NICHOL NEWFANGLE

¶ Then good Godfather let me hear thy mind. ¶ Then godfather name what the dance shall be. ¶ Is there never a knave her will keep the Devil company? Farewell godfather for thou must go alone: I pray thee come hither again anon. Exit Lucifer. Marry here was a benediction of the Devils good grace, Body of me I was so afraid I was Like to bestench the place. My buttocks made buttons of the new fashion. While the whoreson Devil was making his salutation. But by the mass I am as glad as ever was madge mare: That the whoreson Devil is joined with the knave Coliar. As fit a match as ever could be picked out: what sayest thou Joan with the long snout. But who comes yonder puffing as hot as a black pudding, I hold xx. li. it is a ruffian, if a Goose go a gooding. ¶ I warrant you here is a lusty one very brave: I think anon he will swear him self a knave. ¶ Sir you are welcome you seem to be and honest man: And I will help you in this matter as much as I can. If you tarry her a while I tell you in good sooth, I will find one as fit for you as a pudding for a friars mouth. ‡ Me think by your apparel you have had me in regard: I pray you of Nichole newfangle have you never herd? ‡ By my troth your name is quite out of my remembrance. ‡ Behold Tom tospot even in pudding time: Yonder comes Rafe Roister and old friend of mine, By the mass for thee he is so fit a mate As Tom and Tib for Kit and Kate. Now welcome my friend Rafe coister by the mass, ‡ Bid him welcome, hark he can play a knaves partly: ¶ As very a knave as thou, though the best be to bade, ¶ In faith Rafe Roister if thou wilt be ruled by me, we will dance hand in hand Like knaves all three. It is as unpossible for Thee his company to deny: As it is for a Cammel to creep through a needles eye. therefore did him welcome Like a knave as thou art, ¶ Tush Like will to Like it will be none other. For the virtuous will always the virtuous company seek out: A Gentleman never seeks the company of a Lout. And Roisters and Ruffians do sober company eschew: For Like will ever to Like this is most true. ¶ Then my masters if you will a while abide it: You shall see two such Knaves so lively described that if hell should be raked even by and by indeed: Such another couple cannot be found I swear by my creed. Go to sirs say on your whole minds: And I shall paint you out in your right kinds. First tom tospot plead thou thy cause and thy name: And I will fit in this chair and give sentence on the same. I will play the Judge and in this matter give judgement: How say you my masters are you so content? ¶ Then that I be in office neither of you do grudge? ¶ Where learned you to stand captain before a Judge? You sowterly knaves, show you all your manners at once. ¶ And am I plain Nichole? and yet it is in my arbitrement? to Judge which of you two is the veriest knave: I am master Nichole Newfangle both gay and brave. For seeing you make me your Judge I crow: I shall teach you both your leripup to know. He fights. ¶ ay I cannot put up such and injury. For sing I am in office I will be known therefore, he fights again. Fend your heads sirs for for I will fight once more, ¶ Well my masters because you do intend: to learn good manners and your conditions to amend. I will have but one fit more and so make and end. He fights again. ‡ A knave thou hast always been and ever shall. ‡ A knave thou wast born and so shalt thou die. ‡ He calls me knave by craft, do you not see? Sirrah I will remember it when you think not on me. Well say what thou canst for thine own behoof: If thou prove thy self the verier Knave by good proof. Thou must be the elder brother and have the patrimony, And when he hath said then do thou reply Even Thomas a uva rings, or Tiburn hill: to the falsest thief of you both by my father's will. ‡ I pray you leave your courtesy & I will tell you by and by. if he be the more Knave the patrimony he must have, But thou shalt have it if y u prove thy self the verier knave. A piece of ground it is that on beggets manner doth hold: and who so deserves it shall have it you may be bold. Called Saint Thomas a waterings or else Tiburn hill: Given and so bequeathed to the faliest Knave by will. ¶ But will no gossips keep thee company now and than? ¶ Thus thou mayest be called a knave in grain, And where Knaves be scant thou mayest go for twain. But now Rafe Roister let me hear what thou canst say ¶ He that should judge this manner had erd have more wit then I But seeing you have referred it unto my arbitrement: In faith I will give such equal judgement, that both of you shall be well pleased and c ntent. ¶ Well I