MEMPHIO

Why villain dost thou think me a fool? It may be, for I have herd of and Aethio pian, that thinking of a fair picture, brought forth a fair lady, and yet no bastard. Come Dromio, it is my grief to have such a son that must inherit my lands. Vile boy, thy young master? I'll have thy advice, and if it fadge, thou shalt eat, thou shalt sweat, play till thou sleep, and sleep till thy bones ache. Then this it is, thou knowest I have but one son, and he is a fool. Thou canst not know it till I tell it. Then boy hast thou a quick wit, and I a slow tongue, but what is't? Thou dreamest Dromio, there is no such matter, thou knowest I have kept him close, so that my neighbours think him to be wise, and her to be temperate, because they never herd them speak. Thou knowest that Stellio hath a good farm and a fair daughter, yea so fair, that she is mewed up, and only looks out at the windows, least she should by some roisting courtier be stolen away. Now if I could compass a match between my son and Stellios daughter by conference of us parents, and without theirs, I should be blessed he coosned, and thou for ever set at liberty. Thus much for my son. Now for my wife, I would have this kept from her, else shall I not be able to keep my house from smoke, for let it come to one of her ears, & then woe to both mine: I would have her go to my house into the Con try whilst we conclude this, and this once done, I care not if her tonge never have done: these if thou canst effect, thou shalt make thy master happy. But take heed, that neither the father nor the maid speak to my son, for then his folly will mar all. Wilt thou rid me for a fool? Then for the dowry, let it be at least two hundredth ducats, and after his death the farm. Then let us in, that I may furnish thee with some better counsel, and my son with better ap parell. Whats that? Whats the meaning? I pray thee no more, but about it. I marvel I hear no news of Dromio, ei there he slacks the matter, or betrays his master, I dare not motion any thing to Stellio till I know what my boy hath done; I'll hunt him out; if the loi tersacke be gone springing into a tavern, I'll fetch him reeling out. How luckily we met on a sudden in a ta verne, that drunk not together almost these their tie years. Accius come in and that quickly what walking without leave? This is pat, if the rest proceed Stellio is Like to marry his daughter to a fool, but a bargen is a bargen. Our boys will be sure then never to lie, for they are ever swilling of wine but Stellio I must strain cur sie with you, I have business I cannot stay. Good silly Stel. we must buckle shortly, What is she? In good time it fodges. My son would scarce have asked such a foe lish question. My heart throbs, I look him in the face, and yonder I espi Stellio. My son and I ashamed, Dromio shall die. How came you hither? How chance in this attire? But alas I see that my son hath met with Silena himself, and bewrayed his folly. Accius how likest thou Silena. Come Accius, let us go in. But why didst thou tell me it was Prisius son? Alas their joints are not yet tied, they are not yet come to years and discretion. Come in Accius. What crowding knaves have we there, case up your fiddles, or the cunstable shall cage you up. What bride talk you of? Hath Sperantus that churl nothing to do but mock his neighbours, I'll be even with him, and get you gone, or I swear by the roods body I'll say you by the heals. Dromio shake off a whole kennel of officers, to punish these jarring rogues, I'll teach them to stretch their dried sheeps guts at my door, and to mock one that stands to be Mayor. If they had stayed, the stocks should have stayed them. But sirrah, what shall we now do? 'Tis true, for it being bruited that each of us have a fool, who will tender marriage to any of them that is wise, beside fools are fortunate, fools are fair, fools are honest. But what sayest thou to thy dams chasing? I would her tongue were in thy belly. Why? I if Stellios daughter had been wise, and by my means cosened of a fool. Come Stellio, the assurance may be made to morrow, and our children assured to day. Neighbours, let us not vary, our boys have played their cheating parts, I suspected no less at the Tavern, where four four knaves met together. Well out with it. I will, Accius come forth. Come Accius thou must be married to Sile nena. How art thou minded? Come you shall presently be contracted. You Vicinia, wherefore? True. What monstrous tale is this? Hold thy peace. Is this possible, how shall we believe it? In deed she is cunning and wise, never doing harm, but still practising good, seeing these things fallen out thus, are you content Stellio the match go for ward. Vicinia thy fact is pardoned, though the law would see it punished, we be content to keep Silena in the house with the new married couple. To morrow at mine. I but Dromio, these medicines bite hight on great mischiefs, for so might I have a rope about my neck, horns upon my head, and in my house a litter of fools. Why boy, my son is out of the shell, and is grown a pretty cock. Rascal, dost thou imagine thy mistress nought of her body? A wife and she and errand scold. Oh Cupid! Monarch over Kings, Wherefore hast thou feet and wings? It is to show how swift thou art, When thou woundest a tender heart, Thy wings being clipped, and freete hel'd still, Thy Bow so many could not kill. Well patience is a virtue, but pinching is worse than any vice, I will break this matter to Stellio, and if he be willing, this day shall be their wedding. This is my son, Oh fortunate Memphio! Lets also forgive the knavery of our boys since all turns to our good haps. What wags be these? Why by this bound you can demand nothing, and things done in drink, may be repented in soberness, but not remedied. Thou boy, we will pay the hire of the horse, be not angry, the boys have be in a merry cozening vain, for they have served their Master's of the same sort, but all must be forgotten, now all are content but the poor fiddlers, they shall be sent for to the marriage & have double fees. B OY, there are three things that make my life miserable, a thread bore purse, a cursed wife, & a fool to my heir. Dromio. Why then sir, there are three medicines for these three mala ladies: a pikestaff to take a purse on the high way, a holy wand to brush choler from ̄ my mistress tonge, and a young wench for my young master: so that as your Worship being wise begotten a fool, so he be king a fool may tread out a wise man. I marvel he is such and ass, he takes it not of his father. Why what said he They were all in a pleasant vain, but I must be gone, and take account of my boys busi ness, farewell neighbours, God knows when we shall meet again, yet I have discovered nothing, my wine hath been my wits friend, I long to hear what Dromio hath done. Ah thy son will be begged for a concealde fool. Rather thou shalt be free. Well, the world is wanton since I knew it first, our boys put as much now in their bellies in and hour, as would cloth their whole bodies in a year, we have paid sor their tippling eight shil linges, and as I have heard, it was as much as bought Rufus, sometime king of this land, a pair of hose. I'll teach my wag-halter to know grapes from barley. Well, here is Stellio, I'll talk of other matters, & fly from the mark I shoot at, lapwing-like flying far from the place where I nestle. Stellio what make you abroad, I herd you were sick since our last drinking. Nay in the apparel of your children you have discovered the folly of ours, which shames us overmuch Dromio told me that one should meet Stellios daughter, and court her in person of my son. As for Dromio.