LITTLEWIT

He cannot abide my Vocation, he says. Every line (he says) that a Proctor writes, when it comes to be read in the Bishops Court, is a long black hair, kembed out of the tail of Antichrist. Some three days since. Oh Sir, have you taken soil, here? it's well, a man may reach you, after 3. hours running, yet! what and unmerciful companion art thou, to quit thy lodging, at such ungentle manly hours? None but a scattered covey of Fidiers, or one of these Rag-rakers in dunghills, or some Marrowbone man at most, would have been up, when thou Wertenberg gone abroad, by all description. I pray thee what ailest thou, thou canst not sleep? hast thou Thorns i'thy eyelids, or Thistles i'thy bed. Do you remember Master Quarlous, what we discoursed on, last night? No? not concerning Win, look you: there she is, and dressed as I told you she should be: hark you Sir, had you forgotten? Why Sir? Oh Win, fie, what do you mean, Win ! Be womanly, Win ; make and outcry to your mother, Win ? Master Quarlous is and ho nest Gentleman, and our worshipful good friend, Win : and he is Master Winwifes friends, too: And Master Win-wife comes a Suitor to your mother Win ; as I told you before, Win, and may perhaps, be our Father, Win, they'll do you no harm, Win, they are both our worshipful good friends. Master Quarlous! you must know M r . Quarlous, Win ; you must not quarrel with Master Quarlous, Win. Yes, do good Win. A Foole-Iohn she calls me, do you mark that, Gentlemen? pretty littlewit of velvet! a fool- John ! Sir! good Win, go in, and if Master Bartholmew Cokes - his man come for the Licence: (the little old fellow) let him speak with me; what say you, Gentlemen? Rabbi Busy, Sir, he is more then and Elder, he is a Prophet, Sir. He was a Baker, Sir, but he do's dream now, and see visions, he has given over his Trade. Yes, Sir, Zeale-of-the-land Busy. Oh, they have all such names, Sir; he was Witness, for Win, here, (they will not be called Godfathers) and named her Winne-the-fight, you thought her name had been Winnifred, did you not? He would have thought himself a stark Reprobate, if it had. Here, I have it for you, in my hand, Master Humphrey. We'll talk of that anon, Master Humphrey. Sweet Win, bid Salomon send me the little black box within, in my study. Why, you know the price, M r Numps. Good faith! no, I warrant you, Salomon is wiser then so, Sir. Master Quarlous, do not mistake him: he is his Master's both-hands, I assure you. Sir, if you have a mind to mock him, mock him softly, and look to'ther way: for if he apprehend you flout him, once, he will fly at you presently. A terrible testy old fellow, and his name is Wasp too. Nay, good M r Wasp. Oh! be civil Master Numpes. Here is the box, now. They do apprehend, Sir. Will't please you drink, Master Wasp? No, but you were in hast even now, M r Numpes. She's my match indeed, and as little wit as I, Good! You say true, Master Numpes: there's such a one indeed. That was mine afore, Gentlemen: this morning. I had that faith, upon his Licence, believe me, there he comes, after me. No? why Sir? Think you so, Gentlemen? I'll take heed on't, hereafter. Win, you see, it's in fashion, to go to the Fair, Win: we u to to the Fair too, you, and I, Win. I have and affair i'the Fair, , a Puppet-play of mine own making, say nothing, that I writ for he motion man, which you must see, Win. Tut, we'll have a device, a dainty one; (Now, Wit, help at a pinch, good Wit come, come, good Wit, an't be thy will.) I have it, Win, I have it in-faith, and it's a fine one. Win, long to eat of a Pig, sweet Win, i'the Fair ; do you see? i'the heart o'the Fair ; not at Pie-corner. Your mother will do any thing, Win, to satisfy your longing, you know, pray thee long, presently, and be sick o'the sudden, good Win. I'll go in and tell her, cut thy lace i'the mean time, and play the Hypocrite, sweet Win. You say true, you have been bred i'the family, and brought up to't. Our mother is a most elect Hypocrite, and has maintained us all this seven year with it, Like Gentlefolks. Not I, of my sincerity, mother: she longed above