MUMFORD

Heavens grau ̄ to you may; the match were full of honour, And well beseeming the young Gallian King. I would your Grace would favour me so much, As make me partner of your Pilgrimage. I long to see the gallant British Dams, And feed mine eyes upon their rare perfections: For till I know the contrary, I'll say, Our Dams in France are far more fair then they. So that you do not tie mine eyes for looking After the amorous glances of fair Dams: So that you do not tie my tongue from speaking, My lips from kissing when occasion serves, My hands from congees, and my knees to bow To gallant Girls; which were a task more hard, Then flesh and blood is able to endure: Command what else you please, I rest content. If that be all, isle fit your turn, I warrant you. I am some kin to the Blunts, and I think, the bluntest of all my kin dreaded; therefore if I be too blunt with you, thank your self for praying me to be so. My Lord, how do you brook this British air Pardon me for once, my Lord; I did forget. Swounds, I could bite my tongue in two for angert For Gods sake name your self some proper name. Might I be made the Monarch of the world, I could not hit upon these names, I swear. Well, be it so, for I have well deserved to be called lack. Now if I had a Kingdom in my hand, I would exchange it for a milkmaids smock and petycoate, That she and I might shift our clothes together. Oh brave! God willing, thou shalt have my custom, By sweet S. Denis, here I sadly swear, For all the shirts and night gear that I wear. The ̄ I protest thou shalt not have my custom. Sblood, Will, I hope you are not in love with my See ̄ pster. You'll never get out, unless you first get in, Prithee Will, to her, and try her patience. Have Paliners weeds such power to win fair Ladies? Faith, then I hope the next that falls is mine: Upon condition I no worse might speed, I would for ever wear a Palmer's weed. I Like and honest and plain dealing wench, That swears (without exceptions) I will have you. These foppets, that know not whither to love a man or no, ex cept they first go ask their mother's leave, by this hand, I hate them ten times worse then poison. Faith, go to Church, to make the matter sure. I Like the wooing, that's not long a doing. Well, for her sake, I know what I know: I'll never marry whilst I live, Except I have one of these British Ladies, My humour is alienated from the maids of France. Well, if I once see Britain again, I have sworn, isle never come home without my wench, And isle not be forsworn, I'll rather never come home while I live. Nay, isle not swear she is a maid, but she goes for one: I'll take her at all adventures, if I can get her. Well put in: nay, it was ill put in; for had it Been as well put in, as ere I put in, in my days, I would have made her follow me to France. Well, I have a pair of slops for the nonce, Will hold all your mocks. More bobs, more: put them in still, They'll serve instead of bombast, yet put not in too many, lest the seams crack, and they fly out amongst you again: you must not think to outface me so easily in my mistress quarrel, who if I see once again, ten term of horses shall not draw me away, till I have full and whole possession. Well, you are two to one, isle give you over: And since I see you so pleasantly disposed, Which indeed is but seldom seen, isle claim A promise of you, which you shall not deny me: For promise is debt, & by this hand you promised it me. Therefore you owe it me, and you shall pay it me, Or isle sue you upon and Actium of unkindness. Faith, nothing but this, That the next fair weather, which is very now, You would go in progress down to the sea side, Which is very near. and I the third: o, I am overjoyed! See what love is, which gets with a word, What all the world beside could never obtain! But what disguises shall we have, my Lord? 'Twere more then time; this device is excellent. Come le us about it. Soft, Dame, here comes a couple of old youths, I must needs make my self fat-with testing at them. I warrant, he never stays to say grace: Oh, theres no sauce to a good stomach. Let me pray to, that never prayed before; If ere I resalute the British earth, (As (ere't be long) I do presume I shall) And do return from thence without my wench, Let me be gelded for my recompense. My Liege, 'tis needless to spur a willing horse, Thats apt enough to run himself to death: For here I swear by that sweet Saints bright eye, Which are the stars, which guide me to good hap, Either to see my old Lord crowned anew, Or in his cause to bid the world adieu. And now to you, my worthy Country men, You valiant raze of Genouestan Gawles, Surnamed Red-thanks, for your chivalry, Because you fight up to the thanks in blood; Show your selves now to be right Gawles indeed, And be so bitter on your enemies, That they may say, you are as bitter as Gall. Gall them, brave Shot, with your Artillery: Gall them, brave Halberts, with your sharp point Bills, Each in their pointed place, not one, but all, Fight for the credit of your selves and Gawle. And in five hours more, I make no doubt, But we shall bring our wished desires about. Yield, yield, yield. But in mean space, I answer, you want none. Well, theres no dealing with you, you're tall men, & well weapon ̄ worser, I would there were no worse then you in the town. Oh, say not so: I have been much beholding to your Grace: I must confess, I have been in some skirmishes, But I was never in the Like to this: For where I was wont to meet with armed men, I was now encountered with naked women, Welshman, isle so f rit you ere night for that word, That you shall have no mind to crake so well this twelvemonth. Faith, and if you reason till to morrow, You get no other answer at their hands. 'Tis pity two such good faces Should have so little grace between them. Well, let us see if their husbands with their hands, Can do as much, as they do with their tongues. Farewell (Welshman) give thee but thy endue, Thou hast a light and nimble pair of legs: Thou are more in debt to them then to thy hands: But if I meet thee once again to day, I'll cut them off, and set them to a better heart.