SLIPPER

Why I must talk on Idy fort, wherefore was my tongue made. Come under mine arm sir, or get a footstool, Or else by the light of the Moon, I must come to it. And I can lick a dish before a Cat. How mean you that sir, of what trade? Marry I'll tell you, I have many trades, The honest trade when I needs must, The filching trade when time serves, The Cosening trade as I find occasion. And I have more qualities, I cannot abide a full cup unkissed, A fat Capon vncaru'd, A full purse unpicked, Nor a fool to prove a Justice as you do. This is my little brother with the great wit, beware him, But what canst thou do, tell me, that art so inquisitive of us? So you are of the gentle trade? Then gentle sir, leave us to our selves, For hear comes one as if he would lack a servant ere he went. Truly sir that am I? Oh Lord I sir, and a great many more, Some better, some worse, some richer some porer, Why sir do you look so, do they not please you? Oh sir, I tell the worst first, but and you lack a man I am for you, isle tell you the best qualities I have. If you needs me in your chamber, I can keep the door at a whistle, in your kitchen Turn the spit, and lick the pan, and make the fire burn. But if in the stable. Why there you kill me, there am I, And turn me to a horse & a wench, and I have no peer. Why so sir, a horse hath two properties of a man, That is a proud heart, and a hardy stomach, Four properties of a Lion, a broad breast, a stiff docket, Hold your nose master. A wild countenance, and 4. good legs. Nine properties of a Fox, nine of a Hare, nine of and Ass, And ten of a woman. Oh master, know you not that? Draw your tables, and write what wise I speak. First a merry countenance. Second, a soft pace. Third, a broad forehead. Fourth, broad buttocks. Fifth, hard of ward. Sixth, easy to leap upon. Seventh, good at long journey. Eight, moving under a man. Ninth, always busy with the mouth. Tenth. Ever chewing on the bridle. And ancient name sir, belonging to the Chamber and the night gown. Guess you that. By my faith well gest, and so 'tis indeed: Yowl be my master? Read this first. He is my brother sir, and we two were born together, Must serve together, and will die together, Though we be both hanged. Then welcome brother, and fellow now. Now I pray you sir what a kin are you to a pickrell? By my troth sir, because I never knew a proper scitua cion fellow of your pitch, fitter to swallow a gudgin. Shifting fellow sir, these be thy words, shifting fellow: This Gentlewoman I fear me, knew your bringing up. Why sir your father was a Miller, That could shift for a peck of grist in a bushel, And you a fair spoken Gentleman, that can get more land by a lie, then and honest man by his ready money. I say sir, that if she call you shifting knave, You shall not put her to the proof. Because sir, living by your wit as you do shifting, is your letters patents, it were a hard matter for me to get my dinner that day, wherein my Master had not sold a dozen of devices, a case of cogges, and a shute of shifts in the morning: I speak this in your commendation sir, & I pray you so take it. O Mistress may I turn a word upon you. O what a happy Gentlewoman be you truly, the world reports this of you Mistress, that a man can no sooner come to your house, but the Butler comes with a black Jack and says welcome friend, he eres a cup of the best for you, we rily Mistress you are said to have the best Ale in all Scotland. Like it Mistress? why this is quincy quarie pepper de watchet, single goby, of all that ever I tasted: I'll prove in this Ale and tossed, the compass of the whole world. First this is the earth, it ties in the middle a fair brown tossed, a goodly country for hungry teeth to dwell upon: next this is the sea, a fair pool for a dry to ̄ gue to fish in: now come I, & sing the world is nought, I divide it thus, & because the sea Can ̄ not stand without the earth, as Arist. says, I put the ̄ both into their first Chaos which is my belly, and so mistress you may see your ale is become a miracle. Truly Madam, to think upon the world, which since I denou ̄ ced, it keeps such a rumbling in my stomach, that un less your Cook give it a counterbuff with some of your ro stead Capons or beef, I fear me I shall become a lose body, so dainty I think, I shall neither hold fast before nor behind. Neither above ground nor under ground, Drawing out read into white, Swallowing that down without chawing, That was never made without treading. Why in his seller, drinking a cup of neat and brisk claret, in a boul of silver: O sir the wine runs trillill down his throat, which cost the poor vintnerd many a stamp be before it was made: but I must hence sir, I have haste. Faith sir, to Sir Silvester a Knight