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Full speech
Why, what stuff are they made on, Brother Leatherhead? nothing but what's wholesome, I assure you. Mar my market, thou too-proud Pedlar? do thy worst; I defy thee, I, and thy stable of hobby-horses. I pay for my ground, as well as thou dost, and thou wrongest me for all thou art parcell-poet, and and Inginer. I'll find a friend shall right me, and make a ballad of thee, and thy cattle all over. Are you puffed up with the pride of your wares? your Arsedine ? Charm me? I'll meet thee face to face, afore his wor ship, when thou darest: and though I be a little crooked o'my bo die, I'll be found as upright in my dealing, as any woman in Smith field, I, charm me? Buy any gingerbread, gilded ginger-beard! Buy some Gingerbread. Will you buy any comfortable bred, Gentlemen? Why, what and you have, Captain Whit? he has his choice of Jerkins, you may see by that, and his caps too, I assure you, when he pleases to be either sick, or employed. Will your worship buy any gingerbread, very good bred, comfortable bred? Why? if his Mastership have a mind to buy, I hope my beware lies as open as another's; I may show my beware, as well as you yours. Yes, goodman angry-man, you shall find he has quali ties, if you cheapen him. No indeed, Sir. He scorns victuals, Sir, he has bred and butter at home, thanks be to God! and yet he will do more for a good meal, if the toy take him i'the belly, marry then they must not set him at lower end; if they do, he'll go away, though he fast. But put him a top o'the Table, where his place is, and hee'll do you forty five things. He has not been sent for, and sought out for nothing, at your great citty-suppers, to put down Coriat, and Cokeley, and been laughed at for his labour; he'll play you all the Puppets i'the town over, and the Players, every company, and his own company too; he spares no body! He was the first, Sir, that ever baited the fellow i'the bear's skin, an't Like your worship: no dog ever came near him, since. And for fine motions! Oh Lord, Master! sought to far, and near, for his in uentions: and he engrosses all, he makes all the Puppets i'the Fair. Nay, Sir, you shall see him in his velvet Jerkin, and a scarf, too, at night, when you hear him interpret Master Little wit's Motion. Four shillings, and eleven pence, Sir, ground, and all, an't Like your worship. I think we are rid of our new customer, brother Leatherhead, we shall hear no more of him. They plot to be gone. Stay a little, yonder comes a company: it may be we may take some more money. And what's my gingerbread? I pray you. A pox of his Bedlam purity. He has spoiled half my beware: but the best is, we loose nothing, if we miss our first Merchant.
Plot summary
Plot — Bartholomew Fair
Bartholomew Cokes has two objectives in life: to visit the fair which shares his name, and to marry Grace Wellborn, who, as a ward, faces a financial penalty should she refuse. He sends his servant Wasp to Littlewit the proctor to obtain a marriage licence, but then, impatiently, comes himself. He brings Grace with him, and she attracts the interest of Winwife, present with his friend Quarlous as a suitor to Littlewit’s mother-in-law, Dame Purecraft. Littlewit is more interested in Cokes’s talk of the fair, having secretly written one of the puppet plays to be performed there. The only snag is that the puritanical Dame Purecraft will disapprove of their visit, thinking fairs profane. Busy, an elder of Purecraft’s church, advises the family that fairs may lawfully be visited for good reason, and comes along with them to partake of the pork. After some unfortunate experiences involving mistaken identity, Justice Overdo no longer trusts informers and has decided to do his spying personally. He visits the fair in disguise to seek out ‘enormities’ perpetrated by the fairground folk. He is impressed by one young man, Edgeworth, and decides to rescue him from the clutches of the cheaters; but he does not know that Edgeworth is a cutpurse. While Overdo is busy telling him about the wickedness of tobacco, Edgeworth steals Cokes’s purse; Overdo gets the blame. When it happens a second time, Overdo is arrested and put in the stocks. There he encounters the madman Trouble-All, who persistently demands Overdo’s warrant for any action; it transpires that he was a court official driven out of his mind by Overdo’s own actions. The watchmen, concerned to get better authority, release Overdo from the stocks for the time being. Meanwhile, the Littlewits arrive at the fair, but Busy becomes over-excited in his condemnation, attacks the fairground booths, and is arrested; Dame Purecraft goes after him, leaving Littlewit and Win free to enjoy themselves. Edgeworth tricks Wasp into making affidavit so that, at Quarlous’s instigation, he can steal Cokes’s marriage licence. Wasp too is arrested and put in the stocks, but escapes by a ruse when Overdo and Busy are put in beside him. The women visitors to the fair are separated from the men. Littlewit leaves Win in the care of two fairground bawds while he goes off to check the arrangements for his puppet show. Cokes abandons Grace and Mistress Overdo to try and get back his stolen property. Desperate for the toilet, Mistress…