THROAT

Chaste Phoebe, splende ; there's that left yet, Next to my book, Claro micante Auro, I that's the soul of law: that's it, that's it, For which the Buckrome bag must trudge all weathers: Though scarcely filled with one poor replication, How happy are we that we joy the law, So freely as we do; not bought and sold, But clearly given, without all base extorting, Taking but bareten Angels for a fee, Or upward: to this renowned estate, Have I by indirect and cunning means, In-wouen my self, and now can scratch it out, Thrust at a bar, and cry my Lord as lowed, As ere a listed gowne-man of them all. I never plead before the honoured bench, But bench right-worshipful of peaceful Justices And Country-Gentlemen, and yet I'aue found Good gettings by the Mass, beside odd cheats, Will Small-shanks lands and many garboils more, Is that rejoinder done. Have you drawn't at length, have you dashed it out, According to your name. Is the demurror drawn betwixt Snip and Woodcock, And what do you say to Peacocks pitiful bill, Negative to all. The plaintive says, That William Goose, was son to Thomas Goose, And will a swear the general bill is false. Then he forswears his father, it's well, Some of our clients will go prig to hell Before ourselves; has a paid all his fees. Then truss my points, And how thinkest thou of law? The kingdoms eye, I tell thee fool, it is the kingdoms nose, By which she smells out all these rich transgressors, Nor is't of flesh but merely made of wax, And 'tis, within the power of us Lawyers, To wrest this nose of wax which way we please. Or it may be as thou sayest and eye indeed. But if it be 'tis sure a woman's eye knock within. Thats ever rolling. Go see who 'tis, Stay, my chair, and gown, and then go see who knocks. Thus must I seem a Lawyer which am indeed, But merely dregs and offscum of the Law, En. Bou. Dash. and Consta. I tricesimo primo Alberti Magni 'Tis very clear. The place is very pregnant, Master Boucher; Most hearty welcome sir. No I have a cushion. Faith some hundred books in folio I have Turned over to better my own knowledge, But that is nothing for a student, Faith some bade angels haunt us now and then, But what brought you hither. You are conceited sir, By Heaven I deal most plain, I saw him not, Since last I took his Mortgage. How wed to rich Sommerfields only heir, Is old Sommerfield dead? By heaven I know it nor. Say on good sir. Or be my tongue torn out. I am his slave And bound unto his noble courtesy- Even with my life, I ever said a would thrive, And I protest I kept his forfeit mortgage, To let him know what 'tis to live in want. Commend me to them, come when they will, My doors stand open and all within is theirs And though Ram stinks with Cooks and ale, Yet say the many a worthy lawyers chamber, Buts upon Rame-alley, I have still and open throat, If ought I have which may procure his good, Bid him command, I, though it be my blood. Ex. Then you're friends. It's well, I am glad, keep your money, for law Is Like a Butlers box: while you two strive, That picks up all your money, you are friends, Why so, these are tricks of the long fifteens, To give counsel, and to take fees on both sides, To make they friends, and then to laugh at them. Why this thrives well, this is a common trick: When men have spent a deal of money in law, Then Lawyers make them friends: I have a trick To go beyond all these, if Small-shank come And bring rich Somerfields heir, I say no more, But it's within this skonse to go beyond them. What are they? Have they a woman? Go, make hast, bring them up with reverence, O are they i'faith, has brought the wealthy heir: These stools and cushions stand not handsomely. Master Smalshanke welcome. Your worship shall command me. You are welcome Gentlemen.—Dash. A fire in the great chamber, quickly. Not a word sir, here you are as safe As in your father's house, She is most hearty welcome, Wilt please you walk into another room Where is both bed and fire, Oh sir not possible: You have many Presidents and book Cases for't, Be you but sure and then let me alone. Vivat Rex, currat Lex and I'll defend you. A would, Have you stole her, fallere fallentem non est fraus. Exit. W. S, It shall go hard but I will strip you boy. You stole the wench, but I must her enjoy. Exit Come Adriana, tell me what thou thinkest, I am tickled with conceit of marriage, And whom thinkest thou (for me) the fittest husband What sayest thou to young Bouchor. Open your case, and I shall soon resolve you. As I am honest. He is my friend, and I will speak him truly, He is by birth, son to a foolish Knight, His present state I think will be the prison, And farthest hope to be bailed out again, By sale of all your land. That lands he has lies in a fair Churchyard, And for his manners, they are so rude and vild, That scarce and honest man will keep him company. Why that's his occupation, he will cheat In a cloak lined with Velvet, a will prate Faster then five Barbers and a Taylor, Lie faster then ten City occupiers, Or cunning tradesmen: goes a trust In every Tavern where has spent a faggot, Swears love to every whore, squires bawds, And takes up houses for them as their husband. A is a man I love, and have done much