LOGICUS

Nay, and you once fallen to Set speeches, I am gone; I perceive you are not for common talk; I wonder, now I think on't, in what Predicament a woman's tongue is; let's see: yet, what if I make it a Transcendent? and yet it can't be so, for it's neither unum, nor verum, nor honum: in-faith, an't be in any Predicament, it shall be in Quantitate Continua, and that's opposite to Discreta; or rather, since it's so irregu lar, and therefore can hardly be admitted into any Order, I will count it that Monster in Nature, and Contradiction of Philosophy, Infinitum in acta. Heigh day! this is ticktack: Here's another shorter trick: well, I perceive there's no other course — which is your way? Do you speak first. Why, mine lies this way. I, But I must go this way to do a little business first. But I must walk here alone a little to think on't first. Why, then fare you well; I can think on my business by the way. Why, you woun't follow me? I am going to a Feast. I am going to Ethicus. Oh you gods! which of you will come to deliver me? Well, if we must together, and if you will stick so close un to me; yet, good Mistress Tongue, do not cleave to the roof of my Mouth. How now, Sir! What do you whispering with my Lawyer? With mine? I, mine, I'm sure I gave him a fee. An't please you, he abuses me before your face; he bribes my Lawyer. Thine? he's none of thine. He's mine. Causidicus, are not you my Lawyer? An't please you, Grammaticus was soundly beaten by this fellow Poeta, and, I forsooth, by his man a clogge-headed Rogue; but that rhyming Rascal set him on. He's a Rascal to Me I'am sure. An't please you Polites, every one counts him but a dissolute Rascal, and so he has in all times been held but for my faculty, what age ever flourished in which that flourished not? Grammaticus what thinkest thou of this departure? is it not pretty? Thou talk of integrity? go, go, thou art a cracked Pitcher, a broken Pisse-pot, Polites talks against Logicians; when as your Logicians are the only Scholars in the world: but the best is he does but talk against them. Sirrah, Dunces? How you Slave? Come, come; I'm sure our case is in a fine Predica meant: I think we have been put off long enough: i'saith all Lawcases shall hereafter be no more put in the Predicament of Actium; but of Quando, of Quando; a plague of these Lawyers. Exeunt Log, & Grammat. I care not for marrying; I see no good Foundation, for any such Relation. There's and answer indeed; when I ask who's within? he asks, who's without? Oh, save you Sir, do's not one Master Causidicus dwell here? Have Sir! nay, I have more already then I would have. Business? then I perceive you are all for Busi ness, you have but little entertainment for a friend; well Sir, are not you a Lawyer? If then you are a Lawyer Sir, you are either a Civil Lawyer, or and uncivil, you must admit a Division, Sir, for your Lawyers are Equivocal, and therefore carefully to be distinguished before you be defined. Nay, Sir, my Division holds; I prove it; Either you are a Civil Lawyer, or you are not a Civil Lawyer: But you confess you are not a Civil Lawyer: Ergo, you are and Uncivil Lawyer. Marry Sir, I then fear you will scarce plead my cause well: for my complaint is gainst and Uncivil fellow, and therefore I much suspect your uprightness: but yet since I cannot make choice, I must use you; but Sir, you must give me leave to hold you a little longer upon some Interrogatories: if you are and Uncivil Lawyer, then you are either and Extraor dinarie Lawyer or a Common Lawyer. In-faith it's my man Phlegmatico, he's at his rheum matike antidote; but I'll — He takes away his Pipe, breaks it, and beats him. Nay, never put up your pipe, you shall not be gone so. A fire burn this Tobacco. You're my Target-bearer, sirrah, are you not? a present defence at a desperate combat: bear this also home with you, till I bring you more my self, you slavering rogue. Exit. Phleg. Look Master Causidicus, I have by Actium expressed, what my Passion before would scarce have afforded words to deliver; I my self was in Like sort beaten by a Varlet, but upon and unlike cause, most injuriously; and now I come to you to be my advocate, and if you will stand my friend, I shall not be wanting to content you in any reasonable sort; and, because you Lawyers are somewhat Tongue-tide, suffer me to be the Midwife to cut the string thereof, with this Silver Penny. Nay, pray Sir be not womanish, you shall take it. I am called so, Sir. Fare you well good Master Causidicus. Now look to thy self Poeta, for I shall make thee fly to thy railing Jam bicks: but look to thy self, I say, for I have put a sword into a madmans hand against thee. Exit. I Perceive to what Centre all the lines of your Circle tend. Nay, Poeta, you must not abuse him that hath been your Master, he hath been your Master, Ergo, you must not abuse him. Nay, Poeta, we must grant you the eloquence: No bis non licet esse tam disertis disertos. He bites, he bites: Oh, do you scratch, you coward? I see no reason for it: Ergo, I won't. Exit. Faith, as I was coming, my Slaverer was at his Tobacco, but, I think, I made him smoke for his labour, and so would not let him come, for he would nothing but have spawl'd in your room, Phantastes, Choler, Musi Can, bring in Supper. and have turned your stomachs. I accept your Proposition, Sir; Poeta, to set a Con clusion to our former dissensions, and to make a plain De monstration of reconcilement, I drink to you. He drinks. I can't drink. Well, you drunken rogue, I'll have and Opposition for you before Polites, that you shall not be able to Answer to. Exit Logicus. I, I should be sorry if I had not a good under standing— Oh The soul of Aristotle! I was never in such a Praedica meant before in all my life: well, I'll to Causidicus, they say his house is here about, and I think this be it: ho, who's within? Indeed had you been and Extraordinary Lawyer, you had been a Disorderly Lawyer: for, though they are called Canon Lawyers, yet are they most Extravagant. But again Sir, if you are a Common Lawyer, you are to be suspected; for commonly your Common Lawyers are to be suspected. But who comes yonder? Phlegmatico, my valiant Armor-bearer.