ALCON

Friend thou speakest Hebrew to him when thou tal cast to him of conscience, for he hath as much conscience about the forfeit of and Obligation, as my blind Mare God bless her, hath over a manger of Oats. Well sir, I hope you will stand my good master for my Cow, I borrowed thirty shillings on her, and for that I have paid you 18. pence a week, and for her meat you have had her milk, and I tell you sir, she gives a goodly soap: now sir here is your money. No Cow sir, alas that word no Cow, goes as cold to my heart as a draught of small drink in a frosty morning. No Cow sir, why alas, alas, M. Usurer, what shall become of me my wife, and my poor child? Nay but hear you M. Usurer, no Cow, why sir heres your thirty shillings, I have paid you 18. pence a week, & there before there is reason I should have my Cow. Why sir alas, my Cow is a Commonwealth to me, for first sir, she allows me, my wife and son, for to banquet our selves withal, Butter, Cheese, Whay, Curds, Cream, sod milk, raw-milke, sower-milk, sweet-milk, and buttermilk, beside sir, she saved me every year a penny in Almanacs, for she was as good to me as a Prognostication, if she had but set up her tail and have gallapt about the mead, my little boy was able to say, o father there will be a storm, her very tail was a Calendar to me, & now to lose my cow, alas M. Usurer take pity upon ̄ me. And sir, rather then I will put up this word no Cow, I will lay my wives best gown to pawn, I tell you sir, when the slave uttered this word no Cow, it struck to my heart, for my wife shall never have one so fit for her turn again, for indeed sir, she is a woman that hath her twidling strings broke. Marry sir, sirreuerence of your manhood, she breaks wind behind, and indeed sir, when she sat milking of her Cow and let a fart, my other Cows would start at the noise, and kick down the milk and away, but this Cow sir the gentlest Cow, my wife might blow while she burst, and having such good con ditions, shall the Usurer come upon me with no Cow: Nay sir, before I pocket up this word no Cow, my wives gown goes to the Lawyer, why alas sir 'tis as ill a word to me, as no Crown to a King. Marry and I will sir: No Cow, well the world goes hard. Exeunt. And truly sir, for my case, if you help me not for my matter, why sir, I and my wife are quite undone, I want my mease of milk when I go to my work, and my boy his bred and butter when he goes to school, M. Lawyer pity me, for sure lie sir, I was feign to lay my wives best gown to pawn for your fees, when I looked upon it sir, and saw how handsomely it was tawbed with statute lace, and what a fair mockado Cape it had, and then thought how handsomely it became my wife, truly sir my heart is made of butter, it melts at the least persecution, I fell on weeping, but when I thought on the words the Usurer gave me, no Cow: then sir, I would have stripped her into her smock, but I would make him deliver my Cow ere I had done, therefore good M. Lawyer stand my friend. Are you married sir? Then goods Benison light on you & your good wife, and send her that she be never troubled with my wives disease. Truly sir, she hath two open faults, and one privy fault, sir the first is, she is too eloque ̄ to for a poor man, and hath her words of Art, for she will call me Rascal, Rogue, Runagate, Varlet, Vagabond, Slave, Knave. Why alas sir, and these be but holiday terms, but if you herd her working-day words, in faith sir they be ratlers Like thunder sir, for after the dew fol lowes a storm, for then am I sure either to be well buffeted, my face scratched, or my head broken, and therefore good M. Law year on my knees I ask it, let me not go home again to my wife, with this word, No Cow: for then she will exercise her two faults upon me with all extremity. Truly sir, thats a thing of nothing, alas she indeed strreuerence of your mastership, does use to break wind in her sleep. O sir, here comes the Judge, and the old Caitiff the Usum rer. Truly M. Judge, he is a man much spoken off, marry every men cries are against him, and especially we, and there before I think we have brought our Lawyer to touch him with as much law as will fetch his lands and my Cow, with a pesti lence. Faith sir Judge, I pray you let me be the Gentleman's Counselor, for I can say thus much in his defence, that the U surers Clock is the swiftest Clock in all the Town, 'tis sir Like a woman's tongue, it goes ever half and hour before the time, for when we were gone from him, other Clocks in the Town struck four. Oh monstrous, miserable, moth-eaten Judge. Master Lawyer, I laid my wives gown to pawn for your fees, I pray you to this géere. I hold my Cap to a noble, that the Usurer hath given him some gold, and he chawing it in his mouth, hath God y e tooth ache that he cannot speak. M. master Judge, I borrowed of this man thirty shil lings, for which I left him in pawn my good Cow, the bargain was, he should have eighteen pence a week and the Cows milk for usury: Now sir, assoon as I had got the money, I brought it him, and broke but a day, and for that he refused his money and keeps my Cow sir. Master Lawyer now for my ten shillings. It good the ̄ I should have my ten shillings again. Why then am I Like to go home, not only with no Cow, but no gown, this géere goes hard. Why but M. Judge no Cow, & M. Lawyer no gown, Then must I clean run out of the Town. How cheer you gentleman, you cry no lands too, the Judge hath made you a knight for a gentleman, hath dubbed you sir John lack land. Fear not man, I have yet a fetch to get thy lands and my Cow again, for I have a son in the Court that is ei there a king or a kings fellow, and to him will I go & complain on the Judge and the Usurer both. But how shall I go home to my wife, when I shall have nothing to say unto her, but no Cow. Alas sir my wives faults will fallen upon me. Nay you shall pay Me interest for getting the boy (wife) before you carry him hence. Ah-lasse woman what can All con do more? I'll pluck the belly out of my heart for Thee fwéete Samia, be not so waspish. Nay by my troth, isle never ask my son blessing, I trow, cham taught him his lesson to know his father, what son Radagon, i'faith boy how dost Thee? Tut'sonne isle help you of that disease quickly, for I can hold Thee, ask thy mother knave what cunning I have to ease a woman when a qualm of kindness come too near her sto macke? Let me but clasp mine arms about her body and say my prayers in her bosom, and she shall be healed presently. And I know he hath had many a piece of bred & cheese at my hands, as proud as he is, that know I. Nay and please your Maiesti-ship, for proof he was my child, search the parish book, the Clarke will swear it, his God father's and godmothers can witness it, it cost me forty pence in ale and cakes on the wives at his christening. Hence proud King, thou shalt never more have my blessing. You may see wife what a goodly piece of work you have made, have I taught you Arsmetry, as additiori multiplica rum, the rule of three, and all for the begetting of a boy, and to be banished for my labour. Oh pitiful hearing. Come Clesiphon follow me. Wife bid the Trumpets found a prize, a prize, mark the posy, I cut this from a new married wife, by the help of a horn thumb and a knife, six shillings four pence. Fellow beggar whither now? And I to the same place to get a vent for my villainy, see where the old crust comes, let us salute him, God speed sir may a man abuse your patience upon a pawn. Ecce signum, a fair doublet and hose, new bought out of the pilferers shop, a handsome cloak. A bargain, now Samia have at it for a new smock, come let us to the spring of the best liquour, whilst this lasts, tril-lill. O God of heaven, gainst Thee have I offended. Exet. Faith my boy I must be flat with Thee, we must feed up on proverbs now. As necessity hath no law, a churls feast is better then none at all, for other remedies have we none, except thy brother Radagon help us. And sir, sirreuerence of your manhood and gente rye, I have brought home such money as you lent me.