MERCURY

Now the place and goodness of it protect me. One tender-hearted creature, or other, save Mercury , and free him. Never and old Gentle woman i'the house, that has a wrinkle about her, to hide me in? I could run into a Serving-woman's pocket now; her glove, any little hold. Some merciful vardingale among so many, be bounteous, and undertake me: I will stand, close, up, any where, to escape this polt-footed Philosopher , old Smug here of Lemnos , and his smoky family. Has he given me time to breathe? O the variety of torment, that I have endured in the reign of the Cyclops , beyond the most exquisite wit of Tyrants. The whole household of them are become Alchemists (since their trade of armour-making failed them) only to keep themselves in fire, for this winter; for the mischief of Secret , that they know, above the consuming of coals and drawing of Uskabah. Howsoever they may pretend under the specious names of Ge ber, Arnold, Lully, Bombast of Hohenhein , to commit miracles in art and treason again nature. And, as if the title of Philosopher , that creature of glory, were to be fetched out of a furnace, abuse the curious and credulous Nation of metall-men through the world, and make Mercury their in strument. I am their Crude, and their Sublimate; their Praecipitate, and their unctuous; their male and their female; Sometime their Hermaphro dite ; what they list to style me. It is I, that am corroded, and exalted, and sublimed, and reduced, and fetched over, and filtered, and washed, and wiped; what between their salts and their sulphurs; their oils, and their tar tars, their brines and their vinegars, you might take me out now a soused Mercury , now a salted Mercury , now a smoked and dried Mercury , now a powdered and pickled Mercury: never Herring, Oyster, or Coucumer passed so many vexations: my whole life with them hath be and exercise of tor ture; one, two, three, four and five times and hour ha'they made me dance the Philosphicall circle, Like and Ape through a hoop, or a dog in a wheel. I am their turnspit indeed: They eat or smell no rost-meate but in my name. I am their bill of credit still, that passes for their victuals and houseroom. It is through me, they would 'got this corner o'the Court to cozen in, where they shark for a hungry diet below stairs, and cheat upon your under-officers, promising mountains for their meat, and all upon Mercuries security. A poor Page of the Larder, they have made ob stinately believe, he shall be Physician for the Household, next Summer: they will give him a quantity of the quintessence, shall serve him to cure kibes, or the mormall o'the shin, take away the pustles in the nose, and Mere cury is engaged for it. A child of the Scullery steals all their coals for them too, and he is bid sleep secure, he shall find a corner of the Philosophers stone for't, under his bolster, one day, and have the Proverb inverted. Against which, one day I am to deliver the Buttery in, so many firkins of Aurum potabile , as it delivers out Bombards of Budge to them, between this and that. For the Pantry , they are at a certainty with me, and keep a Tally, And Ingot, a loaf, or a wedge of some five pound weight, which is nothing of nothing, a trifle. And so the Black guard are pleased with a any lease of life (for some 999.) especially those of the boiling house, they are to have Medea's kettle hung up, that they may souse into it when they will, and come out renewed Like so many striped Snakes at their pleasure. But these are petty Engagements, and (as I said) below the stairs; Marry above here, Perpetuity of beauty, (do you hear, Ladies) health, Riches, Honours, a matter of Immortality is nothing. They will calcine you a graven matron (as it might be a mother of the maids) and spring up a young virgin, out of her ashes, as fresh as a Phoenix : Lay you and old Courtier of the coals Like a sausedge, or a bloat-herring, and after they have broiled him enough, blow a soul into him with a pair of bel lowes, till he start up into his galliard, that was made when Mounsieur was here. They profess familiarly to melt down all the old sinners of the suburbs once in half a year, into fresh gamesters again. Get all the cracked maidenheads, and cast'hem into new Ingots, half the wenches of the town are Alchemy. See, they begin to muster again, and draw their forces out against me! The Genius of the place defend me. You that are both the Solemnizing and Jupiter of this sphere Mercury , invokes your majesty a gainst the sooty Tribe here; for in your favour only, I grow recovered and warm. LEt them come, let them come, I would not wish a greater punishment to thy impudence. IT is in vain, Vulcan , to pitch your net in the sighed of the fowl thus: I am no sleepy Mars , to be catched i'your subtle toys. I know what your aims are, Sir, to tear the wings from my head, and heals, and lute me up in a glass, with my own seals, while you might wrest the Caducaeus out of my hand, to the adultery and spoil of Nature , and make your accesses by it, to her dishonour, more easy. Sir, would you believe, it should be come to that height of impudence, in mankind, that such a nest of fire worms, as these are (because their Patron Mulciber heretofore has made stools stir, and statues dance, a dog of brass to bark, and (which some will say, was his worst act, a woman to speak) should therefore with their heats called Balnei, cineris , or horse-dung, profess to outwork the Sun in virtue, and contend to the great act of generation, nay, almost creation? it is so, though. For, in yonder vessels which you see, in their laboratory, they have enclosed Materials , to produce men, beyond the deeds of Deucalion , or Prometheus (of which, one, they say, had the Philoso phers stone, and threw it over his shoulder, the other the fire, and lost it.) And what men are they, they are so busy about, think you? not come mon or ordinary creatures, but of rarity and excellence, such as the times wanted, and the Age had a special deal of need of: such, as there was a necessity, they should be artificial; for Nature could never have thought or dreamed of their composition. I can remember some of their titles to you, and the ingredients do not look for Paracelsus man among them, that he promised you out of white bred, and deal-wine, for he never came to light. But of these, let me see; the first that occurs; a master of the Duel , a carrier of the differences. To him went spirit of ale, a good quantity, with the amalgama of sugar and nutmegs, oil of oaths, sul phure of quarrel, strong waters, valour precipitate, vapoured over the helm with tobacco, and the rosin of Mars with a dram o'the business, for that's the word of tincture, the business. Let me alone with the but sinesse, I will carry the business. I do understand the business. I do find and affront in the business. Then another is a fencer in the Math matiques , or the townes-cunning-man, a creature of art too; a supposed secretary to the stars; but, indeed, a kind of lying Intelligencer from those parts. His materials, if I be not deceived, were juice of almanacs, extra ction of Ephemerides , scales of the Globe , fylings of figures, dust o'the twelve houses, conserve of questions, salt of confederacy, a pound of adventure, a grain of skill, and a drop of truth. I saw vegitals too, aswell as mine rals, put into one glass there, as adders tongue, title-bane, nitre of clients, tartar of false conveyance, Aurum palpabile , with a huge deal of talk, to which they added tincture of conscience, with the faces of honesty; but for what this was, I could not learn; only I have overheard one of the Artists say, Out o'the corruption of a Lawyer was the best generation of a Broker in suits: whither this were he or no, I know not. ARt thou not ashamed, Vulcan , to offer in defence of thy fire and Art, a gainst the excellence of the Sun and Nature, creatures more imper fect, then the very flies and insects, that are her trespasses and escapes? Vanish with thy insolence, thou and thy Impostors, and all mention of you melt, before the Majesty of this light, whose Mercury henceforth I pro fesse to be, and never again the Philosophers. Vanish, I say, that all who have but their senses, may see and judge the difference between thy ridi culous monsters, and his absolute features.