ADAM

Why what shall we have this paltry Smith with us? Why slave I am a gentleman Villain were it not that we go to be merry, pier should presently quit thy opproprious terms. Oh Peter, Peter, put up thy sword I prithee heartily into thy barred, hold in your rapier, for though I have not a long reach have a short hitter. Nay then gentlemen stay me, for my begins to rise against him, for mark the words a paltry O horrible sentence, thou hast in these words I will stand libeled against all the found horses, whole horses, soar Coursers, Curtals, Jades, Cuts, Hackneys, and Mare upon my friend, in their defence, I give Thee this curse, shalt be worth a horse of thine own this seven year. Well sirrah, leave off these praises of a Smyth, us to the best Ale in the Town. sir I have a feat above all the Smiths in Nineveh, for sir am a Philosopher that can dispute of the nature of Ale, for you sir, a pot of Ale consists of four parts, Imprimis the , the Toast, the Ginger, and the Nutmeg. Excellent. Ale is a restorative, bred is a binder, mark you sir two ex cellent points in physic, the Ginger, o beware of that, the phi losophers have written of the nature of ginger, 'tis expullsitiue in two degrees, you shall here the sentence of Galen, it will make a man belch, cough, and fart, and is a great comfort to the heart, a proper poesy I promise you, but now to the noble virtue of the Nutmeg, it is says one Ballad I think and English Roman was the author, and underlayer to the brains, for when the Ale gives a buffet to the head, o the Nutmeg that keeps him for while in temper. Thus you see the description of the virtue of a pot of Ale, now sir to put my physical precepts in practice any further. Whats the matter now? Why seeing I have provided the Ale, who is wenches, for Master's take this of me, a cup wench, why alas 'tis Like and egg without salt, without mustard. Led us to the Ale, weel have wenches enough I Farewell gentle Tapster, masters as good Ale as ever was tapped, look to your feet, for the Ale is strong, well far well gentle Tapster. Spill no drink, spill no drink, the Ale is good, I'll tell you what, Ale is Ale, & so I'll commend me to you with hear tie commendations, farewell gentle Tapster. If you will fill a fresh pot heres a penny, or else fare well gentle Tapster. I will not do a stroke of work to day, for the Ale is good Ale, and you can ask but a penny for a pot, no more by the sta tute. I'll tell you sir, if you did taste of the Ale, all Nini vie hath not such a cup of Ale, it flowers in the cup sir, by my troth I spent eleven pence beside three rases of ginger. Slave, why Ale is strong Ale, 'tis hufcap, I warrant you 'twill make a man well, Tapster ho, for the King a cup of ale and a fresh toast, heres two rases more. Dead nay, I think I am alive yet, and will drink a full pot ere night, but here you, if you be the wench that filled us drink, why so do your office, & give us a fresh pot, or if you be the Tap sters wife, why so, wash the glass clean. Drunk, nay then wench I am not drunk, thart a shitten quean to call me drunk, I tell Thee I am not drunk, I am a Smith I. If we shall have a pot of Ale lets have it, heres more nigh, hold Tapster take my purse. I am for you, lets go, thart and honest Tapster, weel drink six pots ere we partly. UUhy but hear you mistress, you know a woman's eyes are Like a pair of pattens fit to save shooleather in summer, and to keep away the cold in winter, so you may Like your hus band with the one eye, because you are married, and me with the other, because I am your man. Alas, alas, think mistress what a thing love is, why it is Like to and ostry faggot, that once set on fire, is as hardly quenched, as the bird Crocodill driven out of her nest. Strike up the drum, and say no words but mum. Truly sir, and I am glad that I may do you any way pleasure, either in helping you or my mistress. Why then master you are jealous? Two good qualities, drunkenness and lechery, but master are you jealous? Why suppose master I have offended you, is it law full for the master to beat the servant for all offences? Then master will I prove by logic, that seeing all sins are to receive correction, the master is to be corrected of the man, and sir I pray you, what greater sin is, then jealousy? 