PEREZ

ARe your companies full Coronel? We pick up still, and as our moneys hold out, We have men come, about that time I think We shall be full too, many young gallants go. I have herd of him and that he hath served before too. Preserve him, he'll conclude a peace if needs be, Many as strong as he will go along with us, That swear as valiantly as heart can wish, Their mouth charged with six oaths at once, and whole ons, That make the drunken Dutch creep into molehills. I hear every hour of her, though I never saw her, She is the main discourse, noble Done Ivan de Castro, How happy were that man cood catch this wench up, And live at ease, she is fair, and young, and wealthy, Infinite wealthy, and as gracious too In all her entertainments, as men report. Would I were married, I would find that wisdom, With a light rein to rule my wife, if ever woman Of the most subtlest mould went beyond me, I would give the boys leave to whoote me out o'th parish. Are they two handsome women? Thou putst' sugar in my mouth, how it melts with me, I love a sweet young wench. Done Ivan. There be two. I would feign see that, I have been in the Indies twice, & have seen strange things, But two honest women: one I read of once. I'll be any thing. Both hooded, I Like um well though, They come not for advice in law sure heather, Maybe they would learn to raise the pick, I am for they. They are very modest, 'tis a fine preludium. Her curtain opens, she is a pretty gentlewoman. Prithee let me see thy face. I am no blaster of a Ladies beauty, Nor bold intruder on her special favours, I know how tender reputation is, And with what guards it ought to be preserved Lady, You may to me. As I am a Gentleman, by the honour of a soldier I shall love you dearly, And 'tis a sin to fling away affection, I have no Mistress, no desire to honour Any but you will not this oyster open? I know not, you have struck me with your modesty, She will draw sure; so deep, and taken from me? All the desire I might bestow on others; Quickly before they come. It must needs be excellent. I'll kiss your fair white hand, and thank you Lady, My man shall wait, and I shall be your servant, Sirrah, come near, hark. No. Were those she brought love letters? Some young unmanaged thing; But I may live to see— You have made me now too bountiful amends, Lady For your strict carriage when you saw me first, These beauty's were not meant to be concealed, It was a wrong to hide so sweet and object, I cooed now chide ye, but it shall be thus, No other anger ever touch your sweetness. Shall I never return to mine own house again, We are lodged here in the miserablest doghole, A conjurers circle gives content above it, A hawks mew is a princely palace to it, We have a bed no bigger then a basket, And there we lie Like butter clapped together, And sweat our selves to sawee immediately, The fumes are Infinite inhabit here too; And to that so thick, they c to Like marmalette, So various too, they'll pose a gold finder, Never return to mine own paradise? Why wife I say, why Estifa In. Break my neck rather, is there any thing here to eat But one another, Like a raze of Cannibals, A piece of buttered wall you think is excellent, Let's have our house again immediately, And pray ye take heed unto the furniture, None be imbesseld. And do you hear, let's have a handsome dinner, And see all things be decent as they have been, And let me have a strong both to restore me, I stink Like a stall-fish shambles, or and oil shop. Nay pray you come out, and let me understand you, And tune your pipe a little higher Lady, I'll hold you fast: rub, how came my trunks open, And my goods gone, what picklock spirit. My goods again, how came my trunks all open. Yes and clothes gone, And chains, and Jewels, how she smells Like hung be e, The palsy and picklocks, fie how she belches, The spirit of garlic. What's that to my question, She is my wife: and gone about my business. Yes sir, is that wonder; Is the name of wife unknown here. I think so for I married her, It was no vision sure. I know she has, but who has all my goods spirit. The Devil she has, I had a fair house with her, That stands hard by, and furnished royally. Plague a the Devil, Am I i'th full Meridian of my wisdom Cheated by a stale quean, what kind of Lady Is that that owes the house? Save you, which is the Lady of the house. Pray do not know me, I am full of business, When I have more time isle be merry with you, It is the woman, good Madame tell me truly, Had you a maid called Estifania ? Was she a maid do you think? Was she your kinswoman? Give me a halter, is not this house mine Madame Was not she owner of it, pray speak truly. The hangings and the plate too? Where is your maid? I saw her later would the Devil had had her, It is all true I find, a wildfire take her Pre thee leave fooling, I am in no humour now to fool and prattle, Did she never play the wag with you. I thank you I am blessed still, Which way so ere I turn I am a made man, Miserably gulled beyond recovery. Certain I cannot Captain, Hark in thine ear, I am the ar ant'st puppy, The miserablest Ass, but I must leave you, I am in hast, in