MECHANT

A word good Mr. Orator. 'Tis not men fortune, envy or neglect, Which makes him miserable, but 'tis mean fate, Even sole predestination, a firm gift, Fixed to his birth, before the world was made, For were it otherwise, then within our lives, We should find some distractions, errors change. And other toys of much uncertainty: But my mishaps are fixed so to my blood, They have no sire but my creation: The Queen out of suspicion that my love, First set and edge upon the Kings desires, And made him woo her with a victor's sword, Casts me from favour, seizes all my lands, And turns my naked Fortune's to the cold. The King made proud with purchase of his wish Neglects my sufferance for him, and over looks, The low-tide of my Fortune's; lest my woes Should speak my wrongs to his ingratitude; The whilst those lords whose supple hams have bowed To do me formal reverence, now despise And sleight me in their meanest compliments: Oh 'tis a torment more then hell yet knows To be and honest flatterer, or to live A saint in Limbo, which that I may prevent, I'll be nor best nor worst, but all indifferent. But here comes a noble man, I must turn petitioner. My Lord, may I not see the king? Oh but he does neglect, And sleights me Like his weak orations, And by your Lordship's leave, I do not think His wisdom worthy of the conference. Why, and fare you well, 'Sfoot this is more then strange, That being grieved I may not say i'm pained. But here comes another: Mine honourable Lord May I not have some conference with the king? Yet methinks it meet Its strange. Why this is court grace to men in misery, And thus these tail-less Lions with their roar, Affright the simple herd: Oh I could now Turn rebel gainst their pride. But here comes the Duke: My gracious Lord, vouchsafe to hear my griefs. Words are no heavy burden. Your grace does do me comfort, and I will Study with service to deserve your favours, And so I take my leave. Save you Gentlemen; sir is your master at any leisure? We must attend, um, even snails keep state When with slow thrust their horns peep forth the gate. We must attend, 'tis customs fault not mine To make men proud, on whom great favours shine, Its somewhat gainst my nature to attend. But when we must, we must be patient, A man may have admittance to the king As soon as to these long robes, and as cheap. Come gentlemen shall we walk? Thus are the pavement stones before the doors Of these great tongue gilded Orators, worn smooth With clients dancing for them. Oh only; they of all men in request. Your physician is the lawyer for your health: And moderate unruly humours best. Others are no body compared with him: For all men neglect their health in regard of their profit. Yea with golden fees, And golden titles too, they can work miracles, And Like creators, even of empty nothing Erect a world of goodly livings, fair demeans, And gallant manors, heaped one on another. Why heres a fellow now, this Orator Even Prat, you would little think it, his father was And honest proiner of our country vines; Yet he's shot to his footcloth. Faith reasonable learning, a smattering in the Latin tongue, A little Rhetoric, with wrangling sophistry, Were his preparatives unto his art. Nay for his pride, of weaker souls termed state, It hurts none but himself. Srange; it's not strange a whit, Dunghills and marrish bogs, dart store of vapours, And viscous exhalations, against heaven, Which borrowing luster there (though basly bred) Seem yet Like glorious planets fairest stars: To the weak eyes of wondering ignorance, When wise men know they are but Meteors. But here comes the Orator. Master Orator, 'tis not unknown my suit The restoration of my lands and honours. My lands confiscat, and my body free? Sir, you forget my place. Sir. But hear me. I not attend the shallow sleight of words, Go home repent, pray and die. Excellent precepts for and Orators chamber. Where speech must both a handful deep in gold, Till the poor givers conduit being dry, The wretch goes home, does curse, repent and die. It is thy counsel Orator, thy tale breath Good only but to season infamy. From this reproach, this incarressing humour Hath taught my soul a new philosophy. I will go home and there repent all good Done to thy name or thy profession. I will go home and there new frame my self More thirstily pernicious to thy state, Then war or unabated mutiny. As for my prayers Orator, they are for thee; Thou hast a pretty, lovely, witty wife: Oh mayest thou live, both to be known and know Thy self the greatest cuckold in our land; And yet not dare to amend or grieve at it. Mayest thou embrace thy shame with thankful arms, Hug thy disgrace, make thy black poison wine, And cap and crouch to thy dishonour, May thy remembrance live, upon my knees I pray, All night in belmens mouths, with Pasquill in the day. Whats this, whats this, does this Lord Alphonso turn the Orator to and Antilop? 'tis more then excellent, And from the juice of this despite I suck Delight more great then all my Misery's, Observe, deer eyes observe. Was ever herd a bawd more damnable? A very mountebanke of wench flesh, and Empiric, A dog-leech for the putrefied sores, Of these Just-cankered great ones, Oh I could Even mad my self with railing at their vices. But hark one knocks, Oh for the orator, Heavens I beseech thee, Oh for the orator. 'Tis he, joust heavens 'tis he, before God the orator. Yes, and if you had wit you might conjure him out of your wives closet. Sfoot will the ox put on the Lions hide, He will, he will, 'tis more then excellent, So guild the tomb which holds but rottenness, Laughter I fear will burst me, look how he struts, Oh God that ever any man should look Upon this mammet and not laugh at him, Not above making you cuckold, thats the most. Are these the winding turns of female shames, Lose woman's gambols, and the tricks of sin? And are we born to bear these suffrages? Oh he thats tide unto a brothel bed, Feels his worst hell on earth, and may presume There is no sickness Like his pestilence: Well, what the issue of this jest will prove, My wit but yet conceives and after time Shall perfect it and give it liberty, In such sort, that if it true fire strike, A world of Apes shall study for the Like. She follows her creation and her sex. In my conceit it is as vile a thing, To see the worthy model of a woman, Who had not been at all; but to give life, And stirring spleen to men alacrity, To fit orewhelmd with thought, with dark amuse And the sad sullenness of a grieved dislike; As to behold and old man in his furs, Whose well spent youth, hath given his age full strength To be his countries best physician, To caper to his graven, and with vain gaudes Trick up his coffin, and upon his tomb, To leave no knowledge but his levity. Well, we forget our selves my Lord, What is the music rea die? I pray you command the guard to take their halberts in their hands, the Ushers should have seen this room perfumed, in faith they are too negligent: here comes the Queen. And isle be glad to be your coverture. Well when you please, mean time you do me grace. Your Ladyship sows dangerous seed abroad. I had rather fight with a giant, then you at that weapon. Come on my Master's, you know the tenure of the kings continued ̄ manned, And what in this great business you must do, Which is to keep him safe, and not vouchsafe That any creature speak or visit him, Till he be brought to the presence of the king, You must not start for bounty nor for threats. No though he say he is a noble man, As it may be, he may prove mighty born, Yet what for that? you must perform your office Or else expect to taste sharp punishment. 'Tis well deui'sd, see where he comes, He may not see my presence, think vpon't, Your charge is trusty, and of mighty weight. Farewell. It is, and with such strictness and advice, For speedy execution of the same, That by this time I know they are in the way Unto their execution, for the hour Of death does run upon his latest minutes. Nay more, if thou stick in any bog, and by a trick seek to wind out, I will discover you. Of all which my Lord, I being (in a strict conceit) a baudy wit ness: and having both from the Orators scorns and delays received many indignities; though by this discovery to cry quittance with my proud enemy.