HONESTY

True, but many and honest man knows a knave to his cost, And is neither Visitiam ̄ , Visognomer, palmester, nor astronomer But a plain man of the country, like me. That knows a knave, if he do but see his cap. I believe you well, for offenders never bewray their offences Till the Law find them, and punish them: But you would feign tell how to know a knave, Then thus, the first man you meet in the morning, If he salute you, draw near him, And smell to his hat, and after smell to your own, And my cap to a noble, if his smel like yours, he is a knave, I think I spoke with you now. Honesty is plain my Lord, but no good fellow, For good fellows be purse-takers now a days: And there be so many of such good f ll was, That Honesty may walk the stre tes without company, Not that there wants company, but honest company I mean, And yet Honesty can clap a knave on the shoulder for all his bravery. Why Cuthbert, wilt thou never leave thy old knauery' Why, we should gree together like bells, If thou Wertenberg but hanged first, Why we are as near kin together, As the Cats of Banbery be to the hels of Lincoln. Why man, we are all birds of a feather, And whatsoever says nay, we will hold together. C me you mad slave, thou dost not know me, Tush, I have done many better tricks than this. Farewell, nay, you will scant farewell By that time I have done, but I must about my business, To find some knack to know this knave at large. This is the place, and this the appointed time, I know heel keep his word, for he thinks me his friend, Tush fear not you, for you never knew honest man dis semble with his friend, Though many friends dissemble with honest men: But, my Lord, the cards be shuffled, and here comes a knave. I, but he gave nothing for Gods sake, except it were hard words or blows, and they had be better kept that given: But hushed, here comes the Judge. I believe you will do more than you will be commended for, The Courtier resembles the Jay, that decketh her self with the feathers of other birds, to make her self glorious: So the Courtier must be brave, though he be hanged at the gallous. See how the Farmer fears my name, What would he do if he knew my nature? But hear you (master Courtier) shall I dine with you? I promise you sir, I am very hungry, See how he can use my name and not me, But I perceive I may go dine with Duke Humphrey, God bwy Gentlemen, for none here hath occasion to use Honesty Marry and I thank you to, for now the world may say, That Honesty dines with Hospitality to day, Is this your honest friend? the devil a is (my Lord) This is he: if you doubt my word to be true, call in Clarke of the Assizes, now shall your Grace see, How Honesty can shake out a knave in this company: Sirrah, tell me who hath most poor men in suit at this Syses? And yet he will fell all a poor man hath to his shirt, for one quarters rend. Why, I think I have taken in hand and endless task, To smell a Knave, 'tis more than a Dog can do: I have disguised my self of purpose to find A couple of Knaves, which are yet behind, The next Knave is a Priest, called John the precise, That with counterfeit holiness blinds the peoples eyes, This is one of them that will say it is a shame, For men to swear and blaspheme Gods holy name: Yet if a make a good Sermon but once in a year, A will be forty times in a Tavern making good cheer, Yet in the Church he will read with such sobriety, That you would think him very precise, and of great honesty. I shall do anon, I have them in sent, but I will be gone. On me? nay, on him: Priest, I gave your petition to the King, And I will speak to him you may be but hanged, For if you should live till the King granted your petition, The very Ravens would pick out thine cies living: And therefore it better you were hanged to save the birds a labour. Why no, for he is false to himself, look in his pocket & see, This is but a false writ that he hath used, Unknown to your Majesty, and levied great sums of money, And bribed upon your poor Commons extremely, How say you my Lord, is this true or no? I, but your Grace sees you are deceived. But will your Grace grant me one boon? That I may have the punishing of them, Whom I have so laboured to find. I thank your Grace: go fetch the other two: Now to you Cuthbert Cutpurse the Conicatcher, Thy judgement is to stand at the Market cross, And have thy cursed tongue pined to thy breast, And there to staved for men to wonder at: Till Owls and night-ravens