CLARA

Formal at last, would have resolved you, and I held my Peace of purpose, cause I knew his slow discovery would vex Your nimble patience Yes, or to young monsieur Holdfast whom he says is Learned enough to make Cheapside a College, And all the City a new Academy, but have you Thorowgood performed what I advised you to? To the schoolars, Young Holdfasts likeness. This suits well with my directions. No matter: Although you be my uncle, and so nature Binds me to observe you, isle not be obliged To what the phlegmatic humour of your age Strives to enforce upon me: I was born Free, and inheritress to and ample fortune, Of which you do pervert the use, and trust me, I'll be no longer tame and suffer it. Do; you shall not, as you had wont, Think to attire me in black Grogram, Daubed over with Satin lace, as if I were Daughter, and heir apparent to a Tailor, Who from the holiday Gowns of six neat fishwives Had stole the remnants made the thrifty garment. Nor shall you sir (as 'tis a frequent custom, Cause you're a worthy Alderman of a Ward.) Feed me with Custard, and perpetual White-broth, Sent from the Lord Majors, or the Shriefes feast, And here preserved ten days, (as it in pickle) Till a new dinner from the common hall Supply the large defect. Leave to use me so then: Y'ave made my self, your daughter, and my woman, Sup with a pennyworth of Lettice, under Pretence 'twould make us sleep well: your full morsels (Had not the virtue of Clay wall, and Oatmeal Preserved my maid) ere this she'd been shrunk up Toth' bigness of a Squirrel. Nor shall you, (As sure 'tis your intention) marry me To the quondam foreman of your shop, (exalted To be your Cashkeeper) a limber fellow, Fit only for deer Nan, his schoolfellow, A Grocers daughter, born in Bread-street, with Whom he has used to go to Pimblico, And spend ten groats in Cakes and Christian Ale, And by the way has courted her with fragments, Stolen from the learned Legends of Knights Errants, Or from the glory of her father's trade, The Knight o'the Burning Pestle. I'll not be frighted As are your Prentices, with Little ease, Or showing them the Beadle. In plain terms, I do not mean to incorporate with a Salter, Or any of those thriving trades, to have My shoes licked over each saturday night Byth' under prentice; they shine so brightly With soot and kitching-stuffe, that I next morning May spare my glass, and dress my head by their Greasy reflection: yet let me tell you, I must be married instantly a virgin: Of my full age, setting aside all niceness May justly claim a husband. You promise wonders. Sure you mistake, There's none here is so found of you to court Your cheap and vulgar presence. You're very confident. Her blushes does betray her, were't to me, He should find other usage. Sir my Cousin, I know not how transported by her love, Above her reason, has enthrald her heart To your dispose. I hope sir you're so much A Gentleman, you will make civil use Of her affection; 'twill be worth your care sir. Beside the rich endearments of her youth, She's Mistress of a fortune that may challenge A noble retribution for her love. Weel not disturb your conference. Ex. Clar. Maud. None such came hither yet Sir. That you'll be Honest contented Cuckolds, bear your heads As peaceably, and with as much obedience, As the tamest beast ith' City. Why then strike hands on't; Since you will needs undo your selves, 'twere folly To endeavour to redeem you: but this night We will be married, and in private, Not yours nor our friends being acquainted with it. Weel meet you any where, procure the license, And weel be ready; so farewell: to night, Or not at all lets hear from you. To behold Two such trim gallants as your selves, Like Asses, Shaking your empty Noddles over the Oats You feign would eat, but must not lick your lips at. You thought to have won us by your wit, where lies it? In your gay clothes; perhaps so, if you can Outswear the faithful Tailor, that's unpaid yet. Or cheat your Sempstress. Troth make safe retreat Into the Suburbs, there you may find cast wenches, Who will in pity have you: and for dowry, Bring you and ampler stock of hight diseases, Than you are already furnished with. We Orphans Oth' City have more charity to our selves, Than to wed Surgeons boxes. Such discourtesies From friends; nay, such beloved friends as you were, Wounds deeply Mr. Freewit. Would, would, would: hold the men head, heel swown I fear oth' sudden: marry you; go boast How you've abused us, and do not forget This partly oth' story, 'twill much grace the Actium, That you were fooled again into belief That we could love you: would, would, would. Ex. Clare, Grace. You think you have us sure now. This same Busy Is a mere cheating Rascal. Ours? then may we die Virgins, And these same trusty youths, now called our husbands, Be suddenly transformed to Eunuchs; we Had thought young Holdfast, and Sir Timothy Had been the Squires had ushered us, and them We had resolved to couple with. Well Mr. Busy, Y'ave served us sweetly. Yes, and such favours As thou shalt wear in triumph: but what have you Done with our other sweethearts? We have done sir What cannot be undone, now if you will Be foolish now, and vex your selves, you may Be laughed at for your labour; they're our husbands, And we no cause now to repent our choice, Nor you Sir to repine at. What is he, one oth' Post sir, or some such As was in the old famous Ballad mentioned: He that has forty pounds per annum, by Which Charter I should be undutiful, And take the wall of my aged Grandame: No, I'll have a Courtly gentleman, whose wit Shall equal his estate, and that so large, As't shall afford me a sufficient joyncture. If he be a Parson; And I his wife, I sure shall make my friends Lucky to horseflesh: No, I will have one That shall maintain my Coach, and four fair horses: Not such thin