'tis Like a mad dog that for anger bites himself. Therefore that I may do my duty to you good master, and to make a white son of you, I will so beswing jealousy out of you, as you shall love me the better while you live. What Beatrice thy man knave? and I master, and dou ble beat you, because you are a man of credit, and therefore have at you the fairest for forty pence. And that will I do, mistress. Begone Peasant, out of the compass of my further wrath, for I am a corrector of vice, and at night I will bring home my mistress. When I please, mark the words, 'tis a lease paroll, to have and to hold, thou shalt be mine for ever, and so lets go to the Alehouse. Surely this is a merry devil, and I believe he is one of Lucife's Minstrels, hath a sweet voice, now surely, surely, he may sing to a pair of Tongue's and a Bagpipe. Spritus santus, away from me satan, I have nothing to do with Thee. Nominus patrus, I bless me from Thee, and I conjure Thee to tell me who thou art? I have a policy to shift him, for I know he comes out of a hight place, and I know my self, the Smith and the devil hath a dry tooth in his head, therefore will I leave him a sleep and run my way. Faith sir my old friend, and now goodman devil, you know, you and I have be tossing many a good cup of Ale, your nose is grown very rich, what say you, will you take a pot of Ale now at my hands, hell is Like a Smiths forge full of water, and yet ever a thrust. You know I am a Smith sir, let me look whither you be well shod or no, for if you want a shoe, a remove, or the clinching of a nail, I am at your command. Why sir, we shoe horned beasts as well as you, O good Lord let me fit down and laugh, hath never a cloven foot, a devil quoth he, isle use spritus santus nor nominus patrus no more to him, I warrant you I'll do more good upon him with my cud gell, now will I fit me down and become Justice of peace to the devil. I am ready. And with this cudgel I will conjure Thee. Then may I count my self I think a tall man, that am able to kill a devil. Now who dare deal with me in the pa rish, or what wench in Nineveh will not love me, when they say, there goes he that beat the devil. This way he is, and here will I speak with him. I press no body sir, I am going to speak with a friend of mine. The King, marry sir he is the man I would speak withal. I marry do I sir, for if he be not my friend, isle make him my friend ere he and I pass. I marry will I sir, and if he were a king of velvet, I will talk to him. A boon my Liege, a boon my Liege. Faith sir nothing, but to speak a few sentences to your worship. Faith mistress, I feel and imperfection in my voice, a disease that often troubles me, but alas easily mended, a cup of Ale, or a cup of wine, will serve the turn. O mistress had you be there and seen, his very sighed had made you shift a clean smock, I promise you though I were a man and counted a tall fellow, yet my Laundress called me slovenly knave the next day. Faith sir, but I remember a word that my mistress your bedfellow spoke. O sir, a word of comfort, a precious word: and let him want no drink. Then sir, this devil came upon me and would not be persuaded but he would needs carry me to hell, I proffered him a cup of Ale, thinking because he came out of so hot a place that he was thirsty, but the devil was not dry, and therefore the more sorry was I, well, there was no remedy but I must with him to hell, and at last I cast mine eye aside, if you knew what I spied you would laugh, sir I looked from top to toe, and he had no cloven feet. Then I ruffled up my hair, and set my cap on the one side, & sir grew to be a Justice of peace to the devil. At last in a great fume, as I am very choleric, and sometime so hot in my fastin fumes that no man can abide within twenty yards of me, I start up, and so bombasted the devil, that sir he cried out, and ran away. Truly mistress, to think what a golden sentence you did speak: all the philosophers in the world could not have said more: what come let him want no drink. O wise speech. O sir, 'tis one goodman Jonas that is come from J richo, and surely I think he hath seen some spirit by the way, and is fallen out of his wits, for he never leaves crying night nor day, my master herd him, and he shut up his shop, gave me my Indenture, and he and his wife do nothing but fast and pray. Fear not mistress, isle bring you safe home, if my mai ster frown, then will I stamp and stare, and if all be not well then, why then to morrow morn put out mine eyes clean with forty pound. What are you afraid of spirits, armed as I am, with Ale, and Nutmegs, turn me lose to all the devils in hell. The devil mistress, fly you for your safeguard, let me alone, the devil and I will deal well enough, if he have any ho nesty at all in him, I'll either win him with a smooth tale, or else with a toste and a cup of Ale. Trouble me not, thou shalt take no manner of food, but fast and pray. Victuals! O horrible blasphemy! Hinder me not of my prayer, nor driven me not into a chollor, victailes! why hardest thou not the sentence, thou shalt take no food but fast and pray? About me my friends, these words are actions in the Case, about me, No; no: hang those gluttons that cannot fast and pray. Search me, take heed what you do, my hose