pick out thy cursed eyes. You know my mind: Oh Walter that would have more, And you shall have judgement I mean, which is, To be carried into a corn field, and that r have your legs and hands cut off, because you loved corn so well, and there rest till the crows thereunto, pick out thine eyes. But now to you that will do nothing except the spirit move you You shall for abusing the blessed word of God, And mocking the divine order of Ministry, Whereby you have led the ignorant into errors, You (I say) as you were shamlesse in your shameful dealing, Shall to your shame, & the utter shame of all bade minded men, That live as thou hast done, Stand in Finsbury fields, near London, And there (as a dissembling Hypocrite) be shot to death. Truly no, the spirit does not move me thereunto, But who is next, what Perin, a Courtier, and a Cosoner to, I have a judgement yet in store for thee, And for because I will use thee favourably, I'faith thy judgement is to be but hanged, But where? even at Tyborn in a good twopenny hall er, And though you could never abide the seas, Yet now against your will, you must bear your sail, namely your sheer, And in a cart be towde up Holburne hill, Would all men living like these in this land, Might be judged so at Honesties hand. I thank your Grace: you that will damn your selves for lucres sake And make no conscience to deceive the poor: You that be enemies of the common wealth: To send corn over to enrich the enemy: And you that do abuse the word of God, And send over wool and Tin, broad cloth and led, And you that counterfeit Kings privy seals, And thereby rob the willing minded Commonalty, I warn you all that use such subtle villainy, Beware least you like these be found by Honesty, Take heed I say, for if I catch you once, Your bodies shall be meat for Crows, And the Devil shall have your bones, And thus though long at last we make and end, Desiring you to pardon whats amiss, And way the work, though it be grossy pend, Laugh at the faults, and weigh it as it is, And Honesty will pray upon his knee, God cut then off that wrong the Prince or Commonalty. And may her days of bless never have end, Upon whose life so many lives depend. And yet thou art not happy Edgar, Because that sins, like swarms, remain in thee. Nay, the King hath displeased himself, In trusting every one that speaks him fair: For through fair words, Kings many times are feign To countenance Knaves by their authority: I will not say your Grace doth so. Marry I go plain, and my name is Honesty, A friend to your Grace, but a foe to Flatterers, And one that hath a Knack to know a Knave. Not base (sir) because I was truly begotten, For Honesty may be suspected, but never detected: But you think I had a bayliefe to my father as you had, And that my mother could return a writ of error, As yours did, when such a Gallant as you were got. True, if it please your Grace, for honest men will not lie: But if your Grace vouchsafe to give me leave, You shall see me find more knaves than one. If my cunning fail me not, or else say Honesty had no honesty My gracious Lord, if Honesty offend, In any thing that he hath promised, And do not as your Grace hath given in charge, Stifle such Caterpillars as corrupt the state. Let Honesty receive such punishment, As he deserves that leazes to the king. 'Tis strange to see how men of honesty, Are troubled many times with subtle knavery: For they have so many cloaks to colour their abuses, That Honesty may well susy to them, but dares not detect the ̄ For if he should, they have by their knavery G to so many friends, that though never so bade, They will stand in defence with the best. I was at the water side, where I saw such deceit, I dare not say k auerie, in paying and receiving Custom for out andish beware, that I wondered to see, Yet durst not complain of, the reason was, They were countenanced with men of great wealth, Richer than I a great deal, but not h nester: Theu I went I to I markers, where I saw petie knavery: In false measuring corn, and in scales, That wanted no less than two ounces in the pound. But all this was nothing, scant worth the talking of: But when I came to the Exchange, I espied in a corner of and I'll, And Arch-cosoner, a Conicatcher I mean. Which used such grose cozening, as you would wonder to hear: But here he comes fine and brave, Honesty marks him down for a kuaue. And thats much worth, some will say, A crafty knave needs no broker, But