SIR POLITIC

I dare the safelier converse— How long, sir, Since you left England? So lately! You ha'not been with my lord Ambassador? Pray you, what news, sir, vents our climate? I herd, last night, a most strange thing reported By some of my lords followers, and I long To hear, how't will be seconded! Marry, sir, of a raven, that should built In a ship royal of the Kings. My name is POLITIQVE WOULD-BEE. A poor knight, sir. Yes, sir, the spider, and the be, ofttimes, Suck from one flower. On your knowledge? Another whelp! Now, heaven! What prodigies be these? The fires at Berwick! And the new star! these things concurring, strange! And full of omen! Saw you those meteors? Fearful! Pray you sir, confirm me, Were there three porcpisces seen, above the bridge, As they give out? I am astonished! What should these things portend! Is't possible? Believe it, 'Twas either sent from Spain , or the Archdukes! SPINOLA'S whale, upon my life, my credit! Will they not leave these projects? Worthy sir, Some other news. Is MASS' STONE dead! STONE dead! That I know of. Well! that same fellow was and unknown fool. I did so. Sir, I knew him one of the most dangerous heads Living within the state, and so I held him. While he lived, in Actium. He has received weekly intelligence, Upon my knowledge, out of the low Countries , (For all parts of the world) in cabbages; And those dispensed, again, to 'Ambassadors, In oranges, muskmelons, apricotes, Limons, pome-citrons, and such Like: sometime, In Colchester -oysters, and your Selsey -cockles. Sir, upon my knowledge. Nay, I have observed him, at your public ordinary, Take his advertisement, from a traveller (A concealed statesman) in a trencher of meat: And, instantly, before the meal was done, Convey and answer in a toothpick. Why, the meat was cut So Like his character, and so laid, as he Must easily read the cypher. So, 'twas given out, (In polity) by those, that did employ him: But he could read, and had your languages, And to't, as found a noddle— I, I, your Mamuluchi. Faith, they had Their hand in a French plot, or two; but they Were so extremely given to women, as They made discovery of all: yet I Had my advises here (on Wednesday last) From one of their own coat, they were returned, Made their relations (as the fashion is) And now stand fair, for fresh employment. Not all, sir. But, I have some general notions; I do love To note, and to observe: though I live out, Free from the active torrent, yet I'd mark The currents, and the passages of things, For mine own private use; and know the ebbs, And flows of state. Why? came you forth Empty of rules, for travail? Why, this it is, that spoils all our brave bloods; Trusting our hopeful gentry unto pedants: Fellows of outside, and mere bark. You seem To be a gentleman, of ingenuous raze— I not profess it, but my fate hath been To be, where I have been consulted with, In this high kind, touching some great men's sons, Persons of blood, and honour— Fellows, to mount a bank! Did your instructer In the deer tongues, never discourse to you Of the Italian mountebanks? Why, Here shall you see one. Was that the character he gave you of them? Pity his ignorance. They are the only-knowing men of Europe ! Great general scholars, excellent physicians, Most admired statesmen, professed favourites, And cabinet-counsellors, to the greatest princes! The only languag'd-men, of all the world! Sir, calumnies are answered best with silence: Your self shall judge. Who is it mounts, my friends? Is't he? nay, then I'll proudly promise, sir, you shall behold Another man, then has been phant'sied to you. I wonder, yet, that he should mount his bank Here, in this nook, that has been wont appear In face of the piazza! Here, he comes. See how the people follow him! h'is a man May write 10000 crowns, in bank, here. Note, Mark but his gesture: I do use to observe The state he keeps, in getting up! Did not I, now, object the same? Note but his bearing, and contempt of these. Excellent! have you herd better language, sir? I told you, sir, his end. I, is't not good? pray you, observe. How do you Like him, sir? Is not his language rare? I do assure you, sir, that is his aim. Some trick of state, believe it. I will home. I know not. I'll stand upon my guard. This three weeks, all my advises, all my letters, They have been intercepted. Nay, so I will. Pardon I meant, as they are theames. First, for your garb, it must be graven, and serious; Very reserved, and locked; not tell a secret, On any terms, not to your father; scarce A fable, but with caution; make sure choice Both of your company, and discourse; beware, You never spoke a truth— Not to strangers, For those be they you must converse with, most; Others I would not know, sir, but, at distance, So as I still might be a favour, in them: You shall have tricks, else, passed upon you, hourly. And then, for your religion, profess none; But wonder, at the diversity of all; And, for your partly, protest, were there no other But simply the laws of the land, you could content you: NIC: MACHIAVEL, and monsieur BODIN, both, Were of this mind. Then, must you learn the use, And handling of your silver fork, at meals; The mettle of your glass: (these are main matters, With your Italian ) and to know the hour, When you must eat your melons, and your figs. Here it is. For your Venetian , if he see a man Preposterous, in the least, he has him straight; He has: he strips him. I'll acquaint you, sir, I now have lived here (it's some fourteen months) Within the first week, of my landing here, All took me for a citizen of Venice : I knew the forms, so well— I