BOBADILLA

Hostess, hostess. A cup of your small beer sweet hostess. A gentleman, (Gods so) I am not within. What would plague? what meant he? Who's there? (take away the basin good hostess) come up sir. Signior Matheo, is't you sir? please you fit down. Not so Signior, I was requested to supper yesternight by a sort of gallants where you were wished for, and drunk to I assure you. Marry by Signior Prosper , and others, why hostess, a stool here for this gentleman. Body of me, it was so late ere we parted last night, I can scarce open mine eyes yet; I was but new risen as you came: how passes the day abroad sir? you can tell. I sir, fit down I pray you: Signior Matheo (in any case) possess no gentlemen of your acquaintance with notice of my lodging. Not that I need to care who know it, but in regard I would not be so popular and general, as some be. For do you see sir, by the heart of my self (except it be to some peculiar and choice spirits, to whom I am extraordina rily engaged, as your self, or so) I would not extend thus far. What new book have you there? what? Go by Higher imo. Well pend: I would feign see all the Poets of our time pen such another play as that was; they I prate and swagger, and keep a stir of a to and devises, when (by Gods so) they are the most shallow pitiful fellows that live upon the face of the earth again. 'Tis good. Nay proceed, proceed, where's this? where's this? So, so, it's a fashion gentlemen use. Signior Giuliano, was it not? the elder brother? Hang him Rook he? why he has no more judgement then a malt horse. By S. George, I hold him the most peremp tory absurd clown (one a them) in Christendom: I protest to you (as I am a gentleman and a soldier) I never talked with the Like of him: he ha not so much as a good word in his belly, all iron, iron, a good commodity for a smith to make hob nails on. How, the bastinado? how came he by that word trow? That may be, for I was sure it was none of his word: but when, when said he so? By the life of Pharaoh, an't were my case now, I should send him a challenge presently: the bastinado? come hither, you shall challenge him; isle show you a trick or two, you shall kill him at pleasure, the first stockado if you will, by this air. Of whom? of whom I pray? By heaven, no, not I, no skill in the earth: some small science, know my time, distance, or so, I have professed it more for noblemen and gentlemens use, then mine own practice I assure you. Hostess, lend us another bedstaff here quickly: look you sir, exalt not your point above this state at any hand, and let your poyneard maintain your defence thus: give it the gentleman. So sir, come on, o twine your body more a bout, that you may come to a more sweet comely gentleman Like guard; so indifferent. Hollow your body more sir, thus: now stand fast on your left leg, note your distance, keep your endue proportion of time: o you disorder your point most vilely. O out of measure ill, a well experienced man would pass upon you at pleasure. Why thus sir? make a thrust at me; come in upon my time; control your point, and make a full carriere at the body: the best practised gentlemen of the time term it the passado, a most desperate thrust, believe it. Why you do not manage your weapons with that fa cilitie and grace that you should do, I have no spirit to play with you, your dearth of judgement makes you seem tedious. Fie veney, most gross denomination, as ever I herd: o the stockado while you live Signior, note that. Come put on your cloak, and weel go to some private place where you are acquainted, some tavern or so, & weel see worser for one of these fencers, where he shall breath you at my direction, and then isle teach you that trick, you shall kill him with it at the first if you please: why isle learn you by the true judgement of the eye, hand and foot, to control any men point in the world; Should your adversary confront you with a Pistol, t'were nothing, you should (by the same rule) control the bullet, most certain by Phœbus: unless it were hailshot: what money have you about you sir? 'Tis somewhat with the least, but come, when we have done, weel call up Signior Prospero; perhaps we shall meet with Coridon his brother there. Speak to him? away, by the life of Pharao you shall not, you shall not do him that grace: the time of day to you Gentleman: is Signior Prospero stirring? Signior Thorello, is he within sir? This gentleman hath satisfied me, I'll talk to no Scam venger. Your brother delivered us as much. Ciuliano Signior Prospero, I know not in what kind you valve me, but let me tell you this: as sure as God I do hold it so much out of mine honour & reputation, if I should but cast the least regard upon such a dunghill of flesh; I protest to you (as I have a soul to be saved) I never saw any gentlemanlike partly in him: and there were no more men living upon the face of the earth, I should not fancy