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Full speech
But my Lord Feesimple you forgotten the business im posed on you. I, but all your's have, for you keep none my Lord: Beside though it stands with your Honour to forget men's businesses; yet it stands not with your Honour, if you do not do a woman's. But now you talk of young Bold, when did you see him Lady? Faith Madam we never were together but we differed on some argument or other, And doubting least our discord might at length Breed to some quarrel, I forbear him to. But he dares fight my Lord, upon my knowledge, And rail no more my Lord, behind his back, For if you do my Lord blood must ensue. Vd'slight whats the matter, wring him by the nose But why sir did you sown? Ti's up my Lord, open your eyes, but I pray tell me Is this antipathy betwixt bright steel and you natural, or how grew it? This Lord, and this knight in dogge-collers would make a fine brace of beagles. So does my Lord, something. Save you my Lord. Why very fairly my Lord, on honourable terms, Young Bold was injured and did challenge him, Fought in the field, and the other gave him satisfaction Under his hand, I was Boulds second, and can show it here. So do not I. He lies that says so, and isle make it good, And for I know my friend is out of town, What Man soever wrongs him is my foe, I say he had full satisfaction, Nay that which we may call submission: That the other sought peace first, and who denies this, Lord, Knight, or Gentleman, English, French, or Scot, I'll fight and prove it on him with my sword. Well and il'e be as good as my word. Agreed my Lord, and towards the Evening il'e car rye you to the Company. S'hart call him fool again. It may be she's stolen out to see a play. Come to the Swaggerers. Pray welcome this Gentleman. Faith he's a little faulty that way: somewhat of a bashful and backward nature, yet I have brought him amongst you, because he hath a great desire to be fleshed. Sir, he cannot endure the sighed of steel. Hark you my Lo: what will you say, if I make you beat all these out of the room? Well drink apace, if any brave you out brave him, I'll second you, they are a Company of cowards believe me. Well said, speak to him man. Why how now my Lord, a Morralist? Shall I? Nay I'll bear him witness in truth, his soul lies fort my Lord. Rorer you lie. Why now thou art a worthy wight, indeed a Lord a Lost. Fie no my Lord. O brave Lord, many a rorer thus is made by wine: come it is one of their heads my Lord. Drawer, take your plate, for the reckoning there's some of their cloaks: I will be no shot-log to such. You see, we made bold with your lodging, indeed, I did assure my self, you were fast for this night. 'Sfoot man, I carried him last night among the Rorers, to flesh him, and by this light he God drunk, and beat e'm all. O God Sir, I think in my conscience, he will eat steel shortly, I know not how his conversion will hold after this sleep, but in and hour or two (last night) he was grown such a little dam, that I protest, I was afraid of the spirit, that I my self had raised in him: but this other matter of your expulsion thus mads me to the heart; Were you in bed with her? I'll e hanged, if you were not busy to soon, you should have let her slept first. But is't possible thou shouldst have no more wit, wouldst thou come away upon any terms, but sure ones, having night, her chamber and her self naked in thine arms? By that light, if I had a son of 4 whom I had help it thus far, that had served me so, I would breech him. Have done? done, done twice at least. Pish, Tarquin was a blockhead, if he had had any wit and could have spoke, Lucr ce had never been ravished, she would have yielded, I warrant thee, & so will any woman God's precious, it makes me mad, when I think on't: was there ever such and obscure trick? now will she a buse thee horribly, say thou art a fainthearted fellow, a milksop and I know not what, as indeed thou art. Z'oones, I would I had, I would have so jumbled her honesty: wouldst thou be held out at staves end with words? dost not thou know a widow's a weak vessel, and is easily cast if you close. By this light I shall blush to be seen in thy company. Pox upon your chamber, I care not for your chamber, nor your self More than you care for me. Why fare you well. S'hart, I love you as well; but for my spleen, or choler I think, I have as much as you. What shall follow, I will not ask, because I mean to see't. The ars betwixt friends, still keeps their friendship sweet. A cold a this pox you migt say, I am a feared. I hope friend, we shall have the better day. Madam, this is the Gentlewoman. Who something bashful does desire your pardon, that she Does not unmasque. I thank your Ladyship. S'hart, speak smaller man. As well, as my Lord, nay by my faith, that you do not, love a young wench as well as he, I wonder you will be unmannerly to say so. Where God you this cold my Lord? it can get in no where that I can see, but at your nostrils, or eyes, all the oh there parts are so barricadoed with fur. Not till the very close of all, she dissembles it yet, because my Lo your Father is here, and her other suitor Bold. D'ee mark that again? Law you, and take this Lady. Fie, you are too uncivil. And I fleshed you, you know. Why their whores strike they with Cans, and glasses, and quart pots, if they have nothing by they, they strike they with the Pox, and you know that will lay ones nose as flat as a basket hilt Dagger. Why well said, and in this do not you only pledge your Mistress health, but all the women's in the world. Set forward there. Ah, ah, how Like you that? Why, Mounser Whore-bang? I am no play maker, and for pledging your healths, I love none of the four, you drank to so well. Her name? slid, tell my Lady your name. Indeed I will not.
Plot summary
Plot — Amends for Ladies
Three ladies debate the relative happiness of maids, wives, and widows. The maid, Lady Honour, is courted by Ingen, but she disdains him and he speaks ill of some women. He sends her word that he has married,and she seeks revenge. The wife, Lady Perfect, has her chastitytested by her jealous husband, Sir John Loveall, who engages his friend Subtle to seduce her; Subtle secretly hopes to succeed, but Lady Perfect is determined to uphold the honour of her sex by remaining chaste. The widow, Lady Bright, accepts a waiting-gentlewoman preferred by Lord Fee-Simple; but the servant is really his rival in love, Bold, in disguise. Lady Honour visits Ingen disguised as an Irish footboy with a message, meets his 'wife', who is really his brother Frank in disguise, and is accepted into his service. Her brother, Lord Proudly, comes looking for her at Ingen's house, and Frank's true identity is revealed; but Ingen challenges Proudly to a duel the following morning. This leaves Lady Honour in a quandary whether she should support her brother or her lover. Proudly plans to marry Lady Honour to the Count, Lord Fee-Simple's father. Hearing that in consequence he is likely to be disinherited, Fee-Simple wants to be able to quarrel, and so needs a cure for his longstanding phobia of drawn swords. Well tried introduces him to the swaggerers ofTurnbull Street and they get into a drunken brawl. Meanwhile, Bold undresses Lady Bright and is asked to sleep with her; but ·when his true gender is discovered he is chased out of the house at sword-point and sent home in his underwear. He meets Subtle, serenading Lady Perfect, and claims to have lost his clothes gambling, but Subtle suspects him of sleeping with Lady Perfect. Lady Honour persuades Seldom to have her brother arrested for debt before the duel. Proudly gets free, however, and stabs Ingen's 'boy', who tries to stop the duel by revealing that she is really Lady Honour. Ingen fights on to save her from the unwanted marriage that Proudly has in mind, so she renounces his love. Subtle fails to seduce Lady Perfect, and learns the truth about her supposed liaison with Bold; both he and her husband ask her pardon. Lady Honour puts off her marriage to the Count by feigning illness. The doctor who attends her is really Ingen in disguise, and the parson who comes with him marries them on her sick-bed. Bold invites Lady Bright to his wedding, but the ·bride' is really Lord Fee-Simple in disguise, and Lady Bright is tricked into…