here is a crafeie knave and a broker to: Then imagine there wants not a knave. And yet thou art Cuthbert the Conicatcher, The Bailiefs son of Hexham, whose father being dead, The devil carried to hell for his knavery: How sayest thou, art not thou his son? This graven black cloak makes you so proud, You have forgotten who was your father. Why upon the exchange at eight a clock. Come sir, I think I found out your knavery, Away sir, and bear your fellow company. I thank you sir, but I am afraid the King will hardly grant it: why, 'tis and undoing to the common wealth, But truly I will move the King to hang you Priest i'faith. May it please you Grace to grant me my petition, For I offer it your Grace in pure devotion. Oh no, my Lord, for there are so many behind, That I am afraid my work will never have and end: But I see by the Priests looks, he lacks company, Stay a while, my Lord, I'll fetch another presently. Why, if I should, I might make good my wor , And find a Knave, I fear, before I partly. If I should tell your Grace twold make you laugh To hear how Honesty was entertainde, Poor, lame and blind when I came once ashore, Lord, how they came in flocks to visit me, The shepherd with his hook, and Thrasher with his flail, The very pedlar with his dog, and the tinker with his male. Then comes a soldier counterfeit, & with him was his Jug, And Will the whipper of the dogs had God a bouncing trug: And cogging Dick was in the crew, that swore he cam from ̄ From ̄ ce He swore that in the Kings defence, he lost his arm by chance, And yet in conscience, if I were put to swear, I would be bound to lay a pouud, the knave was never there, And happening amongst this company by chance one day, I had no sooner nam my name, but they ran all away, But now I will to my task, and leave your Grace, And so I take my congé of your Majesty. God save her sirs, and her good friends, is a poor Welshman, come as far as Carnaivan in Wales to receive a li tle money, and here a has paid her I cannot tell what. Here you master, what is it not brass money? Wh told him my name? hear you master, a has a great deal more in her bosom, but a will take her leave. Yes, a has a great deal more in her bosom, But a will have no wit money: Oh a loves led money. Tush, fear not me, I will be as secret as thy self: ut sirrah, 'tis thus, if thou wilt do one thing, I shall tell thee, I will give thee and hundred pound, 'Tis nothing with thee I am sure. Nothing but this, to swear upon a book That thou sawest a Gentleman pay a Farmer Four hundred pound, as the last payment of a Farm, That the said Gentleman bought of him. Why to morrow. I find you kind Sir, and your self shall see How I will labour to requite your courtesy. This is the honest man I told you of, One that will do you pleasure in the cause, So be it you will content him for his pains. I told you sir how resolute you should find him, He doth it without fear I warrant you: I think that in London you could not have found a man so fit for your purpose, I knew his father (sir) a man of honest reputation, And one whose life was witness to the life he led, He was a Bailtefe (sir) though I say't, but no Bay iefe that used deceit, He had too good a conscience for that. I think the villain hath a face hardened with steel, He could never be so impudent else. A my Lord, I have be searching for a privy knave One (my Lord) that feeds upon the poor commons, And makes poor Piers ploughman wear a thread bore coat, It is a farmer (my Lord) which buys up all the corn in the mar ket, and sends it away beyond seas, & thereby feeds the enemy. But what inditemennts are against him, read them I marry am I, what then, why dost thou ask? A Prize, though it be long, I have found him at last, But I could not bring him with me, And therefore I pined a paper on his shoulder, Meaning thereby to mark him for the gailous: But hushed, here he comes. Marry I thank her good Master, I will weight upon her I warrant you. Good villain, theres no help for you. I, but he remembers not where Christ says, he that gives a cup of cold water in my name shall be blessed. See how he can turn and wind the Scripture to his own use, but he remembers not where Christ says, He that gives to the poor dares unto the Lord, And he shall be repaid seven fold: but the Priest forgets that, or at least wise he will not remember it. And yet he will cut a men throat for twelve pence, Here is a cluster of here lacks but the daily of Hexham