To bring him to preferment. Faith some there is, And it's all in the hands of us Lawyers And women, and those women which have it, Keep their honesty so close, that not one Amongst a hundred is perceived to have it. Oh questionless you may, You have many Presidents and bookcases for't, Nay, though you were married by a bookcase, Of Milesimo sexantesimo, &c. You may forsake your husband, and wed another, Provided that some fault be in the husband, As none of them are clear. All that I have is yours, and were I worthy To be your husband. A comes, a comes, By heaven I know not. Most true, Better to wed another then to return With scandal and defame wed me a man Whose wealth may reconcile your mother's love, And make the Actium lawful. My self am he, might I but dare aspire Unto so high a Fortune. Thanks gentle master Beard. If not by law, we will with power prevent it, So you but give consent. I'll muster up my friends, and thus I cast it, While they are busy, you and I will hence Directly to a Chapel, where a Priest Shall knit the nuptial knot ere they pursue us. Dash. Get your sword And me my buckler, nay you shall know We are Tam marti quam mercurio, Bring my cloak, you shall thither, I'll for friends, Worship and wealth the Lawyers state attends. Dash, we must bear some brain, to Saint Johns street, Go run, fly: and a far off inquire, If that the Lady Somerfield be there, If there, know what news, and meet me strait At the My er door in Fleetstreet, away, "To get rich wives, men must not use delay. Let the Cotch stay at Showlane end: be ready, Let the boot stand open, and when she's in: Hurry towards Saint Gyles in the field, As if the Devil himself were wagoner, Now for and arm of oak, and heart of steel, To bore away the wench, to get a wife, A gentlewoman, a maid, nay which is more, And honest maid, and which is most of all, A rich and honest maid: Oh Jove Jove ! For a man to wed such a wife as this, Is to dwell in the very suburbs of Heaven, Sir she is rich And a great heir. Dangerous? Lord where be those gallant spirits, The time has been when scarce and honest woman, Much less a wench could pass and Inn of court, But some of the fry would have be doing With her: I knew the day when Shreds a Taylor Coming once late by and Inn of Chancery, Was laid a long, and muffled in his cloak, His wife took in, Stytcht up, turned out again, And he persuaded all was but in jest, Tut those brave boys are gone, these which are left, Are wary lads, live poring on their books, And give their linen to their laundresses, By tail, they now can save their purses, I knew when every gallant had his man. But now a twelpenny weekly Laundress, Will serve the turn to half a dosen of them, Here comes my man, what news. Gentlemen, Now show your selves at full, and not a man, But shares a fortune with me if I speed. Stand close, they come, Pay the Coachman Dash, pay him well, And thank him for his speed. Now Vivat Rex, The knot is knit, which not the law it self, With all his Hydra heads and strongest nerves, Is able to disjoin: Now let him hang, Fret out h S guts, and swear the stars from Heaven, A never shall enjoy you, you shall be rich. Your Lady mother this day came to town In your pursuit: we will but shift some rags, And strait go take her blessing. I Like that well, Her anger somewhat calmed, I brisk and fine, Some half hour after will present my self As son in law unto her, which she must needs Accept with gracious looks. I, that, that, That will strike it dead: but here comes Beard. I now do call her wife, she now is mine, Sealed and delivered by and honest Priest, At Saint Giles in the field. But where's mad Small-shank. Stand you aside deer love nay I will firk My silly novice, as he was never firked Since Midwives bound his noddle: here they come. I never thought you'd come to other end, Your courses have been always so profane, Extravagant and base. Sir will you get you gone, And seek your love elsewhere; for know my house Is not to entertain such customers As you and your comrades. Why unto you, And to your brother Smale-shaneks, will you be gone? Will you be gone directly, are you mad? Come you to seek a Virgin in Ram-alley So near and Inn of Court, and amongst Cooks, Ale-men and Laundresses, why are you fools? What, have you lost her? Come do not gull your Friends. Nay then I cry you mercy, she came not hither As'am and honest man: Is't possible A maid so lovely, fair, so well demand, Should be took from you? what from you three? So young, so brave and valiant Gentlemen? Sure it cannot be. Is she not left behind you in the Tavern Are you sure you brought her out? were you not drunk And so forgotten her? Would would would, a makes me sport. if aith The gull is mad, stark mad, Dash draw the bound And a release of all his interest In this my loved wife, Arrested? what's the sum? Provided, you seal a release, Of all your claim to Mistress Somerfield. Nay choose. I thank her sir, she has now voutchsaft To cast her self on me. Some forty pounds a year. Dash, go fetch his mortgage, See that your friends be bound, you shall not claim Title, right, possession in partly or whole, In time to come, in this my loved wife: I will restore the mortgage, pay