him by Phœbus. Signior, I must tell you this, I am no general man, embrace it as a most high favour, for (by the host of Egypt) but that I conceive you, to be a Gentleman of some parts, I love few words: you have wit: imagine. Faith sir, I was thinking of a most honourable piece of sir vice was performed to morrow; being S Marks day: shall be some to ̄ years. Why at the beleaguering of Ghibell tto, where, in less then two hours, seven hundred resolute gentlemen, as any were in Europe, lost their lives upon the b each: isle tell you gentlemen, it was the first, but the best leaug that ever I beheld with these eyes, except the taking in of last year by the Genowayes, but that (of all other) was the most fatal & dangerous exploit, that ever I was ranged in, since I first boar arms before the fa e of the enemy, as I am a gentleman and a soldier. O Lord sir: by Phaeton I was the first man that entered the breach, and had I not effected it with resolution, I had be slain if I had had a million of lives. I assure you (upon my salvation) it's true, and your self shall confess. Observe me judicially sweet signior: they had planted me a demy culvering, joust in the mouth of the breach; now sir (as we were to ascend) their master gunner (a man of no mean skill and courage, you must think) confronts me with his Lin stock ready to give fire; I spying his intendment, discharged my Petrinell in his bosom, and with this instrument my poor Rapier, ran violently upon the Moors that guarded the ordi nance, and put them pellmell to the sword. Without any impeach on the earth: you shall per ceiue sir, it is the most fortunate weapon, that ever rid on a poor gentleman's thigh: shall I tell you sir, you talk of Mor glay, Excaliber, Durindana, or so: tut, I lend no credit to that is reported of them, I know the virtue of mine own, and there before I dare the boldlier maintain it. A most perfect Toledo, I assure you signior. This a Toledo pis . A Fleming by Phœbus, isle buy them for a guilder a piece and isle have a thousand of them. A provant Rapier, no better. Signior Thorello's man, I pray thee vouchsafe us the ligh ting of this match. Body of me: here's the remainder of seven pound, since yesterday was seven night. It's your right Trinidad : did you never take any, signior? Signior believe me, (upon my relation) for what I tell you, the world shall not improve. I have been in the Indies (where this herb grows) where neither my self, nor a dozen Gentlemen more (of my knowledge) have received the taste of any other nutriment, in the world, for the space of one and twenty weeks, but Tobacco only. Therefore it cannot be but it's most divine. Further, take it in the nature, in the true kind so, it makes and Antidote, that (had you taken the most de dly poisonous simple in all Florence, it should expel it, and clarify you, with as much ease, as I speak. And for your green wound, your Bals um, and your—are all mere gull rises, and trash to it, especially your Trinidado: your is good too: I could say what I know of the virtue of it, for the exposing of rewmes, raw humours, crudities, obstructions, with a thousand of this kind; but I profess my self no quacksalver: only thus much: by H rcul S I do hold it, and will affirm it (before any Prince in Europe) to be the most sovereign, and precious herb, that ever the earth tendered to the use of man. Where's the match I gave thee? You base cullion, you. Do you prate? A horson filthy slave, a turd, and excrement. Body of Caesar, but that I scorn to let forth so mean a spirit, I'd have stabbed him to the earth. By this fair heaven I would have done it. Tut 'tis nothing an't be not done in a— Alas soon tried: you shall hear sir, ithin two or three days after, they came, and by Jesu go signior believe me, I graced them exceedingly, showed them some woe or three trick S of prevention, hath God them sinc admirable credit, they cannot deny this; and yet now they , and why? because I am excellent, and for no other earth. I will tell you sir upon my first coming to the ci j, they assaulted me some three, four, five, six, of them toga there as I have walked alone, in diverse places of the city; as upon he exchange, at my lodging and at my ordinary: where I have driven them afore me the whole length of a street, in the oh pen view of all our gallan S, pitying to hurt them believe me; yet all this lenity will not depress their spleen: they will be doing with the Pismier, ray I g a him l, a man may spurn a broad with his foot at pleasure: by my soul I could have sla ne them all, but I delight not in murder: I am loath to eam e any other but a bastinado for them, and yet I ho ld it good policy not to go disarmed, for though I be skilful, may be suppressed with multitudes. Indeed hat might be some lose, but who respects it? I will tell you Signior (in private) I am a gentleman, and live here obscure, and to my self: but were