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Full speech
So would I, or any body else, so I might escape you, Truly, I have no such fancy to the Fair ; nor ambiti on to see it; there's none goes thither of any quality or fashion. I do not think on't, Sir. I am beholden to you, Sir, and to your Bartholmew -wit. Nay, if you saw the Justice her husband, my Guardian, you were fitted for the Mess, he is such a wise one his way— Oh! he is too serious for this place, and yet better sport then then the other three, I assure you, Gentlemen: where ere he is, thought be o'the Bench. Then you would not chosen, Sir, but love my Guardian, Justice Overdo , who is answerable to that description, in every hair of him. Faith, through a common calamity, he bought me, Sir; and now he will marry me to his wives brother, this wise Gentle man, that you see, or else I must pay valve o'my land You'd bring but little aid, Sir. Sir, they that cannot work their fetters off; must wear them. Faith the same they have of themselves, Sir. I cannot greatly complain, if this were all the plea I had against them. Sir, I will give my self, no cause; I am so secure of mine own manners, as I suspect not yours. If you both love me, as you pretend, your own reason will tell you, but one can enjoy me; and to that point, there leads a directer line, then by my infamy, which must follow, if you fight. It's true, I have professed it to you ingenuously, that rather then to be yoked with this Bridegroom is appointed me, I would take up any husband, almost upon any trust. Though Subtlety would say to me, (I know) he is a fool, and has and estate, and I might go verne him, and enjoy a friend, beside. But these are not my aims, I must have a husband I must love, or I cannot live with him. I shall ill make one of these politic wives! Sure you think me a woman of and extreme levity, Gen tlemen, or a strange fancy, that (meeting you by chance in such a place, as this, both at one instant, and not yet of two hours acquain tance, neither of you deserving afore the other, of me) I should so forsake my modesty (though I might affect one more particularly) as to say, This is he, and name him. If you would not give it to my modesty, allow it yet to my wit; give me so much of woman, and cunning, as not to betray my self impertinently. How can I judge of you, so far as to a choice, without knowing you more? you are both equal, and alike to me, yet: and so indifferently affected by me, as each of you might be the man, if the other were away. For you are rea sonable creatures, you have understanding, and discourse. And if fate send me and understanding husband, I have no fear at all, but mine own manners shall make him a good one. It may be you are, you know not what's towards you: will you consent to a motion of mine, Gentlemen? I saw one of you buy a pair of tables, even now. The fitter for what they may be employed in. You shall write either of you, here, a word, or a name, what you Like best; but of two, or three syllables at most: and the next person that comes this way (because Destiny has a high hand in business of this nature) I'll demand, which of the two words, he, or she does approve; and according to that sentence, fix my resolution, and affection, without change. But you shall promise, Gentlemen, not to be curious to know, which of you it is, taken; but give me leave to conceal that till you have brought me, either home, or where I may safely tender my self. Because I will bind both your endeavours to work toga there, friendly, and jointly, each to the others fortune, and have my self fitted with some means, to make him that is forsaken, a partly of amends. You are content, then? Sir, here are two names written— How, Sir? I pray you read them to your self, it is for a wager between these Gentlemen, and with a stroke or any dif ference, mark which you approve best. This man amazes me! I pray you, Like one of them, Sir. I, and strangely, as ever I saw! What fellow is this trow? Nay, did you not promise, not to inquire? See, here's our madman again. What would you with it, Sir? Here it is, Sir, this was it you marked. Yes faith, he has discovered it to you, now, and there before 'twere vain to disguise it longer, I am yours, Sir, by the be nefit of your fortune. I desire to put it to no danger of protestation. Let him alone, he is so busy, he will never spy us. The place becomes him, me thinks. Alas! would you have him to express more then he has? that were tyranny. My wise Guardian!
Plot summary
Plot — Bartholomew Fair
Bartholomew Cokes has two objectives in life: to visit the fair which shares his name, and to marry Grace Wellborn, who, as a ward, faces a financial penalty should she refuse. He sends his servant Wasp to Littlewit the proctor to obtain a marriage licence, but then, impatiently, comes himself. He brings Grace with him, and she attracts the interest of Winwife, present with his friend Quarlous as a suitor to Littlewit’s mother-in-law, Dame Purecraft. Littlewit is more interested in Cokes’s talk of the fair, having secretly written one of the puppet plays to be performed there. The only snag is that the puritanical Dame Purecraft will disapprove of their visit, thinking fairs profane. Busy, an elder of Purecraft’s church, advises the family that fairs may lawfully be visited for good reason, and comes along with them to partake of the pork. After some unfortunate experiences involving mistaken identity, Justice Overdo no longer trusts informers and has decided to do his spying personally. He visits the fair in disguise to seek out ‘enormities’ perpetrated by the fairground folk. He is impressed by one young man, Edgeworth, and decides to rescue him from the clutches of the cheaters; but he does not know that Edgeworth is a cutpurse. While Overdo is busy telling him about the wickedness of tobacco, Edgeworth steals Cokes’s purse; Overdo gets the blame. When it happens a second time, Overdo is arrested and put in the stocks. There he encounters the madman Trouble-All, who persistently demands Overdo’s warrant for any action; it transpires that he was a court official driven out of his mind by Overdo’s own actions. The watchmen, concerned to get better authority, release Overdo from the stocks for the time being. Meanwhile, the Littlewits arrive at the fair, but Busy becomes over-excited in his condemnation, attacks the fairground booths, and is arrested; Dame Purecraft goes after him, leaving Littlewit and Win free to enjoy themselves. Edgeworth tricks Wasp into making affidavit so that, at Quarlous’s instigation, he can steal Cokes’s marriage licence. Wasp too is arrested and put in the stocks, but escapes by a ruse when Overdo and Busy are put in beside him. The women visitors to the fair are separated from the men. Littlewit leaves Win in the care of two fairground bawds while he goes off to check the arrangements for his puppet show. Cokes abandons Grace and Mistress Overdo to try and get back his stolen property. Desperate for the toilet, Mistress…