three hours, ere she would let me know it; who was it Win? Good mother, I pray you; that she may eat some Pig, and her belly full, too; and do not you cast away your own child, and perhaps one of mine, with your tale of the Tempter: how do you, Win? Are you not sick? Presently, mother, as soon as he has cleansed his beard. I found him, fast by the teeth, i'the cold Turkey-pye, i'the cupboard, with a great white loaf on his left hand, and a glass of Malmesey on his right. Here he is, now, purified, Mother. I Sir, a Bartholmew -pig: and in the Fair. I, but in state of necessity: Place should give place, M r Busy, (I have a conceit left, yet.) Yes Sir, and as soon as you can: for it must be Sir; you see the danger my little wife is in, Sir. Nay, I knew that afore, and told her on't, but courage, Win, we'll be humble enough; we'll seek out the homeliest Booth i'the Fair, that's certain, rather then fail, wee'll eat it of the ground. I, and Salomon too, Win, (the more the merrier) Win, we'll leave Rabby Busy in a Booth. Salomon, my cloak. Good, faith, I will eat heartily too, because I will be no Jew, I could never away with that stiffnecked generation: and truly, I hope my little one will be Like me, that cries for Pig so, i'the mother's belly. This's sine, verily, here be the best pigs: and she doe's roast them as well as ever she did; the Pigs head says. Good mother, how shall we find a pig, if we do not look about for't? will it run off o'the spit, into our mouths think you? as in Lubberland ? and cry, we, we? Come, Win, as good winny here, as go farther, and see nothing. Win, have patience, Win, I'll tell you more anon. While they are paying the reckoning, Win, I'll tell you a thing Win, we shall never see any sights i'the Fair, Win, except you long still, Win, good Win, sweet Win, long to see some Hob by-horses, and some Drums, and Rattles, and Dogs, and fine devices, Win. The Bull with the five legs, Win ; and the great Hog: now you have begun with Pig, you may long for any thing, Win, and so for my Motion, Win. Oh yes! Win: you may long to see, as well as to taste, Win: how did the Pothecarie's wife, Win, that longed to see the Anatomy, Win? or the Lady, Win, that desired to spit i'the great Lawyers mouth, after and eloquent pleading? I assure you they longed, Win, good Win, go in, and long. Look Win. do, look a Gods name, and save your longing. Here be fine sights. Ill give a shilling, you could faith, friend. A match faith, but do it quickly, then. Pray you forbear, I am put in trust with them. Was not this shilling well ventured, Win ? for our liber ty? Now we may go play, and see over the Fair, where we list our selves; my mother is gone after him, and let her ee'n go, and lose us. For what, Win ? I pray thee be not ashamed, Win. Come, faith thou shall not be ashamed, is it any thing about the Hobby-horse-man? an't be, speak freely. o! Is that all, Win ? wee'll go back to Captain Ior dan ; to the pig-womans, Win. hee'll help us, or she with a dripping pan, or and old kettle, or something. The poor greasy soul loves you, Win, and after we'll visit the Fair all over, Win, and, see my Puppet play, Win, you know it's a fine matter, Win. I, they are honest Gentlemen Win, Captain Jordan, and Captain Whit, they'll use you very civilly, Win, God b'w'you, Win. By your leave, friend. Who, I? I perceive thou knowest not me: call the Ma ster o'the Motion. Peace, speak not too loud, I would not have any notice taken, that I am the Author, till we see how it passes. Master Cokes ! you are exceeding well met: what, in your doublet, and hose, without a cloak, or a hat? Oh, Sir, you shall command it, what, will a crown serve you? Your man was i'the Stocks, ee'n now, Sir. Yes faith. Pretty youths, Sir, all children both old and young, here's the Master of them— Master Lantern, that gives light to the business, I, and eat them all, too, and they were in cakebread. Good i'faith! you are even with me, Sir. It pleases him to make a matter of it, Sir. But there is no such matter I assure you: I have only made it a little easy, and modern for the