hard by, upon my Masters errand, whom I must certify this, that the lease of Est Spring shall be confirmed, and therefore must I bid him provide trash, for my Master is no friend without money. A good word, thou haste wone me, This word is Like a warm candle to a cold stomach. Will I sir, why, were it to rob my father, hang my mother, or any such Like trifles, I am at your commandment sir, what will you give me sir? I am your man, give me earnest, I am dead at a pocket sir, why I am a lifter master, by my occupation. Why sir, I can lift a pot as well as any man, and pick a purse assoon as any thief in my country. I will sir. Now room for a Gentleman, my masters, who gives me money for a fair new Angel, a trim new Angel? Taylor. Let my dubblet be white Northern, five groats the yard, I tell thee I will be brave. Now sir, cut it me Like the battlements of a Custerd, full of round holes: edge me the sleeves with Coventry-blew, and let the linings be of tenpenny locorum. Make it the amorous cut, a flap before. O friend, thou art a simple fellow, I tell thee, a flap is a great friend to a storrie, it stands him in stead of clean nam pery, and if a men shert be torn, it is a present penthouse to defend him from a clean huswives scoff. Hold take thy money, there is seven shillings for the dubblet, and eight for the breeches, seven and eight, by ladi thirty six is a fair deal of money. Nay but stay Taylor. A fine neat calves leather my friend. I tell thee, it is my near kinsman, for I am Slipper, which hath his best grace in summer to be suited in lakus skins, Guidwife Clarke was my Grandmother, and Goodman Nea therleather mine Uncle, but my mother good woman. Alas, she was a Spaniard, and being well tande and dressed by a Goodfellow, and Englishman, is grown to some wealth: as when I have but my upper parts, clad in her husbands costly Span nish leather, I may be bold to kiss the fairest Ladies foot in this country. Why knave? Take your earnest friend and be packing, And meddle not with my progenators Cutler. I must have a Rapier and Dagger. Because it may cut by himself, for truly my Friend, I am a man of peace, and wear weapons but for fashion. Hold take it, I betrust thee friend, let me be welarmed. Now what remains? theres twenty Crowns for house, three crowns for houshol stuff, six pence to buy a Constables staff: nay I will be the chief of my parish, there wants nothing but a wench, a cat, a dog, a wife and a servant, to make and hold family, shall I marry with Alice, good ma ̄ Grim shaves daughter, she is fair, but indeed her tongue is Like Clocks on Shrouetuesday, always out of temper? shall I wed Sisley of the Whighte ̄ ? O , she is Like a frog in a parcely bed, as scittish as and ele, if I seek to would ̄ per her, she will ho ne me: but a wench must be had master Slip. Yea and shall be deer friend. I will my friend, and I thank you heartily, pray keep your courtesy, I am yours in the way of and hornpipe, they are strangers, I see they understand not my language, we we. Nay but my friends, one hornpipe, further a refluence back, and two doubles forward: what not one cross point a gainst Sundays. What ho sirrah, you gone, you with the nose Like and Eagle, and you be a right Greek, one turn more, thieves thieves, I am robbed thieves. Is this the knavery of Fid le? Well, I will then bind the hold credit of their occupatio ̄ on a bagpiper, and he for my money, but I will after, and teach them to caper in a halter, that have cozened me of my money. Nay sir if you be in your deeds of charity, remember me I rubbed M. Ateukins horse heals, when he rid to the meadows. Then I pray sir give me all, I am as ready for a reward as and oyster for a fresh tide, spare not me sir. The case is altered, sir, isle none of your gifts, what I take a reward at your hands? Master, faith sir no: I am a man of a better conscience. Why alas sir, I will go away I thank you gentle friends. I pray you spare your pains, I will not trouble his honours mai stership, isle run away. Why stay you? move me not, let search be made, For vile Ateukin, who so finds him out, Shall have five hundredth marks for his reward. Away with the Lords troops about my tent, Let all our soldiers stand in battle ray, For lo the English to their parley come. Forget not this special mate, Let my back parts be well linde, For there come many winter storms from a windy belly, I tell thee Shoemaker. Thou sayest true, but it must have a very fair edge, O simple witted, mark my reason, they that do good service in the Commonweal are Gentlemen, but such as rub horses do good service in the Commonweal, Ergo tarbox Master Courtier, a Horsekeeper is a Gentleman. Fellow, friend thou dost disbuse me, I am a Gentlema ̄ . Why I rub horses sir.