will not have you contend any more. But this farm which to beggars manner doth appertain I will equally divide between you twain. Are you not content that so it shall be? ¶ Then see that anon you come both unto me ‡ Cum again for you shall not so suddenly be gone. Her entereth hau ̄ ce with a pot & sings as followeth. see you not who cums the ̄ der and old from ̄ worser of yours One that is ready to quasse at all hours. Quas in heart and quas again, and quas about the house a: And toss the black bole to and from, and I brinks them all carous a. ¶ Fit down good hance lest y u lie on y e ground. he seateth him in the chair. he knoweth not tom tospot I dare jeopard xx.l. ¶ Farewell Rafe roister with all my heart, Come anon and I will deliver thee thy partly. ¶ Why Hance thou hast Latin in thy belly me think, I thought there was no room for Latin, there is so much drink. ¶ Now so God help me thou art a pretty fellow Hance, A clean legged gentleman, and as proper a prance. As any I know between this and France. ¶ Rise again Hance thou hadst almost God a fallen: But thou dancest trimly legs and all. Body of me hance how doth thy belly canst thou tell? By the mass he hath be arrayed his breeches me think by y e smell. ‡ Wast thou almost down hance? so think I. But thou art sick me think by thy groaning, He groans Like a bear when he is a moaning. Hark how his head akes and his pulses do Beatrice: I think he will be hanged his belly is so great. ‡ By the faith of my body such Carpenter such chips, And as the wise man says, such letice such lips. For Like master Like men, Like tutor Like Scholar, And Like will to Like, quoth the devil to the Colier. ¶ Go before master lickhole and I wilcome by and by. Mates matched together depart you three, I will come after you may believe me. * Would would, would, would, would, would, would, would, Now three knaves are gone, and I am left alone: my self here to solace: Well done gentle Joan, why begin you to moan? though they be gone I am in place. And now I will dance, now will I prance, For why I have none other work: Snip snap Butter is no bone meat: Knaves flesh is no Pork. Heigh tisty tosty and Ole is a bird, Jack a napes hath and old face: You may believe me at one bore word, how Like you this merry case? A piece of ground, they think they have found, I will tell you what it is: For I them told that of beggars manner it hid hold, a staff and a wallet I wis. Which in short space, even in this place, of me they shall receive: For when that their drift, hath spent all their thrift, their minds I shall deceive. I trow you shall see more Knaves come to me, which whensoever they do: they shall have their meed, as they deserve indeed. as you shall shortly see these two. When they do pretend to have a good end, mark well then what shall ensue: A Bag and a Bottle, or else a Rope Knottle, this shall they prove to true. But mark well this game, I see this geer frame. Lo who comes now in such hast? It is Cuthbert cutpurse and Pierce pickpurse, Give room now a little cast. ‡ See to your purses my masters be ruled by me. For Knaves are abroad therefore beware: You are warned and you take not heed I do not care. ‡ My masters here is a good fellow that would feign have some. ¶ I thank you both heartily. And I will do somewhat for you by and by: Are not you two sworn brother's in every booty? ¶ Yes in faith you shall have it, you may believe me, I will be as good as my word, as shortly you shall see. ¶ But soft a while be ruled by me, Look yonder a little do you not see. Who comes yonder? a while we will abide, Let him say his pleasure and we will stand aside. ¶ Yea marry I am and old friend of yours perchance. ¶ By the faith of my body you will appose me by and by. But indeed I was but little when I was first born, And my mother to tell me my name thought it scorn. ¶ I remember my name now it is come to mind, I have mused much before I could it find. Niche le newfangle it is, I am your old friend. ¶ And in faith art thou at plain defiance? then I see I must go to mine old acquaintance. Well Cuthbert cutpurse and Pierce pickpurse, we must go to gither For Like will to Like quoth the Devil to the Colier. ¶ Friend if you be wise be beware of your purse. For this fellow may do you good when all comes to all, If you chance to lose your purse in Cutpurse hall. But in faith fare you well sith of our company you be weary: we will go to a place where we will make merry. For I see your company and ours do far differ, For Like will to Like quoth the Devil to the Colier. ¶ Then seeing we are all of one mind: Let us three go and leave a knave her