MEDICUS

Have a care what you do: it's as much as your life's worth. Why, to drink in the heat of and Ague is present death; and I remember Galen in his Book de consuetudine, relates a Story of Arius a Peripatetic, who died suddenly, being forced to drink a full draught of cold water in the hea of his Fever; though according to the prescriptions of his Physi cians: yet, I confess, in him there was another adjoined cause, which Galen in the same place makes mention of, to wit, his stomach being always very cold, he resolved on a perpetual abstinence from all cold nourishments, so that this adventitious cold of the water he drank, wrought not only against his disease, but also against his constitution. You Poets would make mad Physicians; or at the best but desperate Paracelsians; But Astronomia, you stir too much; and so the heat of your disease increases to and inflame mansion: you must rest more, you must rest more. I, but not so fast; you walk as fast as you do when you are in health. I dislike your diet; for in the very hottest of Sum mere, when the Sun is in Cancer, you eat the hottest meat, feeding altogether upon Crab; which two concurrent heats of the Meat and of the Weather, are able to cast any man in to the inflammation of a Fever. I, but it's bade; and again it's very good to feed up on variety of meat. Sir, I hold that opinion rather to argue the Authors superstition, then judgement: for our nature delights in variety, and those meats which the stomach does with plea sure desire, it does most embracingly attract, and concoct most faithfully, beside the substance of our bodies consisting of a various nature, as moisture, air, and the Like, one of these parts may be more spent then another, by labour, or oh there means; so that a man had needs, for the undoubted sup ply of all these parts, receive a great variety of nourishments, that there may be a reparation for whatsoever the body does evacuate. Beside, Astronomia, going abroad you never take care in what Air you walk. O, that's a chief matter to be provided for; for the very same air sometime is hurtful for one partly of the body, and good for another. Sir, it's a truth observed by Guido Cauliacensis; and in particular of the air of Paris; where, if the same man have a wound in his head, and another in his thigh; it hurts the one and heals the other. It's thus, Sir, the air there is cold and moist, and therefore most hurtful for the head; and again, the same air by and obscuration of the spirits, a degravation of the blood, and a condensation of the humours, whereby they are made less quick to flow down, does therefore make the wounds of the thighs more curable, while the course of the humours is intercepted, whose defluence or flowing down would hinder the cure of the wound. Oh yes: I'll confirm it by mine own experience: I knew a young Gentle man that married a young Gentlewo man; who being extraordinarily fair, and he as melancholy, grew into a great jealousy, that she had made him a Cuc kold, upon which conceit, at the first but light, the strength of his melancholy and jealousy working together; he fell in to a strong persuasion that he had Horns: the best Physici ans were sent for, used all medicines and inventions to cure him, nothing prevailed, whereupon they left him, entreating his wife to be patient, and expect his recovery in time. Away they went, and none but a little boy was left in the room to tend the Gentleman, when upon a sudden there comes me by, a Bag-pipe-player, at the found of whose Pipe the Gen tleman suddenly arose, leaps about the Chamber, beats his head against the wall, so long, till at last he had broke his face in diverse places that the blood gushed out; upon the effu sion of which melancholy blood, that had corrupted his brain and fantasy, the Gentleman's Horns were beaten off against the wall, and the Gentlewoman became as honest a woman after that time, as any in Europe. I'll satisfy you in that by another particularity of experience: I knew another Gentleman, who being very sick of a contagious disease, and finding no remedy by Medicine, the Physicians caused Musicians to be brought into the room, and play; at the hearing of which Music, he sud dainely leaps and continued dancing so long, till the labori ous exagitation of his whole body, had by sweat and brea thing dissipated the contagion. Oh by no means, Sir; for if we should travail into foreign Lands, our skill would there fail us; by reason of the difference of the Country, and our ignorance of their constitutions and diet. Musicam, fetch none, she shall drink no more. Will you spoil her, Astrologiam? Astronomia, you go too much, you'll never leave your Walking, and if Copernicus were alive again, in-faith hee'd make you stand still. NAy Causidicus, your state cannot be worse then mine; for I'm in a terrible quandary, more shaking then and Ague: it had been better I had taken the poy son my self, for so I