PHANTASTES

I might very well be here, Sir, at a wooing match; but, I go: yet I will not be far off. Exit. I will, I will. Faith you had best turn Paper-man, & fell Maps; and yet that trade is almost down the wind now: or you may get a pretty young—one—and set up a Tabacco-shop. O your fattest soils are most full of dirt; and I have known a fellow, that was not worth a hair of his head, nay, that had not and hair of and honest man, gather more gold out of this dunghill, then ever Maro did out of his Ennius; that now he cares not for any man in the Parish: O! this is the trade that yields è fumo fulgorem; Gold out of smoke. Sir, not many years since, before I undertook with you our journey about the wide world, I was my self driven to the Like straights; I mean, Sir, in that Cod-piece-ago, when the innocency of men did not blush to show all that Nature gave them, indeed, because they did no more, then, that taught them: then, when they wore doublets with craws, and sleeves with pockets, then (I say) the fashion was so long at a stand, that I had Like to have been at a fallen: then your Philosopher in the University, scorned nothing but (the unjust cause of scorn) fine apparel, showing the severity of his profession, by the ruggedness of his gown: but since, I think, I have fashioned them all; though, of late, some of your gor-belli'd country-chuffes, have cast themselves into their frieze jerkins, with great tinned buttons silvered over, ra there out of a proud niggardliness then and honest thrift. Marry, Sir, this: wear apparel of the best, be mere ry, wanton, toying, bold; affront any man: get a faire-false-diamond — on your finger, and by all means have a gilded watch, which sometime, to know how the day passes, you must draw out in the Marketplace, though peradventure there be a Clock hard by within the view of your eye; it'll imply, you reckon not your day by the peoples Dial: or sometime you may draw it forth before a rich men door, (you know in our travails we observed the Like in a Gentle man at Venice ) and assure your self, at the next meeting, he'll give you the salutation. Sir, I will take leave to help a little my Master's memory, not his invention; for by Jove, Sir, and by the Ar temisian Mausoleum, which these eyes, not without amaze meant, have beheld, it's true; thus 'twas, Sir: it can be seen by any honest man; but if any Adulterer casts his eyes to wards it, he presently loses his sighed, and therefore it is their manner of Trial for those that are accused of adultery. Oh, Sir, I perfectly remember it, 'twas thus: The in habitants have, at the foot of the outside of the Hill, dug forth and entrance, and underneath have made a Vault which reaches joust to the bank of the River, all along the side of which, they have made a many trapdoors, and so when a man has herd enough, they unbolt the trapdoors within, and let him slide down gently. Well, Sir, by my Mother's soul (that oath I learnt in Spain) it's a truth; and the reason it cannot be herd lower, is, because the found does not descend below the water. Nay, by Jove, Sir, I scorn to lie; I scorn to speak any thing without reason, by Jove; by Jove, I'll give as good a reason of those things I know, as any man under the cope of Heaven; I will, by Jove. Nay, Sir; I'll tell you a wonder, we met with a Trauailour that could speak some six languages at the same instant. Nay, Sir, the actuality of the performance puts it beyond all contradiction. With his tongue hee'd vowel you out as smooth Italian, as any man breathing: with his Eye he would sparkle forth the proud Spanish: with his Nose blow out most Robustious Dutch: the Creaking of his High-heeled Shoo would articulate exact Polonian: The knocking of his shinbones Feminine French: and his Belly would grumble most pure and Scholarlike Hungary. Alas, that's the least wonder, for at what time Py thagoras flourished, that was a familiar thing with his Scho le: and I may confirm it by a persuasive induction drawn from your Pythonisses, and your new-fashioned Lutes that found from within, Sir, from within: nay, beside all this, Sir, at the same time his Ears could sing, and his Brains crow; and he could Laugh till the tears stood in's Eyes. Why 'twas in Creet Sir, where Jupiter was nursed, and the Music was made with those Kettledrums, which they sounded to drown the crying of Jupiter, when he was in his swath-bands: in reward of which love, he procured of Apollo, in the favour of the Cretians, that at the found of those Kettledrums all sick folks, whose time of death was not come, should without any languishing sickness im mediately recover; and therefore the order is, when any one is sick, they carry him presently in a Litter to the Temple where these Drums are kept; and if he does not straightways recover, they carry him home again, as a man that must die, and so provide for his funeral. Yes, in Creet. Upon the Faith of a Traveler, the Honesty of a Courtier, and the Word of a Gentleman, it's a most confirmed truth. I, and all night too. Come, my pretty Pigeon, let's bill a little; is't pos sible, Phantastes and Musicam should meet, and partly without a kiss?