CLOWN

Because you are too liberal a Mistress: and that's a fault seldom found among Ladies: For look, you use oh give away all, and I am all that is left; and I am afraid when you come into a strange Country, you'll give away me too, so that I shall never live to be my own man. Why then I'll go with you inspite of your teeth. That word all Sticks more in my stomach then my victuals can: For in deed we can get none to eat now; I told you, you were so prodiga'l we should pinch for't. Why this is the Dukedom of Florence, and this is the Forest where the hardhearted Duke Hunt's many a Heart: and there's no Dear so deer to him, but he'll kill it: as goodly a large place to starve in, as your Ladyship can de sire to see in a Summer's day. How better starve then beg; all the Ladies of Florence shall never make me of that belief. I had rather beg a thousand times, then starve once, do you scorn begging? Your betters do not, no Madam; get me a Snapsack, I'll to Florence: I'll make all the high ways ring of me with for the Lords sake. I have studied a Prayer for him that gives, and a Pox take him that gives nothing: I have one for the Horseway, another for the Footway, and a third for the turning-ftile. No Madam, begging is grown a gentleman Like Calling here in our Country. You had better keep your Gold, and trust to my begging Oratory, yet this is the worst they can say to me, that I am my Ladies Bottleman. Nay, now I think I have fitted you with a Cup of N psi to . What am I? Nay what art thou? I think you le prove little better then a smell-smock, That can find out a pretty wench in such a Corner. What if he be? he may love a Wench as well as a neither man. A bottle of Wine and a Manchet that my Lady sent me for. Yes, when? can you tell? do you think I am such and Ass, to partly so lightly with my liquour? Know thou my friend, before I could get this bottle filled, I was glad to change a piece of Gold, and call for the rest again. And do you think I'll lose my liquour, and have no Gold nor rest a gain? Not so my Friend, not so. Madam, will you give me a Licence to fell Wine? I could get no P ate in the Forest but a wooden Dish. The bottom of the bottle is at your service Sir, Shall you and I partly stakes? I had rather you had broke my pate then my draught, but hark you Sir, are you as a man should say, a belonger to? O ignorant! are you a follower? A Servingman I take it. I desire you the more compliment: I have the cour tesie of the Forest for you. That's to bring me to the Buttery hatch, and never make me drink. How now saucebox, know your manners: was not I Gentleman usher before you came? Am not I he that did the bottle bring? Come Ladies follow me. Nay, nay, the case is altered with me since you saw me last: I was never in any hope to purchase any other suit then that I wore yesterday; but now I can say Ecce sig num, the case is altered. Now every beggar comes upon me with good Gentleman, good Gentleman: when yesterday Gen tlemen would have shunned the way for fear I should have begged of them. Then comes another upon me with good your Worship, good your Worship, then do I double my files, and cast him a two pence. Tnou sayest true; for he hath changed our wooden Dishes to Si ver Coblets: goodly large Arras that never yet deserved hanging, he hath caused to be hanged round about the Chamber: My Lady and Mistress, now my Lady and Mistress lies over head and cares in Down and Feathers: well, if they be rui'd by me, I would have them to keep their beds. O dull ignorant ! I mean knowing how hard they have been lodged in the Forest; I would not have them fell a way their beds, and lie upon the boards. Right: for yesterday thou wouldst have taken me for a very Clown, a very Clown; and now to see, to see.— Madam. She talks: Now, if she should be enuamored of my comely shape; for I have (as they say) such a foolish young and relenting heart I should never say her nay, I should ne ver wear off this stand further off. No, I'll assure your Ladyship it's beaten Satin. Your Ladyship hath conjured me, and I will avoid Satan. So hoe Mistress Madam, yonder is the Prince, and two or three Gentlemen come riding upon the goodliest Hor ses that ever I set my eyes upon: and the Princes Horse did no sooner see me, but he weeighed and wagged his tail: now I thinking he had done it to take acquaintance of me, said a gain to him, Gramery Horse; so I left them, and came to tell your Ladyship. O my Lord, my Lord, Are you close at it? and you too crabbed Age, and you the—there's Rods in piss for some of you. O my Lord, there's a Nobleman come from the Court to speak with you. And you can but keep your legs close, Let him rend any thing else and spare not. I confess it; but whither you have served him well, or