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Full speech
I shall Madame. And do your Graces trusts with diligence. WHat luck's this? I am come and inch too late, Do you hear Sir? Is your worship o'the family Unto the Lady Pecuniam ? I serve her Grace, Sir, Aurelia Claram Pecuniam, the Infanta. A Herald at Arms ? Good Master Pyed-mantle. From all the Spanish Mines in the West-Indi'es, I hope: for she comes that way by her mother, But, by her Grandmother, she's Duchess of Mines. No further? Before S r , long before, you have done nothing else, Your Mines were before Adam, search your Office, Roll five and twenty, you will find it so, I see you are but a Novice, Master Pyed-mantle. If you had not told me so. Why, if you have acquaintance with Mistress Statute, Or Mistress Band, my Ladies Gentlewomen, They can induce you. One is a Judges Daughter, But somewhat stately; th'other Mistress Band, Her father's but a Scrivener, but she can Almost as much with my Lady, as the other, Especially, if Rose Wax the Chambermaid Be willing. Do you not know her, Sir, neither? She's a good pliant wench, And easy to be wrought, Sir, but the Nurse Old mother Mortgage, if you have a Tenement, Or such a morsel? though she have no teeth, She loves a sweet meat, any thing that melts In her warm gums, she could command it for you On such a trifle, a toy. Sir, you may see, How for your love, and this so pure complexion, (A perfect Sanguine ) I have ventured thus, The straining of a ward, opening a door Into the secrets of our family: My name is Broker, I am Secretary, And Usher, to her Grace. Good M r . Pyed-mantle. Truly, I think I could: but if I would, I hardly should, without, or Mistress Band, Or Mistress Statute, please to appear in it. Or the good Nurse I told you of, Mistress Mortgage We know our places here, we mingle not One in another's sphere, but all move orderly, In our own orbs; yet we are all Concentricks. Do, And study the right means, get Mistress Band Broker makes a mouth at him. He jeers him again. Old Peny-boy leaps To urge on your behalf, or little Wax. That air of hope, has blasted many and airy Of Castrills Like your self: Good Master Pyed-mantle, You did it. Nothing that I herd, Sir. I know not, some green Plover. I'll find him out. You may jeer, You have the wits, young Gentlemen. But your hope Of Helicon, will never carry it, here, With our fat family; we have the dullest, Most unboar'd Ears for verse amongst our females. I grieved you read so long, Sir, old Nurse Mortgage, She snored i'the Chair, and Statute (if you marked her) Fell fast a sleep, and Mistress Band, she nodded, But not with any consent to what you read. They must have somewhat else to chink, then rhymes. If you could make and Epitaph on your Land, (Imagine it on departure) such a Poem Would wake them and bring Wax to her true temper. It's but earth, Fit to make bricks and tiles of. 'Twere worth keeping. Let clowns and hinds affect it, that love ploughs, And carts, and harrows, and are busy still, In vexing the dull element. So it supple, Sir, The nerves. I shall obey, Sir, And run a thread, Like and hourglasse. Broker. No, her Usher, Sir. No barren chin, Sir, I am no Eunuch, though a Gentleman-usher. I warrant you. Do not believe him! gentle Master Picklock, They understood you not: the Gentlewomen, They thought you would ha'my Lady sojourn, with you, And you desire but now and then, a visit? It's enough. I apprehend you. And it shall go hard, But I'll so work, as some body shall work her! I ha'brought A Gentleman to speak with you? He's the Master Of the great Office. The Staple of News, A mighty thing, they talk Six thousand a year. Sir, in Apollo, they are scarce set. Here is the Gentleman. It was my Ladies Chambermaid, soft- Wax.
Plot summary
Plot — The Staple of News
. _ Pug the junior devil is keen to visit earth. Satan svarns him that his ideas of effective devilment are half a century out of date, but grants him leave to spend the day in London, made flesh and subject to all the frailties and limitations of the human body. A ready-made body is available, in the shape of a recently hanged cutpurse, but Pug will have to make his own arrangements for clothes. Another proviso is that he must serve the first man he meets. Unfortunately for Pug, he turns out to be a twit: Fabian Fitzdottrel. Fitzdottrel longs to see the devil, and agrees to accept Pug as an unpaid servant because he gives his mame as Devil. The same obsession makes Fitzdottrel eager to see a new play, The Devil is an Ass, but he needs some finery to show off as he sits on the stage. Wittipol is eager to sleep with Fitzdottrel’s wife, and offers him a suitable cloak in exchange for fifteen minutes’ uninterrupted conversation with the lady. He uses the time to proposition her, and engages her interest even though she has been forbidden to reply. Fitzdottrel is introduced to Merecraft, a purveyor of imaginative financial schemes, who offers to make him rich and a duke through land reclamation in the eastern fens. Fitzdottrel agrees to meet with him, leaving Pug to ensure that nobody attempts to visit his wife. Pug instead brings her a follow-up message from Wittipol, then makes advances to her on his own account, but is caught by Fitzdottrel and gets a beating. Wittipol’s friend Manly has a room which abuts Mistress Fitzdottrel’s gallery, which he uses to have a second meeting with her. This is much more intimate than the first, despite being conducted through the windows of adjacent buildings. Pug gets back into favour by tipping off Fitzdottrel, who puts a stop to the assignation and threatens to take up another woman to share his expectations and be his Duchess. Merecraft suggests that what Fitzdottrel’s wife needs is to be taught proper manners, and recommends a widow who knows the ways of the Spanish court, who might be persuaded to undertake the task if sent an expensive ring as a gift, and who is entirely fictitious. His accomplice Engine proposes hiring an actor to impersonate her, but Merecraft worries that his business methods might be leaked to a playwright and end up on stage; in the event, Engine finds a gentleman to take on the role instead, who happens to be Wittipol. Fitzdottrel cannot get his wife to part with a ring of her own, so…