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Full speech
I mean I would not be in your cases. These boys be droonk, I would not be in your takings. Nay then we shall never have done, I mean I would not be so coursed as you shall be. Fools you are, and therefore good game for wise men to hunt: but for knaves I leave you, for ho nest wenches to talk of. I marvel how old you will be before you be dis posed to be honest. But this is the matter, my master is gone abroad, and wants his page to wait on him: my mistress would rise, and lacks your worship to fetch her hair. Me thinks it should, but I mean the hair that she must wear to day. In faith sir no, I am sure it is her own when she pays for it. But do you hear the strange news at the Court? Tush, every thing that Midas touches is gold. Indeed gold is the devil. True? Why the meat that he tutcheth turns to gold, so does the drink, so does his raiment. If he take a cudgel and that turn to gold, yet bea ting you with it, you shall only feel the weight of gold As much as to say, drink before you go, and go before you drink. It is all one as if it were led with me, and yet as golden with me as with the king, for I see it, and feel it not, he feels it, & enjoys it not. I warrant a Goose. The Sun is rather a cock than a hen. Yes, but I believe thy idle imagination will make it and addle egg. I thats a broken head. Well. Conclude. Let us hear all. Or a fool of necessity. A reason dowe-baked. A wondered matter, but your wisdom is over shot in your comparison, for eggs have chickens, gold hath none. Heigh ho, would I were a witch, that I might be a Duchess. The matter, marry 'tis proclaymde, that who soever can tell the cause, and the reeds song, shall either have Sophronia to wife, or (if she refuse it) a Dukedom for his wisdom. Beside, whosoever says, that Midas hath asses ears, shall loose theirs. Apollo will help me because I can sing. I would not be in your coats for any thing. Why fools, hath a Barbar a tongue? I pray let me have the odd ends. I fear no thing so much as to be tongue tawde.
Plot summary
Plot — Midas
Offered anything he wishes by way of reward for entertaining Baéehus) KingiMidas seeks advice. Two of his lords suggest that he request love and empire respectively; the third proposes gold, which can buy both, so Midas asks that everything he touches should turn to gold. The gift proves to be an inconvenience, turning Midas’s food and even his beard to gold. (A BaBE steals the golden beard from the FSyalibarber, but the barber gets his own back by giving him toothache.) Regretting his folly and his imperialistic designs on other nations, Midas seeks a remedy from the oracle, and washes off the golden touch in a nearby river. On the way home, Midas goes hunting in the woods, gets lost, and encounters Ajpoll6 and Pan ‘The two gods are in dispute over which is the best musician; Midas is asked to judge, and, perversely, chooses Pan. Apollo gives him ass’s ears in reprisal, and he becomes reclusive while rumours spread; even the reeds whisper about his ears. Meanwhile his empire begins to disintegrate and he is unable to achieve his overriding objective, the conquest of Lesbos. Finally he seeks a remedy from the oracle of Apollo, and also proclaims that any further talk about his ass’s ears will cost the speaker his own. The pages inveigle Motto the barber into flouting the edict, and thereby force him to return the golden beard. Midas makes his obeisance at Apollo’s oracle, and is ordered to give up his imperial ambitions; in particular, his ears will only get longer if he continues to covet Lesbos. He agrees, and promises to make annual sacrifices at the oracle. The ass’s ears fall off, and the play ends with praise for Apollo.