PUNTARVOLO

Stay: mine eye hath (on the instant) through the bounty of the window, received the form of a Nymph. I will step forward three paces: of the which, I will barely retire one; and (after some little flexure of the knee) with and ere cted grace salute her: 1, 2, and 3. Sweet Lady, God save you. Pardon me: Humanum est rrare. To the perfection of Compliment (which is the dial of the thought, and guided by the Sun of your beauty's) are required these three Projects: the Gnomon, the Puntilio's, and the Superficies: the Superficies, is that we call Place; the Puntilio's, Circumstance; and the Gnomon, Ceremonic: in either of which, for a stranger to err, it's easy and facile; and such am I. What call you the Lord of the castle? sweet Face. Puntarvolo? Oh. It's a most sumptuous and stately edifice; what years is the knight, fair Damsel? What complexion, or what stature bears he? Mine is Melancholy: Is he magnanimous? Is he learned? Then he is travailed? Is he religious? Would I might see his face. Doubtless, the gentleman is most exact, and abso lutely qualified? does the castle contain him? Pr'y thee deer Nymph, entreat her beauty's to shine on this side of the building. You are not ill-come neighbour Sordido, though I have not yet said welcome: what, my godson is grown a great Proficient by this? Stand by, retire your selves a space: nay, pray you, for get not the use of your hat; the air is piercing. What more than heavenly pulchritude is this? What Magazine, or treasury of bliss? Dazzle, you organs to my optic sense, To view a creature of such eminence: Oh I am planet-struck, and in yond Sphere, A brighter star than Venus does appea . Most debonair, and Luculent Lady, I decline me as l w as the Basis of your Altitude. I have arse collected my spirits, but lately scattered in the admiration of your Form; to which (if the bounties of your mind be any way respo sible) I doubt not but my desires shall find a S ooth and secure passage. I am a poor Knight rrant (Lady) that hunting in the adjacent Forest, was by adventure in the pursuit of a Heart, brought to this place; which Heart (deer Madame) escaped by enchantment: the evening approaching (my self and servant wear ed) my suit is, to enter your fair Castle, and refr sh me. Most admired Lady, you astonish me. Stay: who be these that address themselves towards us? what Carlo? now by the Sincerity of my Soul, welcome; welcome Gentlemen: and how dost thou, thou Grand Scourge; or, Second Untruss of the time? Peace you Bandog peace: what brisk Nim adoro is that in the white virgin boot there? Sir, I could wish that for the time of your vouchsafed abiding here, and more Real entertainment, this my house stood on the Muses hill; and these my Orchards were those of the Hesperide's. Then have you, the Count Gratiato? Then you must of necessity know our Court-star there? that Planet of wit, Madonna Saviolina? Is she your mistress? Well, she is the Lady of a most exalted, and inge nous spirit. Oh, manage your affections. Come, regard not a jester; it is in the power of my purse to make him speak well or ill of me. I am not ignorant of it sir. I do intend this year of Jubilee to travail: and (be cause I will not altogether go upon expense) I am determi ned to put forth some five thousand pound, to be paid me five for one, upon the return of my self, my Wife, and my Dog, from the Turks Court in Constantinople. If all, or either of us miscarry in the journey, it's gone: if we be successful, why, there will be xxv. thousand pound to entertain time withal. Nay, go not neighbour S dido; stay to night, and help to make our society the fuller Gentlemen, frolic: Carlo? what? dull now? This is the Dog sir. Away you traitor, away. Thou art still dangerous. Sirrah, take my Cloak: and you sir knave, follow me closer: if thou loosest my Dog, thou shalt die a Dogs death; I will hang thee. No, I do want yet some fifteen or sixteen hundred pounds: but my Lady (my wife) is out of her Humour; she does not now go. Marry, I am now enforced to give it out, upon the re turn of my self, my Dog, and my Cat. My Squire has her there in the Bag: Sirrah, look to her: How likest thou my change, Carlo? Beside, she will never be Seasick, which will save me