jades, nor such a crazy Chariot, As i've seen used by Citizens to convey Their wives with leisure to their Country houses, (For fear the late Plumpudding they had eaten Fried to their Breakfast, should with too much jogging Broil on their queasy stomachs) One that shall Maintain me a Sedan, and two strong varlets, That so I may not needs the Common men Mules, With their wood-Litters, with nineteen at end of them, The usual shelters, which the Gallants carry Their wenches to their Chambers in: In brief, If you can find me any where a husband That I can Like, I will allow your choice; If not, isle take my own; so good day to you. Pray meditate upon it. Ex. Clare, Maud: 'Tis Thorowgood, you must not seem to know him. Truth I know not, I'll venture my discretion to his nose there, And that appears a rich one, they are two Country Idiots whom thy father would Put upon us for husbands. Yet our wits you see sir will not serve to keep Fools from our company. I do believe you sir, your face does tell me, You're one that feed on bacon and bagpudding, Your nose by its complexion does betray Your frequent drinking country Ale with lant in't, Have you no hobnails in your boots, driven in To save the precious leather from the stones That pave the streets of London. Now for you sir. Who of two fools do yet appear the wisest, Can your ingenious noddle think that we Bred in the various pleasures of the city, Would for your sake turn beasts and graze ith' country, We cannot milk, make wholesome cheese, nor butter, And fell it at next market and lay up Out of the precious Income as much coin In thread bore groats, mill-sixpences, and pence, As will suffice to find the house in Candles And Soap a twelve month after. All the company, We can enjoy there is each day to walk To the next farmers wife, whose whole discourse Is what price Barley bears, or how her husband Should his last yoke of Oxen: other meetings We cannot have, except it be at Churchales, When the sweet bagpipe does draw forth the Damsels to frisquo about the May poles, oh at Weddings, where the best cheer is, wholesome Stewd broth made of legs of pork and What odd fellow's this? Know you him Cousin Grace. I shall be proud To do you service. Master Busy, You seem of sage discretion: and to say Truth, I conceive you have the stock of wit Belonging to the city in your custody, You are the chamber of London, where that treasure Is hoarded up, and I do hope you can Be true and secret. And though I well could Like that Freewit for a husband, Yet in mere spite because he shall not have me, I'll wed the next men offered me. So now the game Exe. Sir Geoffrey and Covet. Will begin presently: I pray you tell me Which of you is the valiant Rosicleer, Dares break his Lance on me. A fools babble is't not? But come in brief toth' purpose: is it you Sir knight of the ill favoured face, That would have me for your Dulcina? Mark then You men that will transform your selves to Monsters, wretches that will become so miserable, You'll hang your selves: & think it a fair rid dance, Mark what yowl come to, if you be so mad, So desperate mad to wed us, you must first, Resolve Like patient gulls to have your no es Twingd if ours'chance to itch: your ears Like asses When they grow lazy cropped, least they oreheare Our chamber secrets, for our recreation, And least with too much ease we should grow resty, Weel Beatrice you daily: while you Like tame Spanells, Shall fawn and lick our shoestrings. If you have a brother, Kinsman, or friend, that does in pity grieve at The tyranny you live in, him it shall be felony To converse with, we in tissue and plush will Brave it while you walk in fustian, weel When we please have our fair coach and horses To carry us up to London to ask counsel of Our mother's and our gossips how to abuse you. You shall be still obedient, we commanding, And if a Lord or courtly gentleman, Whom we style servant, out of love sometime Gives us a visit, you shall not repine: If we forsake your bed to go to his. Well Mr. Free-wit, I thought how ever we, in mirth, or madness, Could have transgressed civility, that you Would not have made such a severe construction Of our intentions: how i've loved you, heavens Can bear me righteous witness; but men faith weeps. Is ickle as his shadow, never seen, But when the Sun shines. Life Thorowgood with young Holdfast, pray heaven my folly Has not undone me. Pray Sir speak In your own cause he needs no advocate. Take courage. And crown thee for The king of witty Constables use our names, Or any thing to draw them forward, that We may in triumph laugh at their disgrace, And weel procure a patent, to continue Thy office to thee, during life: and after To hire some ingenious poet that shall keep Thy fame alive in a brave Epitaph Graved on thy marble. 'Tis a hard choice sir, Yet rather then our maidenheads shall starve, Weel feed on this course fare, young wenches uncle, Are Like young hungry Hawks: they'll stoop at Jackdaws, when they can meet with no better prey, Draw nearer thou doughty knight, and thou good Squire oth' damsels, Uncle these youths are bashful in the Presence of you two their grave Elders: your grim beards, And azure notes able are to fright Their precise love to silence. Say sir Timothy If upon these conditions you can Like The match is perfect: but faith take my counsel, Make not your selves mere rascals: the reproach To boys and scholars, Subject's fit for ballads, Not worthy M Psalm name to them, good Sir Timothy Have pity on your self, and marry rather In your own tribe, some damsel that can churn, Make Cheese and Apple pies with Currants in them, And Mr. Holdfast it far better for you to Match with some grave doctors imp at Cambridge Or else as it your use when you're a student, Lie with your bed maker. But do you mean performance, Truly of these conditions.