behind, Exeunt they iij. ¶ And I will pledge Tom to spot till I be as drunk as a meuse a: Who so will drink to me all day, I will pledge them all carous a. ¶ Marry her is merchandise who list for to buy any, Come see for your love and buy for your money. This is the land which I must distribute anon: According to my promise or I beg on. For why Tom tospot since he went hence: Hath incr said a Noble joust unto nine pence. And Rate roister, it may none otherwise be chosen: Hath brought a pack of wul to a saite pair of hosen. This is good thrift learn it who shall: And now a couple of fellows, are come from cutpurse hall. And there have they brought many a purse to wrack: Lo heerts geer that will make their necks to crack. For I promised Tom tospot and Rafe roister a piece of Land, Lo here it is ready in my right hand. A wallet and Bottle, but it is not to be sold: I told them before that of beggars manner it did hold. And for Cuthbert Cutpurse, and Pierce Pickpurse here is good fare, This is the land of the two legged Mare. Which I to them promised and divide it with discretion: Shortly you shall see I will put them in possession. How Like you this Merchandise my master? is not this trim? A wallet, a Bottle, a Staff and a String. In faith Rafe roister is in good case as I suppose, For he hath lost all that he hath, save his Doublet and his Hose, And tom tospot is even at the same point: For he would lose a Limb or jeopard a joint. But behold yonder they come both, now all is gone and spent, I know their errand and what is their intent. ¶ Turn hither turn hither, I say sir knave: For I am even he that you so fain would have. ¶ You know that I this land must divide. Which I shall do but a while abide. All at pledge be: And a part of Dice hath made thee free. come thou unto me. He gives the bag to R. roister and the bottle to TO. Tospot Became see hast lost every whit at dice, take y u this to carry Bred and cheese. And take thou this bottle and mark what I shall say: If he chance the bred and Cheese by the way. Do thou in this matter follow my council: Drink by the drink and knock him about the head with the bottle And because that Raze is the Elder knave: this staff also of me thou shalt have? ¶ In faith good fellows my promise is performed. ¶ This must you have whither you will or no. Or else fallen to work with Shovel and with spade: For begging now must be your chiefest trade. ¶ This gear would have been looked too before: But now my masters you are upon the score. Be packing I say and get you hence: Learn to say I pray good master give me nine pence. ¶ Now am I driven to play the master of fence. Come no near me you knaves for your ine: Least I stick you both with this wood knife. They have him down & Beatrice him be cries for help Back I say back thou sturdy beggar: body of me they have taken away my dagger ¶ up good sir for I have God a fallen. ¶ In faith I should have laid some of the knaves in the dust. If I had your sword right now in presence: I would hrue had a leg or and arm ere they had gone hence. ¶ A couple of beggars have done me this vilary. ¶ Hold fast your sword then I pray you heartily. He riseth. ¶ That can I, for I came lately from the stews. There are knaves abroad you may believe me. As in this place shortly you shall see. No more words but mum and stand a while aside: Yonder comes two knaves therefore abide. ¶ Soft my masters a while I you pray, For I am her for whom you do seek: For you know that Like will never from Like. I promised you of late a piece of land: Which by and by shall fallen into your hand. ‡ Marry I will help you I swear by allhallowes: I will not partly from you till you come to the gallows. Lo noble Severity these be they without doubt, On whom this rumor of the every is gone about. Therefore my masters her is the snare: that shall led you to the land called the two legged mare. ‡ Help to tie their would ̄ ds before you be gone. He helpeth to tie them ‡ Ah my masters how Like you this play? You shall take possession of your land to day. I will help to bridle the two legged mare, And both you for to ride needs not to spare. Now so God help me I swear by this Bred, I marvel who shall play the knave when you twain be dead. ¶ Come Hankin hangman let us two cast lots, And between us divide a couple of coats. take thou the one and the other shall be mine: Come Hankin Hangman thou cainst in good time. ¶ Now farewell Hankin hangman, farewell to thee: ¶ Then who shall hold my stirrup while I go to horse? ¶ Then speak aloof of, to come nigh I am afraid. ‡Well Godfather if you will say ought to me in this case, Speak for in