hast, bless you good madame, And you prove as good as my wife. Exit. I'll go to a conjurer but isle find this polecat, This pilfering whore, a plague of vails I cry, And covers for the impudence of women, Their sanctity in show will deceive Devils, It is my evil Angel let me bless me. My worthy wife, I have been looking of your modesty, All the town over. I have been in bawdy houses. Pray you pardon me, To seek your Ladyship, I have been in cell rs, In private cellars, where the thirsty bawds Hear your confessions; I have been at plays, To look you out amongst the youthful actors, At Puppet shows, you are Mistress of the motions; At gosshippings I hearkened after you, But amongst those confusions of lewd tongues There's no distinguishing beyond a Babel. I was amongst the Nuns because you sing well, But they say yours are bawdy songs, they mourn for you, And last I went to Church to seek you out, 'Tis so long since you were there, they have forgotten you. And are you sober? She bears up bravely and the rogue is witty, But I shall dash it instantly to nothing, Here leave we off our wanton languages, And now conclude we in a sharper tongue. She knew me not; No, nor no title that I had. I am fooled, yet dare not find it. Exit Perez. Things must both ebb and flow Coronel, And people must conceal, and shine again. You are welcome hither as your friend may say Gentlema ̄ , A pretty house ye see handsomely seated, Sweet and convenient walks, the waters crystal. They are mine Sir, and you know it, My wives I mean, and so conferred upon me, The hangings sir I must entreat, your servants, That are so busy in their offices, Again to minister to their right uses, I shall take view oath plate anon, and furniture That are of under place, you are merry still cozen, And of a pleasant constitution, Men of great Fortune's make their mirths and placitum. I'll tell you presently, I cood have done sir. Has half persuaded me I was bred ith' moon, I have never a bush at my breech, are not we both mad, And is not this a fantastic house we are in, And all a dream we do, will you walk out sir, And if I do not Beatrice thee presently Into a found belief, as sense can give thee, Brick me into that wall there for a chimney piece, And say I was one oath Caesars, done by a seal-cutter. Am I mad now or am I christend, you my pagan continued zen My mighty Mahound kinsman, what quirk now; You shall be welcome all, I hope to see sir Your Grace here, and my coze, we are all soldiers, And must do naturally for one another. By this hand she die for't, Or any man that speaks for her. Exit Per. Who's that is cheated, speak again thou vision, But art thou cheated? minister some comfort, Tell me directly art thou cheated bravely, Come, prithee come, art thou so pure a coxcomb To be und one, do not dissemble with me, Tell me I conjure thee. Would, would, would. By whom, good spirit speak, speak would, would, would. I must laugh, prithee pardon me, I shall laugh terribly. Thats it, and 'tis no reason but thou sho ldst be angry, Angry at heart, yet I must laugh still at thee, By a woman cheated, art' sure it was a woman? It is no matter, by a woman cozened, A real woman. Sweet cozened sir let me see them, I have been cheated too, I would have you note that And lewdly cheated, by a woman also, A scurvy woman, I am undone sweet Sir, Therefore I must have leave to laugh. Would, would, would. I have seen these jewels, what a notable pennyworth Have you had next your heart, you will not take Sir Some twenty Ducats. To clear your bargain now. And excellent lapidary set these stones sure, Do you mark their waters? And so shall I, I hope, but do not hurt her, You cannot find in all this kingdom, If you had needs of cozening, as you may have, For such gross nature's will desire it often, 'Tis at some time too a fine variety, A woman that can cozen you so neatly, She has taken half mine anger off with this trick. Exit. Why how darest thou meet me again thou rebel, And knowest how thou hast used me thrice, thou rascal, Were there not ways enough to fly my vengeance, No holes nor vaults to hide thee from my fury, But thou must meet me face to face to kill thee? I would not seek thee to destroy thee willingly, But now thou comest to invite me, And comest upon me, How Like a sheep biting Rogue taken i'th manner, And ready for the halter dost thou look now, Thou hast a hanging look thou scurvy thing, hast never a knife Nor never a string to led thee to Elisium? Be there no pitiful Pothecaries in this town, That have compassion upon wretched women, And dare administer a dram of ratsbane, But thou must fallen to me? If I had tons of mercy thou deservest none, What new tricks is now a foot, and what new houses Have you i'th air, what orchards in apparition, What canst thou say for thy life? Do a very little, For I have farther business then thy killing, I have money yet to borrow, speak when you are ready. Do you wear guns. Let me see, Pre thee let me fee thy gun, it's a very pretty one. Hold you villain, what thine own husband? I will not hurt thee for ten thousand millions. I'll kiss thee, And get as many more, isle make thee