might have took a Vomit, and perad venture God it up again; but I shall never be able to Purge my self of this infamy. An't please you, I know not whither it were Poy son or not: I sent Historia's own servant with a Recipe, to Galli-pot mine Apothecary: and if it were bade, 'twas his vil lanie. Good Polites. [On his knees]. Honoured Polites, vouchsafe to hear me speak: with grief I acknowledge mine offence, but it was needs first made me bade: I was at the first and Apothecaries man, and keeping a note of Recipe's that came to my Master, and inqui ring of the bearer the disease of the Patient, I afterwards turned Physician, but I never administered any Physic but such as I found in my Papers: and then, for fashion, I fell to reading some Physick-bookes: and though I could not judge of them, and make use of them, yet I by them did learn to talk with my Patients in their sickness. A Like mercy still attend Polites. Long may Polites live most honoured; long may Polites live most honoured. Exeunt Med. & Causi. WHy so; this is good: I have brought my self into a fine case: I must be a Poisoner, I: and to get my Li ving must loose my Life; blessing on my wise pate in the mean while. And to observe the witty revenge of the gods; that this intended Murder should come forth by mine own man Sanguis, from whom in Policy I concealed it: well, I per ceiue Blood is Open-mouthed and will tell all: but since it is not much known, and that I am not as yet accused to Polites, and now requested to help Astronomia, I'll take the happy occasion, and use my best art to cure her, and so if she escape, I may peradventure escape too; obtaining pardon for my re compence— let me see—by this water I do find the state of her body much altered, and her disease changed. There was and Astronomia that I once had in cure before now, and she was of the very same constitution, had the Like disease, and the Like turning in her head; now she died, and afterwards we made a dissection in her head, to see what was the disaffecti on of her brain, which when we had done, we found all her brains turned to a matter much Like clear Jelly, or a Crystal line Orb: but I hope all such suspicions of this Astronomia are Fables—but stay—what's the relish of her urine? (he tastes it) —Pah, nought, nought: o, who would be a Physi cian to taste these things? it's worse then to be a Saltpeter man, and dig in a Priuie-house—but what smell has it? (he smells to it.) Foh, worse, worse, I Can ̄ not endure it, [he throws away the Urinal, and breaks it.] Astronomia's of a fair come plexion her self, I wonder that her Urine should be so dark; it's of the colour of a Cloud. Well, I see she's very corrupt within, and I fear it's this Astrologiam has powdered her; to give her a Potion at the mouth will not do much good; for it'll be so long in descending, that the power of it will be much debilitated; I conclude then, it must be a Clyster, a Clyster; and so I'll in, to administer it: well, if I escape this Scouring cleanly; I'll never come in the Like Pickle again, whilst I breathe. Exit Medicus. YOu see, I have in partly described the worthy parts of Geo graphus; and doubtless it's pity any cowardly young man should spend the strength of his best age in the murmu rings of discontent. I can say no more, and you may— Why, Historiam has sent one unto me, now to in treat me to minister unto him my best physic; and the mes senger told me (as he herd, it seems) the occasion thereof, which was, that Historiam who was in love with him, hearing that he was hurt in a fray with Logicus and Grammaticus, out of the jealous fear of her abundant love, sent to me thus care fully, upon the suspicion of his hurt. Why, at my house expecting my return. Let me alone, I warrant you; but if I can but once come to the handling of him my self, I'll give him but a clyster, & blow him up with a Powder, I warra ̄ to him. Exit Med. I, here's your drink. In-faith, witty great crimes are Like a consumption, they are easily to be cured when they begin, but hardly dis covered; and easily discovered when they are ripe, but hard lie cured: and therefore I fear we shall be both cut off as des perate Members. Well, let's hasten in to the celebration of the mar riage; for wee're expected before this time; my heart's almost at my mouth with fear, and Dances, me thinks, as if it were at the wedding already. Well, I think when all comes to all, our best means to wash away these faults, will be our Distillation of tears. Exeunt Medicus & Causidious. ALl happiness attend the Nuptials. I? who's my accuser? Indeed I do not well see how you will be ever able to plead again now your tongue's cloven; and yet I re member there was a famous Lawyer, that riding to plead two or three causes (joust as you would have done now) unhap pily fell off his horse, and falling on his chin, his tongue by chance doubling in his mouth, he bit it quite thorough, and yet by good luck I cured him.