CLOWN

Because you know the proverb: A grunting horse, and a groaning wife never deceive their Master: say, will you make haste Nurse? Let his virtues speak for himself: he hath taught his people to sow, to blow, to reap corn, and to scorn Ache horns with their heals, to bake and to brue: we that were wont to drink nothing but water, have the bravest liquour at Court as passes. Beside, he hath devised a strange engine, called a Bow and Arrow, that a man may hold in hand, and kill a wild beast a great way off, and never come in danger of his clutches. I'll tell you a strange thing Nurse, last time the King went a hunting, he killed a bear, brought him home to be baked and eam ten: A Gentlewoman of the Court, that said hungerly upon this pie, had such a rumbling and roaring in her guts, that her In trails were all in a mutiny, and could not be appeased. No phi sick, would help her, what did the King but caused and ex cellent Mastiff to be knocked in the head, and dressed, gave it to the gentlewoman, of which when she had well eaten, the flesh of the Mastiff worried the bear in her belly, and ever since her guts have left wambling. But come, come, I was sent in hast, the Queen must needs speak with you. Save you sir, is your name K. Melliseus Then this letter is to you, but is there not one in your Court, called (let me see) have you here never a gibbit-maker? Ey Jupiter, that's he that I would speak with. Here's another letter to you, but ere you read it, pray let me ask you one question. Whither you, be a wise child or no? Because I would know whither you know your own father, but if you do not, hoping you are in good health, as your father scarce was, at the making hereof, These are to certify you. I was the man that took pains with you, 'twas I that brought you in the hand-basket. If your precious stones were set in that Jewel it would be brave wearing. Have we quoth he? We have things about us, we have not showed yet, and that every one must not see, would make those few teeth in your head to water, I would have you think, I have beware too as well as my Master. Nay Sir, take heed you be not smelled out. Not all at these years. I spy his knavery. Now would he have me keep them busied, while he courts the Lady. I would I were out of this tower of Brass, & from all these brazen faced Beldames: if we should fallen asleep, and the King come and take us napping, where were we? My Lord stays long, & the night grows short, the thing you wot of hath cost him a simple sort of Jewels. But if after all this cost, the thing you wot of would not do: If the pedlar should show himself a pidler, he hath brought his hog's to a fair market. Fie upon it, what a snorting forward and backward these Beldames keep? But let them sleep on, some in the house I am sure are awake, and stirring too, or I miss my aim. Well, here must I fit and wait the good hour, till the gate be open, and suffer my eyes to do that, which I am sure my cloak never will, that is, to take nap. There is no dallying, you must come with all speed, For Madam Sibilla is grown a great woman. Nay, she is greater then many Queens are: for though you may think she is with ancient folks: yet I can assure you she is with child, you may imagine, being now but morning she is new risen, yet t'is thought that ere noon she will be brought a bed. I never herd she was committed to prison: yet t'is look't every hour when she shall be delivered, and there before Nurse I was sent to you in all haste. Yes: and yet 'tis thought she will notwithstanding hold out, because she is groaning. The best news abroad is, that the Queen is likely to keep at home: and is it not strange, that half and hours be king abroad should make a woman have a months mind to keep in. But the worst news is, that if the King have a young Prince, he is tide to kill it by oath: but if his majesty went drunk to bed, and God a girl, she hath leave to live till she die, and die when she can live no longer. I can tell you more news: the king hath sent to the Oracle to know whither my Lady be with child of a boy or a girl, and what their Fortune's shall be: the Lord that went, is look't for every day to return with his answer: it is so Gos sipped in the Queens chamber, I can tell you. Oh Nurse we have the bravest king, if thou knewest all. I have no mind to this buffeting: Il'e walk after fair and softly, in hope that all the buffeting may be done before I come. Whither had I better go home by land, or by sea? If I go by land, and miscarry, then I go the way of all flesh. If I go by sea and miscarry, then I go the way of all fish: I am not yet resolved. But howsoever, I have done my message so cleanly, that they cannot say, the messenger is bereaved of any thing that belongs to his message. As for example, here's a silner bodkin, this is to re move dandriffe, and dig about the roots of your silver-haired fur. This is a tooth-picker, but you having no teeth, here is for you a coral to rub your gums. This is called a Mask. Then you have one wrinkle more behind. You that are dim eyed put this pitiful spectacle upon your nose. Your nose hath not had these spectacles on yet. Will you thrust us out to seek our lodging at Mid night. We have paid for our lodging, a man would think, we might have lain cheaper in any Inn in Arges? Not all things, by your leave. All the gold in Crete cannot get one of you old Crones with child. But shall we go sleep? My Lord. She that hath the best eyes of them all, I have a trick to make her nose stand in her light. I have my memoranda about me. As I can bear a pack, so I can bear a brain, & now I talk of a pack, though I know not of the death of any of your Friends, I am sorry for your heaviness. Nay do you take the rope in your hand for luck sake. The moral is, because you shall ring all-in. It may be called the tower of Barren for ought I see, for here is none but are passed children. Here My Lord, cast your old cloak about you. Farewell good Minivers. For mine own partly, though I know not what be longs to the getting of cbildren, yet I know how to father a child, & because I would be loath to have this Parish troubled with you, I bring you news where you were born. I was the man that laid you at this men door, & if you will not go home quietly, you shall be sent from Constable to Constable, till you come to the place where you were begotten. Read further & tell me more. Charge me to the mouth, and till you give fire I'l not of. That Lady hath some manners, she hath be well brought up I warrant her.