—now farewell. Exit Phantastes. What? What? amn't I the better man? Why, Sir, he's angry that I brought in the march panem. Oh Happy state Above power of fate Which you, blessed Arts, enjoy! You were little Gods, If you fell not at ods, And did not your selves annoy. But when pride does once tickle, It makes us too fickle And vain: Till some good Old-men Do temper us then, And bring us in tune again. Then learn of me Thus wise to be To have a yielding mind; With weathercock art To play well your partly And turn with each strong wind. So you shall by prevention Escape all contention And jars: So you shall be secure, And never endure the affliction of Learned wars. Oh harmless feast With Mirth increased, Where Music and Love do meet! Where the Piper does find A more delicate wind To make his pipe found more sweet: While his stick does belabour The head of his Tabour Amain. Where the Wine in the bouls, And every tongue rolls, Yet never disturbs the brain. Jove's Trojan boy Was no such joy, Nor all his Heavenly whores: There's no such delight By day or by night Ever felt by feigning wooers; As is the soft pleasure At such honest leisure To sport: When all are so merry, They sing till they're weary, And trip it in comely sort. By Jove I must be merry, and I will be merry; can you sing? A rope of a drunken fool; I've lost my supper by this: I must follow my Master. Exit Phant. Yet, dearest Poeta, if you will vouchsafe another also entertainment, Phantastes shall be ready at your come manned. Too far, Sir, to be cast off now: why, about the world, Sir; or to speak the truth, I have gone further then he. Yes, I'll assure you, Sir: and I can acquaint you, Sir, if you please, with one particular attempt of mine, where by I out-ventur'd him. Why, Sir, in our North-voyage being come to the utmost partly in all Finmarchia, to the North-cape (the Longi tude thereof is well-nigh fifty degrees, and the Latitude all most 73.) being then passed the Articke-circle about six de grees, and so by consequent being in a parallel Sphere, Geographus durst not venture any further; and there was, Sir, at that time in our company, a great Magician (I have forgotten of what University) which Magician and I, leaving Geogra phus upon the Land, undertook (being so near) to disco ver the parts directly under the Pole. Why, Sir, beside excellent furs we had, we had also hight waters to preserve our heat within: but at last we were come so far, that we were feign to come out of our ship upon the ice, and then the Magician being also and exqui site Geometrician, God the ship upon the Ice, and then made wheels for it, and and artificial Engine to make it go of it self; you may see proportionally the Like device in your Puppets that will go and turn of themselves. The ice then being smooth, the ship went forward of its own accord, till we found our selves to have passed the Arctic circle twenty three degrees full. Then were we half a degree joust from the Pole: there we met with a most furious sea, that scorns to yield to the usurping cold; when the Geometrician takes me off the wheels, and forth we launched, and so sailed till we came to have the Pole it self for our Zenith; and then we beheld a dreadful rock. Why thus, Sir: when the Magician saw this, he im mediately draws a book out of his Pocket, and falls to reading; when straightway all the sea about us was as calm as a fresh water river amongst us: and the ship went no faster then we would have it our selves; and so without a nigh danger we came to the rock; unto which making a shift to fasten our ship, we ascended: it seemed as black as any Pitch: upon the top of which (for we went to the top) there ascended and huge Pillar: which on the lower parts seemed as black as the rock; but still in the Ascent it grew whiter, and whiter; and indeed the whole pillar seemed to us very Ice, but that it was at the lower partly blacker, and it was as big as ordinarily any tower among us; and at the bottom of it there was a passage to go in. We went in, and being entered, there were two pair of stairs, the one descending, the other ascending: for we found the pillar to be hollow, and our sighed could not discover withoutside how high it was: we went down wards some dozen or twenty stairs, where we herd a most hideous noise, that our hearts failing us we came up again. No, Sir, we then went upwards, and in our ascent we still found open places to give us light and Air; as big commonly as a door; and we ascended so far, that at last the Sun shined upon us, as it does here, & then it grieved us to think we were to go back such and uncouth way again; well, we went still higher, & at last looking out at these doors, and seeing that partly of the world that lay towards us, (being a fine Sunshine day,) we saw a very terrible battle, fought between the Turk and the Persian, wherein the Turk was put to the worst: but now the Magician growing weary, and desirous to know how far this Pillar ascended, he held by the side of the door, and looked upwards, but with the fear suddenly fell down: and there was the unhappy end of my companion. This pillar doubtless we conjectured to be the Pole, and the way to heaven; and the stairs that descended, the way to hell, and to the other Pole. With this accident I being half affrighted, with a trembling at the wonders of the gods, humbly descended. Why, Sir, when I was come down, the sea was still calm; and so I vnfastening the ship, sailed the Ice, and accor ding to the instruction I had learned of the Magician, I God it over the Ice; & without any danger returned to Geographus. I protest unto you, Sir, simple as I stand here now, I did it then. Now, Sir, wheresoever Geographus comes, he equally brags of this attempt as his also; but I vow by my former dangers and present griefs, the discovery was made only by Magus, and Phantastes; and the relation by Phan tastes only. Alas sir, I'll not disturb you; when a man's once down, I perceive he shall be trod upon. Exit Phantastes. I woun't, Sir: they say here's a mask to be seen. Sirrah, now I will stand here in spite of your teeth. I beseech you, Polites, suffer not a servant through want to be lost, and come to and ignominious death. And I trust I shall please my Master, and Mistress, beyond imagination.