ASPER

Away. Who is so patient of this impious world, That he can check his spirit, or reine his tongue? Or who hath such a dead unfeeling sense, That heavens horrid thunders cannot wake? To see the earth, cracked with the weight of sin, Hell gaping under us, and over our heads Black ravenous Ruin with her sail-stretched wings, Ready to sink us down and cover us. Who can behold such prodigies as these, And have his lips sealed up? not I: my soul Was never ground into such oily colours, To flatter Vice and daub Iniquity: But (with and armed, and resolved hand) I'll strip the ragged follies of the time Naked as at their birth: You trouble me, and with a whip of steel Print wounding lashes in their iron ribs. I fear no mood stamped in a private brow, When I am pleased t'vnmaske a public vice. I fear no strumpets drugs, nor ruffians stab, Should I detect their hateful luxuries; No brokers, usurers, or lawyers gripe, Were I disposed to say, they're all corrupt. I fear no courtiers frown, should I applaud The easy flexure of his supple hammes: Tut, these are so innate and popular, That drunken Custom would not shame to laugh (In scorn) at him, that should but dare to tax them: And yet, not one of these but knows his Works, Knows what Damnation is, the Devil, and Hell, Yet hourly they persist, grow rank in sin, Puffing their souls away in perj'rous air, To cherish their extortion, pride, or lustest. Oh, but to such, whose faces are all zeal, And (with the words of Hercules) invade Such crimes as these; that will not smell of sin, But seem as they were made of Sanctity; Religion in their garments, and their hair Cut shorter than their eyebrows; when the conscience Is vaster than the Ocean, and devours More wretches than the Counters. I not observed this thronged round till now: Gracious, and kind Spectators, you are welcome, Apollo, and the Muses feast your eyes With graceful objects; and may our Minerva Answer your Hope's, unto their largest strain. Yet here, mistake me not judicious friends: I do not this to beg your patience, Or servilely to fawn on your applause, Like some dry brain, despairing in his merit: Let me be censured, by th'austerest brow, Where I want art, or judgement, tax me freely: Let envious Critics with their broadest eyes Look through and through me; I pursue no favour: Only vouchsafe me your attentions, And I will give you music worth your ears. Oh how I hate the monstrousness of time, Where every servile imitating spirit, (Plagued with and itching leprosy of wit) In a mere halting fury, strives to fling His ulcerous body in the Thespian spring, And straight leap's forth a Poet; but as lame As Vulcan, or the founder of Criplegate. This Humour? good; and why this Humour, Mitis? Nay do not turn, but answer. I will not stir your patience, pardon me, I urged it for some reasons, and the rather To give these ignorant well-spoken days Some taste of their abuse of this word Humour. Would? what? what is it? Oh, I crave pardon, I had lost my thoughts. Why Humour (as it's ens ) we thus define it To be a quality of air or water, And in it self holds these two properties, Moisture and Fluxure: As for demonstration, Pour water on this floor, it'll wet and run, Likewise the air (forced through a horn or trumpet) Flows instantly away, and leaves behind A kind of Due; and hence we do conclude, That what soever hath fluxure and humidity, As wanting power to contain it self, Is Humour: so in every humane body The choler, melancholy, phlegm, and blood, By reason that they flow continually In some one partly, and are not continent, Receive the name of Humours. Now thus far It may by Metaphor apply it self Unto the general disposition, As when some one peculiar quality Does so possess a man, that it does draw All his affects, his spirits, and his powers In their confluctions all to run one way, This may be truly said to be a Humour, But that a Rook in wearing a pied feather, The cable hatband, or the three-piled ruff, A yard of shoe-tie, or the Switzers knot On his French garters, should affect a Humour, Oh, it's more than most ridiculous. Well I will scourge those apes, And to these courteous eyes oppose a mirror As large as is the stage whereon we act, Where they shall see the times deformity, Anatomized in every Nerve and sinew, With constant courage, and contempt of fear. Would, would: You might as well have told me, yonder is heaven, This earth, these men; and all had moved alike. Do not I know the times condition? Yes Mitis; and their souls, and who they be That either will or can except against me: None but a sort of fools, so sick in ta to, That they contemn all Physic of the mind, And Like galled Camels kick at every touch Good men, and virtuous spirits, that loath their vices, Will cherish my free labours, love my lines, And with the fervor of their shining grace, Make my brain fruitful to bring forth more objects Worthy their serious and intentive eyes. But why enforce I this, as fainting? no: If any here chance to behold himself, Let him not dare to challenge me of wrong, For if he shame to have his follies known, First he should shame to act them: my strict hand Was made to cease on vice; and with a gripe Crush out the Humour of such spongy souls, As lick up every idle vanity. What? are you ready there? Mitis fit down; And my Cordatus. Found hoe, and begin: I leave you two as Censors to fit here, Observe what I present, and liberally Speak your opinions, upon every Scene, As it shall pass the view of these Spectators, Nay now, you're tedious Sirs, for shame begin: And Mitis, note me if in all this front, You can espy a gallant of this mark, Who (to be thought one of the judicious) Sits with his arms thus wreathed, his hat pulled here, Cries meaw, and nods, then shakes his empty head, Will show more several motions in his face Than the new London, Room, or Nineveh, And (now and then) breaks a dry biscuit jest, Which that it may more easily be chewed, He steeps in his own laughter. Oh, assure you: Or if it did not, yet as Horace sings: "Ieiunus rar stomachus vulgaria temnit, "Mean cates are welcome still to hungry guests. Oh I would know them, for in such assemblies, Peace Mitis, I do know your thought: You'll say, your audience will except at this? Pish: you are too timorous, and full of doubt: Then, he a patient, shall reject all Physic Because the physician tells him you are sick: Or, if I say That he is vicious, You will not hear of virtue: come, you're found. Shall I be so extravagant to think That happy judgements and composed spirits Will challenge me for taxing such as these? I am ashamed. Why therein I commend your careful thoughts, And I will mix with you in industry To please; but whom? attentive auditors, Such as will join their profit with their pleasure, And come to feed their understanding parts: For these, I'll prodigally spend my self, And speak away my spirit into air; For these, I'll melt my brain into invention, Coin new conceits, and hang my richest words As polished jewels in their bounteous ears. But stay, I lose my self, and wrong their patience; If I dwell here, they 'le not begin, I see: Friends fit you still, and entertain this troop With some familiar and by-conference, I'll hast them found: now gentlemen I go To turn and Actor, and a Humorist, Where (ere I do resume my present person) We hope to make the circles of your eyes Flow with distilled laughter: if we fail, We must impute it to this only chance, " Art hath and enemy called Ignorance.