THIRD BOY

Why? do you hope to speak it? That's all one, if the Author think I can speak it better. Slid, I'll play nothing in the Play: unless I speak it. Oh no, sir gallant; you presume to have the start of us there, and that makes you offer so prodigally. Well said, resolute Jack , I am content too: so we draw first. Make the cuts. No, we scorn treachery. The shortest. Stay, Jack: Slid, I'll do somewhat now afore I go in, though it be nothing but to revenge my self on the Author: since I speak not his Prologue. I'll go tell all the argument of his play aforehand, and so stale his invention to the auditory before it come forth. First, the title of his play is CYNTHIA'S Revels , as any man (that hath hope to be saved by his book) can witness; the Scene , GARGA PHY: which I do vehemently suspect for some sustain country, but let that vanish. Here, is the court of CYNTHIA, whither he brings CV BID (travailing on foot) resolved to turn page. By the way, CUPID meets with MERCURY, (as that's a thing to be noted, take any of our playbooks without a CUPID, or a MERCURY in it, and burn it for and heretic in Poetry )— Pray thee let me alone. MERCURY, he (in the nature of a conjurer) raises up ECHO, who weeps over her love, or Daffodil, NARCISSVS, a little; sings; curses the spring where in the pretty foolish gentleman melted himself away: and ther's and end of her.—Now I am to inform you, that CUPID, and MERCURY do both become pages. CUPID attends on PHILAUTIA, or selflove , a court-lady MERCURY follows HEDON, the voluptuous , and a courtier; one that ranks himself even with ANAIDES, or the impudent , a gallant, (and that's my partly:) one that keeps laughter , GELAIA the daughter of folly , (a wench in boys attire) to wait on him—These, in the court, meet with AMORPHUS, or the deformed ; a traveler that hath drunk of the fountain, and there tells the wonders of the water. They presently dispatch away their pages with bottles to fetch of it, and them selves go to visit the ladies. But I should have told you— (Look, these emets put me out here) that with this AMORPHUS, there comes a long a citizens heir, ASOTUS, or the prodigal , who (in imitation of the traveller, who hath the whetstone following him) entertains the beggar , to be his attendant.—Now, the Nymphs who are Mistress's to these Gall lants, are PHILAUTIA, selflove ; PHANTASTE, a light wittiness ; ARGV RION money ; and their Guardian , mother MORIA; or mistress folly. — There CUPID strikes money in love with the prodigal , makes her dote upon him, give him jewels, bracelets, carkenets, &c. all which (he most ingeniously departs withal) to be made known to the other ladies and gallants; and in the heat of this, increases his train with the fool to follow him, aswell as the beggar. — By this time, your beggar begins to wait close, who is returned with the rest of his fellow bottle-men.— There they all drink, save ARGVRION, who is fallen into a sudden apoplexy.— And then, there's a retired scholar there, you would not wish a thing to be better contemned of a society of gallants, then it is: and he applies his service (good gentleman) to the lady ARETE, or virtue , a poor Nymph of CYNTHIA'S train, that's scarce able to buy her self a gown, you shall see her play in a black robe anon: A creature, that (I assure you) is no less scorned, then himself. Where am I now? at a stand? Oh, the night is come, (was somewhat dark, me thought) and CYNTHIA intends to come forth: (That helps it a little yet.) All the courtiers must provide for revels ; they conclude upon a Masque , the de vice of which, is—(what, will you ravish me?) that each of these vices, being to appear before CYNTHIA, would seem other then in deed they are: and therefore assume the most neighbouring virtues as their masking habits.— (I'lde cry, a rape, but that you are chil dren.) Oh, you shall see me do that, rarely, lend me thy cloak. No, would I might never stir then. I have. Now, sir, suppose I am one of your gentile auditors, that and come in (having paid my money at the door, with much ado) and here I take my place, and fit down: I have my three sorts of tobacco in my pocket, my sighed by me, and thus I begin. By this light, I wonder that any man is so mad, to come to see these rascally Tits play here— They do act Like so many wrens , or pismires —not the fifth partly of a good face amongst them all—And then their music is abomina ble—able to stretch a men ears worse then ten— pillories, and their ditties—most lamentable things, Like the pitiful fellows that make them—Poets. By this vapour, and 'twere not for tabac continued—I think—the very stench of them would poison me, I should not dare to come in at their gates—A man were better visit fifteen jails,—or a dozen or two of hospitals—then once adventure to come near them. How is't? Well? Stay; you shall see me do another now: but a more sober, or bet ter-gather'd gallant; that is (as it may be thought) some friend, or well wisher to the house: And here I enter. A stool, boy? For what I pray thee? what shall I do with it? Away, wag, what, wouldst thou make and implement of me? Slid the boy takes me for a piece of perspective (I hold my life) or some silk cortaine, come to hang the stage here! sir crack, I am none of your fresh pictures, that use to beautify the decayed dead arras, in a public theatre. Nay, crack, be not disheartened. Troth, I have no such serious affair to negotiate with him, but what may very safely be turned upon thy trust. It is in the general be half of this fair society here, that I am to speak, at least the more judici ous partly of it, which seems much distasted with the immodest and ob scene writing of many, in their plays. Beside, they could wish, your Poets would leave to be promoters of other men's jests, and to waylay all the stale apothegms , or old books, they can hear of (in print, or other wise) to farce their Scenes withal. That they would not so penuriously glean wit, from every laundress, or hackneyman, or derive their best grace (with servile imitation) from common stages, or observation of the company they converse with; as if their invention lived wholly upon anon there men trencher. Again, that feeding their friends with nothing of their own, but what they have twice or thrice cooked, they should not want only give out, how soon they had dressed it; nor how many coaches came to carry away the broken-meat, beside hobby-horses, and foot cloth nags. It is: do not you think it necessary to be practised, my little wag? Oh (I had almost forgotten it too) they say, the umbrae , or ghosts of some three or four plays, departed a dozen years since, have been seen walking on your stage here: take heed, boy, if your house be haunted with such hobgoblins , will fright away all your spectators quickly. By my faith, Jack , you have put me down: I would I knew how to get off with any indifferent grace. Here, take your cloak, and promise some satisfaction in your Prologue , or (I'll be sworn) we have marred all. Most willingly, my good wag: but I would speak with your Au thour, where's he?