GONDARINO

Would. From whom, from a woman? if it be from a woe man, bid him carry it back, and tell her she's a whore: what is it? What Fish head? W ence continued es it? Oh t'is a Codshead. Let it be carried to my Mercer, I do owe him money for silks, stop his mouth with that. Exit Servants. Was there ever any man that hated his wife after death but I? and for her sake all women, women that were created only for the preservation of little dogs. Is she a woman? I have none for her then: bid her get her gone, tell her she is not welcome. She shall not come up, tell her any thing, tell her I have but one great room in my house, and I am now in it at the close stool. Oh impudence of women, I can keep dogs out of my house, or I can defend my house against thieves, but I cannot keep out women. Enter Oriana, a waiting woman, and a Page. Now Madam, what hath your Ladyship to say to me? Your Ladyships boldness in coming, will be impudence in staying, for you are most unwelcome. Do you laugh, by the hate I bear to you, 'tis true. Let me laugh to death if I be, or can be while thou art here, or livest, or any of thy sex. Do you commend me? why do you commend me? I give you no such cause: thou art a filthy impudent whore; a woman, a very woman. Begotten when thy father was drunk. How? what have I good wit? Let me not live if you be: me thinks it does not become you, to come to my house, being a stram ̄ her to you. I have no woman in my house, to entertain you, nor to show you your chamber; why should you come to me? I have no Galleries, nor banqueting houses, nor bawdy pictures to show your Ladyship. Now she's in talking, treason will get her out, I durst sooner undertake to talk and Intelligencer out of the room, and speak more then he durst hear, than talk a woman out of my company. The Duke! now I know your arrant Madame; you have plots and private meetings in hand: why do you choose my house, are you ashamed to go too't in the old coupling place, though it be less suspicious here; for no Christian will suspect a woman to be in my house, yet you may do it cleanlier there, for there is a care had of those businesses; and wheresoever you remove, your great maintainer and you shall have your lodgings directly open posite, it is but putting on your nightgown, and your slippers; madame, you understand me? Good morrow to your grace. Justice great Prince. A woman. She hath gone abroad. She hath done it. If she have not laid by that modesty That should attend a virgin, and quite void Of shame, hath left the house where she was born, As they should never do; let me endure The pains that she should suffer. This, this. I then it is a plot, no Prince alive Shall force me make my house, a brothel house; Not for the sins, but for the woman's sake, I will not have her in my doors so long: Will they make my house as bawdy as their own are? You're welcome Sir: hers her brother come now to do a kind office for his sister, is it not strange? His grace is gone, and hath left his Hellen with me, I am no Pander for him, neither can I be won with the hope of gain, or the itching desire of tasting my Lords lechery to him, to keep her at (my house) or bring her in disguise, to his bed Chamber. The twines of Adders, and of Scorpions About my naked breast, will seem to me More tickling then those clasps, which men adore; The lustful, dull, ill spirited embraces Of women; the much praised Amazons, Knowing their own infirmities so well, Made of themselves a people, and what men They take amongst them, they condemn to die, Perceiving that their folly made them fit To live no longer, that would willingly Come in the worthless presence of a woman. I will attend, and see what my young Lord will do with his sister. Now there shall be some course taken for her conuei ce. Oh my ears, why Madame, will not you follow your brother, you are waited for by great me ̄ , heel bring you to him. What madness possesses thee, that thou canst imagine me a fit man to entertain Ladies; I tell thee, I do use to tear their hair, to kick them, and to twindge their noses, if they be not careful in avoiding me. I shall grow rough. Why I will starve thee, thou shalt have nothing. Well, thou shalt have meat, I'll send it to thee. Is such a thing as this allowed to live: What power hath let thee lose upon the earth To plague us for our sins? out of my doors. Oh thou damned woman, I will fly the veangeance That hangs above thee, follow if thou darest. Save me you better powers, let me not fallen Between the lose embracements of a woman: Heaven, if my sins be ripe grown to a head, And must attend your vengeance: I beg not to divert my fate, Or to reprieve a while thy punishment Only I crave, and hear me equal heavens, Let not your furious rod, that must afflict me, Be that imperfect piece of nature, That art makes up, woman, unsatiate woman. Had we not knowing souls, at first infused To teach a difference, betwixt extremes and goods? Were we not made ourselves, free, unconfined Commanders of our own affections: And can it be, that this most perfect creature, This image of his maker, well squared man, Should leave the handfast, that he had of grace, To fallen into a woman's easy arms. It comes again; new apparitions, And tempting spirits: Stand and reveal thy self, Tell why thou followest me? I fear thee As I fear the place thou camest from: Hell. That I hate truly, thou hadst better been a devil. women. Devils