ROGER

Noble master Geraldine, worshipful master Dalavill. Remember you, I have had so many memorandomes from the multiplicities of your bounties, that not to remember you were to forget my self, you are both most ingeniously and nobly welcome. Because had I given your welcomes other attributes then I have done, the one being a Soldier, and the other seeming a Scholar, I should have lied in the first, and showed my self a kind of block head in the last. Small doings at home sir, in regard that the age of my Master corresponds not with the youth of my Mistress, and you know cold January and lusty May seldom meet in conjunction. Not so sir, you being more judicious then I, isle give you the preeminence in that, because I see by proof you have such judgement in times and seasons. Because you have so seasonably made choice, to come so joust at dinner time; you are welcome Gentlemen, isle go tell my Master of your coming. Dancing news sir, For the meat stands piping hight upon the dresser, The kitchen's in a heat and the Cook hath so bestirred himself, That he's in a sweat. The Jack plays Music, and the Spits Turn round too't. And to supper too sir, I know not how the day goes with you, but my stomach hath struck twelve, I can assure you that. I'll stand too't, that in good hospitality, there can be nothing found that's ill, he that's a good housekeeper, keeps a good table, a good table, is never without good stools, good stools, seldom without good guests, good guests, never without good cheer, good cheer, cannot be without good stomachs, good sfomackes, without good digestion, good digestion, keeps men in good health, and there before all good people, that bear good minds, as you love goodness, be sure to keep good meat and drink in your houses, and so you shall be called good men, and nothing can come on't but good, I warrant you. Who, I Sir, From a Lodging of Lardgesse, a House of Hospita lity, and a Palace of Plenty; Where there's Feeding Like Horses, and Drinking Like Fish; Where for Pints, w'are served in Pottles; and in stead of Pottle-pots, in Pails; in stead of Siluer-tanckards, we drink out of Water-tanckards; Clarret runs as freely, as the Cocks; and Canary, Like the Conduits of a Coronation day; Where there's no thing but Feeding and Frolicking; Carving in Kissing; Drinking, and Dancing; Music and Madding; Fidsing and Feasting. They may be rather called Reaks then Revels; As I came a long by the door, I was called up amongst them; Hee-Gallants, and Shee-Gallants, I no sooner looked out; but saw them out with their Knives, Slashing of Shoulders, Mangling of Legs, and Launching of Loins, till there was scarce a whole Limb lest amongst them. One was Hacking to cut off a Neck, this was Mangling a Breast, his Knife slip from the Shoulder, and only cut of a Wing, one was picking the Brains out of a Head, another was Knuckle deep in a Belly, one was Groping for a Liver, another Searching for the Kid neyes; I saw one pluck the Sole from the Body (Goose that she was to suffer't) another pricked into the Breast with his one Bill, Wood cock to endure it. I know not that, but it seems, one had a Stomach, and anon there had a Stomach; But there was such biting and tearing with their teeth's, that I am sure, I saw some of their poor Carcases pay for't. Alas no, Surgeons help was too late; There was no stitching up of those Wounds, where Limb was plucked from Limb; Nor any Salve for those Scars, which all the Plaster of Paris cannot Cure. It seems it was first Broached in the Kitchen; Certain crea tures being brought in thither, by some of the House; The Cook be king a Colloricke fellow, did so Towse them and Toss them, so Pluck them and Pull them, till he left them as naked as my Nail, Pinioned some of them Like Felons; Cut the Spurs from others of their Heals; Then down went his Spits, Some of them he ran in at the Throat, and out at the Backside; About went his Basting-Ladle, where he did so besawce them, that many a shrode turn they had amongst them. They fared best, and did the least hurt that I saw; But for quietness sake, were forced to swallow what is not yet digested, yet every one had their share, and she that had least, I am sure by this time, hath her belly full. Marry Sir, at your next neighbours, Young Master Lionel, Where there is nothing but Drinking out of Dry-Fats, and Healthing in Half-tubs, his Guests are fed by the Belly, and Beggars served at his Gate in Baskets; He's the Adamant of this Age, the Daffodil of these days, the Prince of Prodigality, and the very Caesar of all young Citizens. Your gravity hath gest aright; The chiefest that fell in this Battle, were wild Foul and tame Foul; Phessants were wounded in stead of Alfaresse, and Capons for Captains, Anchoues stood for And tiants, and Caviar for Corporals, Dishes were assaulted in stead of Ditches, and Rabbets were cut to pieces upon the rebellings, some lost their Legs, whilst other of their wings were forced to fly; The Pioneer undermined nothing but Piecrust; And— I was at the beginning of the Battle, But here comes some, that it seems Were at the rifling of the dead Carcases; For by their mirth, they have had partly of the Spoil. This is Like a hasty Pudding, longer in eating then it was in making. Where I was to night at Supper. Why so I told you, Sir. Excellent Sport. Come what will, isle steal out of Doors, And see the end of it, that 'scertaine. O Sir, you are the Needle, and if the whole County of Mid dlesex had been turned to a mere Bottle of Hay, I had been enjoined to have found you out, or never more returned back to my old Master: There's a Letter Sir. I shall Sir: This is Market-day, and here acquaintance come monly meet; and whom have I encountered my gossip Pintpot, and brim full; nay, I mean to drink with you before I partly, and how does all your worshipful kindred? your sister Quart, your pater-Pottle, (who was ever a Gentleman's