are my Can stles, 'tis burglary if you break open a slop, no officer must lift up and iron hatch, take heed my slops are iron. Alas sir, this is nothing but a modicum non necet ut me dicus dart, why sir, a bit to comfort my stomach. These are your words, I shall be hanged for it, but first answer me to this question, how many days have we to fast still? Five days, a long time, then I must be hanged? I am your man, I am for you sir, for I had rather be hanged the ̄ abide so long a fast, what five days? come isle untruss, is your halter and the gallows, the ladder, and all such furniture in readiness? But hear you, must I be hanged? And for eating of meat, then friends, know you by these presents, I will eat up all my meat, and drink up all my drink, for it shall never be said, I was hanged with and empty stomach. If you be so hasty, hang your self and hour while I come to you, for surely I will eat up my meat. You say there is five days yet to fast, these are your words. I am for you, come lets away, and yet let me be put in the Chronicles. Nay but hear you, take me with you, for the Ale is Ale, cut a fresh toast Tapster, fill me a pot here is money, I am no beg gar, I'll follow Thee as long as the Ale lasts: a pestilence on the blocks for me, for I might have had a fallen, well if we shall have no Ale isle fit me down, and so farewell gentle Tapster. The King come to and Alehouse, Tapster, fill me three pots, where the King, is this he? give me your hand sir, as good Ale as ever was tapped, you shall drink while your skin crack. Miss. these words of yours are Like to a Fox tail placed in a gentle woman's Fan, which as it is light, so it gives life. O these words are as sweet as a lily, whereupon offering a bo rachio of kisses to your unseemly personage, I entertain you up on further acquaintance. By my troth sir, I cry you mercy, your face is so chan ged, that I had quite forgotten you, well master devil we have tossed over many a pot of Ale together. I am sure sir you have herd of the spirits that walk in the City here. Truly sir, I have and oration to tell you of one of them, and this it is. O what a precious word was that, and let him want no drink. Well sir, now isle tell you forth my tale: Sir as I was coming alongst the port ryuale of Nineveh, there appeared to me a great devil, and as hard favoured a devil as ever I saw: nay sir, he was a cuckoldly devil, for he had horns on his head. This devil, mark you now, presseth upon me, and sir indeed, I charged him with my pike staff, but when y to would not serve, I came upon him with sprytus santus, why it had be able to have put Lucifer out of his wits, when I saw my charm would not serve, I was in such a perplexity, that six pennyworth of Juni per would not have made the place sweet again. Truly sir, I was in a broune study about my mistress. Denesum imperium Cum Jove nunc teneo. Come on, in faith my colts I have left my M. striking of a heat, and stole away because I would keep you come pany. Paltry Smith, why you in you that you speak petty trade? A Gentleman good sir, I remember your progenitors, your father bore office in our man he was, and in great discredit in the parish, two squires livings on him, the one was on and then he kept the town stage, and on him the Sextens man, for he whipped dogs out of the sir, your father, why sir methinks I see the proper youth, he was faith aged some four & ten, his colour, half black half white, his nose was in the agree of noses, it was nose Autem glorificam, so set that after his death it should have been nailed up in Copp hall for a monument: well sir, I was beholding to your , for he was the first man that ever instructed me in sterie of a pot of Ale. God save you master. May it please your highness, my man here and a true of them went to the Alehouse, and came out so drunk that one of them killed another, and now sir, I am feign to leave my shop and come to fetch him home. Sirrah you, rise come go with me. Come then with me, the pot stands full in the house. Sirrah you, and you huswife, well taken together, I have long suspected you, and now I am glad I have found you to gither. Boy here, and knave you shall know it straight, I will have you both before the Magistrate, and there have you surely punished. Jealous knave, how can I be but jealous, to see you ever so familiar together? Thou art not only content to drink away my goods, but to abuse my wife. I knave and thou shalt know it ere I pass, for I will beswindge thee while this rope will hold. Nay whore, thy partly shall not be behind. I marry is it knave. What beat thy master knave? Alas wife, help, help, my man kills me. Hold thy hand Adam, and not only I forgive and for get all but I will give Thee a good Farm to live on. Even when you please good Adam.