were once good, there they excelled you This woman with entreaty wo'd show all, Lady there lies your way, I pray you farewell. What shall I give thee to be gone? Hears ta, and than wants lodging, take my house, 'tis big e nough, 'tis shine own, will hold five lecherous Lords, & their lackeys without discovery: ther's stoves and bathing tubs. Shat have a Doctor too, thou shat, about six and twenty, 'tis a pleasing age; or I can help thee to a handsome usher: or if thou lack'ft a page, isle give thee one, preethe keep house, and leave me. Thou art a precious piece of sly damnation, I will be deasfe, I will lock up my ears, Tempt me not, I will not love; if I do, Let me be anointed with honey, and turned into the Sun, To be stung to death with horseflies, Heart thou, thou breeder, here isle fit, And in despite of thee I will say nothing. Madam, Lady, tempter, tongue, woman, air, Look to me, I shall kick; I say again, Look to me I shall kick. I cannot think, I shall become a coxcomb, To have my hare curled, by and idle finger, My cheeks turn Tabers, and be played upon, Mine eyes looked babies in, & my nose blowd to my hand, mind I say again I shall kick, sure I shall. I wood thou wouldst fit still, and say nothing: what madman let thee lose to do more mischief then a dousen whirlwinds, keep thy hands: in thy muff, and warm the idle worms in thy fingers ends will ye be doing still, will no entreating serve ye, no lawful warning, I must remove and leave your Ladyship; nay never hope to stay me, for I will run, from that Smooth, Smiling, witching, Cosening, Tempting, Damning face of thine, as far as I can find any land, where I will put my self into a daily course of Curses for thee, and all thy Family. Sing till thou crack thy Triple string in pieces, And when thou hast done, put up thy pipes and walk, Do any thing, fit still and tempt me not. Have you done your wassail, 'tis a handsome drowsy ditty isle assure ye, now I had as leave here a Cart cry, when her tail is cut off, as hear these lamen tations, these lousy love-lays, these beway lements, you think you have caught me Lady, you think I melt now, Like a dish of May butter, and run, all into brine, and passion, yes, yes, I am taken, look how I cross my arms, look pale, and dwyndle, and wooed cry, but for spoiling my face, we must partly, nay we'll avoid all Cere money, no kissing Lady, I desire to know your Ladyship no more; death of my soul the Duke. From thee and all thy sex. All the days good, attend your Lordship. My Lord, I speak not this to gain new grace, But howsoever you esteem my words, My love and duty will not suffer me To see you favour such a prostitute, And I stand by dumb; without Rack, Torture, Or Strappado, I'll unrip my self, I do confess I was in company, with that pleasing piece of frailty, that we call woman; I do confess after along and tedious siege, I yielded. Faith my Lord to come quickly to the point, the woman you saw with me is a whore; and arrant whore. Yes, that Count Valores Sister in nought. Not, if it be distasting to your Lordship, but give me freedom, & I dare maintain, she ha embraced this body, and grown to it as close, as the hight youthful vine to the elm. So, so, it's as it should be, are women grown so mankind? Must they be wooing, I have a plot shall blow her up, she flies, she mounts, I'll teach her Ladyship to dare my fury, I will be known and feared, and more truly hated of women then and Eunuch. Enter Oriana. She's here again, good gaul be patient, for I must dis semble. Pardon him Lady that is now a convertite, Your beauty Like a Saint hath wrought this wonder. He that shall marry thee, had better spend the poor remainder of his days in a Dung-barge, for two pence a week, and find himself: Down again Spleen, I prithee down again, shall I find favour Lady? shall at length my true unfeigned pene tense get pardon for my harsh unseasoned follies? I am no more and Atheist, no, I do acknowledge, that dread powerful Deity, and his all quickening heats, burn in my breast: o be not as I was, hard, unrelenting; but as I am, be partner of my Fires. Good patience help me, this Fever will enrage my blood again: Madam I am that man; I am even he, that once did owe unreconciled hate to you, and all that bear the name of woman: I am the man, that wronged your honour to the Duke, I am he that said you were un chased, and prostetute; yet I am he, that dare deny all this. Lady 'tis true that I have wronged you thus, And my Contrition is as true as that, Yet have I found a means to make all good again, I do beseech your beauty, not for my self, My merits are yet in conception, But for your honours safety, and my zeal Retire a while, while I unsay my self unto the Duke, And cast out that evil Spirit, I have possessed him with, I have a house conveniently private. By the true honest service, that I owe those eyes, strangely, My meaning is as spotless as my faith. A day or two. Your Ladyships command is good. EIse let me loose the Hope's my soul aspires to: I will be a scourge to all females in my life, and after my death, the name of Gondarino shall be terrible to the mighty women of the earth; they shall shake at my name, and at the found of it, their knees shall knock together; and they shall run into Nunneries, for they and I are beyond all hope irreconcilable: for if I could endure and ear with a hold in't, or a pleated lock, or a bareheaded Coachman, that sits Like