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Full speech
Yes honey suckle, and do as much for them one day, if things stand right as they should stand, Bill, Pigeon do; thou'st be my Cattamountaine, and I thy sweet bryer, Honey, we'll led you to kind examples (pretty ones) believe it, and you shall find us, one in one, while hearts do last. Indeed of ha Sir, if ye know all, as I conceive you know enough, if not the whole: for you have (I may say) tried me to the quick, through and through, and most of my carriage, from time to time. What's that you mumble, Gelding, shey. 'Twere eene pity indeed, Spadone, nay tha'st a foolish loving nature of thine own, and withest well to plain dealings of my conscience. Well said Gentlefolks. I could dance now, Ecne till I dropped again; but want of practice Denies the scope of breath or so, yet sirrah, My Cattamountaine, do not I trip quickly, And with a grace too, sirrah. Child. Ladies and gentlemen, your ears. Spadone, discharge the fiddlers instantly. Attend within, Sweating,—your pardons Gentlemen; to your recreations deer virgins: Page have a care, One gentle word in private with your Ladyship. I shall Not hold you long. May it please your Goodness, You'll find him even in every point as honourable, As flesh and blood can vouch him: He will not press beyond his bounds. He will but chat and toy, and feel your— Your hands to kiss them. Your fair, pure, white hands, what strange business is it? These melting twins of Ivory, but softer Then down of Turtles, shall but feed the appetite— The appetite Of his poor ravished eye; should he swell higher In his desires, and soar upon ambition Of rising in humility, by degrees; Perhaps of might crave leave to clap— Clap or pat the dimples, Where Loves tomb stands erected on your cheeks. Else pardon those slight exercises, pretty one, His Lordship is as harmless a weak implement, As ere young Lady trembled under. No, no deed la. A very grave stale Bachelor (my dainty one) There's the conceit: He's none of your hight rovers, Who ruffle at first dash, and so disfigure Your Dresses, and your sets of blush at once. He's wise in years, and of a temperate warmth; Mighty in means and power: and withal liberal. A wanton in his wishes, but else, farther, Of cannot—cause—of cannot. You urge timely, and to purpose, Of cannot do—the truth is truth—do, any thing, (As one should say) that's any thing, put case (I do but put the case forsooth) of find ye. You hit it—what else—she is cunning—look ye, Pray lend your hand forsooth. You have a delicate moist palm—umh—can ye relish that tickle? there. And laugh, why now you have it, what hurt pray Perceive ye? there's all, all, go to, you want tutoring, Are and apt scholar, I'll neglect no pains For your instruction. No worse man Then marquess of Siena, the great Master Of this small family, your master found him, A bounteous benefactor, has advanced him, The gentleman o'th horse, in a shot time He means to visit you himself in person, As kind, as loving, and old man. No worse I can assure your Ladyship, The only free maintainer of the Fancies. The pretty souls Who are companions in the house, all daughters To honest virtuous parents, and right worshipful. A kind of chaste collapsed Ladies. Only in their Fortune's. A Fancy principal, I hope you'll fashion Your entertainment, when the Marquess courts you, As that I may stand blameless. Merely. Undoubtedly. True, there's the Music, the content, the harmony. You are pregnant. Blessing on thee. He is a foulmouthed man. How's that my Cat a Mountain? Beshrew your fingers if you be in earnest: You pinch too hard, go to, I'll pare your nails for't. Marry and so it does, Though he would spit his gall out. I do defy thee; am I old or ugly? He's not jealous Sirrah. Pox on him, let him Put's finger into any Gums of mine, He shall find I have teeth about me, found ones. I know not I, He pinched me, called me names, most filthy names. Will you partly hence Sir, I will set you packing. Hence, there enters A civiller companion for fair Ladies Then such a sloven. Please your Lordship, It is the Ladies hour for exercise In Song and Dance. Walk on deer Ladies. Remember my instructions, or— All is inck'd here Good soul indeed. Honey-bird, Spouse, Catamountaine; ah the Child, the pretty poor Child; the sweet faced Child. Yes, I will help thee pretty heart, if my tongue cannot prevail; my nails shall. Barbarous minded man, let go, or I shall use my talons. Tospot, stinckard, pander, my husband & a rascal. Ah thou base fellow! wouldst thou confess it and it were so: but it's not so, and thou liest and loudly. The Boy, the Babe, the Infant; I spit at thee. Rotten in thy maw, thy guts and garbage. Are thy mad brains in thy mazar now, thou jealous Bedlam? Marry art thou, so thou art; the World says how virtuously I have carried my good name in every partly a bout me, these threescore years and odd; and at last to slip with a child; there are men, men enough, tough and lusty (I hope) if one would give their mind to the iniquity of the flesh, but this is the life I ha'led with him a while since when a lies by me as cold as a dry stone. Look you provoke us no more, for this time you shall find mercy;—was't that hedgehog set thy brains a crowing? be quits with him, but do not hurt the great male-baby. Loving hearts be quick as soon as you can, time runs apace; what you must do, do nimbly, and give your minds to't; young bloods stand fumbling? fie a way, be ready for shame beforehand; hisband, stand to thy tackling hisband, Like a man of mettle: go, go, go. Yes, sirrah; all is whole yet; but if ever thou dost speak treason against my sweating and me once more, thoul't find a roguy bargain on't; deer, this was hand led Like one of spirit and discretion: Nitido has paged it trimly too; no wording, but make ready and attend at Court. Indeed forsooth, and so we did an't Like you. A while suspected (Gentlemen) I look For no new Law, being quit by the Book.
Plot summary
Plot — The Fancies Chaste and Noble
Before the start of the action, Lord Julio was advised by his physicians that his malady could be cured b narriage to a particular woman, Flavia. He duly arranged to purchase her from her husband, Fabricio, who procured a divorce by pretending a pre-contract. Flavia's brother Romanello is outraged and refuses to see her. Flavia herself feels ashamed of the arrangement and, at her request, Julio pensions off Fabricio and sends him into exile; he goes to Bologna and becomes a Capuchin monk. The gallants Camillo and Vespucci pursue Flavia, hoping that her track record indicates a propensity to adultery, but later see the error of their ways. Troilo Savelli procures a place at court for his friend Livio; but the price is that he must bring his sister Castamela to join the Bower of Fancies, a group of chaste young women visited by the Marquess Octavio for recreational purposes, and debarred most other company. Livio complies, breaking off Castamela's liaison with Romanello. The situation is not what it may seem, however: Octavio is impotent. Romanello comes to court disguised as a mountebank and manages to see the Fancies. Left alone with Castamela while the Fancies have a singing lesson, Octavio asks for her love, but she refuses, and later vents her annoyance on her brother for bringing her to court. Livio decides after all to give his blessing to her marriage to Romanello. Octavio is annoyed that scandalous rumours are in circulation concerning his relationship with the Fancies. He invites the principal characters to supper and the truth emerges: the Fancies are his nieces, and he was charged by their dead mother to supervise their education. Now that this is complete, he allows the courtiers to woo them. Romanello renounces his claim on Castamela, and she accepts Troilo's offer of marriage. In the sub-plot, Secco the young barber, whom Octavio has married to the Fancies' ancient guardian Morosa, is persuaded by the eunuch Spadone that he has been cuckolded by Octavio's page Nitido. Troilo saves the boy from a thrashing, and Secco takes his revenge by trapping Spadone in his barber's chair. Spadone confesses that he is only pretending to be a eunuch, and that he is the one who cuckolded Secco.