RAFE

Peace mistress. By heaven me thinks it were and easy leap To pluck bright honour from the pale-fac'd Moon, Or dive into the bottom of the sea, Where never fathame line touched any ground, And pluck up drowned honour from the lake of hell. Then Palmerin and Trineus snatching their Lances from their Dwarses, and clasping their Helmets galloped a main after the Giant, and Palmerin having got a sighed of him, came posting amain, saying: Stay traitorous thief, for thou mayest not so carry away her, that is worth the greatest Lord in the world, and with these words gave him a blow on the shoulder, that he stroke him beside his Elephant, and Trineus coming to the Knight that had Agricolam behind him, set him soon beside his horse, with his neck broken in the fallen, so that the Princess getting out of the throng, between joy and grief said; all happy Knight, the mirrout of all such as follow Arms, now may I be well assured of the love thou bearest me, I wonder why the Kings do not raise and army of fourteen or fifteen hundred thousand men, as big as the Army that the Prince of Portigo brought against Rocicler, & destroy these Giants, they do much hurt to wandering Damsels, that go in quest of their Knights. And certainly those Knights are much to be come mended, who neglecting their possessions, wander with a Squire and a Dwarf through the Deserts to relieve poor Ladies. There are no such courteous and fair well spoken Knights in this age, they will call one the son of a whore, that Palmerin of England, would have called fair sir; and one that Rosicler would have called right beauteous Damsel, they will call damed bitch. But what brave spirit could be content to fit in his shop with a flappet of wood and a blue apron before him selling Methridatum and Dragons water to visited houses, that might pursue feats of Arms, & through his noble atchieu ments procure such a famous history to be written of his heroic prowess. Why should not I then pursue this course, both for the credit of my self and our Company, for amongst all the worthy books of Achievements I do not call to mind that I yet read of a Grocer Errant, I will be the said Knight, have you herd of any, that hath wandered unfurnished of his Squire and Dwarf, my elder Prentice Time shall be my trusty Squire, and little George my Dwarf, Hence my blue Aporne, yet in remembrance of my former Trade, upon my shiled shall be purtraide, a burning Pestle, and I will be called the Knight oath burning Pestle. My beloved Squire, & George my Dwarf, I charge you that from henceforth you never call me by any other name, but the Right Courteous and Valiant Knight of the burr ning Pestle, and that you never call any female by the name of a woman or wench, but fair Lady, if she have her desires, if not distressed Damsel, that you call all Forests & Heaths Deserts, and all horses Palfreys. My beloved Squire Time, stand out, admit this were a Desert, and over it a Knight errant pricking, and I should bid you inquire of his intents, what would you say? No, thus; fair sir, the Right Courteous and Valiant Knight of the burning Pestle, commanded me to inquire, upon what adventure your are bound, whither to relieve some di stressed Damsels, or otherwise. Relieve her with all courteous language, now shut up shop, no more my Prentice, but my trusty Squire and Dwarf, I must be speak my shield and arming-pestle. What say you mistress? By and by. Lace on my helm again: what noise is this? A gentle Lady flying? the embrace Of some uncourteous knight, I will relieve her. Go squire, and say, the Knight that wears this pestle, In honour of all Ladies, swears revenge Upon that recreant coward that pursues her. Go comfort her, and that same gentle squire That bears her company. My trusty Dwarf and friend, reach me my shield, And hold it while I swear: First by my knighthood, Then by the soul of Amadis de Gaul, My famous Ancestor, then by my sword, The beauteous Brionella girded about me, By this bright burning pestle of mine honour, The living Trophy, and by all respect Endue to distressed Damsels, here I vow Never to end the quest of this fair Lady, And that forsaken squire, till by my valour I gain their liberty. Madam if any service or devoir Of a poor errant Knight may right your wrongs, Command it, I am pressed to give you succour, For to that holy end I bear my Armour, Desert, you would say Lady, and not lost While I have sword and lance, dry up your tears Which ill befits the beauty of that face: And tell the story, if I may request it, Of your disastrous fortune. I am as you are Lady, so are they All mortal, but why weeps this gentle Squire. Young hope of valour, weep not, I am here That will confound thy foe and pay it deer Upon his coward head, that dares deny, Distressed Squires and Ladies equity. I have but one horse, on which shall ride This Lady fair behind me, and before This courteous Squire, fortune will give us more Upon our next adventure; fairly