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Full speech
Good morrow to your Honours, thrift is industrious, your Ladyship knows we will not stick to sweat for our pleasures, how much more ought we to sweat for our pro fits? I am come from master Ingen this morning, who is mar ried or to be married, and though your Ladyships did not honour his Nuptials with your presence, he hath by me sent each of you a pair of gloves, and Grace Seldom my wife is not forgotten. This is wonderful, wonderful, this is thy sweet care and judgement in all things, this goodness is no usual in our wives, well Grace Seldom, that thou art fair is nothing, that thou art well spoken is nothing, that thou art witty is nothing, that thou art a Citizens wife is nothing; but Grace, that thou art fair, that thou art well spoken, that thou art witty, that thou art a Citizens wife, and that thou art ho nest I say, and let any must deny it that can, it is something, it is something, I say, it is Seldomes something, and for all the Sunshine of my joy mine eyes must rain upon thee. Yes marry have I Mistress hic & hac, i'll fetch they to you. Look you, here are the hangers. I think her Ladyship, my Lord, is not well, and keeps her Chamber. Dost thou serve the Lord Proudly? Well, such a Boy as thou, is worth more money Then thy Lord owes me, t'is not for the debt I do arrest him, but to end this strife, Which both may lose my money and his life. Good morrow to your Honour, I do hear Your Lordship this fair morning is to fight, And for your honour: Did you never see The Play, where the fat Knight hight Oldcastle, Did tell you truly what this honour was? At mine, Sir. Into my house with him. This custom in us Citizens is good, Thus walking off when men talk with our wives, It shew's us courteous, and mannerly, Some count it baseness, he's a fool that does so, It is the highest point of policy Especially when we have virtuous wives. I, I, I, wee'll talk with you within—thrust him in.
Plot summary
Plot — Amends for Ladies
Three ladies debate the relative happiness of maids, wives, and widows. The maid, Lady Honour, is courted by Ingen, but she disdains him and he speaks ill of some women. He sends her word that he has married,and she seeks revenge. The wife, Lady Perfect, has her chastitytested by her jealous husband, Sir John Loveall, who engages his friend Subtle to seduce her; Subtle secretly hopes to succeed, but Lady Perfect is determined to uphold the honour of her sex by remaining chaste. The widow, Lady Bright, accepts a waiting-gentlewoman preferred by Lord Fee-Simple; but the servant is really his rival in love, Bold, in disguise. Lady Honour visits Ingen disguised as an Irish footboy with a message, meets his 'wife', who is really his brother Frank in disguise, and is accepted into his service. Her brother, Lord Proudly, comes looking for her at Ingen's house, and Frank's true identity is revealed; but Ingen challenges Proudly to a duel the following morning. This leaves Lady Honour in a quandary whether she should support her brother or her lover. Proudly plans to marry Lady Honour to the Count, Lord Fee-Simple's father. Hearing that in consequence he is likely to be disinherited, Fee-Simple wants to be able to quarrel, and so needs a cure for his longstanding phobia of drawn swords. Well tried introduces him to the swaggerers ofTurnbull Street and they get into a drunken brawl. Meanwhile, Bold undresses Lady Bright and is asked to sleep with her; but ·when his true gender is discovered he is chased out of the house at sword-point and sent home in his underwear. He meets Subtle, serenading Lady Perfect, and claims to have lost his clothes gambling, but Subtle suspects him of sleeping with Lady Perfect. Lady Honour persuades Seldom to have her brother arrested for debt before the duel. Proudly gets free, however, and stabs Ingen's 'boy', who tries to stop the duel by revealing that she is really Lady Honour. Ingen fights on to save her from the unwanted marriage that Proudly has in mind, so she renounces his love. Subtle fails to seduce Lady Perfect, and learns the truth about her supposed liaison with Bold; both he and her husband ask her pardon. Lady Honour puts off her marriage to the Count by feigning illness. The doctor who attends her is really Ingen in disguise, and the parson who comes with him marries them on her sick-bed. Bold invites Lady Bright to his wedding, but the ·bride' is really Lord Fee-Simple in disguise, and Lady Bright is tricked into…