fellow) and your old grandsier Gallon; they cannot choose but be all in health, since so many healths have been drunk out of them: I could wish them all here, and in no worse state then I see you are in at this present; howsoever gossip, since I have met you hand to hand, I'll make bold to drink to you—Nay, either you must pledge me, or get one to doo't for you; Do you open your mouth towards me? well, I know what you would say; Here Roger, to your Master and Mistress, and all our good friends at home; gramercy gossip, if I should not pledge thee, I were worthy to be turned out to Grass, and stand no more at Livery: And now in requital of this courtesy I'll begin one health to you and all your society in the Oeller, to Peter Pipe, Harry Hogshead, Bartholo mew Butt, and little master Randall Roundlet, to Timothy Taster, and all your other great and small friends. I Sir, it's very true, The Letter Speaks no more Then he wished me to tell you by word of mouth. His Privy and please you. On Monday Sir: That's as I remember, joust the day before Tuesday. I am something oblivious; Your message would be the true liar delivered if it were set down in black and white. This is the Garden gate; And here am I set to stand Centinel, and to attend the coming of Young Master Geraldine: Master Dam lauill's gone to his Chamber; My Mistress to hers; It's now about Midnight; A Banquet prepared, bottles of Wine in readiness, all the whole Household at their rest; And no creature by this, honestly stir ring, saving I and my Old Master; He in a buy Chamber, prepared of purpose for their private Meeting; And I here to play the Watch| Enter Young Geraldine. man, against my will; Chavelah, Stand; Who goes there? The Word? That's the Word indeed; You have lea e to pass freely Without calling my Corporal. According to promise, the business is composed, and the sir ants disposed, my young Mistress reposed, my old Master according as you proposed, attends you if you be exposed to give him meeting; Nothing in the way being interposed, to transpose you to the least danger: And this I dare be deposed, if you will not take my word, as I am honest Roger. Nay, by your leave, I that was late but a plain Centinel, Will now be your Captain conducter: Follow me. Till the mouths of the bottles yawn directly upon the floor, and the bottoms turn their rail S up to the seeling; Whilst there's any blood in their bellies, I'll not leave them. Nay, since my Master begun it, I'll see't go round To all three. Talk you by your selves, whilst I find something to say to this: I have a tale no tell him shall make his stony heart relent. This is the House, but where's the noise that was wont to be in't? I am sent hither, to deliver a Noate, to two young Gentlemen that here keep Revelrout; I remember it, since the last Massacre of Meat that was made in't; But it seems, That the great Storm that was raised then, is chased now; I have other Notes to deliver, one to Master Rycott—and—I shall think on them all in order; My Old Master makes a great Feast, for the parting of young Master Ge raldine, who is presently upon his departure for Travel, and the better to grace it, hath invited many of his Neighbours and Friends; Where will be Old Master Geraldine—his Son, and I cannot tell how many; But this is strange, the Gates shut up at this time a day, belike they are all Drunk and laid to sleep, if they be, I'll wake them, with a Murrain. Ho, Reignald, Riotous Reignald, Revelling Reignald. What madness does possess thee, honest Friend, To ask me such a question? Yes very well, I thank you, how do you Sir? Not so much change about me at this time, As to change you a Shilling into two Tasters. And I advise thee Friend, for thine own good, stand not be betwixt me and the Gate, but give me leave to deliver my er ant; Hoe, Reignald, you mad Rascal. Ghosts; Indeed there has been much walking, in and about the House after Midnight. Yes, terrible noise, that none of the neighbours could take any rest for it, I have herd it my self. And hollowing. And crying out, till the whole house rung again. Oftener then I have toes and singers. I'll be sworn too't, and that's as good. I'll take my soldiers oath on't. My corporal oath; And you know Sir, a Corporal is and office belonging to a soldier. And all; But not to do the least hurt to my old friend Reig worser. Well said Reignald, nobly put off Reignald, Look to thy self Reignald. Yes, and Middlesex too, and I would have been thy half Reig nald. And I will say Like Reignald, This Ghost and I am Friends. The one you have nothing to do withal, here's his Ticket for his discharge; Another for you Sir, to Summon you to my Master's Feast, For you, and you, where I charge you all to appear, upon his displeasure, and your own apperils. Good Sir, for my sake, I resolved you truly Concerning Whooping, the Noise, the Walking; and the Sprights, And for a needs, can show you a Ticket for him too. Come down then Reignald, first on your hands and feet, and then on your knees to your Master; Now gentlemen, what do you say to your inviting to my Master's Feast. My sweet Mistress. I shall, I shall Sir. He went presently to the Stable, put the Saddle upon his Horse, put his Foot into the Stirrup, clapped his Spurs into his sides, and a way he's Galloped, as if he were to ride a Raze for a Wager. Sir sir, your threats nor warrants, can fright me; My honesty and innocency's known Always to have been unblemished; Would you could As well approve your own Integrity, As I shall doubtless acquit my self Of this surmised murder. I'll answer all Old Lionel, both to thy shame and scorn; This for thy Menaces. Not I; The game begins. Very well Sir. So will your gullery too. This Murder will come out. To challenge me of Murder? I'll fetch a Piece and shoot him. I impute my wrongs rather to knavish Cunning, Then least pretended Malice. Best to send And see how her fit holds her.