speed Beside us Squire and Dwarf to do us needs. Where is the caitiff wretch hath done this deed. Lady your pardon, that I may proceed Upon the quest of this injurious Knight. And thou fair Squire repute me not the worse, In leaving the great venture of the purse, And the rich casket till some better leisure, Right courteous knight, who for the order sake Which thou hast taken, hangest out the holy bell, As I this flaming pestle bear about, We render thanks to your puissant self, Your beauteous Lady, and your gentle Squires, For thus refreshing of our wearied limbs, Stiffened with hard achievements in wild desert. Thou merry Squire Tapstero, thanks to thee, For comforting our souls with double Jug, And if adventurous fortune prick thee forth, Thou Jovial Squire, to follow feats of arms, Take heed thou tender every Ladies cause, Every truery true Knight, and every damsel fair fair; But spill the blood of treacherous Sarazens, And false enchanters, that with magic spells, Have done to death full many a noble Knight. Sir Knight, this mirth of yours becomes you well, But to requite this liberal courtesy, If any of your Squires will follow arms, He shall receive from my heroic hand A Knighthood, by the virtue of this Pestle. I give thee mercy, but yet shalt thou swear Upon my burning pestle, to perform Thy promise uttered. Depart then, and amend. Come squire and dwarf, the Sun grows towards his set, and we have many more adventures yet. Damsel right fair, I am on many sad adventures bound, That call me forth into the wilderness: Beside, my horses back is something galed, Which will enforce me ride a sober pace. But many thanks (fair Lady) be to you, For using errant Knight with courtesy. My name is Rafe, I am and English man, As true as steel, a hearty Englishman, And prentice to a Grocer in the strand, By deed Indent, of which I have one partly: But Fortune calling me to follow Arms, On me this holy order I did take, Of Burning pestle, which in all men's eyes, I bear, confounding Ladies enemies. Lady it's true, you needs not lay your lips To better Nipitato then there is. I am a knight of religious order, And will not wear a favour of a Ladies That trusts in Antichrist, and false traditions. Beside, I have a Lady of my own In merry England, for whose virtuous sake I took these Arms, and Susan is her name, A Cobblers maid in Milk-street, whom I vow Near to forsake, while life and Pestle last. Lady farewell, I needs must take my leave. Lady before I go, I must remember Your father's Officers, who truth to tell, Have been about me very diligent. Hold up thy snowy hand thou princely maid, There's twelve pence for your father's Chamberlain, And another shilling for his Cook, For by my troth the Goose was roasted well. And twelvepence for your father's horsekeeper, For nointing my horse back; and for his butter There is another shilling. To the maid That washed my boothose, there's and English groat; And two pence to the boy that wiped my boots: And last, fair Lady, there is for your self Three pence to buy you pins at Bumbo fair. Advance my Squire and Dwarf, I cannot stay. Here sir. I warrant you mistress if I do it not for the honour of the City, and the credit of my master, let me never hope for freedom. I warrant you sir. March fair my hearts, Lieutenant beat the rear up: Ancient, let your colours fly; but have a great care of the Butchers hooks at whitechapel, they have been the death of many a fair Ancient. Open your files that I may take a view both of your persons and munition: Serge ant call a muster. A Corslet, and a spanish pike; it's well, can you shake it with a terror? Charge upon me, it's with the weakest: put more strength William Hammerton, more strength: as you were a gain. Proceed Sergeant. Let me see your piece neighbour Green-goose, when was she shot in? It should seem so certainly, for her breath is yet inflamed: beside, there is a main fault in the touchhole, it runs, and stinketh; and I tell you moreover, and be leave it: Ten such touch-holes would breed the pox in the Army. Get you a feather, neighbour, get you a feather, sweet oil, and paper, and your piece may do well enough yet. Where's your powder? What in a paper? As I am a Soldier, and Gentle man, it craves a Martial Court: you ought to die for't. Where's your horn? answer me to that. It likes me not you should be so; it's a shame for you, and a scandal to all our neighbours, being a man of worth and estimation, to leave your horn behind you: I am afraid it'll breed example. But let me tell you no more on't; stand, till I view you all. What's become o'th nose of your flask? Put on a new one at the Cities charge. Where the stone of this piece? It's a fault my friend, put it in again: You want a Nose, and you a Stone; Sergeant, take a note on't, for I mean to stop it in the pay. Remove and march, soft and fair Gentlemen, soft and fair: double your files, as you were, faces about. Now you with the sodden