no, there hangs a Tale. Some three miles off, here in the Forest, not half and hours riding. You shall not want directions to find the place, come when you will, you shall be most heartily—poisoned. And behanged, Monsieur Stroza, whose description My Muse hath included in these few lines; Stroza, Thy Head is of a compely Block, And would show well, crowned with the comb of Cock: His Face and Inn, his Brow a sluttish Room, His Nose the Chamberlain, his Beard the Broom, Or Like Newmarket Heath, that makes thieves rich, In which his Mouth stands joust Like Deuills-ditch And so farewell to your worship, graven Mounsieur Stroza, For I must about my market. Madam, yonder's a Gentleman comes to speak with you in all hast. Marry, I would entreat your Ladyship to turn away My fellow Jerom, for I think he's No true man. Yes and their man too; all that's left of him. Your Lordship hath been up already, when she was down: I hope if the thing you wot of go no worse forward then it hath hegun, and that you take charge of my young Lady, you need not be altogether unmindful of her Gentleman-usher. Let me see, the Prince is to be married to morrow, and my young Mistress means to keep a Feast in the Forest, in honour of his wedding at the Court: Now am I sent as Can terer into the City to provide them victuals, which they charged me to buy; no ordinary fare, no more it shall, and therefore I have cast it thus; First and foremost, we will have—(yes down it shall) we will have a Gammon of Bacon roasted, and stuffed with Oysters; And six Black-Puddings to be served up in Sorrel-sops; A pickell'd shoulder of Mutton, and a surloin of Beef in White-broth, so much for the first course. Now, for the second, we will have a Cherry-Tart cut into Rashers and broiled; A Custard Carbonado'd on the coals; A live Eel swimming in clouted Cream; And six Sheeps-heads baked, with the horns peer gout of the pasty-crust. The moral is, because it is a wedding dinner. What, my old Politician? he that undermined my old Lady and my young Mistress? now that I could find but one stratagem to blow him up; I would toss him, I would blanket him i'th Air, and make him cut and Italian caper in the Clouds: These Politicians can do more execution with a pen, in their studies, then a good Soldier with his sword in the field, but he hath spied me. And you too, I should have known, but whither for a friend, or no, ther's the question? They are if please your Ladyship: though I was never Tawny-coat, I have played the summoners partly, and the rest are already paid, only these three attend your Ladyships re muneration. He was no less; and all you know he was no more, well, had he lived, I had been placed in some house of office or other ere this time. Ey but Madam, I think he be no true soldier. Marry because he walks without his Arms. I but Madam, this is a hard case being truly conside read, to give away all, why your Shoemaker, though he hath many other Tools to work with, he will not give away his All. Why, say I had a piece of Meat, I had a mind to, I might perhaps give away a Modicum, a Morcell, a Frag meant or so, but to give away and be a hungry my self, I durst not doo't for my Guts, or say I should meet with a friend that had but one Penny in his Purse, that should give me a Pot of Ale, that should drink to me, and drink up all, I'll stand too't there's no Conscience in't. She might have given away a little, and a little, but When all is gone, what's left for me? Troth Madam, I could find in my heart to go with you but for one thing. Marry we were both in the Tavern together tother day— No Madam, but there stood at our elbow a pottle Pot— No Madam, but he stole the wine in the Pot, and drunk it off, And made himself so drunk he be-pist himself: Your Ladyship could not be better be-pist in a Summers-day. I wonder you should be so sad and melancholy, I'll lay a years wages before hand I'll tell your disease, As well as any Doctor in Florence, and Let me but feel your pulse. That's no matter whither I be a fool or a physician, If I lose, I'll pay, that's certaina. Nay, I must feel your pulse first, for if a Woman's pulse be near a place, I know there's few here of my years but would be glad to turn Doctors. Nay, if it be nothing else, I'll fetch that will cure you presently. O young Mistress, where are you, the Prince, The Prince. Where is he? Why at the Court; where should he be? I did but doo't to make you smile: Nay, I'll tickle you for a Doctor: Madam I have a years wages before hand. No marry is he not. Nay Madam, the Prince is come. If you will not believe me, will you believe these? Ey, ey; thou mayest get much understanding by keeping my company: But Sir, does not the new Gown the Prince sent my Mistress, become her most incompa rably?