faith I mean not to kneel to that ill face. If our Lady Uvalsingham had no fairer face and visage, By the mass they were fools that would go to her on pil gremage ¶ Tush, tush, that is already brought to pass, For a very skip Jack is prouder I swear by the mass, And seeks to go more gayer and brave: then doth a Lord though himself be a knave. ¶ Your mind is sith I fast three meals every good friday. that I eat nothing but Onions and leeks always. ¶ Tush, tush godfather Devil for that have thou no care, thou knowest that Like will to Like quod the devil to the Colier. And thou shalt see that such a match I shall make anon: That thou shalt say I am thy good good sweet sweet godson. ¶ Well Godfather no more words but mum, For yonder comes the Collier as seems me, By the mass he will make a good mate for thee. what old acquaintance small remembrance, welcome to town with? very vengeance. Now welcome Tom Colier give me thy hand: As very a knave as any in Englank. ¶ By God and welcome ientle tom lick hold, ¶ And nothing else but even plain nichol? ‡ It is turned from nichol to lick hold with tom Colier I say no more tom but hold thy nose there. ‡ Well tom Colier let these things pass away, tell me what market thou hast made of thy coals to day, ¶ But hast thou no conscience to beguile thy poor neighbour. ¶ Thou art a good fellow I swear by the mass. As fit a companion for the Devil as may be, Lo good father devil this fellow will I match with that e. ‡ God father wilt thou dance a little before thou go home to hell ¶ Why then have at it by my father's soul. ‡ Well Tom tospot first let me hear thee, How canst thou prove thy self a verier knave then he ‡ I speak of no dancing little belied Hance: But sing thou sayest thou canst so well dance. Let me see where thou canst dance lively: ¶ Stay a while for he says his Pater noster, ¶ Would, would, would, there is a brace of hounds well Worth a dozen Crowns behold the huntsman leads away: I think in twenty towns, on hills and eke on downs, they taken have their pray. So well liked was their hunting on hill and eke on mountain. that now they be up in a leace: To keep within a string it is now a gay thing, do all you hold your peace. Why then good gentle boy, how likest thou this play? no more but say thy mind: I swear by this day, if thou wilt this assay, I will to thee be kind. This is well brought to pass of me I swear by the mass, some to hang and other some to beg: I would I had Balams ass to carry me where I was, how say you little Mec. Rafe roister and Tom tospot are not now Worth a groat, So well with them it is: I would I had a pot for now I am so hot, by the ma e I must go pis e. Philip fleming and Hance hath danced a pretty dance, that all is now spent out: And now a great mischance came on while they did prance, they lie sick of the gout. And in a spittle house, with little Laurence louse, they be fame to dwell: if they eat a morsel of souse, or else a roasted mouce, they think they do fare well. But as for pierce pickpurse, and cuthbert cutpurse, you saw them both right now: with them it is much worse, for they do ban and curse, for the halter shall them bow. Now if I had my nag, to see the world wag. I would straight ride about: Ginks do fill the bag, I would not pass a rag, to hit you on the snout. ¶ I never loved that well I swear by this day, ‡ It is even so Tom tospot as thou hast said. ‡ And I am as glad as one had given me a groat: that I have met with thee Tom tospot, And seeing a mate thou wouldst so feign have, I will join thee with one that shall be as very a knave. as thou art thy self you may believe me: thou shalt see anon what I will do for thee. For you seek as very a knave as you your self are: For Like will to Like quod the Devil to the Coliar. ‡ How was he served I pray thee do me tell, ‡ Thou art served a Hary hangman captain of the black guard, ¶ Why now I see the old proverb to be true: Like will to Like both with Christian turk and Jew. ¶ I hold twenty pound the Knave is blind, turn about Philip Fleming and look behind. Hast thou drunk so much that thine eyes be out? Lo how he snorteth Like a lazy lout. Go to him for he sleepeth found. two such paunches in all England can scant be found. ‡ Then will I tell you news which you do not know: Such news as will make you glad I trow. But first tell me this Pierce Pickpurse, Whither is the elder thou or Cuthbert cutpurse, ‡ It is true that I to you do discuss. ¶ God give you good morrow sir, how do you to day? ¶ I will make it lighter anon I trow: My ma sters I have a piece of land for you, do you not know? ¶ Now my Master's learn to beware: But