face, keep in there: look to your match sirrah, it will be in your fellows flask anon. So, make a crescent now, advance your pikes, stand and give ear. Gentlemen, Countrymen, Friends, and my fellow-soldiers, I have brought you this day from the Shops of Security, and the Counters of Content, to meam sure out in these furious fields, Honour by the ell; and pro wesse by the pound: Let it not, o let it not, I say, be told hereafter, the noble issue of this City fainted: but bear your selves in this fair Actium, Like men, valiant men, and free men; Fear not the face of the enemy, nor the noise of the guns: for believe me brothers, the rude rumbling of a Brew ers Car is far more terrible, of which you have a daily experience: Neither let the stink of powder offend you, since a more valiant stink is nightly with you. To a resol ved mind, his home is every where: I speak not this to take away the hope of your return; for you shall see (I do not doubt it) and that very shortly, your loving wives again, and your sweet children, whose care does bear you company in baskets. Remember then whose cause you have in hand, and Like a sort of trueborn Scavengers, scour me this famous Realm of enemies. I have no more to say but this: Stand to your tacklings lads, and show to the world you can as well brandish a sword, as shake and apron. Saint George and on my hearts. My trusty Squire unlace my Helm, give me my hat, where are we, or what Desert may this be? Comes not sir Squire again? What Knight is that Squire, ask him if he keep The passage, bound by love of Lady fair, Or else but prickant. Go, Squire, and tell him I am here, And Errant Knight at Arms, to crave delivery Of that fair Lady to her own Knights arms. If he deny, bid him take choice of ground, And so defy him. Knight, thou art but dead, If thou thou recall not thy uncourteous terms. Take comfort gentle Dame, and you fair Squire, For in this Desert there must needs be placed, Many strong Castles, held by courteous Knights, And till I bring you safe to one of those, Is wear by this my Order never to leave you. Knock at the Gates my Squire with stately lance. Fair Squire Tapstero, I a wandering Knight, Hight of the burning Pestle, in the quest Of this fair Ladies Casket, and wrought purse, Losing my self in this vast Wilderness Am to this Castle well by fortune brought, Where hearing of the goodly entertain Your Knight of holy Order of the Bell Gives to all Damsels, and all errant Knights, I thought to knock, and now am bold to enter. Farewell fair Lady and your tender Squire, If, pricking through these Deserts, I do hear Of any traitorous Knight who through his guile, Hath light upon your Casket and your Purse, I will despoil him of them and restore them. Dwarf bear my shield, Squire elevate my lance, And now farewell you Knight of holy Bell. But yet before I go, speak worthy Knight, If ought you do of sad adventures know, Where errant Knights may through his prowess win, Eternal fame and free some gentle souls, From endless bonds of steel and lingering pain. Speak on sir Knight, tell what he is, and where, For here I vow upon my blazing badge, Never to blaze a day in quietness; But bred and water will I only eat, And the green herb and rock shall be my couch, Till I have quelled that man, or beast, or fiend, That works such damage to all Errant Knights. In Gods name, I will fight him, kind sir, Go but before me to this dismal Cave, Where this huge Giant Barbaroso dwells, And by that virtue that brave Rosicleere, That damned brood of ugly Giants slew, And Palmerin Frannarco overthrew: I doubt not but to curb this Traitor foul, And to the Devil send his guilty soul. Saint George set on before, march Squire and page. Oh faint not heart, Susan my Lady deer, The Cobblers Maid in Milk-street, for whose sake, I take these Arms, Oh let the thought of thee, Carry thy Knight through all adventurous deeds, And in the honour of thy beauteous self, May I destroy this monster Barbaroso, Knock Squire upon the Basin till it break. With the shrill strokes, or till the Giant speak. I, traitorous Caitiff, who am sent by fate To punish all the sad enormities Thou hast committed against Ladies Gent And errant Knights, traitor to God and men: Prepare thy self, this is the dismal hour Appointed for thee, to give strict account Of all thy beastly treacherous villainies. Saint George for me. Susan inspire me, now have up again. Presumptuous man, see to what desperate end Thy treatchery hath brought thee, the joust Gods, Who never prosper those that do despise them, For all the villainies which thou hast done To Knights and Ladies, now have paid thee home By my stiff arm, a Knight adventurous, But say vile wretch, before I send thy soul To sad Avernus's whither it must go, What captives holdest thou in thy sable cave. Go Squire & Dwarf, search in this dreadful Cave And free the wretched prisoners from their bonds. Thou showdst no mercy, nor shalt thou have