ONION

Nam Gods so, fellow Juniper, come away. I cry you mercy sir, I love you the better for that sir, by Jesu you must pardon me, I knew you not, but Ill pray to be better acquainted with you sir, I have seen of your works. Nay that's certain, I'll get my fellow Juniper to read it. Friend, you are somewhat to peremptory, let's crave your absence: nay never scorn it, I am a little your better in this place. Your friend as you may use him, and M. Onion, say on. Good Lord, sirrah, how thou art altered with thy travel? I Bully, he is above; and the Lord Paulo Ferneze, his son, and Madam Aurelia, & madam Phaenixella, his daugh ters, But Oh Valentine? Faith sad, heavy, as a man of my coat ought to be. True, but thou knowest All creatures here sojourning, upon this wretched earth, Sometime have a fit of mourning, as well as a fit of mirth. Oh Valentine, mine old Lady is dead, man. I faith. Ant please your honour. How: does he find fault with Please his Honour. S'wounds it has begun a serving men speech, ever since I be longed to the blue order: I know not how it may show, now I am in black, but— Ant Like your good Lordship. What, do not this Like him neither? Marry I say your Lordship were best to set me to school again, to learn how to deliver a message. Exception? I take no exceptions, but by Gods so your humours— Your Lordship's poor servant, I. Why I hope I am no spirit, am I? Correct him, S'bloud come you and correct him and you have a mind to it, correct him, that's a good jest I faith, the Steward and you both, come and correct him. Cloth? tell me of your cloth, here's your cloth, nay and I mourn a minute longer, I am the rottenest Onion that e ver spoke with a tongue. All of a house sir, but no fellows, you are my Lords Steward, but I pray you what think you of love, sir? Nay if it be but worshipful I care not. But in truth sir, you shall do well to think well of love: For it thinks well of you, in me, I assure you. Partly sir, but I am ashamed to say wholly. Marry a poor men daughter, but none of the honest est, I hope. Oh no, for then I am sure she would not have me. T'is Rachel de Pry. Do nothing sir, I pray you, but speak for me. My fellow Juniper can tell you sir. I thank you sir, God save your life, I pray God sir. I'll be hanged & he were not misbegotten of some fen cer. God a mercy good Valentine, nay go on. I must travel to see these things, I shall never think well of my self else. It were good they were noted. Oh that's well said, lay them down, come sirs. Who plays, fellow Juniper, Sebastian, Balthazar: Some body take them up, come. Come, but one bout, I'll give hem thee, I faith. Foe he, alas he cannot play a whit, man. Hurt thee, no? and I do, put me among potherbs, And chop me to pieces, come on? Would, well played, fallen over to my leg now? so, to your guard again, excellent, to my head now, make home your blow: spare not me, make it home, good, good a gain. Capricious? not I, I scorn to be capricious for a scrach, Martino must have another bout, come. Foe, 'tis nothing a philip, a devise, fellow Juniper pri thee get me a Plantan, I had rather play with one that had skill by half. Nay that's not so, it against my head, But come, weel would one bout more. No, no, I know best how it was better the ̄ any man here, I felt his play presently: for look you, I gathered upon him thus, thus do you see? for the double lock, and took it single on the head. How? a cobweb Martino, I will have another bout with you? S'wounds do you first break my head, and then give me a plaster in scorn? come to it, I will have a bout. Tut! your witness cannot serve. Sirrah Finio? Didst thou see Valentine? No? Oh I am vexed, he that would trust any of these lying travellers. I thank you good signior Parla vou? Oh that I were in and other world, in the Ingies, or some where, that I might have room to laugh. How? how? Sbloud this is rare? Bean? quoth he, would I were in debt of a pottle of beans I could do as much. This trick is only for the the chamber, it cannot be cleanly done abroad, Young gentlemen? spirits of blood, if ever yowl taste of a sweet piece of mutton, do Onion a good turn now. Faith teach me one of these tricks. Mounseiur Finio. Nay I beseech you sir. Well and ever I come to be great. I mean a great man. Well God knows not what fortune may do, come maund me, use me from the soul to the crown, and the crown to the soul: meaning not only from the crown of the head, and the sole of the foot, but also the foot of the mind and the crowns of the purse, I cannot stay now young gentle men but — time was, time is, and time shall be. Fellow Juniper, no more of thy songs and sonnets, sweet Juniper, no more of thy hymns and madrigals, thou singest, but I sighs. Prithee rise mount, mount sweet Juniper, for I go down the wind, and yet I puff: for I am vexed. I confess Cupid's carouse, he plays super negulum with my liquour of life For that let the higher powers work: but sweet Juni per, I am not sad for her, and yet for her in a second person, or f not so yet in a third. Juniper, I'll bewray my self before thee, for thy come pany is sweet unto me, but I must entreat thy helping hand in the case. For the case it may be any men case, aswell as mine, Rachel I mean, but I'll meddle with her anon, in the mean time, lentine is the man hath wronged me. Your Ingle, hang him infidel, well and if I be not re uengd one him let Peter Onion (by the infernal Gods) be tur ned to all eke