HAPHAZARD

What hold your hands Master's, what? fie for shame fie, What culling? What lulling? What stir have we here? What tugging? What lugging? What pugging by the ear, What partly and be Friends, and end all this strife, Here is nought else, but railing of words out of reason, Now tugging, now tattling, now musling in season, For shame be contented and leave of this brawling, Nay then by the mass, its time to be knacking, No words at all but to me he is pointing: Nay have at you again, you shall have your anointing, Nay sure I have done when women do speak, Why would the knave my patience so break? For reverence on your face, your nose and your chin: By the Gods have you hard such and unmannerly villin. Nay stay yet my Friends I am not agreed. Nay tarry take comfort with you for to bear, It is but in hazard and if you be missed, And so it may happen you feel not his first: Perhaps he is stayed by talk with some friend It is but in hazard, then sing or you weened Let hope be your helper, your care to defend. ¶ Then let us be merry, it is but by hap, A hazardly thaunce may harbour a clap, Bestur you, be merry, be glad and be joying, For bloes are but buffits and small time annoying, With thwick thwack, with thump thump, with bobbing and bum, Our side saddle shoulders shall shield that does come. Hope so, and hap so, in hazard &c. Haphazard farewell, the Gods do thank thee. Exiunt Farewell my friends, farewell gee pracke the: By the Gods Haphazard, These men have tried thee, Who said thou wast no man, sure he belied Thee, By love master Merchant by sea or by land, Would get but small argent, if I did not stand, His very good master, I may say to you, When he hazards in hope, what hap will ensue: In court I am no man, by cock sir you lie, A Plowman perhaps or ere that he die, May hap be a Gentleman, a Courtier or Captain, And hap may so hazard, he may go a begging: Perhaps that a Gentleman, heir to great land, Which selleth his living, for money in hand, In hazard it is the buying of more, Perhaps he may ride when spent is the store: Hap may so hazard the Moon may so change. That men may be Master's, and wives will not range: But in hazard it is in many a grange, Lest wives were the Godpeece, and maidens coy strange: As Peacocks fit perking, by chance in the plumtree, So maids would be Master's, by the guise of this country Haphazard eke state full well that he marks, If hap the sky fallen, we hap may have Larks: Well, fare you well now, for better or worse, Put hands to your pockets, have mind to your purse. The sorrowed face of Fortune's force, my pinching pain does move I settled ruler of my realm enforced am to love: Judge Apius I the prmeelest Judge, that reigneth under son, And have be so estaeemed long, but now my force is done: I rule no more, but ruled am, I do not Judge, but am Judged, By beauty of Virginia, my wisdom all is trudged, O peerless Dame, O passing piece, o face of such a feature, That never e st with bower such, matched was by nature: O found Apelles prattling fool, why boastest thou so much? The famost pee e thou madest in Greece, whose ments were Or why oldst thou dec ved man, for beauty of thy work? In such a sort with found destre, where no kind life did lurk, With raging fits thou fool ran mad, o found Pygmalion, Yet sure if that thou sawest my deer, the Like y e couldst make none, Then what may I, o Gods above, bend down to hear my cry, As once he did to Salmasis, in Pond hard Lyzia by: O that Virginia were in case as sometime Salmasis, And in Hermafroditus steed, my self might seek my bliss, Ah Gods, would I unfold her arms, complecting of my neck? Or would I hurt her nimble hand, or yield her such a check? Would I gainsay his tender skin, to baath where I do wash? Or else refuse his soft sweet lips, to touch my naked flesh? Nay, o the Gods do know my mind, I rather would require, To sue, to serve, to crouch, to kneel, to crave for my dester. But out you Gods, you bend your brows, and frown to see me fare, You do not force my fickle fate, you do not way my care, Unrighteous, and unequal Gods, unjust, and eke unsure, Woe worth the time you made me live, to see this hapless hour: Did Iphis hang himself for love, of Lady not so fair? Or else did Jove the cloudy mists, bend down from lightsome air: Or as the Poets mention make, of Inachs daughter meek, For love did he to make a Cow, whom Inach long did seek: Is love so great, to cause the quick, to enter into Hell, As stout Orpheus did attempt, as histories do tell? Then what is it that love cannot? Why love did pierce the skies: Why Pheb. and famous Marcury, with love had blinded eyes? But I a Judge of grounded years, shall reap to me such name, As shall resound dishonour great, with Trump