Like will to Like quod the Devil to the Coliar. ‡ Then come and help me with your sword, for I fear they will fight. ¶ Who ball who, and I will come by and by. Now for a pair of spurs I would give a good groat: to try whither the jade doth amble or trot. Farewell my masters till I come again: For now I must make a journey into Spain. ‡ Thou art Like a false knave now and ever more was. ¶ I will tell you the cause without delay, For a piece of land is fallen as I hear say. A proper plot it is this is most true. which by sucsession must come to one of you. For thou Cuthbert Cutpurse, wast Cuthbert cutthroses son, And thou Pierce pickpurse, by that time thou hast done, Canst derive thy pedigree from and ancient house: thy father was tom thief, thy mother tib louce. This piece of land whereto you inheritors are, Is called the land of the two legged mare. In this piece of ground there is a mare in deed: Which is the quickest mare in England for speed. Therefore if you will come anon unto me: I will put you in possession and that you shall see. ¶ I think I am here or else I do thee beguile. ¶ Aha, marry this is trini singing, I had not thought the Devil to be so cunning. And by the mass Tom Colier is as good as he, I see that Like with Like will ever agree. ¶ Farewell tour Colier a knave be thy comfort, How sayest thou Godfather, is not this trim sport ¶ By my troth Godfather that blessing I do not crave. But if you go your way I will do my diligence, As well in your absence as in your presence. ¶ When y e devil will have it so: it must needs so be. he kneeleth down. what shall I say hottel nosed godfather canst y u tell? ¶ I will salt thee and hang thee in the shrowds. ¶ Would, would, would, would, now Like un to Like it will be none other, Stoup gentle knave and take up your brother. Why is it so? and is it even so indeed? Why then may I say God send us good speed, And is every one her so greatly unkind, that I am no sooner out of sighed but quite out of mind. Marry this will make a man even weep for woe, that on such a sudden no man will him know. Though men be so dangerous now at this day, Yet are women kind worms I dare well say. How say you woman you that stand in the Angle, were you never acquainted with Nichol newfangle? Then I see Nichol newfangle is quite forgotten, Yet you will know me anon, I dare jeopard a groat. Nichol newfangle is my name, do you me not know? my whole education to you I will show, For first before I was born I remember very well, that my gransier and I made a journey into hell. Where I was bound prentice before my nativity, to Lucifer himself such was mine agility. All kind of sciences he taught unto me, that to the maintenance of pride might best agree. I learned to make gowns with long sleeves and wings: I learned to make ruffs Like Calves chitterlings. Caps, Hats, Coats, and all kind of apparails, And especially Breethes as big as good barrels. Shoes, Boots, Buskin's, with many pretty toys, All kind of garments for men, women and boys. Know you me not now I thought that at the last, All acquaintance from Nichol newfangle is not passed. Nichol newfangle was and is and ever shall be, And there are but few that are not acquainted with me. For so soon as my prentishood was once come out, I went by and by the whole world about. Sancte benedicite, who have we here? Tom tumbler or else some dancing bear, Body of me it were best go no near, For ought that I see it is my Godfather Lucifer. Whose prentice I have been this many a day, But no more words but mum, you shall hear what he will say ¶ Yes godfather but I am afraid it is now as often times it is with thee For if my dame & y u hast been tumbling by the ears, As oftentimes you do Like a couple of great bears. Thou carest not whom thou killest in thy raging mind, Dost not thou remember since thou brusedst me behind? This hold in thy fury didst thou disclose: that now may a tent be put in as big as thy nose. this was when my dame called thee bottle nosed knave: But I am Like to carry the mark to my graven, ¶ Marry this hath breathed me very well: Now let me hear how you your tales can tell. And I master judge wit so bring to pass: that I will judge who shall be knave of Clubs at Christmas ‡ If thou canst not leap Hance, let me see thee drink a quart. And get thee out abroad into the air: ‡ I pray thee Tom tospot is this one of thy men? ¶ Lo where Philip Fleming comes even in pudding time: ¶ Thou art hance the haugman of Calais town, ¶ To thee shall come our hobbling Joan. ¶ Amen. ‡ Tom tospot? Sanct amen, how you were out of my mind: ¶ All my dams cow tails fell down into the well.