any, Prepare thy self for thou shalt surely die. Speak what thou art, and how thou hast be used, That that I may give condign punishment, My trusty Squire convey him to the Town, Where he may find relief, adieu fair Knight, Speak me thy name and eke thy place of birth, And what hath be thy usage in this Cave. Convey him straight after the other Knight, Sir Pock-hole fare you well. What ghastly noise is this? speak Barbarose, Or by this blazing steel thy head goes off. Run Squire and Dwarf, deliver them with speed. Deliver what you are, and how you came To this sad Cave, and what your usage was? From this infernal monster you shall go, That uses Knights and gentle Ladies so, Convey them hence. London, to thee I do present the merry Month of May Let each true Subject be content to hear me what I say: For from the top of Conduit head, as plainly may appear, I will both tell my name to you and wherefore I came here. My name is Ralph, by endue dissent, though not ignoble I, Yet far inferior to the Flock of gracious Grocery. And by the Common-council, of my fellows in the Strand, With guilded Staff, and crossed Scarf, the May-lord here I stand. Rejoice, o English hearts, rejoice, rejoice o Lovers deer, Rejoice o City, Town, and Country, rejoice eke every Shire; For now the fragrant Flowers do spring and sprout in seemly sort, The little Birds do fit and sing, the Lambs do make fine sport. And now the Burchin Tree does bud that makes the School boy cry The Morrice rings while Hobbyhorse does foot it feateously: The Lords and Ladies now abroad for their disport and play, Do kiss sometime upon the Grass, and sometime in the Heigh. Now Butter with a leaf of Sage is good to Purge the blood, Fly Venus and Phlebotomy for they are neither good. Now little fish on tender stone, begin to cast their bellies, And sluggish snails, that erst were mute, do creep out of their shelies The rumbling Rivers now do warm for little boys to paddle, The sturdy Steed, now goes to grass, and up they hang his saddle. The heavy Heart, the bellowing Buck, the Rascal and the Pricket, Are now among the Yeomans Peas, and leave the fearful thicket. And be Like them, o you, I say, of this same noble Town, And lift aloft your velvet heads, and slipping of your gown: With bells on legs, and napkins clean unto your shoulders tide, With Scarves & Garters as you please, & Heigh for our Town cried March out and show your willing minds by twenty and by twenty, To Hogsdon or to Newington, where Ale and Cakes are plenty: And let it never be said, for shame, that we the youths of London, Lay thrumming of our Caps at home, and left our custom undone. Up then, I say, both young and old, both man and maid a Maying With Drums and Guns that bounce aloud, & merry Taber playing. Which to prolong, God save our King, and send his Country peace And root out Treason from the Land, and so, my friends I cease. When I was mortal, this my costive corpse Did lap up Figs and Raisons in the Strand, Where sitting I espied a lovely Dame, Whose Master wrought with Lingell and with All, And under ground he vampied many a boot, Straight did her love prick forth me, tender sprig To follow feats of Arms in warlike wise, Through Uvaltham Desert, where I did perform Many achievements, and did lay on ground Huge Barbaroso that insulting Giant, And all his Captives soon set at liberty. Then honour pricked me from my native soil, Into Meldavia, where I gained the love Of Pompiana his beloved daughter: But yet proved constant to the black thum'd maid Susan, and scorned Pompiana's love: Yet liberal I was and gave her pins, And money for her father's Officers. I then returned home, and thrust my self In Actium, and by all men chosen was Lord of the May, where I did flourish it, With Skarfes and Rings, and Posy in my hand, After this Actium, I preferred was, And chosen City Captain at Mile-end, With hat and feather and with leading staff, And trained my men and brought them all off clear, Save one man that berayed him with the noise. But all these things I Ralph did undertake, Only for my beloved Susans sake. Then coming home, and sitting in my Shop With Apron blue, death came unto my Stall To cheapen Aquavitae, but ere I Could take the bottle down, and fill a taste, Death caught a pound of Pepper in his hand, And sprinkled all my face and body over, And in and instant vanished away. Then took I up my Bow and Shaft in hand, And walked into Morefields to cool my self, But there grim cruel death met me again, And shot this forked arrow through my head, And now I faint, therefore be warned by me, My fellows every one of forked heads. Farewell all you good boys in merry London, Near shall we more upon Shrovetuesday meet And pluck down houses of iniquity. My pain increases, I shall never more Hold open, while another pumps both legs, Nor daub a Satin gown with rotten eggs: Set up a stake, o never more I shall, I die, fly, fly my soul to Grocers Hall. o, o, o, &c.