so much in Conserves: when saw you Signior Sogliardo? What? has he purchased arms then? With Legs to his Arms! Good: I will go with you sir. Before God Carlo, this is good; let's read them again: If there be any Lady, or Gentlewoman of good carriage, that is desirous to entertain (to her private ses) a young, straight, and upright Gen tleman, of the age of five, or six and twenty at the most: who can serve in the nature of a Gentleman Usher, and hath little legs of purpose, and a black Satin Suit of his own to go before her in: which Suit (for the more sweetening) now lies in Lavander: and can hide his face with her Fan, if needs require: or fit in the cold at the stair foot for her as well as and other Gentleman: Let her subscribe her Name and Place, and dili gent respect shall be given. This is above measure excellent: would? If this City, or the Suburbs of the same, do afford any young Gentleman, of the first, second, or third head, more or less, whose friends are but lately deceased, & whose lands are but new come to his hands, that (to be as exactly qualified as the best of our Ordinaric Gallants are) is affected to entertain the most Gentlemanlike use of Tobacco: as first, to give it the most exquisite Presume: then, to know all the deli cate sweet Forms for the Assumption of it: as also the rare Corollary and practice of the ban Ebolition, EURIPUS, and Whiff; which ee shall receive or take in here at London, and evaporate at Uxbridge, or far der, if it please him. If there be any such Generous spirit, that is truly en amoured of these good faculties: May it please him, but (by a note of his hand) to specify the place, or Ordinari where he uses to at and Lie, and most sweet attendance with Tobacco, and Pipes of the best sort shall be ministered: STET QVAESO CANDIDE LECTOR why this is without Parallel, this! Or rather, Sogliardo for his use. No better place than the Mitre, that we may be Spe ctators with you Carlo. Soft, behold, who enters here: Signior Sogliardo! God save you. Come hither Signior. A very fair Coat, ell charged and full of Armory. I understand it not well, what is't? A Boar without a head, that's very rare. It is the most vile, foolish, absurd, palpable, and ridicu lous Escutch on that ever this eye survised. Save you good Mounsieur Fastidius. Let the word be, Not without mustard, your Crest is very rare sir. In reasonable state sir, what Citizen is that you were consorted with? a merchant of any worth? Is it he? Save you sir. What is he for a Creature? 'Slid he vented a sighs e'ne now, I thought he would have blown up the church. Except it were in the person of a Cutlers boy, or that the fellow were nothing but Vapour, I should think it im possible. Amen. Amen I say still. Break his head, and give it him. True, and having no better a cloak for it than he has neither. Whither? in such hast, Monsie ur Fastidius? It may be. But you cannot bring him to the Whiff so soon? Your Miter is your best house. By your patience, follow me fellows. Pardon me, my Dog shall not eat in his company for a Million. I wonder Monsieur Fastidius comes not! but Notary, if thou please to draw the Indentures the while, I will give thee the Theory. Well then, first; the Sum is to be understood. Next, our several Appellations, and Character of my Dog and Cat must be known: show him the Cat Sirrah. Then, that the intended Point, is the Turks Court in Constantinople: the Time limited for our Return, a year: and that if either of us miscarry, the whole Venture is lost. These are General; conceivest thou? or if either of us turn Turque. Now for Particulars: that I may make my travails by Sea or Land, to my best liking: and that (hiring a Coach for my self) it shall be lawful for my Dog and Cat to ride with me in the said Coach. That I may choose to give my Dog or Cat Fish, for fear of Bones, or any other Nutriment, that (by the judge meant of the most Authentical Physicians where I travail) shall be thought dangerous. That (after the receipt of his money) he shall neither in his own person, nor any other, either by direct or indirect means; as Magic, Witchcraft, or other such Exotic Arts, attempt, practice, or complot any thing, to the prejudice of Me, my Dog, or my Cat: Neither