I known to the Duke (observe me) I would undertake (upon my head and life) for the p blique benefit of the state, not only to spare the entire lives of his subjects ingenerall, but to save the one half: nay there parts of his y erely charges, in holding wars gene rally against all his enemies? and how will I do it think you? Tut, never mistrust upon my soul. Why signior, by Jesu if he were hear now: I would not draw my w upon on him, let this gentleman do his mind but I will bastin do him (by heaven) & ever I meet him. Well had I thought it had been he: he could not have gone so, but I cannot be induced to believe it was he yet. Signior hear me? Signior, I n ver thought it till now: body of S. George, I have a warrant of the peace served on me even now, as I came along by a waterbearer, this gentleman saw it, signior Mat . Well gentlemen bear witness I was bound to the peace, by Jesu. I cannot to ll; I never sus yned the Like disgrace (by heaven) sure I was struck with a Planet then, for I had no power to touch my we Pon. Why, what should they say? but as of a discreet gentle man. Quick, wary, respectful of nature's, Fair liniamentes, and thats all. TO ut I assure you no: you shall have there your Nobilis, your Gentelezza, come in bravely upon your reverse, stand you close, stand you ferme, stand you fair, save your retricato with his left leg, come to the assaulto with the right, thrust with brave steel, defy your base wood. But wherefore do I awake this remembrance? I was bewitched by Jesu: but I will be re uengd. It were not amiss would we had it. Agreed, do you speak. Well and there be no remedy: isle step aside and put them of. And hear are stockings. Lets go inquest of him. Bear back Matheo? He wears such a cloak, and that deceived us, But see here a coms, officer, this is he. The varlet is a tall man by Jesu. By your worships favour. Faith sir so it is: this gentleman and my self have been most violently wronged by one signior Giullian : a gallant of the city here and for my own partly I protest, being a man in no sort given to this filthy humour of quarreling, he hath asaulted me in the way of my peace: despoiled me of mine honour, disarmed me of my weapons, a worser beaten me in the open streets: when I not so much as once offered to re sist him. I andt please your worship. Of your clarke sir. Well I am ar worser in soul against the worst of fortune. I but I think I taught you atrick this morning for that. You shall kill him without a l question: if you be so minded O you do not give spirit enough to your motion, you are too dull, too tardy: o it must be done Like lightning, hay? Marry thus, I would select 19 more to my self, throughout the land, gentleme ̄ the should be of good spirit; strong & able constitutio ̄ , I would choose the ̄ by and instinct, a trick that I have: & I would teach these 19. the special tricks, as your P nt , our Reverso, your Stoccato, your Imbroccato, your Pass do, your Mon taunto, till they could all play very near or altogether as well as my self this done; say the enemy were forty thousand strong: we twenty would come into the field the tenth of March, or there about; & would challenge twenty of the enemy? they could not in there honour refuse the combat: well, we would kill them: challenge twenty more, kill then; twenty more, kill then; twenty more, kill them too; and thus would we kill every man, his twenty a day, thats twenty score; twenty score, thats two hundredth; two hundredth a day, five days a thousand: forty thousand; forty times five, five times forty, two hun dreth days kills them all, by computation, and this will I ven ture my life to perform: provided there be no treason prac tised upon us. Well sirrah, you Hollofernus: by my hand I will pink thy flesh full of holes with my rapier for this, I will by this good heaven: nay let him come, let him come, gentlemen by the body of S. George isle not kill him. The ffer to figh a gain and are parted. Nay for a more instance of their preposterous humour, there came three or our of them to me, at a ge tlemans house, where it was my chance to be resident at that time, to intre to my presence at their school , and withal so much importuned me, that (I protest to you as I am a gentle man) I was ashamed of their rude demeanour out of all measure: well, I told them that to come to a public school they should pardon me, it was opposite to my humour but if so they would attend me at my lodging, I protested to do them what right or favour I could, as I was a gentleman &c. P wn ? we have none to the valve of his demand. A rude partly, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, laid on strongly: born most patiently, and thats all. N to a cr S e by Jesu. Signior you abuse the excel ncie of your mistress , and her fair sister. Fie while you live void this prolixity. Alas no: whats a peculiar man, to a nation? not seen. It not h : is it?