HEDON

Are any of the ladies in the presence? Give me some gold, more. I, what thinkest thou of him? Well said, my good melancholy devil: Sirrah, I have devised one or two of the prettiest oaths (this morning in my bed) as ever thou heardest, to protest withal in the presence. Soft, thou'lt use them afore me. Faith, one is, by the tip of your ear, sweet lady. Is't not pretty, and gentile? Nay, the other is better, exceeds it much: the invention is far der set too. By the white valley that lies between the Alpine hills of your bosom, I protest—&c. And then I have a salutation will neck all, by this caper: hay! You know I call madame PHILAUTIA, my Honour ; and she calls me her Ambition. Now, (when I meet her in the presence anon) I will come to her, and say, sweet Honour, I have hitherto contented my sense with the lilies of your hand, but now I will taste the roses of your lip ; and (withal) kiss her: to which she cannot but blushingly answer, nay, now you are too am bitious. And then do I reply; I cannot be too ambitious of honour, sweet la die. Wil't not be good? would? would? By heaven, I think it'll be excellent, and a very politic at chiuement of a kiss. What is't, my deer invention? Now, (before JOVE) admirable! look, thy page takes it too, by Ph bus , my sweet facetious rascal, I could eat water-gruel with thee a month, for this jest, my deer rogue. I have ruminated upon a most rare wish too, and the prophecy to it, but I'll have some friend to be the prophet; as thus: I do wish my self one of my mistress Cioppini. Another demands, Why would he be one of his Mistress Cioppini? A third answers, Because he would make her higher. A fourth shall say, That will make her proud. And a fifth shall conclude: Then do I prophecy, pride will have a fallen, and he shall give it her. Nay, and I have poesies for rings too, and riddles that they dream not of. Oh, no, I disdain that. 'Slight, I would feign know his name. By gods so; I would thou couldst. Look, here he comes. Laugh at him, laugh at him, would, would, would. How confidently he went by us, and carelessly! never moved! nor stirred at any thing! did you observe him? Gods precious, this afflicts me more then all the rest, that we should so particularly direct our hate, and contempt against him, and he to carry it thus without wound, or passion! it's insufferable. How, sweet ANAIDES? Away, thou hast such unseasonable jests. By this heaven, I wone der at nothing more then our gentlemen-ushers, that will suffer a piece of serge, or perpetuana , to come into the presence: me thinks they should (out of their experience) better distinguish the silken disposition of cour tiers, then to let such terrible course rags mix with us, able to fret any smooth or gentile society to the threads with their rubbing devices. Well, I am resolved what I'll do. Marry, speak all the venom I can of him; and poison his re putation in every place, where I come. And if I chance to be present where any question is made of his sufficiencies, or of any thing he hath done private, or public, I'll cen sure it slightly, and ridiculously.— Gramercy, my deer devil: weel put it seriously in practice, ysaith. Do, good detraction , do, and I the while Shall shake thy spite off with a careless smile. Poor piteous gallants! What lean idle sleights Their thoughts suggest to flatter their starved Hope's? As if I knew not how to entertain These straw-devices: but, of force, must yield To the weak stroke of their calumnious tongues. What should I care what every dor does buzz In credulous cares? it is a crown to me, That the best judgements can report me wronged; Them liars; and their slanders impudent. Perhaps (upon the rumour of their speeches) Some grieved friend will whisper to me, CRITES, Men speak ill of thee; so they be ill men, If they spoke worse, 'twere better: for of such To be dispraised, is the most perfect praise. What can his censure hurt me, whom the world Hath censured vile before me? If good CHRESTUS, EUTHUS, or PHRONIMUS, had spoke the words, They would have moved me, and I should have called My thoughts, and actions, to a strict account Upon the hearing: But when I remember, It's HEDON, and ANAIDES: alas, then, I think but what they are, and am not stirred. The one, a light voluptuous reveller, The other a strange arrogating puff, Both impudent, and ignorant enough; That talk (as they are wont) not as I merit: Traduce by custom, as most dogs do bark, Do nothing out of judgement, but disease, Speak ill, because they never could speak well. And who'ld be angry with this raze of creatures? What wise physician have we ever seen Moved with a frantic man? the same affects That he does bear to his sick patient, Should a right mind carry to such as these: And I do count it a most rare revenge, That I can thus (with such a sweet neglect) Pluck from them all the pleasure of their malice. For that's the mark of all their inginous drifts, To