shall I use the help of any such Sorceries or Enchantments; as Unctions, to make our skins impenetrable, or to travail invisible by virtue of a Powder, or a Ring, or to hang any three-forked Charm about my Dogs neck, secretly conveyed into his Collar: un derstand you? but that all be performed, sincerely, without fraud or Imposture. That (for testimony of the Performance) my self am to bring thence a Turks Mustachio, my Dog a Hares lip, and my Cat the train or tail of a Rat. It's said Sir, not done sir, but forward. That upon my return and landing on the Tower wharf with the aforesaid Testimony, I am to receive five for one, according to the pro portion of the sums putforth. It is all Sir: and dispatch them good Notary. Oh Carlo, welcome: saw you Monsieur Brisk? I, and I muse he should be so tardy: he is to take and hundred pounds of me in venture, if he maintain his pro mice. Not yet, but it comes on apace. Me thinks Carlo, you look very smooth? would? From a Hothouse? What? the French Pox? Let me perish, but thou art a Villain: was your new-created Gallant there with you? Sogliardo? Who? Signior Tripartite, that would give my Dog the Whiffse? How! spit three or fourscore ounces? Out Pagan; how dost thou prick the Vain of thy friend? Thy Humour is the more dangerous. Signior Deliro! Welcome. You herd no Figment S , I do expect him every mi nute my Watch strikes. I should wonder at that Creature is free from the danger of thy tongue. So: and what hast thou for him that is with him now? How Carlo? would, what is he man? His Rest? why has he a forked head? Shrewd, shrewd. Sir (for Signior Sogliardos sake) let it suffice, I know you. Indeed sir? What? and escaped? Faith let me end it for you Gallants: you shall be his Countenance, and he your Resolution. Yes, by and Irony. Monsieur Brisk! many a long look have I extended for you sir. I will send my man to know. Sirrah, go you to the Notaries, and learn if he be ready: leave the Dog sir. Cavalier, you knew Signior Clog, that was hanged for the robbery at Harrow on the hill? How? was't your Project sir? why, had he more Agents then? Luculento! what inauspicious chance interposed it self betwixt your two loves? This was a strange encounter. Before God it was a designment begun with much reso lution, maintained with as much prowess, and ended with more humanity. How now, what says he? Come we will go to him Mounsieur. Gentlemen shall we entreat you to be witnesses. Well now my whole venture is forth, I will resolve to depart shortly. I care not if it be this afternoons labour. Where is Carlo? Then can he report no less out of his judgement, I as sure him. Indeed it is a Humour that takes from her other excel lencies. And I will second him. Upon my soul it puts the Lady quite out of her Hu mor, and we shall laugh with judgement. That's true: Carlo comes not at the Court indeed well, you shall leave it to the faculty of Mounsieur Brisk, and my self; upon our lives we will manage it happily. Carlo shall bespeak supper at the Miter against we come back: where we will meet, and dimple our cheeks with laughter at the success. My self shall manfrede it for them: he that fails, let his Reputation lie under the lash of thy tongue. Some Rosa- olis. Sirs, return to the lodging, keep the Cat safe; I'll be the Dogs Guardian my self. Farewell Carlo; remember. Good Fortune will close the eyes of our jest, fear not: and we shall frolic. Come Lordings. Signior you are sufficiently instructed. No, this Gentleman. But stay, I take thought how to bestow my dog, he is no competent at ̄ daunt for the Presence. I know it, and I (Like a dull beast) forgotten to bring one of my Cormorants to attend me. Not so: his worth is too well known amongst them, to be forthcoming. I must leave him with one that is ignorant of his quali tie, if I will have him to be safe. And see; Here comes one that will carry coals, Ergo, will hold my Dog. My honest friend, may I commit the tuition of this Dog to thy prudent care? Pray thee let me find thee here at my return: it shall not be long, till I will Ease thee of thy employment, and Please thee. Forth Gentles. Charge? no, there wear no policy in that; that were to let him know the valve of the Gem he holds, and so, to