not leave him a covering for his knavery: these are the trophies of your treachery, these. If Lackwit will restore them he may, else you must re solve to go bareheaded before your right worshipful for tune, with a truncheon in your hand Like a Verger, and so I leave you. Come Fido now for my Mistress. Nay good Uncle do not think so ill of me, abrace of thousands shall chain up my tongue, that you may live as concealed as you please. Sir this speech from you is more comfortable then if Hymen had spoke it: and for my brother Lackwit I'll take him to my protection, and stand in his defence against all ma chinous Engines that shall be planted for the battery of his wit and fortune. I so I will; Fido shall restore them to him. What's my old Reformado come again? What turned Host? Thats a good entrance. Well I perceive we must keep Holiday: there's no thing anger's me now, but Master Spruse is disappointed of his Mistress. Sir I have a sister, though she had no partly in this but sines, yet for her beauty, virtues, and Dowry, may well de serve you: if you can Like of her, I'll do what I can to ob taine her for you. Nay if you would not do so, you were unworthy of her. To gain a woman's love thus all may strive, But wealth shall be put back, when wit shall thrive. I tell you my disposition, I am wholly addicted to ra rities, things that are new take me; new plays, new Mistress's, new servants, new toys, new fangles, new friends, and new fashions, and these I deal with, as in a quarrel I would not be behind hand with any of them. Yes, you are dangerous follows, and have plots and devices upon men's bodies, and are suspected to be sorcerers, that can transform a man into what shape you list. Nay by this hand, it's given out, that you are great scholars, and are skilled in all the habitual Arts, and know their coherences, and that you are a kind of Astrologers, observers of times and seasons, and for making of Matches, beyond all the gallants in the Kingdom. And beside that, you are proud of your knowledge, for when you have once God a men good name, you make what account you list of it. Yes, and presume upon't, and think what ever in jury you do a man, you can be saved by your Book This is true, and care not a pin for the Law, for you hold good Cum stome to be far beyond it. I must commend you, in that you are not partial, for you make the Like reckoning of every man. Well, to the pur pose. Well, I am content to be persuaded: when shall I have them? Well I am satisfied, and hereafter believe me, as I believe thee. Master Spruse you have much honoured me with your presence. Sure it was not fast tied to your leg. What box have you there? Bless me with the discovery. As close as that covering. Very pretty, proceed. I know not. And so send them to your Mistress? I'll practice this device. Prithee let me see one of them, what's here? To the fair hands of— I'll open it by your favour sir, whats here? Most resplondent Lady, that may justly be styled, the accomplishment of beauty, the Seat and mansion of all delight, and virtue, in whom meet the joy, and desires of the happy. Some man here perhaps might fear, in praising your worth, to heighten your disdain, but I am forced though to the peril of my neglect, to acknowledge it: For to this hour my curious thoughts, and wandering, in the Sphere of feminine perfection, could never yet find out a subject Like your self, that could so de taine and command my affection. COme my voluptuaries, my sons of comfort, That know no sorrow, sing Like Grasshoppers And fear no winter, nor no poverty; Lead on my moving pillars of delight, My Alchemists of pleasure, that convert All Like your selves: can make old Cato dance, And turn Fabricius to and Epicure, Should he behold you. Good Captain Bid our noble friend welcome. These are the mirrors of the time old boy, that shall show you how to adorn your behaviour, that you may pass in all company with confidence of approbation. Come they shall do it, and I must tell you, these suggestions in you are arguments of a generous disposition, whence do they flow I wonder? How do you Like these replies Captain? You have no other way then this, to render you worthy of society. He tells thee right my brave Frisker, they are lum pish girls, heavy in their sport, and cannot move with art. Yes he deserves it, let him be a brother. Give him the principles of the brotherhood. He shall do any thing that is requisite. 'Tis enough, this once a week will render him ex act. Shall's have a song and a dance Captain? Nay, but by that air, I hold a Song very delight some, the very place, as a man would say, and superficies of pleasure. Let me see this then. To the Lady and Mistress of his thoughts, and service. E'ne which you please, good Uncle.