DAUPHINE

I would you would once lose this subject, my Master's, for my sake. They are such as you are, that have brought me into that predicament, I am, with him. Marry, that he will disinherit me, no more. He thinks, I, and my company are Authors of all the ridicu lous Acts, and Monuments are told of him. I but he will thrust me out of it, he vows, and marry. Not I, by any means. I ll give no suffrage to it. He shall never would that plea against me, that I opposed the least phantasy of his. Let it lie upon my Stars to be guilty, I'll be innocent. Excellent! He was a fine youth last night, but now he is much finer! what is his christen-name? I have forgotten. Like enough: pray thee, let's have him up. Tom Otter? what's he? Oh, then he is animal amphibium? Not of the La-Fooles of Essex? Can you take up Ladies, Sir? Would I were your half, in that commodity— We will not fail you, Sir precious La-fool; but she shall, that your Ladies come to see: if I have credit, a before Sir Daw. Or, such a Rook, as the other! that will betray his Mistress, to be seen. Come, it's time, we prevented it. You shall not go; let him be laughed at in your stead, for not bringing you: and put him to his extemporal faculty of fooling, and talking loud to satisfy the company. His vain glories, Lady! Very good. Excellent! It has some thing in't Like rare wit, and sense. Admirable! I, it's Seneca. Indeed! Sir John? I, and being President of them, as he is. And how he powers them out! Politian, with Vam lerius Flaccus! As could be made, faith. Why? whom do you account for Authors, Sir John Daw? Is the King of Spain's Bible and Author? What was that Syntagma, Sir? Sure, Corpus was a Dutch -man. Before God, you have a simple learned Servant, La die, in Titles. He is one extraordinary. Why, that will follow. In Verse, Sir John? Why? how can you justify your own being of a Poet, that so slight all the old Poets? Why? would not you live by your Verses, Sir John? And yet the noble Sidney lives by his, and the No ble Family not ashamed. Not I, believe it: your reason, Sir. Nor i'st a Tale, That Female Vice should be a Virtue Male, Or Masculine Ʋ ice, a Female Virtue be: You shall it see Proved with increase, I know to speak, and she to hold her peace. Do you conceive me Gentlemen? No faith, how mean you with increase, Sir John? Then, this is a Ballad of Procreation? You ha'not, I hope. Did not I tell you? mischief! — Friend! if the most malicious enemy I have, had studied to inflict and injury upon me, it could not be a grea ter. But I presaged thus much afore, to you. Before Heaven, you have undone me. That, which I have plotted for, and been maturing now these four Months, you have blasted in a minute: now I am lost, I may speak. This Gentlewoman was lodged here by me of pur pose, and, to be put upon my Uncle, hath professed this obsti nate silence for my sake, being my entire friend; and one, that for the requital of such a fortune, as to marry him, would have made me very ample conditions: where now, all my Hope's are utterly miscarried by this unlucky accident. Faith, you may forgive it, best: 'twas your cause principally. How now, Cutberd? what news? On, I pray thee. Excellent! beyond our expectation! Nay, sweet Tru-wit, forgive me. Nay, Gentlemen, contend not, 'tis well now. Nay, Gentlemen, it's well now do you two en tertaine Sir John Daw, with discourse, while I send her away with instructions. No, I stayed in the shop ever since. No, I told him I would be here at this end: I ap pointed him hither. Yonder he comes. How now Cutberd, succeeds it, or no? Oh, by no means, let's do nothing to hinder it now when it's done and finished, I am for you: for any de vise of vexation. And, for my partly. What is't? I marry, but how will't be done? But are they not at the other place already, think you? Not I. What be those, in the name of Sphinx? No more of him. Let's go see him, I petition you, NAy, good Princess, hear me pauca verba. Dares be ever speak? What and excellent choice phrase, this Lady ex presses in? How now, Cutberd? Any cross? Nay, I believe you. Good Sir Dauphine, did she desire me to forgive her? Collegiates! Do you not hear, Sir Amorous, how you are abused? Marry Sir, get me your Pheasants, your Godwits, and your best meat, and dish it in Silver Dishes of your Counterfeit since presently, and say nothing, but clap me a clean Towel about you, Like a Sewer; and bareheaded, march afore it with a good confidence (it's but over the way, hard by) and wee'll second you, where you shall set of the Board, and bid them welcome to't, which shall show it's yours, and disgrace his preparation utterly: and, for your Cousin, whereas she should be troubled here at home with care of making and giving welcome, she shall transfer all that labour thither, and be a principal guest her self, fit ranked with the Col ledge-Honors, and be honoured, and have her Health drunk as often, as bore, and as loud as the best of them. Well, there be Guests, and meat now; how shall we do for Music? I would it would call the Trumpeters thither. It'll be a most solemn day for my Uncle, and and excellent fit of mirth for us. Tut, flatter them both (as Tru-wit says) and you may take their understandings in a Purse-net. They'll be leave themselves to be joust such men as we make them, nei there more nor less. They have nothing, not the use of their senses, but by tradition. She is a Noble Kinswoman. It will be such a pest'-ling device, Sir Amorous! It will pound all your enemies practises to poulder, and blow him up with his own mine, his own train. By any means, Sir. She must consent, Sir Amorous, to reason. Where is your Princess, Captain? pray be our Leader. Oh, hold me up a little, I shall go away in the jest else. He has God on his whole Nest of Nightcaps, and locked himself up, in the top of the House, as high as ever he can climb from the noise. I peeped in at a cranny, and saw him sitting over a cross-beam of the roof, Like him of the Sadiers Horse in Fleetstreet, upright: and he will sleep there. Withdrawn with the Bride in private. How camest thou to study these Creatures so ex actly? I