a sign, where great Ladies are to be sold within; agreement betwixt us, were not to be despaired of; if I could be but brought to endure to see women, I would have them come all once a week and kiss me, where Witches do the devil in token of homage: I must not live here, I will to the Court, and there pursue my plot; when it hath took, women shall stand in awe, but of my look. Who's with the Duke? I will attend him here. Does he hope to clear his sister, she will come no more to my house, to laugh at me: I have sent her to a habitation, where when she shall be seen, it will set a gloss upon her name; yet upon my soul I have bestowed her amongst the purest hearted creatures of her sex, and the freest from dissimulation; for their deeds are all alike, on lie they dare speak, what the rest think: the women of this age, if there be any degrees of comparison amongst their sex, are worse then those of former times; for I have read of women, of that truth, spirit, and constancy, that were they now living, I should endure to see them: But I fear the writers of the time, belied them, for how familiar a thing is it with the Poets of our age, to extol their whores, which they call Mistress's, with heavenly praises? but I thank their furies, and their crazed brains, beyond belief: nay how many that would feign seem serious, have dedicated graven works to ladies toothless, hollow eyed, their hair shedding, purple faced, their nails appa rantly coming off; and the bridges of their noses bro ken down; and have called the ̄ the choice handy works of nature, the patterns of perfection, and the wonderme ̄ to of women. Our women begin to swarm Like Bees in Summer: as I came hither, there was no pair of stayers, no entry, no lobbey, but was pestered with them: me thinks there might be some course taken to destroy them. No, No. No. No, it does not please my Lordship. A pox on him, that brought thee to the Town. Enough to damn five world's. Five women! how many of my senses should I have left me then? call in five Devils first. No, I will rather walk with thee alone, And hear thy tedious tale of injury, And give thee answers; whisper in thine ear, And make thee understand; through thy French-hood: And all this with tame patience. A way. Oh no, no, no, no, I have herd it before. Never, never, but that it troubles my conscience, to wish any good to those women; I could afford them to be valiant, and able, that it might be no disgrace for a Soldier to Beatrice them. What, I will deliver any thing against my self, to be rid on thee. Give me thy paper, he can abide no long tales. I'll tell him that shall serve thy turn. I'll tell him that shall serve thy turn, be gone: man never does remember how great his offences are, till he do meet with one of you, that plagues him for them: why should women only above all other creatures that were created for the benefit of ma ̄ , have the use of speech? or why should any deed of theirs, done by their fleshly ap petites, be disgraceful to their owners? nay, why should not and act done by any beast I keep, against my consent, disparage me as much as that of theirs? Again? yet more torments? Keep off. Hold away. What can she devise to say more? I believe it, I believe it. More yet. Do, begone, and thou shalt expect, and have any thing, thou shalt have thy answer from him; and he were best to give thee a good one at first, for thy deaf impor tunitie, will conquer him too, in the end. All the diseases of man, light upon them that do, and upon me when I do; a week of such days, would ei there make me stark mad, or tame me: yonder other woe man that I have sure enough, shall answer for thy sins: dare they incense me still, I will make them fear as much to be ignorant of me and my moods, as men are to be ignorant of the law they live under. Who's there? My blood grew cold, I began to fear my Suitors return; 'tis the Duke. Fortune, befriended me against my will, with this good old country gentlewoma ̄ ; I beseech your grace, to view favourably the petition of a wro ̄ ged gentlewoma ̄ . My Lord, they are no enemies of mine, I confess the better to cover my deeds, which sometime were lose enough, I pretended it, as it is wisdom, to keep close our incontinency; but since you have discovered me, I will no more put on that vizard, but will as freely open all my thoughts to you, as to my Confessor. I would I had some other talk in hand, Then to accuse a sister to her brother; Nor do I mean it for a public scandal, Unless by urging me, you make it so. No, she is departed thence. Urge it not thus, or let me be excused, If what I speak betray her chastity, And both increase my sorrow, and your own. Then pardon me, if I betray the faults Of one, I love more dearly then my self, Since opening hers, I shall betray mine own: But I will bring you, where she now intends Not to be virtuous: pride and wantonness, That are true friends indeed, though no in show, Have entered on her heart, there she does both, And sleek her hair, and practice cunning looks, To entertain me with; and hath her thoughts As full of lust, as ever you did think Them full of modesty. Are we all sufficiently disguised? for this house where she attends me, is not to be visited in our own shapes. See how Fortune strives, to revenge my quarrel upon these women, she's in the window, were it not to undo her, I should not look upon her. Stay, since you force me to display my shame, Look