times, Sir, that's all; As, for the Hellespont I ima gine our Thames here; and then Leander, I make a Dyers son, a bout Puddle-wharf: and Hero a wench o'the Bankside, who go king over one morning, to old fish-street; Leander spies her land at Trigsstayers, and falls in love with her: Now do I introduce Cum bid, having Metamorphosed himself into a Drawer, and he strikes Hero in love with a pint of Sherry, and other pretty passages there are, o'the friendship, that will delight you, Sir, and please you of judgement. No, no, no. Oh Gentlemen! did you not see a wife of mine? I have lost my little wife, as I shall be trusted: my little pretty Win, I left her at the great woman's house in trust yonder, the Pig-womans, with Captain Jordan, and Captain Whit, very good men, and I cannot hear of her. Poor fool, I fear she's stepped aside. More there, did you not see Win ? Oh my wife, my wife, my wife! No, but half a one, Win, you are the tother half: man and wife make one fool, Win. (Good!) Is there the Proctor, or Doctor indeed, i'the Diocese, that ever had the fortune to win him such a Win ! (There I am again!) I do feel conceits coming upon me, more then I am able to turn tongue too. A pox oh these pretenders, to wit! your Three Cranes, Miter, and Mermaid men! Not a corn of true salt, nor a grain of right mustard amongst them all. They may stand for places or so, again the next Wit fallen, and pay two pence in a quart more for their Canary, then other men. But give me the man, can start up a Justice of Wit out of six-shillings bear, and give the law to all the Poets, and Poet-suc kers in Town, because they are the Players Gossips? 'slid, other men have wives as fine as the Players, and as well dressed. Come hither, Win. WHy, how now Master Little-wit ! measuring of lips? or molding of kisses? which is it? Troth I am a little taken with my Wins dressing here! Dost not fine Master Win-wife? How do you apprehend, Sir? She would not have worn this habit. I challenge all Cheapside, to show such another: Morefields, Pimlic path, or the Exchange, in a summer evening, with a Lace to boot as this has. Dear Win, let Master Win-wife kiss you. He comes a wooing to our more there Win, and may be our father perhaps, Win. There's no harm in him, Win. I envy no man, my delicates, Sir. Good y'faith! now dulness upon me, that I had not that before him, that I should not light on't, as well as he! Velvet head! I! we know you are a Suitor, Sir. Win, and I both, wish you well: by this Licence here, would you had her, that your two names were as fast in it, as here are a couple. Win would feign have a fine young father in law, with a feather: that her mother might hood it, and chain it, with Mistress Overdo. But, you do not take the right course, Master Win-wife. You are not mad enough. I say nothing, but I wink upon Win. You have a friend, one (Master Quarlous ) comes here some times? Not a tokenworth that ever I saw, I assure you, But— He is the more Madcap o'the two. You do not appre hend me. Let me out with it, deer Win. Do, and take all the thanks, and much do good thy pret ty heart, Win. I, but it must be a Gentleman Madman. Yes, and ha been at Bedlam twice since, every day, to inquire if any Gentleman be there, or to come there, mad! I tell her so; or else say I, that they mean some young. Madcap-Gentleman (for the devil can equivocate, as well as a Shopkeeper) and therefore would I advise you, to be a little mad der, then Master Quarlous, hereafter. Stirring! Yes, and studying and old Elder, come from Banbury, a Suitor that puts in here at meal-tide, to praise the painful brothers, or pray that the sweet singers may be restored; Says a grace as long as his breath lasts him! Some time the spirit is so strong with him, it gets quite out of him, and then my more there, or Win, are feign to fetch it again with Malmesey, or Aquam coelestis. Well good Master Lantern, make ready to begin, that I may fetch my wife, and look you be perfect, you undo me else, i'my reputation. Show him them, show him them. Master Lantern, this is a Gentleman, that is a favourer of the quality.