this debt, And set you free. They're ready drawn; here's his release, Sergiants let him go. The very same sir. You give this as your deeds. Certify them Dash. You are, Sergeants I discharge you, There's your fees. I'll pass my word. How much sir. Ther's your sum, now officers begun, Each take his way, I must to Saint Johns street, And see my Lady-mother: she's now in town, And we to her shall strait present our duties. Good night to all, Ex: Dear wife step in, Beard and Dash come hither: Here take this money: go borrow Jewels Of the next Goldsmith: Beard take thou these books, Go both to the Brokers in Fetter lane, Lay them in pawn for a Velvet Ierken And a double Ruff, tell him a shall have As much for loan to night, as I do give Usually for a whole circuit, which done You two shall man her to her mother's: go, Ex. My fate looks big; me thinks I see already, Nineteen gold chains, seventeen great beards, and ten Reverent bald heads, proclaim my way before me, My Coach shall now go prancing through Cheapside, And not be forced to hurry through the streets, For fear of Sergeants: nor shall I needs to try, Whither my well-graft tumbling footcloth nag, Be able to outrun a well-breathed Catchp ole, I now in pomp will ride, for it's most fit, He should have state that riseth by his wit. Ex. For that thou first hast brought me to her sighed, I here create thee Clarke a the Kitchen, no man shall beg it from thee. Law is my living. And on that ancient mould I wear this outside, Suit upon suit wasts some yet makes me thrive. First law, then gold, then love, and then we wive. Noverint universi, the laws of heaven, Of nature, church, and chance, have made her mine, Therefore deliver her by these presents. Femini Iudificantur viros: By that same rule these lips have taken season, Tut I do all by Statute law, and reason. These Storms will be dissolved in tears of joy, Mother I doubt it not: Justice to you, That jerk at my half sleeves, and yet your self Do never wear but Buckerom out of sighed, A Flannel waistcoat, or a Canvas Truss, A shift of thrift, I use it: let's be friends, You know the law hath tricks, ka me, ka thee, Viderit utilitas, the mott to these half arms, Corpus cum causam needs no bombasting. We wear small hair yet have we tongue and wit, Lawyers close breech't have bodies politic. Short tale to make, I fingered have your daughter, I have taken livery and season of the wench, Deliver her then, you know the Statute laws, She's mine without exception, bar or clause: Come, come, restore. I was not mad before I married, But ipso facto what the act may make me, That know I not. Hands off you slaves, O! favour my Jerkin, though you tear my flesh, I set more store by that: my Auditam Querela shall be herd, and with a Certiorare I'll fetch her from you with a pox. Enter Beard. Here's Beard your Butler: a rescue Beard ; draw, By this good light he swore it, And for your daughters love he ran away. Justice, the law shall sirke you. My wife sir, my wife. That's a lie, You stole her, and by chance I married her. Ask the Butler else, Therefore widow release me, for by no law, Statute or book case, of Vicesimo Eduvardi Secundi, nor by the Statute Of Tricesimo Henrici sexti, Nor by any book case of decimo Of the late Queen, am I accessary, Partly, or party confederate, a better, Helper, seconder, persuader, forwarder, Principal or maintainer of this late theft: But by law, I forward, and she willing, Clapped up the match, and by a good Statute Of Decimo tertio Richardi quarti, She is my leefull lawful, and my true Married wife, teste Liftenant Beard. And so is my man Dash. Fear not I for the widow. Right worshipful I say that William Small-shank madman, Is by a Statute made in Octavo Of Richard Cordelion guilty to the law Of felony, for stealing this Ladies heir, That a stole her, the proof is most pregnant, He brought her to my house, confessed himself, A made great means to steal her, I liked her, (And finding him a novice) truth to tell, Married her my self, and as I said, By a Statute Richardi Quarti, She is my lawful wife. In you make me blush, I should have asked, His health of you, but 'tis not yet to late. Why so, Now to the next Taphouse, there drink down this, And by the operation of the third pot. Quarrel again, and come to me for law: Fare you well. Oh he is caught. Intrude, I do not, for I know the law, It is the rule that squares out all our actions, Those actions bring in coin, coin gets me friends, Your son in law hath law at's fingers ends. Madame your son in law, Mother I come, (be glad I call you so) To make a gentle breach into your favour, And win your approbation of my choice, Your cherry-ripe sweet daughter (so renowned, For beauty, virtue, and a wealthy dowry) I have espoused. Help. My Ladies Butler sir. Nay good sir stay, if ought you can disclose Of Master Small-shanks good, let me partake, And make me glad in knowing his good hap. pauca sapienti, Let me alone to set you out in length And breadth: Refer it to my care. Whats the matter? Why here's the end of Riot, I know the law, If you be bailed by me, the debt is mine, Which I will undertake. good, wise, Learned, and honest master Throat, now, now, Now or never help me..