there, and you my Lord, know you that face? It's she, whose greatest virtue ever was Dissimulation, she that still hath strove More to sin cunningly then to avoid it: She that hath ever sought to be accounted Most virtuous, when she did deserve most scandal: It's she that itches now, and in the height Of her intemperat thoughts, with greedy eyes Expects my coming to allay her lust: Leave her, forget she's thy sister. I must; fortune assist me but this once. Madame, Oriana. Shall I come up? It is better there. It's well suspected, dissemble still, for there are some may hear us. She saw you, and dissembled. Bring me unto her, if I prove her not To be a strumpet, let me be contemned Of all her sex. All I can say or may is said already, She is unchaste, or else I have no knowledge, I do not breath, nor have the use of sense. Count, I dare yet pronounce again, thy Sister is not honest. Count thou art young, and unexperienced, in the dark hidden ways of women. Thou darest affirm with confidence a Lady of fifteen may be a maid. Let her fit near her shame, it better fits her: call back the blood that made our stream in nearness, and turn the Currant to a better use, it's too much mud dead, I do grieve to know it. Had not your Grace, and her kind brother Been within level of her eye, You should have had a hotter volley from her More full of blood and fire, ready to leap the window, where she stood. So truly sensual is her appetite, I have confessed it Sir. Doe's your Grace think, we carry seconds, with us, to search us, and see fair play: your Grace hath been ill tutord in the business; but if you hope to try her truly, and satisfy your self what frailty is, give he the Test: do not remember Count she is your Sister; nor let my Lord the Duke believe she is fair; but put her too'it without hope or pity, then ye shall see that golden form fly off, that all eyes wonder at for pure and fixed, and under it, base blushing copper; met tall not worth the meanest honour: you shall behold her then my Lord Transparent, look through her heart, and view the spirits how they leap, and tell me then, I did belie the Lady. I do begin in a little to love this woman; I could in dure her already twelve miles off. Duke, thou hast sold away thy self to all perdi cion; thou art this present hour becoming cuckold: me thinks I see thy gaul grate through thy veins, and jea lousy seize thee with her talents: I know that woman's nose must be cut off, she cannot escape it. Mayest thou be quickly old and painted; mayest thou dote upon some sturdy Yeoman of the woodyard, and he be honest; mayest thou be bared the lawful lechery of thy Coach for want of Instruments; and last, be thy womb unopened. Now do I fit Like a Conjurer within my circle, and these the Devils that are raised about me, I will pray that they may have no power upon me. Let me be quartered Duke quickly, I can endure it: these women, long for men flesh, let them have it. Come not too near me, I have a breath will poy son ye, my lungs are rotten, and my stomach raw; I am given much to belching: hold off, as you love sweet airs; Ladies by your first nights pleasure, I conjure you, as you wo'd have your husbands proper men, strong backs, and little legs, as you would have they hate your waiting women. I pronounce perdition to you all; you are a parcel of that damned Crew, that fell down with Lucifer, and here ye stayed on earth, to plague poor men; vanish, a vaunt, I am fortified against your charms; heaven grant me breath and patience. No, fear my lips with hight irons first, or stitch them up Like a Ferrets: Oh that this brunt were over. If there be any here, that yet have so much of the fool left in them, as to love their Mother's, let them look on her, and loath them too. I would they were lose for thy sake. Mercy Oh Duke, I do appeal to thee: plan Cannons there, and discharge them against my breast ra there: nay first, let this she fury fit still where she do's, and with her nimble fingers stroke my hair, play with my fingers ends, or anything, until my panting heart have broken my breast. I see her come, unbutton me, for she will speak. Save me, I hear her. Sick of the spleen. Sick. Nay now thou art come, I know it is the Devils Jubilee, hell is broke lose: My Lord, If ever I have done you service, Or have deserved a favour of your Grace, Let me be turned upon some present Actium, Where I may sooner die, then languish thus; Your Grace hath her petition, grant it her, and ease me now at last. 'Tis that I would have sworn, and do: when I meddle with them, for their good, or their bad; may Time call back this day again, and when I come in their companies, may I catch the pox, by their breath, and have no other pleasure for it. 'Tis true, and if your Grace that hath the sway Of the whole State, will suffer this lewd sex, These women, to pursue us to our homes, Not to be prayed, nor to be railed away, But they will woe, and dance, and sing, And in a manner, looser then they are By nature (which should seem impossible) To throw their arms, on our unwilling necks. I do beseech your grace, let me be banished with all the speed that may be. My Lord I do beseech your Grace for any pu nishment saving this woman, let me be sent upon disco very of some Island, I do desire but a small Gundele, with ten Holland Cheeses, and isle undertake it. It'll be some scandal to your wisdom, though I see your Lo. knows enough in public business.