BOWDLER

What? dost thou mean thy love pretty fool? I know thou camest to the drawer. Am not I the propperer man? Will you get up and ride? Come, come, leave your jesting, I shall put you down. By this hand, I shall. Go to, you are a woman. I have seen as fair. As fair as Mall Berry. As M. Bowdler. Go thou down then. Faith sir, the modest behaviour of this Gentlewoman, Hath insinuated my company. Faith, I shall put you down in talk, you were best to yield. Mean you by me? you gull me not? For if you did, I would intoxicate my head. Mean you by me? you gull me not? Well then fair Mall, you love me as you say. All in good time you will do, else you lie, Will you not? Barnard, she gulles me still. Call her again, Barnard. I know it, but a kind of honest blood Tilts in my loins, with wanton appetites, She bade me do a message to the Drawer, And I will do it; there will come a day, When Humphrey Bowdler, will keep holiday, Then Mall look to your self, see that you be sped, Or by this light I'll have your maidenhead. When wilt thou spit out this serpents tonge of thine? Sweet rogue, whats the matter? Sweet rascal, where, Oh do not kill my soul With such delays, tell me kind rogue, Oh tell me where it is. Come Barnard, lets to the dancing, lets tickle it to night, For to morrow thy heals may be too heavy. Cripple, will you along? Farewell then dog of Israel, farewell. Exeunt. Oh Lord sir, it is your most elevated humour to be mere ry, to be concise, set up the collar, and look thus with a dou ble chin, Like Diogenes peering over his Tub, is too cymi call, the sign of Melancholy, and indeed, the mere effect of a salt rhume. You gull me not. Sirrah dog, how didst thou Like my last caper, and turn a the toe? It was my yesterday's exercise. What purgation, you filthy cur? Now as I am a Gentleman My Tutor was not witting of the same; And in my opinion will do excellent: Oh this air! here's a most eloquious air for the memory, I could spend the third partly of my Arms in silver, To be encountered by some good wit or other. Peace Cripple, silence, name her not, I could not endure the carrire of her wit, for a million, she is the only she Mercury under the heavens; her wit is all spirit; that spirit fire, that fire flies from her tongue, able to burn the radix of the best invention; in this Element she is the abstract and brief of all the eloquence since the incarnation of Tully's I tell thee Cripple, I had rather encounter Hercules with blows, than Mall Berry with words: And yet by this light I am horribly in love with her. Now have I no more blood than a bulrush. See, see, that glorious angel does approach, What shall I do? I would it were come to that, I win her! by heaven, I am not furnished of a courting phrase, to throw at a dog. By this light, I had not thought the clod had had so nimble a spirit: but Cripple farewell, I'll to Mall Berry, come Barnard along with me. As a feather, sweet Rogue, as a feather: Have I not good cause, sweet Mall, sweet Mall, Hath she not caused the same: well, if I live, sweet wench, Either by night or day I will requite your kindness. Mall, thou art mine, by thine own consent; How sayest thou Mall ? But that is not sufficient Mall, if thou art content Mall, here's a Rogue hard by, a friend of mine, whom I will acquaint with our loves, and he shall be partaker of the match. Come then sweet Mall, weel to the Drawer, There to dispatch what I further intend. I will not Mall. Now you lame Rogue, where is this maidens work? my wives work you rascal, quick, give it her? I ye halting Rascal, my wives work; she's my wife before God and Ralph, how sayest thou Mall, art thou not? A good wench Mall, i'faith, now will I to thy fa there for his good will, Cripple, see you remember what is passed, for I will call thee in question for a witness if need require, farewell cur, farewell dog. Exit. Bowdler and Ralph. Zounds two Cripples, two dogs two curs, 'tis wone derfull! Gentlemen, patience is your fairest play. Provided! why am not I thy Menelaus? Is it even so, is Hellen stolen by Paris ? Then thus in arms will Menelaus mourn, Till Troy be sacked, and Hellena return. Exit A plague on this Drawer, he's never at home: Good morrow sweetheart, tell me, how thou dost? That's all one, once I love thee, give me thy hand and say, Amen. Well met my deer bundle of rew, well met. A plague on thee for a dog, have I found thee? I hate thee not, and yet by this hand I could find in my heart: but sirrah, Crutch, I was encountered. You filthy dog, I was encountered by a wench I say. Neither, neither i'faith. By this hand Cripple isle bombast thee! Thy nose dog, thy nose, a plague on thee, I care not for thee, and yet I cannot choose but love thee. Sirrah, Mall Berry was here about work thou hast of hers, hadst thou been here to have herd how I spurrd the wench with incantations, thou wouldst have given me the praise for a jester. Well, thou art a Jew sirrah, I'll cut out that venomous tongue of thine one of these days. Here comes my amorous vessel, isle board her y faith: Well encountered Mall, how dost thou wench, how dost thou? Why I ask thee in kindness. Is the fool your livery? Meaning me? you gull me not, if you do: Oh vile! I would take you down. By this hand. By thy leave Mall, a word. Thats a lie, thou Wertenberg by when I bought these gloves of a wench. Good, but I excused my self. Come, come, away, I long to see the man In dancing Art that does more than I can. Why I did understand thee so. I will behold them, come crutch, thou shalt with us. Down dog, isle have thy company. By this hand thou shalt go with us. A lame oath, never stand to that. Master Berry, I wish you well sir: master Fiddle I am yours for a congee. Mean you me sir? Be still dog, bark not, though by misfortune I was last night somewhat distempered: I will not be upbraided; was no more But to refine my wit; but tell me truly, How dost thou Like my caper? It will offend her judgement, pardon me. I never read any thing but Venus and Adonis. Why then have at her. Fondling I say, since I have hemmed thee here, Within the circle of this ivory pale, I'll be a park. And thou shalt be my deer; Feed thou on me, and I will feed on thee, And Love shall feed us both. Vouchsafe thou wonder to alight thy steed. Why then she is alighted, Come fit thee down where never serpent hisses, And being set, isle smother thee with kisses. Mean you me? you gull me not? No by my troth, if you stay here all day. Why what could I do more? I looked upon her with judgement, the strings of my tongue were well in tune, my embraces were in good measure, my palm of a good consti tution, only the phrase was not moving; as for example, Venus her self with all her skill could not win Adonis, with the same words: Oh heavens! was I so found then to think that I could conquer Mall Berry? Oh the natural fluence of my own wit had been far better! Godden good fellow. A very good conceit. Let me hear it, my sweet russeting. I my little apple John. A what? Nay, what am I? Sirrah Russeting, isle pare your head off. Fiddle, give me thy hand, a plague on thee, thou know west I love thee. Now tell us, what is the news you had for me? By heavens Frank I do commend thy wit, Come Mall, shall thou and I ask blessing too for company? I'll stretch my wit but I will take you down. Alas, my self have been her whetstone with my conference in th'Exchange any time these many years. Indeed my best gift is in the morning when the Maids visit my chamber, with such necessaries as I usually buy of them.