emp frail nature against her disposition. No, pray thee let thy Ho nesty be sweet and short. But hark you Gallants, and chiefly Monsieur Brisk When we come in eye-shot or presence of this Lady, let not other matters carry us from our Project: but (if we can) single her forth to some place. And be not too sudden, but let the devise induce it self with good Circumstance: on. Dear, and most Amiable Lady, your Divine Beau ties do bind me to those Offices, that I cannot depart when I would. Troth Madame she hath soar eyes, and she does keep her Chamber: marry I have left her under sufficient guard: there are two of my Hinds to attend her. Certes sweet Lady, I know not. pray sir, give me leave to report him: he's a Gentle man (Lady) of that rare and admirable acultie, as (I protest) I know not his Like in Europe: he is exceedingly Valiant, and ex cellent Scholar, and so exactly travailed, that he is able in discourse, to deliver you a Model of any Princes Court in the world: 'speakes the Languages with that purity of Phrase, and facility of Accent, that it breeds astonishment: his Wit, the most Exuberant, and (above wonder) pleasant, of all that ever entered the concave of this care. His Travails have changed his complexion, Madam. But that which transcends all, Lady; he does so Peer lessely imitate any manner of person for Gesture, Actium, Pass sion, or what ever— I, he is a Gentleman Madam, and a Reveller. Yes Madam, he will arrive presently. This is he; pray observe him Lady. Nay, mark his Courtship. But do you, in earnest Lady? Oh, she cannot but affirm that, out of the Bounty of her Judgement. I, is't not. Oh most miraculously, and beyond Admiration. How think you of that? would not your Ladyship be out of your Humour? Come, on mine Honour we'll make her blush in the Presence: my spleen is great with laughter. There was never so witty a jest broken at the Tilt, of all the Court wits christened. Aye me, my Dog. Here, here I left him. Villain, thou liest. Rogue and Thief, restore him. I will make thee stoop, thou Abject. My Dog Villain, or I will hang thee: thou hast con fist robberies, and other Felonious acts to this Gentleman thy Countenance. And without my Dog I will hang thee, for them. Oh, my Dog born to disastrous fortune! pray you conduct me sir. Sir, I would request you be silent. Drawer; get me a Candle and hard wax presently. Sir, I do en reat you no more, but enjoin you to silence, as you affect your peace. I shall be sudden I tell you. Sbloud you slave, you Bandog you. By my knighthood, he that stirs in his rescue, die. Drawer be gone. I, are you houling, you Wolf? Gentlemen, as you tender your lives, suffer no man to enter, till my revenge be perfect. Sirrah Buffone, lie down; make no exclamations, but down; down you Cur, or I will make thy blood flow on my Rapier hilts: Open no door, if the Adalantado of Spain were here, he should not enter: On, help me with the light, Gentlemen: you knock in vain sir officer. Sirrah close your lips, or I will drop it in thine eyes by heaven. So; now, are you out of your humour sir. Shift Gentle men. Forester, give wind to thy Horn. Enough; by this the found hath touched the ears of the enclosed: Depart, leave the dog, and take with thee what thou hast deserved; the Horn, and thanks. And does argue constancy, chiefly in love. What are his endowments? Is he courteous? Is he bountiful? Why sir, to morrow I will associate you to the Court my self; and from thence to the City, about a Business, a Project I have: I will expose it to you sir: Carlo I am sure has herd of it. Come Gentlemen, I will be your Conduct. Sirrah, keep close, yet not so close, thy breath will thaw my ruff. Nay Carlo, spend not time in Invocations now; 'tis late. Not unlike; for he hath been a notorious thief by his own confession. Sirrah, where's my Dog? Down (I say.) Whose there? Provided, That if before our departure or setting forth, either my self, or these be visited with sickness, or any other casual event, so that the whole course of the Adventure be hindered thereby; that then, He is to return, and I am to receive the prenominated Proportion, upon fair and equal terms. His Lady? what is she fair? splendidious? and ami able? Admirably excellent.