famous, Had we the house now. I see I am and ass when thou art near me. Good Sir, 'tis very good, would I had a house too, For there is no talking in the open air, My Tarmogant Couze, I would be bold to tell you, I durst be merry too; I tell you plainly You have a pretty seat, you have the luck on't, A pretty Lady too, I have missed both, My Carpenter built in a mist I thank him, Do me the courtesy to let me see it, See it but once more, But I shall cry for anger. I'll hire a Chandlers shop close under you, And for my foolery, fell soap and whipcord, Nay if you do not laugh now & laugh heartily You are a fool couze. I'll cry, and then isle be hankfull, Indeed I will, and isle be honest to you. I would live a swallow here I must confess, Wife I forgive thee all if thou be honest, At thy peril, I believe thee excellent. Now let me ask your name. Poor do you call it, There's nothing that I cast mine eyes upon, But shows both rich and admirable, all the rooms Are hung as if a Princess were to dwell here, The Gardens, Orchards, every thing so curious: Is all that plate your own too? Now if she be not married, I have some Hope's, Are you a maid? Then would I counsel you to marry presently, If I can get her, I am made for ever, For every year you lose, you lose a beauty, A husband now and honest careful husband, Were such a comfort, will you walk above stairs. She is excellent wise withal too. He were base else, There's comfort ministered in the word soldier, How sweetly should I live. Sweet, Rich, and provident, now fortune stick To me; I am a soldier, and a batchilour, Lady, And such a wife as you, I cood love infinitely, They that use many words, some are deceitful, I long to be a husband, and a good one, For 'tis most certain I shall make a president For all that follow me to love their Ladies, I am young you see, able I would have you think too, If't please you know, try me before you take me, It's true I shall not meet in equal wealth With you, but Jewels, Chains, such as the war Has given me, a thousand ducats I dare Presume on in ready gold, now as your Care may handle it, as rich clothes too, as Any he bears arms Lady. Pray do so, isle have a Priest o'th sudden. I'll be hanged or drowned first, By this and this, and this kiss. I'll stir it better ere you sleep sweet Lady, I'll send for all my trunks and give up all to ye, Into your own dispose, before I bed ye, And then sweet wench. No, no, pray think so, Alas I am a fellow of no reckoning, Not worth a Ladies eye. No indeed, There was no wisdom in't, to bid and Artist, And old seducer to a female banquet, I can cut up my pie without your instructions. Basto 'twas she, The prettiest rogue that ere you looked upon, The lovingest thief. A mine, a mine, there is no end of wealth Coronel. I am and ass, a bashful fool, prithee Coronel, How do thy companies fill now. I do not think I shall fight much this year Coro nell, I find my self given to my ease a little, I care not if I fell my foolish company, They are things of hazard. When I have managed his a little more, I have a house to entertain and army. But where they'll get entertainment is the point Sinior. I Beatrice no drum. Alas my Jewel, Come isle go with thee, gentlemen your fair leaves, You see I am tide a little to my yoke, Pray pardon me, would you had both such loving wives. My Estifania, shall we to dinner lamb, I know thou stayest for me. I never enter but me thinks a Paradise Appears about me. I think I have the sweetest seat in Spain wench, Me thinks the richest too, weel eat ith garden In one o'th arbours, there 'tis cool and pleasant, And have our wine cold in the running fountain Who's that? Of what breeding? What business has she? Is she a learned woman i'th Mathematics, Can she tell Fortune's? Or has she ere a letter from a kinswoman, That must be delivered in my absence wife, Or comes she from the Doctor to salute you, And learn your health, she looks not Like a confessor. Your very woman may do very well Sir Towards the matter, for though she cannot perform it In her own person, she may do it by Proxy, Your rarest jugglers work still by conspiracy. No indeed wife. Who knocks there? Is't for the king you come, you knock so boisterously? Look to the door. Enter maid. What are they at door? 'Tis well. Do, I dare trust thee, I am ashamed I am angry, I find thee a wise young wife. The rogue speaks heartily, Her good will colours in her cheeks, I am born to love her. I must be gentler to these tender nature's, A soldiers rude harsh words befit not Ladies, Nor must we talk to them as we talk to Our Officers, isle give her way, for 'tis for me she Works now, I am husband, heir, and all she has. Who are these, what lanting things, a woman Of rare presence, excellent fair, this is too big For a bawdy house, too open seated too. What ere I am, I am your servant Lady. kisses. She is a goodly woman. Forward, she has a rare face. Yield our house up, our goods and wealth. All the house. The whole possession wife, look what you do, A partly o'th house. If easily it would come back. Clear but that question. Well then. I am satisfied; wood I had the wench so too I'll remove the goods straight, And take some poor house by, 'tis but for four days. 