wound my patience, howsoever they seem To aim at other objects: which if missed, Their ennui's Like and arrow, shot upright, That, in the fallen, endangers their own heads. WHat, CRITES! where have you drawn forth the day? You have not visited your jealous friends? Fair Honour, Ambition dares not stoop; but if it be your sweet pleasure, I shall loose that title, I will (as I am HEDON) apply my self to your bounties. I will be any thing that you please, while it pleases you to be your self, lady. Sweet PHANTASTE, deer MORIA, most beautiful ARGVRION— ANAIDES, stay, whither go you? I, engross them? Away, mischief, this is one of your extra uagantiests now, because I began to alute them by their names— S'heart, take them all, man: what speak you to me of aiming, or covetous? Gods so, was this the design you travailed with? In the behalf of the males, I gratify you, AMORPHUS. Yes, but you must know, lady, he cannot speak out of a di ctionarie method. No, some idle FVNGOSO, that hath God above the cupboard, since yesterday. Barbarous. Yours, Signior. Any thing, that hath not been spoken. Barbarous, because commonly, when you have worn your breeches sufficiently, you give them to your Barber. But why Breeches, now? A traveler. By a traveler. Any thing to which my Honour shall direct me. Will you have the Kiss, Honour? I made this ditty, and the note to it, upon a kiss that my Ho nou_r_ gave me; how Like you it, sir? Pray you, sir, see. Here, sir. Very well in troth. I hope I shall have my Honours copy. Nay, dost hear, mischief? Heart of my father, what a strange alteration has half a years haunting of ordinaries wrought in this fellow! that came with a tuss-taf fa a jerkin to town but the other day, and a pair of penilesse hose, and now he is turned HERCULES, he wants but a club. Nothing, but that he lacks crowns, and thinks weel lend him some, to be friends. It's a thing (next to the water we expect) I thirst after, sir Good Monsieur ASOTUS. Sir, I shall never stand in the merit of such bounty, I fear. Oh, here's the rarest water that ever was tasted: fill him some. Nothing better, if the project were new, and rare. I wonder the fellow do's not hang himself, being thus scorned, and contemned of us that are held the most accomplished society of gallants! I protest, if I had no music in me, no courtship, that I were not a reveller and could dance, or had not those excellent qualities that give a man life, and perfection, but a mere poor scholar as he is, I think I should make some desperate way with my self, whereas now (would I might never breathe more) if I do know that creature in the kingdom, with whom I would change. This country lady, my friend, good signior AMORPHUS. Gloves! why gloves, Signior? That's true, and play our Master's prizes , as well as the tother? Good mistress Downfall! I am sorry, your husband could not get in. Most fashionably, believe it. For a Scholar, Honour. This weapon is done. Come, let's all go together, and salute him. On. And embrace you. Out of all emphasis. The Monsieur sees, we regard him not. S'lud, will he call him to him yet? doe's not Monsieur perceive our disgrace? 'Slight, what and ass was I, to embrace him? Turn away, turn away. Answer not him, but the stranger, we will not believe him. And take upon him to be one of the accomplished? 'Slight, that's a goodiest: would we could take him with that nullity. Non sapette voiȝ parlar' Itagliano? Signior AMORPHUS, reflect, reflect: what means he by that mouthed wave? Oh, his leg was too much produced. He do's hop. He do's bound too much. Foe, that cringe was not put home. We must prefer the Monsieur , we courtiers must be partial. Sweet Honour. Which take you at this next weapon? I lay a discretion , with you, on AMORPHUS head. It's done, a discretion. See, see, this is strange play! That same fellow talks so, now he has a place. Dallies? Slight see, he'll put him too't, in earnest. Well done, AMORPHUS. And he make this good through, he carries it, I warrant him. See, see; He do's the respective Leere damnably well. See, now the oblique leere , or the Janus: He satisfies all, with that aspect, most nobly. Oh, it is cool, and wary play. We must not disgrace our own comrade , too much. Now the Monsieur is moved. Oh, most antique. Excellent. This was the best, yet. And excellent confection. Your french ceremonies are the best: Excellent, excellent! Well struck, Monsieur: He charges Like a Frenchman indeed, thick, and hotly. Oh, but the Reverse was singular. Your Monsieur is crestfallen. By heaven, it was most unfortunate luck. Do, and swinge him soundly, good ANAIDES. 'Slight, ANAIDES, you are mocked; and so we are all. This is plain confederacy, to disgrace us: Let's be gone, and plot some revenge. See, they have their Taylor, Barber, Perfumer, Millaner, Jew eller, Feather-maker, all in common! Out with him. That's no matter. He is our own countryman. Before heaven, it'll show rarely.