or a scalion, I spoke to him for a ditty for this handkerchier. Done it, not a verse by this hand. No sweet Juniper, no danger breed delay, love makes me choleric I can bear no longer. Cupid's burden: 'tis to heavy, to tolerable, and as for the handkerchire and the posy: I will not trouble thee: but if thou wilt go with me into her father's backside, old Jaques backside, and speak for me to Rachel, I will not being ratitude, the old man is abroad and all. As sure as and obligation. God a mercy, and for thy sake I'll at any time make a holiday. Oh brave? she's yonder, Oh terrible she's gone. Oh how she scudded, Oh sweet scud, how she tripped, Oh delicate trip and go. Oh rare, what? what? passing I'faith, what is't? what is't? Oh sweet equipage, try good Juniper, tickle her, talk, talk, Oh? rare Say I am here, Onion or Peter or so. Well said sweet Juniper: Horizons? hang hem? knock, knock. Well said Juniper, to her again, a smack or two more of the mother Smell, filthy, fellow Juniper filthy? smell? Oh most odi ous. Filthy, by this finger? smell? smell a rat, smel a pudding, away these tricks are for truls, a plain wench loves plain dealing, isle upon my self, smel to march pain wench. Sweet heart, sweet heart? Gods lid Oh conycatching Cupid. A pitiful Onion, that thou hadst a rope. I fear not garlic, heel not bite Onion his kins man pray God he come out, and then theile not smell me. No matter he's a cobbler, he can mend them. Bir Lady but Onion feels something. If I escape this tree, destinies, I defy you. I mar'le he smells not Onion, being so near it. Is he gone? o Fortune my friend, & not fortune my foe, I come down to embrace thee, and kiss thy great toe. Fellow Juniper. What's the old panurgo gone? departed, cosmografied, would? Oh I, and hark Sirrah. Shall I tell him? no. He says true, it was for my sake, I will tell him. Sirrah Juniper? and yet I will not. And thou hadst smelled the sent of me when I was in the tree, thou wouldst not have said so: but Sirrah, The case is all terd with me, my heart has given love a box of the ear, made him kick up the heals I faith. I cannot hold it, Juniper, have and eye, look, have and eye to the door, the old proverb's true, I see: gold is but muck. Nay Gods so Juniper to the door, and eye to the main chance, here you slave, have and eye. Nay, it will be sufficient anon, here, look here. I'll tell you that anon, here, make shift, convey, cram. I'll teach you how you shall call for garlic again I faith. Consumption? why weel be most sumptuously at tired, man. I'll go in my footcloth, I'll turn Gentleman. But what badge shall we give, what cullison? A gudgeon? a scutheon thou wouldst say, man. Well, our arms be good enough, lets look to our legs. Rachel? we retire: garlic God boy you. Farewell sweet Rachel, sweet dog adieu. Page hold my rapier, while I hold my friend here. Nay and he have the heart to draw my blood, let him come. I'll cleave you Juniper. You will not, imbecell my servant with your be uolence will you, hold boy their's a portmantu for thee. Prithee Valentine assoil me one thing. Oh hers the page signior Juniper: He thought your name had been, we young gentle men, you must do more then his legs can do for him, bear with him sir. Plaguy boy, he sooths his humour? these french vil laines would pocky wits. No nor good neither, Sbloud? Gentlemen leave him not, you see in what case he is, he is not in adversity, his purse is full of money, leave him not? Gods lid man, service is ready to go up man, you must slip on your coat and come in, we lack waiters pity fully. Well yowl come. Oh did my fellow Juniper tell you? marry sir, she is as one may say, but a poor men child indeed, and for mine own partly I am no Gentleman born I must confess, but my mind to me a kingdom is truly. T'is somewhat stale, but that's no matter. This is but a hungry comparison in my judgement. No faith sir, but there goes a huge report on't. Tut then I shall not choose but Like it. You are in the right, I'll not give a halfpenny to see a thousand on'hem. I was at one the last Term, but & ever I see a more roguish thing, I am a piece of cheese, & no onion, nothing but kings & princes in it, the fool came not out a lot. No, it were a vain thing, and you should sir. Indeed that's right, you are in print already for the best plotter. Do you acknowledge it? nay then you shall go forth, I'll teach you how shall acknowledge it another time; go to, void, I must have the hall purged, no setting up of a rest here, pack, begone. Gods so, Valentine! Marry, to morrow shall be three months, she was seen going to heaven they say, about some five weeks ago! how now? trickling tears, would? Faith thou hast made me weep with this news. Why I have done but the part of and Onion, you must pardon me. Come on I'faith, lets to some exercise or other my hearts: Fetch the hilts fellow Juniper, wilt thou play: I would not you should think so sir, for though I have no learning, yet I honour a scholar in any ground of the earth sir, Shall I request your name sir? How now friend, what are you there? be uncovered, Would you speak with any man here? Do take it boy, its three pounds ten shill. a portmantu. Mass thou sayest true, apparel makes a man forget himself. Balladino? you are not Pageant Poet to the City of Mil lain sir are you. I marry sir, I marl you were not, stand aside sir a while: Oh God sir. What rakehell calls Rachel: Oh treason to my love. It shall be yours.