'Tis well then. Well. Make hast good jewel, I am Like the people that live in the sweet Lands: I die I die if I stay but one day more here, My lungs are rotten with the damps that rise, And I cough nothing now but stinks of all sorts, The inhabitants we have are two starved rats, For they are not able to maintain a cat here, And those appear as fearful as two devils, They have eat a map of the whole world up already, And if we stay a night we are gone for company, Ther's and old woman that's now grown to marble, Dried in this brick hill, and she sits i'th chimney, Which is but three tiles raised Like a house of cards, The true proportion of and old smoked Sibyl, There is a young thing too that nature meant For a maid servant, but 'tis now a monster, She has a husk about his Like a Chestnut With basinesse, and living under the line here, And these two make a hollow found together, Like frogs or winds between two doors that murmur Mercy deliver me, oh are you come wife, Shall we be free again. And let um instantly depart. I'll walk i'th Churchyard, The dead cannot offend more then these living, And hour hence I'll expect you. Let um be known and honest, And do my service to your niece. I observe you. Exeunt. Of a low stature? I feel I am cozened. Now I am sensible I am undone, This is the very woman sure, that cozen She told me would entreat but for four days, To make the house hers, I am entreated sweetly. They were mine while they are laden, But now they have cast their calves, they are not worth Owning, was she his Mistress say you? No plate, no jewels, nor no hangings? No money? I am mad now, I think I am as poor as she, I am wide else, One civil suit I have left too, and that's all, And if she steal that she must flay me for it, Where does she use? Is she a whore too? She has served me faithfully, A whore, and a thief, two excellent moral learning's In one she Saint, I hope to see her legend. Have I been feared for my discoveries, And courted by all women to conceal um, Have I so long studied the art of this sex, And read the warnings to young Gentlemen: Have I professed to tame the pride of Ladies, And make um bear all tests, and am I tricked now, Caught in mine own nooze, here's a royal left yet, Theres for your lodging and your meat for this week. A silkworm lives at a more plentiful ordinary, And sleeps in a sweeter box, farewell great grandmother, If I do find you were and accessary, 'Tis but the cutting off too smoky minutes. I'll hang you presently. Nor I, I am and ass mother. Exeunt. Thou most vild, base, abominable. Thou stinking overstewd, poor, po ky Do you Echo me? And brave me too. A plague upon thee, answer me directly, Why didst thou marry me? Why didst thou flatter me, and show me wonders, A house, and riches, when they are but shadows, Shadows to me. Thou hast um rascal I gave um to thy hands, my trunks and all; And thou hast opened um, and sold my treasure. A fire subtle you, are you so crafty. Prithee leave prating. Nay, prithee wife, my clothes, my clothes. Is there no house then, nor no grounds about it? No plate nor hangings? I will speak little, I have played the fool, And so I am rewarded. Tell me one thing, I do beseech thee tell me, tell me truth wife, However I forgive thee, art thou honest, The Beldame swore. Most strange things of thee. I would believe thee, But heaven knows how my heart is, will you follow me. I see you are packing now my gentle cozen, And my wife told me I should find it so, 'Tis true I do, you were merry when I was last here, But it your will to try my patience Madam. I am sorry that my swift occasions Can let you take your pleasure here no longer, Yet I would have you think my honoured cozen, This house and all I have are all your servants. You hold the jest so stiff, 'twill prove discurtious, This house I mean, the pleasures of this place. All mine, And all within it, I will not bore you and ace ont, Can you not receive a noble courtesy, And quietly and handsomely as you ought Couze, But you must ride oath top ont. Had I but lungs enough to bawl sufficiently, That all the queans in Christendom might hear me, That men might run away from contagion, I had my wish; would it were most high treason, Most infinite high, for any man to marry, I mean for any man that would live handsomely, And Like a Gentleman, in his wits and credit, What torments shall I put her to, Phalaris bull now, Pox they love bulling too well, though they smoke for't, Cut her apeeces, every piece will live still, And every morsel of her will do mischief; They have so many lives, there's no hanging of um They are too light to drown, they are cork and feathers, To burn too cold, they live Like Salamanders; Under huge heaps of stones to bury her, And so depress her as they did the Giants; She will move under more then built old Babel, must destroy her. No, no, I do but jest with you. You had the honour to see the face that came to you. Mine was i'th 'clipse, and had a cloud drawn over it But I believe well, and I hope 'tis handsome, She had a hand would stir a holy Hermit.