had read CONTARENE, took me a house, Dealt with my Jews , to furnish it with moveables— Well, if I could but find one man, one man, To mine own heart, whom I durst trust, I would— Make him rich; make him a fortune: He should not think, again. I would command it. With certain projects, that I have: Which, I may not discover. One is, (and that I care not greatly, who knows) to serve the state Of Venice , with read herrings, for three years, And at a certain rate, from Rotterdam , Where I have correspondence. There's a letter, Sent me from one o'th' States, and to that purpose; He cannot write his name, but that's his mark. No, a cheesemonger. There are some other too, with whom I treat, About the same negotiation; And, I will undertake it: For it's thus, I'll do't with ease, In have cast it all. Your hoigh Carries but three men in her, and a boy; And she shall make me three returns, a year: So, if there come but one of three, I save, If two, I can defalk. But, this is now, If my main project fail. I should be loath to draw the subtle air Of such a place, without my thousand aims. I'll not dissemble, sir, where ere I come, I love to be considerative; and, it's true, I have, at my free hours, thought upon Some certain goods, unto the state of Venice , Which I do call my cautions: and, sir, which I mean (in hope of pension) to propound To the great council, then unto the forty, So to the ten. My means are made already— Sir, one, that though his place b'obscure, Yet, he can sway, and they will hear him. H'is A commandadore. Sir, such, as they are, put it in their mouths, What they should say, sometime: as well as greater. I think I have my notes, to show you — But, you shall swear unto me, on your gentry, Not to anticipate— Nor reveal A circumstance—My paper is not with me. My first is, Concerning tinder-boxes. You must know, No family is, here, without it's box. Now sir, it being so portable a thing, Put case, that you, or I were ill affected Unto the state; sir, with it in our pockets, Might not I go into the arsenale? Or you? come out again? and none the wiser? Go too, then. I, therefore, Advertise to the state, how fit it were, That none, but such as were known patriots, Found lovers of their country, should be suffered Enjoy them in their houses: and, even those, Sealed, at some office, and, at such a bigness, As might not lurk in pockets. My next is, how t'enquire, and be resolved, By present demonstration, whither a ship, Newly arrived from Soría , or from Any suspected partly of all the levant , Be guilty of the plague: And, where they use, To lie out forty, fifty days, sometime, About the Lazaretto , for their trial; I'll save that charge, and lose unto the merchant, And, in and hour, clear the doubt. Or—I will lose my labour. Nay, sir, conceive me. It'll cost me, in onions, Some thirty liu'res — Beside my waterworks: for this I do, sir. First, I bring in your ship, betwixt two brickwalles; (But those the state shall venture) on the one I strain me a fair tarpaulin; and, in that, I stick my onions, cut in halves: the other Is full of loopholes, out at which, I thrust The noses of my bellows; and, those bellows I keep, with waterworks, in perpetual motion, (Which is the easiest matter of a hundred) Now, sir, your onion, which does naturally Attract the infection, and your bellows, blowing The air upon him, will show (instantly) By his changed colour, if there be contagion, Or else, remain as fair, as at the first. Now it's known, it's nothing. I would, I had my note. Were I false, Or would be made so, I could show you reasons, How I could fell this state, now, to the Turk ; Spite of their galleys, or their — I have them not, about me. No, this is my diary , Wherein I note my actions of the day. Sir, I do slip No Actium of my life, thus, but I quote it. Nay, sir, read forth. WHere should this lose knight be, trow? sure, h'is housed. My lady! It's she indeed, sir, you shall know her. She is, Were she not mine, a lady of that merit, For fashion, and behaviour; and, for beauty I durst compare— Nay, and for discourse— Madame, Here is a gentleman, pray you, use him, fairly, He seems a youth, but he is — Yes, one Has put his face, as soon, into the world— How's this! Now, by my spurs (the symbol of my knighthood) I reach you not. Sweet madame, Come nearer to your aim. The gentleman, believe it, is of worth, And of our nation. Nay, And you be such a one! I must bid adieu To your delights. The case appears too liquid. Sir, I must crave Your courteous pardon. There hath chanced (to day) Unkind disaster, betwixt my lady, and me: And I was penning my apology To give her satisfaction, as you came, now. I, was A fugitive punk? Oh me! Alas, sir. I have none, but notes, Drawn out of playbooks— And some essays. What shall I do? Sir, I but talked so, For discourse sake, merely. I am a wretch, a wretch. Sir, I have and engine— That I have thought upon, before time. (I shall never endure the torture.) Marry, it is, sir, of a tortoise-shell, Fitted, for these extremities: pray you sir, help me. Here, In have a place, sir, to put back my legs, (Please you to lay it on, sir) with this cap, And my black gloves, I'll lie, sir, Like a tortoise, Till they are gone. Mine own device— good sir, bid my wives women To burn my papers. Where's my lady? Knows she of this? Inquire. Oh, I shall be the fable of all feasts; The freight of the gazetti ; ship-bois tale; And, which is worst, even talk for ordinaries. And I, to shun, this place, and climb for ever; Creeping, with house, on back: and think it well, To shrink my poor head, in my politic shell. AM I then Like him?