would thou wouldst make me a Proficient. Yes, and be never the near. Why? On what Courtly lap hast thou late slept, to come forth so sudden and absolute a Courtling? Yes by my troth am I: 'twere ill dissembling be before thee. With all the Collegiates. I would say thou hadst the best Philtre in the World, and couldst do more then Madame Medea, or Do ctor Foreman. So be it, I say. Oh Lord, Gentlemen, how my Knights and I have missed you here! A good employment. OF the Horse has kicked off his Dog already. Like and excellent Beare-Dogge. Captain he- Otter, your she- Otter is coming, your Wife. Why did you marry one then, Captain? What ails you, Sir? So I will. Run out o'doores in's Nightcaps, to talk with a Casuist, about his Divorce. It works admirably. Let me not live, I'll beat them. I'll bind them both to grand Madames Bed. posts, and have them baited with Monkeys. I, you have many plots! So you had one, to make all the Wenches in love with me. It's no lose to him: he has no employment for his Arms, but to eat spoon-meat. Beside, as goods maim his body as his reputation. Come away, Clerimont. By no mortal means. Let them continue in the state of ignorance, and err still: think them wits, and fine fellows, as they have done. 'Twere sin to reform them. This is thy extreme vanity, now: thou thinkest thou Wertenberg undone, if every Jest thou makest were not published. I should be rude to imagine otherwise, Lady. I, but noble Ladies, do not confess in your con tenance, or outward bearing to them any discovery of their follies, that we may see, how they will bear up again, with what assurance, and erection. Where's your Sword, Sir John? Indeed, Sir? How their excuses meet! have you spoke with a Lawyer, Sir? What wilt thou do now, Wit? Why? to what purpose? Thou canst not man, these are waking Dreams. Yes, and Otter too. I will. WHere had you our Swords, Master Clerimont? Your Ladyship sets too high a price, on my weak ness. (Are you so skilful in Stones?) You do not, Madame, I perceive they are your mere Foils. With me, Madame? God's-light, they haunt meelike Fairies, and give me Jewels here, I cannot be rid of them, Mass, I forgotten that: I was never so assaulted. One loves for virtue, and bribes me with this. Another loves me with caution, and so would possess me. A third brings me a Riddle here, and all are jealous: and rail each at other. We lack Tru-wit, to tell us that. You jest. What, they have lyen with her? Not both of them. Why, they will be our sport, I see, still! whither we will, or no. Oh, Are you here? Come Dauphine, Go call your Un cle presently. I have fitted my Divine, and my Canon nist, died their Beards and all: the Knaves do not know themselves they are so exalted, and altered. Preferment changes any man. Thou shalt keep one door, and I anon there, and then Clerimont in the amid, that he may have no means of escape from their cavilling, when they grow hight once again. And then the women (as I have given the Bride her instructions) to break in upon him, in the l'envoy. Oh, it'll be full and twanging! Away, fetch him. Come, Master Doctor, and Master Parson, look to your parts now, and discharge them bravely: you are well set forth, perform it as well. If you chance to be out, do not confess it with standing still, or humming, or gaping one at another: but go on, and talk aloud, and eagerly, use vehement Actium, and only remember your terms, and you are safe. Let the mat ter go where it will: you have many will do so. But at first, be very solemn, and graven Like your garments, though you loose your selves after, and skip out Like a brace of Jug glers on a Table. Here he comes! set your faces, and look superciliously, while I present you. Oh, but frigiditas is the fairer way, Gentlemen. (They dispute it very learnedly, i'faith.) Ladies, for my sake forbear. Come, I see now plain confederacy in this Do ctor, and this Parson, to abuse a Gentleman. You study his affliction. I pray be gone companions. And Gentlemen, I begin to suspect you for having parts with them. Sir, will it please you hear me? Sir, I must speak to you. I have been long your poor despised Kinsman, and many a hard thought has strengthened you against me: but now it shall appear if ei there I love you or your peace, and prefer them to all the World beside. I will not be long or grievous to you, Sir. If I free you of this unhappy match absolutely, and instantly of ter all this trouble, and almost in your despair, now— Sir, that you be never troubled with a murmur of it more, what shall I hope for, or deserve of you? Shall I have your favour perfect to me, and love hereafter? Nay, Sir, I will not be so unreasonable. You know, I have been a long Suitor to you, Un cle, that out of your estate, which is fifteen hundred a year, you would allow me but five hundred during life, and assure the rest upon me after: to which I have often, by my self and friends tendered you a writing to sign, which you would never consent, or incline too. If you please to effect it now— If I quit you not presently? and forever of this cumber, you shall have power instantly, afore all these, to revoke your act, and I will become, whose Slave you will give me to, forever. Here, Sir. Then here is your release, Sir: you have married a Boy: a Gentleman's son, that I have brought up this half year, at my great charges, and for this composition, which I have now made with you. What say you, Master Doctor? this is iustum impedimentum, I hope, error personae? He puls off their beards, and aisguise. I thank you, good Doctor Cutberd, and Parson Otter. You are beholden to them, Sir, that have taken this pains for you: and my friend, Master Tru-wit, who enabled them for the business. Now you may go in and rest, be as private as you will, Sir. I'll not trouble you, till you trou ble me with your Funeral, which I care not how soon it come. Cutberd, I'll make your Lease good. Thank me not, but with your leg, Cutberd. And Tom Otter, your Prin cease shall be reconciled to you. How now, Gentlemen! do you look at me? Yes, Mistress Epicoene. I have some business now: I cannot in faith. You put them out, man.