of careless fame: O that my years were youthful yet, or that I were vnweded. WHy cease sir Knight, for why perhaps, of you she shall be bedded: For follow my counsel, so may you me please, That of careful resurging, your heart shall have ease. Well then, this is my counsel, thus standard the case, Perhaps such a setch, as may please your grace: There is no more ways, but hap or hap not, Either hap, or else hapless, to knit up the knot: And if you will hazard, to venture what falls, Perhaps, that Haphazard, will end all your thralls. Then this, and in this sort, stands the matter, What need many words, unless I should flatter, Full many there be, will hazard their life, Happily to case your grace of all your strife, Of this kind of conspirasie now let us common, Some man, Virginius, before you must summon, And say that Virginia is none of his Daughter. But that Virginius by night away caught her: Then charge you the father his Daughter to bring, Then do you detain his, till proved be the thing: Which well you may win his, she present in house, It is but Haphazarde, a man or a mouse Why these are but thoughts man? why fie for shame fie For Conscience was careless, and sailing by seas, Was browned in a basket and had a disease, Soar moved for pity, when he would grant none, For being hard hearted, was turned to a stone: And sayliing by Sandwitche he sunk for his sin, Then care not for conscience, the worth of a pin: And Judgement judge Justice to have a reward, For judging still justly, but all is now marred, For gifts they are given, where Judgement is none, Thus Judgement and Justice awronge way hath gone: Then care not for Conscience the worth of a fable, Justice is no man, nor nought to do able. At hand (quoth pick purse) here ready am I, See well to the Cut Purse, be ruled by me. Do so, my Lord be you not afraid, And so you may happen to Hazard the maid: It is but in Hazard, and may come by hap, Win her, or loose her, try you the trap. Then weened you on and follow me, Mansipula, mansipula. Let cropyng cares be cast away, come follow me, come follow me, Subseruus is a ioyly lout, brace Haphazard bold blind bayard, A fig for his uncourtesy, that seeks to shun good company. When men will seem misdoubtfully, Without and why, to call and cry. &c. I by the Gods my masters, I told you plain, Who companies with me, will desire me again: But how did you spaede I pray you show me, Was all well agreed did no body blow you. By the Gods that was sport, you and sport alone, er lady, barefoot this bakes trimly, Tut, tut, that was but by hap, and if it be so, Well sith it was in hazard then let it goo. Well sith here is no company have with you to Jerico. Exit. What so the Gods they have decreed to work and do by me? I marvel why Judge Apius he, such gretings lets me see: I served have his seat, and state, I have maintained his weal, I have suppressed the rebels stout, I bear to him such zeal, And now he sends to me such charge, upon my life and lands, Without demur, or further pause, or ere ought things be scanned, That I in hast, with posting speed, to Court I do repair, To answer that alleged is, before his Judgement Chair, Some Histories they do express, when such mishaps do fallen, They should have tokens many a one, I have not one but all: My Jewels sometime precious, do vade and bear no hew, My seuces they do shun there course, my lights do burn as blew: My willing wights are wared slow, that once were swift in speed My heart it throbs in wondrous sort, my nose does often bleed: My dreadful dreams do draw my woe and hateful hazard hale, These tokens be of evil hap, this is the old wives tale: But yet Oh thou Virginius, whose hoary hears are old, Didst treason never yet commit, of this thou mayest be bold: In Mars his games, in marshal frates, thou wast his only aid, The huge Carrebd his hazards thou, for him was oft assaide: Was Sillas force by thee oft shunde, or yet Adrice land, Laceface child that Minnotaur, did cause thee ever stand: To pleasure him, to serve thy leach, to keep all things upright, Thou God above, then what is it, that yieldeth me this spite? Sith nothing need misdoubted be, where grounded cause is none, I enter will Judge Apius gate, rejecting care and moan: But stay Virginius, lo, thy Prince does enter into place, O sufferant Lord, and rightful Judge, the Gods do save thy grace, With tender heart Virginius, thou welcome art to me, I sorry am to utter out, the things I here of thee: For Claudius a subject here, a man of much fame, Appealeth thee before my Court, in deed of open shame: And though in deed I love thee so, as thy deserts desirer, Yet not so but I must Judgement give, as Justice does require. Let my council at no time with you be geason.